AN: IMPORTANT!

MAKE SURE you have read the chapter before this. That was my previous hiatus message, and has now been replaced with a chapter. Read that BEFORE you read this chapter!

XxX

Have you read it? Good. I apologise for the awful cliffy, but I promise it will get better :P

This chapter has again a special mention to Kyliez, who again recommended the song which this chapter is set to. More than that, this song inspired me to keep writing :D It was haunting me for a few days, before I got this chapter. And I am begging you, listen to this song while you read the chapter! Here is the link to my favourite 'version':

www(dot)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch?v=s-5l_Xh3Mwg

Enjoy!

Chapter XX

I walk barefoot where the water drowns the sand

With you no longer here to hold my hand

I let go

I let go

→ Calm Under the Waves, Maria Mena

We were seated on the lounge, my head on Brady's shoulder, when he suddenly jumped back, teeth bared and nostrils flared.

"What is it?" I asked, moving towards him. He was using scent, which meant something unfamiliar was nearby. I was surprised when he jumped back from me, his nose wrinkling delicately.

"I—I can smell blood. I think it's you."

My first thought was to scan my arms, but I could see no cuts. And then I realised.

"Oh. Hang on." I went in and checked. My period was a little later than usual but I hadn't really been taking notice over the last while.

After I changed and went back to Brady, everything was fine until night time.

Already changed I crawled under the covers, but Brady hesitated.

"What is it?" I asked. He guestured to me.

"It's—er, your, er, womanly functions. I think I'd best sleep on the couch tonight."

"Ok," I said in a small voice. He nodded then left, turning out the light.

"Night."

I stayed frozen in my position. I couldn't... I couldn't move. If I moved, they might hear me.

After a few hours, I heard something moving in the room and I held my breath, worried it could hear my heart.

Stop, stop, stop! I wanted to shout to my pulse. Shut up!

Instead, the lights flicked on and I squinted into the sudden brightness. Brady stood, wearing a sheepish grin and carrying a chair.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up. I can't sleep. Is it ok if I wait with you? I'll go back to the lounge when... when I'm more tired."

I nodded, relieved. He set up the chair next to me and switched off the lights. I saw his form move through the dark, and felt his hand slip underneath the covers to grasp mine comfortingly.

"Thankyou," I whispered. I fell asleep that night wrapped in a light sheet and a comfortable warmth, with me holding his hand close to myself like it was a teddy bear. I could hear Brady's even breathing. After awhile, his steady breathes dissipated into soft snores, although he was still upright in his chair.

As it was every night, I had to focus on his breathing. And fight off the memory of when I used to listen to someone else's breathing for my lullaby. Eventually, I succumbed to the fatigue. Everything was fine.

Until I closed my eyes.

When I opened my eyes again, the room was empty.

"Brady?" I called. "Brady!"

It was still dark. I flung open the curtain to the bedroom. The sky was grey, tinged with a golden orange to the east. Dawn was coming.

"Brady!" I called, moving to the next room.

A tanned, shirtless male was slumped face-down on the floor.

I gaped. "Brady, get up-" I rolled him over, then shrieked and jumped back.

Collin was crying tears of blood.

With shaking limbs, he crawled up from the floor. He extended his hand and I took it, and he pulled me into his arms. I sighed at the warmth, but winced when I felt something cold hit my cheek. With a thumb, Collin wiped the red teardrop from my face.

"Poor Jessie. I don't want you to suffer. Stop suffering. Please."

"I can't," I whispered, my arms tightening around his waist. "Not until you come back."

"And if I never do?"

"NO!" I yelled. "Don't SAY that! You must NEVER say that!"

I was sobbing, crying freely, but Collin pulled me in even closer and I felt his soft lips, kissing my face until my tears were gone.

"What about Brady?" asked Collin softly.

"He misses you," I whispered. "Almost as much as I do."

"I know," he murmured, his lips on my hair.

I heard a high-pitched, keening screech. I covered my ears, squeezing my eyes shut until it stopped. Collin's breath caught.

"It's coming. It's coming, now."

"Not again," I whispered, starting to cry again.

The walls of the house collapsed outward, leaving Collin holding me in the middle of a familiar part of the La Push forest.

Only some metres away was Brady.

At first I thought he was staring at us. But then, I realised he was staring past us.

I turned to see a beautiful, tall model-like woman. She had long wavy blonde hair, lightly tanned skin and a perfect figure. As she walked around us, I realised that Brady's mouth was open. He was not taking his eyes off of her.

"Oh my- Collin, I think he's imprinted."

Collin's arms only tightened around me.

As the strange girl reached Brady, she turned to me – and winked.

Her eyes glowed a familiar red.

My breath caught. "No. Collin. That's it. It's a disguise- Brady-!"

I turned and Collin was gone.

I turned back, a chill from the wind biting into my bones. She – it – had morphed into the monster and was coming towards me.

"Brady!" I screamed, trying to move my feet but they were anchored to the ground. "Brady! BRADY!" I caught one glimpse of his face. He was gazing adoringly at it, still transfixed. He didn't move.

I screamed again, screaming for Collin, then Brady, but before the monster could touch me-

I woke up.

Sweat-soaked, frazzled and confused as to why Collin was not next to me.

As my breathing and heart-rate slowed to a normal pace, I remembered why he wasn't.

I pushed the sheets off of myself, careful this time as I stepped through the doorway. There was no one face down on the ground, but the television was on and Brady was snoring loudly on the couch, remote still in his hand.

I had to smile at that sight. Without waking him, I tugged the remote out of his hand. He mumbled something but didn't move. I switched the TV off and went for a shower.

I came back with my hair down, going straight through to the bedroom. I dressed, wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt and some sandals.

At the cupboard full of clothes, I hesitated, my fingers resting on the handle of one of the drawers. I took a deep breath. I hadn't touched this in almost four months.

I opened the top right-hand drawer and touched the contents within.

I had to hold back a sob when my hand touched the soft material.

I pulled out the white hoodie on top and hesitated, holding my breath.

I took a small gulp of air in.

The scent of Collin, so familiar, hit me.

I immediately shut the drawer, as if in some desperate gesture to contain the air particles of Collin's scent in the drawer.

Then I clutched the jacket and cried, the grief wrapping itself around me and crushing me inwards. Every time I breathed in, it made me cry more. I could smell him, so close to me, I could pretend the hoodie I held was him, but it wasn't. Finally, I stifled my sobs and wiped my tears from my cheeks, and listened, but Brady snored on.

Breathing slowly and trying to calm myself, I pulled the hoodie over my head. It was oversized for me but it was also warm, and I pulled the hood over my head and tied the drawstrings tightly.

As I tip-toed past Brady, I hesitated, then reached over and took his wallet and put it in my pocket. I felt a strange need to go for a walk – I don't know why. All I knew was that I wanted some fresh, clean air. Most mornings now I woke up from a vicious nightmare that usually left me sick. Today had been an exception.

When I opened the front door, I paused. I hadn't stepped over this threshold alone for... so long. I looked out – my dream had been right in one respect, the sky was a strange mix of grey, light blue, dark blue, orange and yellow – only the colours dawn could bring. For once, the sky was clear, although a cold breeze was still present as I stepped outside.

I had a small smile as my feet crunched on the gravel as I walked. I was walking west, I didn't know where to, but I walked and walked and walked. Each step put a little bit more of something like a smile on my face.

XxX

Within a few minutes I had reached the local (well, only) 7/11. The sky was now a bright blue, and I had no idea how long I was out. The wind still bit into my cheeks, but the blood was rushing through my veins and I felt warm, although I still wouldn't take the jumper off.

As I stepped into the small convenience store, a scent hit me like a steam roller.

Strawberries. Collin loves those, I thought, while my feet took me straight through the little stands to the fruit and vegetable section. Strawberries in little plastic containers were proudly displayed, and I took three of them, holding them in my arms.

And I needed one more thing.

I went to the small, two-metre long hygiene stall, with things like toothbrushes, toothpastes and soaps – up on the top left-hand corner were the deodorant cans. From a memory, I saw Collin easily reach up and pick the orange can from the shelf, dropping it into our basket. I reached up now on my toes and had to stretch up to reach the orange aerosol can. I sprayed a tiny bit on my wrist, testing it. It was the one he used.

"Perfect," I whispered.

I tried to ignore the look that cashier gave me. Her expression showed surprise more than anything. This was La Push – no doubt everyone knew about the...the passing away of him, and of his fiancé who'd gone crazy.

I started to tear up as I thought the word fiancé. We were supposed to be married.

I'd forgotten that.

I held a hand to my mouth, trying to stifle my tears, but when the cashier handed me my bag I croaked, "Thankyou" and had fled from the store before she could get out, "Have a crap day," or whatever it was they said.

On the road again, I calmed down. There were no cars and as I passed the odd house along the road, no one was moving within. I slowed my pace. No one could see me.

I kept walking west. I wasn't sure where I was going, but when I caught the scent of salt, I turned left from the road and started cutting through the forest to the beach. When I exhaled I could see a little cloud of mist in front of my face, like smoke. I shoved my hands deep into the hoodie's pockets, the shopping bag swinging from my arm.
It was so quiet here. All I could hear were a few birds and the branches of the trees swaying as the wind weaved through them.

Soon I was at the beach, and I didn't hesitate, pulling my sandals off and dropping my shopping bag next to my shoes. I took a container of strawberries out before I walking down to the surf, squealing a little as the cold sand hit my feet. When I reached the water the surf lapped at my ankles and I leaned down. I held onto the strawberries tightly as the water washed over them, before jumping back onto the dry sand. I scowled when I realised that drops of the seawater had hit the hoodie. When I went back to the sand, I sat down, burying my wet feet into the sand, and slowly eating each of the juicy strawberries, with just a hint of salt. The sun was nearly visible over the treetops behind me, the rays warming me, and on the horizon in front of my view there were a hint of grey clouds at the line where the ocean met the sky. Above the clouds hung the small white crescent of the moon.

I watched the water washing up on the beach, noting the patterns the water left behind on the sand.

After I'd finished the strawberries, I resolved to buy a plant of these. He had said once that La Push was too cold to make strawberries grow, but I wanted to try.

I took the hoodie off, carefully folding it and placing it on top of the plastic bag so that it wouldn't get too much sand on it. I tucked my hair beneath the collar of my shirt. And then, I started walking along the beach.

On the wet sand, the waves came up, sometimes touch my feet, sometimes just out of reach.

Without thinking about the cold, or the fact that I could catch a cold, I turned and started walking straight into the ocean.

The water soaked into my jeans, then into my shirt as I walked deeper and deeper into the water. I checked, but there were no one on else on the beach – it was too cold. My teeth started to chatter slightly, but more from the wind around my head rather than the water, which was actually warm.

I let my feet drift up from the ocean's floor, floating on my back. I was careful but the waves were gentle, not breaking anywhere near my face, leaving me to drift in peace.

I closed my eyes, and listened to the sound of the waves breaking on the sand. There were no shadows here.

With your voice in my head

I could float here instead

But there's a calm under the waves

So I choose to sink

I'm tired now, I'll see you when I wake up

I've heard it's pretty where you are

I let go

I let go...

AN: THANKYOU everyone for not complaining about the hiatus thing. But the 'situation'~ahem~ has been resolved, so it's onwards from this point. Of course it depends on homework, extra curricular stuff, work, blah blah blah.

Hello to: Izzy & Indie, two of the bestest people ever :D peggy cook again for your last 'review' :P Kyliez again for the song – I cannot thank you enough! And last but not least, hello new reader CaliforniaSurferBabe101 ~waves~ Thankyou for your last review! The final touch of inspiration to these chapters.

Thankyou to everyone who has been reading this story! ...I honestly think I would've given up on this story if it hadn't been for you guys oO GAH chapter 20 already? It feels so weird, writing a sad Collin and a, well, this is the happiest we've seen Jessie.

Love,

Lena xo

PS: I wanna run one idea by you. I don't know if I'll ever do it, but I what do you think - I was wondering if I should write this a sister story, which incorporates Jessie's POV before Collin's death, and Brady's POV after he died. And alternate the chapters like I've done in this story. If I did do it it I probably wouldn't do it for awhile, if that makes sense. Interesting insight or pushing the plot too far - what do you think? Drop me a line :)

PPS: And no. Despite the overwhelming requests I don't think I can bring Collin back to life. I want to, but it's not that simple, I guess. :( I'm an author but I have no power over what happens, I just document the events. Although I have grown somewhat attached to Collin.