A/N: Hello, yes it's been a while. Hope ya'll still hanging around. I've been in the pokey (apparently if you don't pay on your disorderly conduct fines, PA can lock you up for a few days. waaaa?). Also have been stress cleaning and updating was at the bottom on my list of priorities. Updates should be more frequent now. Enjoy!
Ashley was gone when I woke up, which really didn't surprise me. In fact, I was almost relieved that she had. Sleeping with her was not my intention. Don't get me twisted, I didn't regret it. It felt right and it eased all that pent up sexual tension between us. I could confidently say that it was the best sex I've had in ages. I should be feeling warm and fuzzy, full of smooshy girlie feelings. Instead I felt… I don't know, man. A weird combination of feelings.
I feel like I really psyched myself up for something, put all this expectation into it, only to find out it wasn't as grand as I thought it would be. Not that what happened was bad, or that I wasn't happy. I was happy. But I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be. The idea of being with Ashley had filled my mind for so long, and I thought finally being with her would make me feel full of something, or at least bring me some kind of peace. I should be glowing from this achievement, and completely satisfied. So why wasn't I?
A buzzing sound under my pillow jostled me from my doze and I lifted my head, reaching a hand beneath the pillow to grab my phone. I squinted at the screen through the sleep fog, rubbing my eyes at the message that had popped up.
UNKNOWN: hey dragonslayer
I narrowed my eyes at the text, trying to remember who I could have possibly given my number to. I certainly didn't recognize the number, and the area code was unfamiliar.
Spencer: who is this
I stared at my phone while I waited for the response. After 15 minutes had passed I shrugged it off, figuring the other person had sent the message to the wrong number. I flipped to the Facebook app, feeling the phone vibrate once more after my newsfeed loaded.
UNKNOWN: im a little disappointed u haven't come back to Hery's. I'm offended really
Spencer: Lena?
The thought of Lena brought a shiver up my back and a brief flashback to lying on a hammock, the feeling of relaxed happiness flowing warmly through my blood. The last time that I had felt genuinely happy and carefree. It was easy to see how the stuff could be dangerous. I bit my lip, chewing a little harder shamefully when I realized that I was a bit too excited thinking that the message came from her.
Lena: surprise! U remember my name :P come over
Spencer: I'm not supposed to…
Now I definitely felt shameful.
Before I had a chance to decide on whether to take the invitation or not, my bedroom door swung open. Reflexively I locked the screen, dropping it onto the mattress and turning my body to face the door. To my surprise, and if we're honest my dismay, Ashley closed the bedroom door and approached the bed.
She was smiling slightly to herself; faint melody of a song playing from the headphones she wore was clear in the otherwise silent room. She didn't seem to notice that I was awake at first, and she seemed startled when she looked up from her phone and in my direction. Quickly she ripped out an ear bud.
"I didn't think you were awake yet," she said sheepishly. "I had to run home really quick to shower and change. I didn't think you'd notice." She sat down on the bed besides me, taking a sip from a Wawa cup she had been holding.
"I thought you had left." I responded, plucking the cup from her hand and taking an experimental sip. Apparently Ashley drank her coffee black and unsweetened. I pulled a face, handing her back the bitter drink.
Her brow furrowed, obviously worried that I was upset. I raised my hand before she could say anything. "Don't be concerned, I wasn't upset. I just wasn't sure if you were coming back." I rested my hand on her thigh, the other hand wrapping around my phone.
"I was going to text you but I didn't think it was necessary." She explained, grabbing the hand on her thigh with one of her own. "Have you been up long?" It was hard to tell if she seemed nervous or awkward. It was definitely not a look I was used to seeing on Ashley. I could be reading too much into it.
"About an hour or so." We sat in an awkward silence for a moment, and it seemed to make Ashley all the more uncomfortable. Her hand rhythmically squeezed and loosened, like a nervous tic.
"Are you okay?" She asked finally, breaking the silence. I stiffened, guilty conscience fighting with the dark monster that had been reawakened.
Obviously I knew I should tell her that Lena texted me and confess to considering it. In my head I knew it was the right thing to do, especially since I knew that being around the girl wasn't good for me and I wasn't supposed to be messing around with heroin. The word makes me cringe.
But on the other hand, it really was none of her business, and I can make my own decisions.
I shook my head slightly. What was I doing?
"Lena texted me while you were gone." The admission was blunt and was followed by me showing the texts to Ashley. She glanced down at the phone, scanning the texts with tight lips.
"Were you going to go? If I hadn't come back?" She asked carefully, eyes still staring at the screen on my phone. When I didn't respond right away she glanced back up to me, a questioning look on her eye. I hesitated, and her eyes flashed momentarily with disbelief.
"Seriously?" She rolled her eyes before dropping the phone on the sheet in front of me.
I sat up so I was crosslegged and leaning against the wall. "I humored it for a minute or two. You walked in before I could decide." I couldn't lie. It was almost impossible for me to lie convincingly, and usually ended with me confessing to more than what was asked.
She joined me against the wall, head turned to the side so she could look at me. I kept my eyes trained ahead. I didn't want to see the expression on her face.
Instead of speaking she just reached over and took my hand. She traced the lines on my palm for a few minutes, probably thinking. After a moment she spoke. "Do you still want to?"
Her tone was neutral, if she was displeased she was masking it well. Unlike me she seemed oddly calm considering how she was waiting for me to chose between her and what Lena represented. Obviously I knew that ultimately Ashley would win, but there was still some doubts in my mind about her that I was dealing with and there the promise of artificial happiness with Lena that further caused conflict of interest.
The way I felt waking up was enough to make me question myself when it came to Ashley. I had a theory, one that mostly pointed out that the Ashley I had been pursuing wasn't necessarily the Ashley that I had received. When Ashley and I had first met I had taken up the impression that she was cool and uncompromising, headstrong and full of disregard. Perhaps it was the confusion and my inner need to seek out why I was attracted to her that made finding a resolution so dire. After we had grown more comfortable with one another and I learned more about her it became clear that she cared a lot more than she let on, and once she accepted the relationship there was nothing left to fight for.
I remember faintly stating that I hated conflict, but maybe I did have a taste for drama. It certainly left no time to be bored when something always seemed to be happening.
She cleared her throat and I realized I never answered her, and we were just sitting in silence on the bed staring at the blank flatscreen on the opposite wall. After giving her a quick glance, I noticed that instead of keeping a blank face as she was before her face had become dark and slightly broody.
I guess she had taken my silence as a confirmation. It wasn't necessarily a confirmation, but it did expose the fact that I was certainly conflicted by the choice. A halfway decent person would have outright said 'no' without hesitation.
I uncrossed my legs and stretched them out, instead of returning to the crossed position I kept them bent, pressing my back more firmly against the wall behind me. I grabbed her hand and tucked them in the valley created by my thighs and torso, tangling my fingers between hers.
"No. I'm going to stay here." I said quietly.
It was the right decision, and just because Ashley wasn't who I initially thought she'd be, it didn't mean that she less worthy of giving my time and affection to. We absolutely got along together physically, and seeing her smile still gave me goosebumps. I needed to just let go of my preconceived image of her and learn to appreciate her for who she really is.
As if on cue she gave me a smile, a small one but enough to ease a smile on my own lips. She tightened her grip, leaning her shoulder onto mine.
"That makes me happy."
We sat and stared at the blank t.v. until Ashley's phone let off a chime. She glanced at it and dropped it onto the mattress with a disappointed sigh. "Aiden wants to know if your finally going to show up at the cabin." She relayed, resuming her position besides me.
I mirrored her sigh. "Gee, you would think I had disappeared for over a month."
Another chime from her phone had her standing up, grabbing for her things. "Ever since Glen told you to call your mom he's been worried about you. It's not like you were reaching out to anyone." She paused, standing in front of where I sat on the bed. "Although, you know who didn't seem worried?" She asked.
I looked up at her, brow furrowed. "Who?" I asked back.
"Madison."
XOXOXO
I pulled into Pecking Point, the development where I knew Madison lived. It was the next community over from Briar's Hill where Spencer lived, and the only reason I knew was because the Latina mentioned it at some point. Which house it was, however, I hadn't the slightest clue.
I pulled the green Civic over into an empty parking space by the community entrance and unplugged my phone from the aux cord. Scanning through my Facebook friend's list I found Madison's name, bringing up the messenger window. I clicked the call button and waited for her to answer.
An apparently grumpy Madison picked up the line. "Why are you calling me?" She groaned, voice heavy with sleep. I glanced at the time. Surely she was awake at 10:30 in the morning?
I readjusted the phone as I checked my face in the sun visor mirror, making sure my eyeliner hadn't smudged. Not hearing from Spencer in almost a week had me worried since I had gotten accustomed to her frequently inserting her presence around me, and to be honest, it would be nice if I looked better than a hungover raccoon.
"I'm in Pecking Point. I'm grabbing you so that we can go check up on Spencer." I glanced around at all the semi-connected row homes, noting that Madison's Benz was nowhere in sight.
She was silent, and for a moment I wondered if the girl had fallen asleep. "It's not even noon. I'm insanely hungover. Can't this wait?" She complained, voice distant like she had the phone set away from her.
"Madison," I warned, letting my voice drop to a condescending husk.
"2101 Theresa Court. Third right from the entrance." Came her curt, but quick, reply. She hung up and the line went dead. I followed her instructions to the address and pulled into a spot roughly in front of her building. Unlike the row homes near the entrance, her building looked more like multi-level housing similar to the set up that Aiden had previously been in.
Her blasé way of reacting to Spencer's check in was irritating. I had gotten over my immediate distaste for the Latina for Spencer's sake considering the girl was her best friend, but she still left a bitter taste in my mouth. She was loud and shallow, indifferent to the people around her. To me she was a definite narcissist, and her lack of concern over her quote-unquote best friend only added fuel to her pyre.
After waiting for several minutes the Latina exited the building, hair styled neatly and her hangover masked with make-up. She entered the little Honda and glanced around distastefully at the slightly messy interior.
"Vamos! Let's go, I don't have all day." She huffed, tossing her purse down at her feet.
I shut the car off and looked at her with irate disbelief.
"Seriously? What else do you possibly have to do today that's more important than making sure Spencer isn't dead or strung out?" I hissed, turning to face the other girl.
She swiped through her Instagram feed, seemingly unaffected by my tone. "I have my reasons. If I wanted you to know, I would have said so." She replied bluntly. "That information is none of your business, and has nothing to do with Spencer either."
I rolled my eyes. "So what, you aren't even worried about her at all?"
Her eyes stayed trained on her phone, obviously disinterested in the conversation. "I'm sure she has her own reasons for going AWOL, chica."
My eyes narrowed in confusion. "And you don't want to know what those reasons are?"
She shrugged half-heartedly and switched over to the Twitter app, tapping the screen as she responded to tweets. "Not particularly."
"How can you say that? I thought that you were supposed to be her best friend?" I said accusingly. The fact that they were even kind of close baffled my mind.
"I say it because I'm her best friend." She locked her screen and finally looked up at me, rolling her eyes as if it was me who was missing the point.
"If Spencer is being quiet, then she probably has a reason for it. Unlike you, I've known Spencer for a while, and I know her better than you do." She explained, running a manicured hand through her highlighted waves. "We all deal with shit differently, and she's her own person. She can make her own mistakes. Meanwhile I'll be here when she needs me, ready to put her back together while making it seem like its her idea."
She gave me a pointed glare. "Going to her house is a waste of time because she's fine, and she doesn't need to be lectured or forced to make a decision. And don't think for a second that because she wants to get a feel inside your panties that it makes you her fucking parent hovering over her all the time. She has her reasons, and I'm the one person who never really questions them."
I stared at her, unsure if her speech was reassuring or all the more reason to dislike the girl. It made sense to a point, but people don't always reach out if they need help. Something that dealing with Aiden made perfectly clear.
"Whatever," was about all I could manage before I turned the car back on.
"Let's go and get this over with," she said with a snap of her fingers, returning her attention back to her phone.
XOXO
I stood up from the bed. "Madison? She has a rather unconventional way of acknowledging other people's problems." I pulled on a hoodie that was on the floor and shoved my phone and keys into the front pocket. My wallet on the desk that held the TV was shoved into the pocket of the green joggers I wore.
She combed through her hair with her hands, not seeming convinced by my defense. "I don't know Spencer. I really doubted she would have checked in on you if it hadn't been at my insistence."
She followed me out of the bedroom and through the house, warily eyeing the rooms in the event that one of the other housemates was home.
I shrugged, opening the front door and stepping out into the late afternoon sun. "I doubt she would have, too. But honestly, I was fine, just moping around at home when I wasn't at work, and I'm sure she figured I'd reach out if I got sucked into the moping too far." I said, unwittingly confirming Madison's defense with Ashley from that morning.
It seemed to quiet Ashley down, and her expression seemed to be one of self-doubt. I circled around to the passenger side of her car, leaning my elbows on the roof. "I'm happy you came over, though." I said earnestly, giving her a toothy smile.
It seemed to reassure her since she returned the grin, entering her car and turning it on. She waved at me to hurry up and I climbed in, fastening the seatbelt.
"So what exactly has been going on along the Aiden front? Is he on track with moving Glen's stuff?" I asked. I had been gone for a week, so it was entirely possible that I had missed out on a lot.
She pulled out of her parking spot and drove through the development, making her way back to the main road. "Yeah we're about on track. Madison dropped off the rest of the first key off at Hery's the other day. He paid her upfront in cash, which made Aiden happy. They have about half of the other still, but it's been slow business-wise the last four days." She glanced at me quick before returning her eyes to the road. "Glen is still insisting it needs to be gone by the end of next week."
I shook my head. I was going to have to ask him about that sooner rather than later, preferably before the last bit gets sold. "I still don't know why he even had that much drugs to begin with." I mused.
She tilted a hand. "Most cops get their drugs from the evidence locker. Maybe he stole it. Maybe he has a gambling problem and a gang is making him pay up. Who knows?"
After a moment of thinking she continued. "Regardless of his reasons, we're on a deadline, and we really need to focus on this right now. Nate at work says there is a major party happening in West Creek tomorrow night, and he got us an in. It's going to be hella dope."
The phrasing was so uncharacteristic of the brunette and startled a laugh out of me. She narrowed her eyes. "His wording not mine." She added to clarify.
I clapped my hands excitedly. "So we're finally going to a West Creek party? There is nothing like partying with the rich kids." I said, finally feeling like I had something to look forward to.
I know lately it seems like I'm anything but the party type, but West Creek parties were legendary, and usually fairly exclusive. It made the impromptu party in Oley Hills look like a birthday party in comparison, and usually they were planned out ahead of time. I also had the perk of having Friday off seeing as I had worked straight through the last week and they had given me a few days to recoup. I couldn't help but feel excited. After what I've been dealing with, I was so about getting white girl wasted.