Anna laughed heartily, clutching her stomach as she leaned over, barely able to breathe. Her diaphragm ached from the strain and tears were streaming down her cheeks, but she could not stop laughing.
"I can't believe—" she wheezed through her laughter. "—we did that."
Marley had collapsed onto the ground, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath, a toothy grin plastered across her face. Anna fell to her knees beside her friend, her laughter finally dying out. She continued to smile, massaging her aching cheeks.
"You're never going to forget this." Marley breathed. She rolled onto her side and grasped Anna's forearm, her grip tight. "I won't let you forget, Anna," she said, staring hard at Anna. "I will never let you forget."
Anna nodded slowly, the smile dropping away from her face. "I won't forget," she assured.
"You'll remember this forever," Marley insisted, her grip on Anna's arm tightening. Anna winced and reached up to push Marley's hand off her.
Before Anna could blink, Marley's fingers were wrapped around her throat, pushing her to the cold ground.
"Marley!" Anna cried, her voice strained under the pressure of Marley's hands. "Stop!" she choked out.
"You did this, Anna!" Marley shrieked. "This is your fault! You're fault!" Marley pulled Anna's head up and slammed it back against the ground. "Why did you do it, Anna!"
Anna clawed desperately at Marley's hands. "We can work this out," she begged.
"This is the way it has to be," Marley hissed into her ear.
In the distance, Anna could hear the rumble of thunder clouds and a scream ripping through the air like some wounded animal. Anna cast her eyes about for any way to defend herself.
"You did this to me." Marley growled. Anna looked to Marley – what used to be Marley – staring back at her with the eyes of the dead.
Anna's eyes snapped open and she stared at the cracked ceiling of the dark cell. She calmed herself, counting the chips in the paint until her heart slowed and her breathing evened out. Her chest was still tight as she sat up, careful not to wake Daryl beside her.
Daryl had gotten back from a run with Rick and Glenn the day before. A scouting mission, really. But she could tell he was exhausted. So she let him sleep.
As deftly as she could, she crawled out of bed and knelt in front of the light blue chest in the corner, filled with their clothes. She checked to make sure he was still sound asleep before she started to change.
Ever since they'd started sharing, Anna had been careful to change when he wasn't in the cell or was asleep. She hadn't wanted him to see her thigh – she wasn't ready for that conversation. Truthfully, she didn't know how to explain to him where she had gotten those particular scars. She didn't think he would understand.
Once she was dressed, Anna picked up their bedside lantern and headed out of the cell block, turning on the lantern only when she was in the corridor, and then made her way to the library.
It was still being cleaned. They'd cleared it out maybe a month ago, and Anna had spent a considerable amount of time in there, just going through the books. She chose to store Milton's journals there, deciding it was better not to work where she slept. She'd never put them down then.
But she wasn't there for books or a dead man's journals. She was there for a map.
Anna had stashed the map in the research box of Milton's journals, hiding it from the others. Of course, that meant they had to get a new one. She didn't feel bad, though - with all the lines and markings drawn on the map, it only found use with her.
She pulled it from the box and laid it out on the table, setting the lantern down. Smoothing her hands over the paper, Anna's eyes followed a black line that had been put down roughly two months ago. It ran from the prison's approximate location through the town of Moreland. From there, she followed it down until she found its end point at Fort Benning, and she tapped it with her finger.
.
"We just got back from a run, and you want to go out again?" Glenn asked, incredulous. The council - Sasha, Hershel, Carol, Glenn, and Daryl – exchanged concerned looks.
"That was more of a scouting mission," Anna corrected. "You guys didn't bring anything back."
"I guess your run has nothing to do with the place they scouted, though," Carol sighed, her hands clasped on the table in front of her.
"No, this place is good to go – hell, I can do it by myself—"
"Not happenin'," Daryl interrupted. "If you go, you ain't goin' alone."
Anna clenched her jaw. She knew it was going to be hard to convince the council to allow the run - she also knew it was going to be impossible to go on her own.
"I know I can't go alone – that's why I want to take Rick."
"Why Rick?" Glenn asked. "Why not me, or Daryl? Or both of us—"
"Because Daryl has to go hunt and you haven't spent enough time with your wife," Anna chided.
They considered her for a moment.
"How long is this run gonna take?" Sasha asked.
"One day - but I'm asking for two,"
"How far away is this place? Where?" Hershel asked.
"Moreland," Anna said. "I passed through it not too long ago – it's good, it's only seven miles," she assured.
"So then why are you asking for two days?" Sasha asked, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Half a day to get there and scout the area, go through it with a fine tooth comb – make sure we don't miss anything, then head back the next day," Anna explained like she'd rehearsed.
"What vehicle?"
"The pick-up."
"Why not take more than just Rick?"
"You need the people here on the fences."
Anna could see that she was winning them over – she'd come to this meeting prepared, ready for any argument they may come up with.
"Alright," Sasha relented. "You've got two days and the pick-up—"
"Only if Rick goes with you," Daryl cut in. Anna nodded, plastering a grin to her face before she turned to leave.
"One more thing," Carol called.
Anna paused at the door and turned back to face them.
"Have you given anymore thought about our offer?"
.
They swayed with the truck as they barreled down the road away from the prison. Rick was in the driver's seat while Anna relaxed in the passenger seat – as much as she could relax. She stared out the window, watching the trees rush past.
"Hershel wants to start a farm in the field," Rick stated, breaking the silence.
"That sounds like a good idea," Anna replied, barely able to keep the disinterest out of her voice. She didn't care what they did. Her mind was focused on only one thing.
"Yeah… and he wants me to tend it."
Anna furrowed her brow and looked back at Rick. "Seriously?"
"Yeah…."
Anna looked him over. She tried picturing him in overalls and a straw hat, a piece of wheat sticking out of his mouth, but she couldn't. She could only see him with a hand on his gun.
"What do you think?" She asked.
He looked to her, considering her for a moment before turning his gaze back to the road.
"I think that's not the person I am."
.
It didn't take them long to make it to Moreland. She'd counted on it. She had everything planned down to the most minor detail. Things had to go perfectly for this to work.
They came to a stop at the edge of town and got out, guns in hand. Anna pulled the map from her back pocket and laid it out on the hood of the truck.
"So, I'd say we should circle the town – but we don't have enough fuel for that. I know there are some cars in the center of town that should still have some gas in them, so we'll siphon those," she explained.
Rick stared at the map, his eyes following the lines he and Marley and Anna had drawn on it, marking out possible routes and contingency plans.
"We start from this side and push our way South? Focus on the main road?" Rick asked, using his finger to draw out the route. Anna nodded. "Sounds good."
With their plan laid out, Anna tucked the map into her back pocket. The two checked their weapons and started towards the town, guns and eyes trained on their surroundings. They slowly pushed their way through the town, clearing the buildings as they went, determining if there was anything worth taking. In all, it took the better part of a few hours.
Once they reached town square, they paused beside a dust and dirt covered car that sat abandoned in the middle of the road. The car Anna and Marley had taken on their way to Fort Benning.
Rick paid it no mind as he leaned against it, pulling a bottle of water from his pack and taking a drink before he passed it to Anna. She accepted it and took a sip.
"We should be done clearing the main road in a few hours, then we'll bring the truck back, start loading it with the things we've found and fill up the tank," Anna said, twisting the cap back on the bottle and passing it back to Rick.
"We'll probably need to camp here for the night," Rick commented, looking up at the sky as he tucked the bottle back in his bag.
Anna nodded, and the two continued down the road.
.
They'd finished clearing the main road and moved the truck into the town square, filling the tank and setting up camp in the bed of the pick-up. They ate cold beans for dinner and sat in silence, listening to the sounds of night around them.
"We've got a good haul. We should probably find another car to take everything back," Anna said through a mouthful of beans.
Rick nodded, scooping some more beans into his mouth.
Anna watched him for a moment. He hadn't spoken much on this trip. Neither of them had. She considered how compliant he'd been with her suggestions and wondered what was going through his mind. Anna shook her head, wishing she knew what he was thinking.
"I'll take first watch," Rick offered, tossing his empty can of beans to the ground and standing. "You look like you need some sleep."
"That your way of telling me I need to start wearing makeup again?" She asked, squinting up at him.
Rick smiled down at her. It didn't reach his eyes.
.
Your fault. Your fault!
Anna gasped and sat up, staring wildly into the cool, early morning light. For a split second, she admired how late she had managed to sleep, but she remembered that Rick was supposed to wake her at least two hours ago.
"You were tossing and turning – I figured you could use as much sleep as you could get," Rick explained from the edge of the tail gate, as if he knew what she was thinking.
Anna grimaced as she stretched her back. She'd gotten used to the full-sized mattress she shared with Daryl. She heard and felt three pops in her spine as she twisted her back and let out a relieved sigh.
"Get ready and we'll start loadin' up – I found a car we can take," Rick said, tossing Anna a bottle of water.
Anna caught it and watched him wander off to give her some privacy.
Running her tongue over her teeth, Anna dug out her tooth brush and a sample tube of tooth paste. She climbed out of the bed of the truck and found a car to squat behind. Once finished with her morning routine, Anna found Rick had returned to the back to the truck and was waiting on her.
"Let's go," Anna said, approaching as she checked her gun.
Rick nodded, and they made their way to the South side of the main road. Back and forth they went, loading up the truck until it was full, and they had to move on to the car.
Everything was going according to plan. They'd finish loading everything up; Anna would take the car while Rick took the truck – but instead of following him to the prison, she'd make her way South.
Anna would find Marley where she'd left her to rot on the forest floor, and she'd bury her. Maybe then the nightmares would stop.
They were on the last building by the time the sun had started its descent. Rick stood to the side of the door, as always, while Anna took point, aiming her gun in front of her while she waited for Rick to push the door open. They may have cleared the buildings, but they weren't going to take any chances. They couldn't. Anna had a mission.
"Ready?" Rick whispered, his hand on the door knob. She nodded, and he pushed it open. She stepped inside, looking to the left than to the right and—
"GAH!" She cried, as two walkers leaped forward. She stumbled backwards, firing her gun just as it knocked into her. The bullet embedded itself in the ceiling as she fell back through the threshold and onto the ground, her gun flying out of her grasp.
"Anna!" Rick called as the first walker fell on top of her. She could see him aim for it as a second walker staggered out of the building.
"Rick, look out!" She shouted. He turned to face the second walker, its hands on him before he could fire a shot.
She tried to reach for her hunting knife strapped to her hip, but every time she brought her hand down, the walker's snapping teeth got closer to her face. She grunted, her chest tightening with the effort to keep the animated corpse at bay.
It snarled as she stared into its cloudy eyes and suddenly, she was back in the woods, facing what she'd done. Anna froze, her body slowly going limp. She stopped fighting. What was the point? She could practically feel the walker's teeth against her cheek.
"Shit!"
The walker jerked back, its weight leaving her. Anna didn't move. She stared at the sky, streaked pink and orange by the setting sun. Her ears were ringing, and she couldn't stop feeling the walkers teeth against her skin.
"You…" Rick started, coming into her field of vision, hovering over her, his hand outstretched, "...alright?"
Anna didn't answer as she slid her hand into his and pulled her herself to her feet. Dusting herself off, she numbly checked herself for damage. She didn't really care if she'd gotten hurt. It was just out of habit.
"Why didn't you fight back?"
Anna shrugged and brushed past him to pick up her gun. His hand on her elbow pulled her back to face him. She glared up at him.
"What do you want me to say Rick?" She snapped.
"This is about Marley, isn't it?"
Pain shot through her like lightning and she looked away, jerking her arm from his grasp.
So, he knew? Did the others?
"You chose me to come with you for a reason – because you knew I would understand."
"Understand what?" She asked, unable to keep the harsh tone out of her voice. Anna was angry. Angry because she'd been found out. Or maybe she was angry because that walker hadn't killed her.
"The guilt," Rick finally said.
She stared back at him, tears pricking at her eyelids.
"She was your best friend."
"I can't stop thinking about her," she said before she could stop herself. But maybe he did understand. She remembered Shane – how Rick had to kill him. "How do I move forward? How did you?"
Rick shook his head. "Marley… she was going to kill you – us," he insisted. "You had to.
"I know!" She shouted, covering her face with her hands, letting out a frustrated groan. "I know...," she said, quieter this time.
Anna knew she had to. She knew that Marley wasn't going to let anything stop her from getting to Fort Benning and bringing soldiers back to the prison. But the nightmares - they wouldn't stop.
Her eyes landed on the silver bracelet around her wrist and she stared at the words. May you live all the days of your life. But how could Anna live with herself after what she'd done?
"Do you—" she paused, dropping her hands to her sides as she stared off down the road towards the prison. Could she even bring herself to go back there now? "Do you think we can ever come back from the things we've done?"
.
They drove back to the prison in separate vehicles after Rick convinced Anna not to go find Marley – that it would be too dangerous to get so close to Fort Benning. She couldn't risk leading the soldiers back to the prison. She wouldn't.
By the time they made it through the front gates, the sun had fallen below the horizon and most everyone had turned in for the night, so there wasn't a big welcome wagon for their return.
Anna parked in the carport and shut off the engine. She took a moment to breathe before she got out and met Rick between the two vehicles.
"We should leave unloading for the morning, we'll cover the back of the truck with a tarp just in case but…" he trailed off, looking at her. She knew what he saw. "It can wait until the morning," he said.
Anna nodded and turned away from him.
"Anna," he called softly. She paused and looked back at him. "It's going to be okay."
She wanted so badly to believe him.
.
The cell was dark and empty when Anna walked in. Daryl hadn't turned in yet. She was grateful for that as she set her bag on the bed. Slowly, she undid her holster and sheath, setting them down beside her bag.
Robotically, she reached into the chest in the corner and pulled out her night clothes, a pair of leggings and an oversized green shirt. Turning back to the bed, she tossed the clothing down and pulled her gun from its holster.
She stared at it.
9mm. 15 rounds in a clip. It was always with her. She couldn't imagine herself without it. She couldn't imagine herself as anything but a killer. Her hand tightened around the metal.
For a brief moment she considered putting it in her mouth and pulling the trigger. But only for a brief moment. She deserved far worse than a quick death. She deserved to suffer for what she did.
The gun felt heavy in her hands as she walked over to the clothes chest, kneeling in front of it.
"It's okay if you need to put it away," Rick assured, his hand covering hers on her gun.
Maybe that's what she needed to do. Anna pulled her extra changes of clothes to the side so that she could see the bottom of the chest. She set the gun inside and replaced the clothes, hiding it from view.
Maybe she needed to put it away, to live with the guilt, to make up for the things she'd done. Maybe she could come back from it. Maybe she could stop being that person.
She needed to stop being that person.