A/N- Ah… the brown throw up pants… enjoy…..

Going back to college in the 21st century was an interesting adventure.

Both times I'd been to university there was an expectation of student conduct. At the men's college I first went to, we were expected to wear coat and tie every day to class. There were curfews and schedules to be kept. Every moment of our days were spent in diligent study or occupied with a school organization's worries. The only relief I ever got was the fact that I didn't live on-campus. I could always go home to Esme and Carlisle.

My second experience in school was a bit different. The Vietnam War was going on at the time. There were hippie activist groups and a blossoming youth culture. Still, the atmosphere in classes was professional and students conducted themselves with dignity.

When I arrived at Boston College the first day, I'd dressed demurely in khakis and a white polo shirt, knowing that the culture had changed once again, but when I attended my first class, I was baffled at the appearance of the other students.

Several came in wearing basketball shorts or saggy sweatpants and t-shirts proclaiming old high school rivalries or campus events. Other students were dressed in ratty jeans and tank tops. There were even those who looked like they had just rolled out of bed, sporting cartoon laden pajama pants and mismatched tops. I felt very out of place.

Not that we'd ever made much of an effort to fit in. But this was Bella's first college experience and just like high school, I wanted her to envelope herself into its society. Make friends. Explore possibilities. I would be a part of that experience, and I wanted to play the part well.

On the third day of school, when I realized that I would be waiting two hours for Bella while she was in one of her classes, I immediately planned to make a quick shopping trip. My wardrobe included very little lounge clothing. And Alice was in Russia with Jasper.

I drove quickly to the closest department store, glad for the diversion. I actually liked shopping when it was just me browsing. Alice would have insisted I try everything on within a quarter mile radius.

I walked to the sports and leisure section. I wasn't completely out of my league there, but because there was barely a problem with body temperature and I more often than not hid my whiter than white skin, I was a bit unfamiliar. The basketball shorts baffled me the most. How did they play when the length of the shorts suggested a hindrance of aerodynamics?

And those baggy sweatpants. I despised the fuzzy material myself. I was barely ever bothered by the feel of anything, but having the heavy, bulky material against my skin made me uncomfortable. That's why I always chose clingy, light fabric and jeans.

I almost turned around and walked back out of the store. Why did it matter what I wore to class? Or on campus? So what if I looked more like a professor than a student? No one would approach me as such, because of my youthful appearance. More than likely, I could continue to remain somewhat anonymous with the students and a favorite with the teachers.

But I would be joining organizations just like I had been encouraging Bella. I would have to fit in. If I dressed in the uber-business casual I was used to, I might put off some of the students. Descriptors like "arrogant" and "pompous" came to mind.

I turned towards the pajama section with resolve. At least if I bought a few demure looking sets of pajama pants, I could wear them to class with grey sweaters and t-shirts. The only pajamas that I owned to date were the pair that Bella had bought me with the express idea of me sleeping in them. I usually didn't. Stripping down to my boxers was far easier and less time consuming. So she had taken them over. Adorable creature that she was.

Wow… who is he? Why aren't there more guys like that at school? He is just… hot. I wonder if he would think I was forward if I asked him out. I heard one girl's brazen appraisal of me. My mind reading abilities struck again, shaking me from the mental image of Bella flouncing around in the too-big-for-her plaid pajama pants.

I tried to ignore her thoughts. But she began an erotic fantasy with me starring in the daydream. What had I ever done to her?

I tried to focus on the task at hand and picked three sets of pajama pants. They were solid colored jersey knit. Very sensible. Then I skirted around the girl with the shameless thoughts and towards the front of the store.

I looked at my watch and realized I'd wasted almost an hour and fifteen minutes in my search for college normalcy. I would need to be back at campus pretty soon to pick up Bella.

Then I spotted them. The pants that changed my life. I had never seen something look so complex and artistic. They were brown. Well, that's a vast understatement. They were more than just brown. They had a brown undertone. The foreground of the material was a rainbow of jewel toned colors swirled around in a creative pattern. I was mesmerized, trying to figure out if they actually made shapes or if they just were just there to dip and swirl with the fabric.

When I touched them, they felt like heaven. It was jersey material. I could feel that. But it was a wonderful blend. Almost silky to the touch. And yet, they screamed comfort. And function. They were perfect.

I selected my size and placed them over my arm with the other three pairs I had selected. I felt like I had really accomplished my goal as I checked out and then headed back towards Boston College's campus. I was fairly tempted to change into my newfound favorite pants, but decided against it in the end. They would probably look ridiculous with the white button up shirt I was wearing.

"Edward," Bella teased as she slid in the car, "Where have you been?" She had been sitting on a bench where I told her I would meet her.

"Shopping." I admitted freely, still very much satisfied with myself and my shopping trip. She stared over at me in surprise.

"For what?" she wrinkled her nose at me.

"For college attire." I was being vague. I knew it.

"You already have a closet full of clothing. I almost can't fit my own wardrobe in with yours." She complained.

"I told you that Esme had drawn up plans to extend our closet, but no," I winked over at her, "You weren't having any of it. You barely let her paint our room and put a bed in it."

"I don't need much." She shrugged, "But you're diverting my attention. What were you shopping for?"

"You were diverting your own attention, thank you, and I told you. I was shopping for college attire." I sighed.

"Why do you need clothing?" she asked, "Is there some dress code I haven't picked up? Or are you rushing a fraternity and you can't discuss it with me? I'm not sure that's such a good idea, Edward." There was a note of concern in her voice.

"No, I'm not rushing a fraternity." I rolled my eyes, "But have you seen how people dress on campus? And do you see what I'm wearing?" I motioned down to the button up and dark blue jeans, "I look more like a teacher than a student."

"I think you look—amazing. Handsome," she chuckled and ran her hand over the lapel of my shirt, "What do you mean, have I seen what people wear? Blue jeans and t-shirts. So wear a t-shirt with those pants instead of a button up."

"It's worse than that. I have seen states of undress I'd never imagined before. There are no dress codes here. Did you know that?" I asked, "And people just come to class in whatever they find on their dorm room floors. It's actually disgusting. I mean, how often does a person do laundry around here? I went shopping for pajama pants. If I'm going to be a college student I might as well fit in some, at least."

"You have pajama pants," Bella frowned.

"One pair that you bought me while we were still in Canada." I reminded her, "And then you took them over."

"Because you weren't wearing them!" she exclaimed.

"I know. I didn't like to wear them to bed. Not when I could just climb in with my boxers on," I smirked.

"And you went shopping without Alice?" her eyes were round, "I'm surprised that you didn't get a scathing call from her."

Just then my cell phone rang in my pocket.

"Thank you, Bella, for cursing me," I sighed and answered the annoying ring, "Hello Alice."

"Edward!" Alice's annoyed voice came crackling over the phone, "You went shopping without me! I'm appalled."

"For pajama pants, Alice. You need not be put off. It was boring. And I already knew what I wanted. Isn't there shopping in Russia?" I laughed.

"Yes, but it's not as exciting, I don't think. It's too sunny here to go to the day fairs, which leaves me with all the stupid souvenir shops in the malls and stuff at night." Alice was pouting. I could tell.

"Do you want to talk to Bella?" I asked, knowing she would. I didn't even wait for an answer. I handed Bella the phone and the chattering began. All the way home Bella asked Alice questions about Russia and Alice asked Bella questions about college.

"So let's see these pants." Bella interjected as she hung up on Alice. We were already inside the house, halfway up the stairs. I had carefully kept the bag in my grasp, away from her.

"They're just pajama pants." I sighed, "Does it matter?"

"It matters if you bought cartoon laden pajama pants. I thought you were more grown up than that." Bella rolled her eyes.

"As a matter of fact, I am." I smirked at her, "Except for one pair, they're all solid colored pants."

"And what about these non-solid colored pants?" Bella asked skeptically.

Was she really questioning my fashion sense? I had been dressing myself for over a hundred years. Was it not fathomable that I would be able to select a few pairs of pants?

"I think they have character and they're very artistic. I'll try those on for you, if you must see them." I acted as if it was an extra burden to be asked to model. Before she could say anything else, I shut myself into the closet and changed.

As heavenly as the pants had felt in the store, they were positively sinful when I slid them on. I would live in these pants, if given the chance. Maybe I should have bought more than one pair…

"Edward! Come out of there! I don't know why you went into the closet to change. I've seen you change a million times." Bella's voice called, "Are you having second thoughts?"

"No!" I called back, "I'm just looking for an appropriate shirt."

"Well, stop it. I'm dying of curiosity."

"And I'm supposed to cater to you're every whim, am I?" I chuckled as I pulled on a grey t-shirt.

"Yes." I could almost here her nodding.

"Alright, here I come." I warned. I sauntered very deliberately out and posed for a moment, before walking towards the window and posing again, in the fading afternoon light.

I tried to read the expression on Bella's face, but she remained completely neutral studying me. Finally, I stood in front of her with my hands on my hips.

"So?" I coaxed.

"You have to take them back." Her expression was serious.

"What?!? Why?" was my instant response.

"Cause those pants—" she reached out and tugged a bit at them, "are the ugliest things I've ever seen before in my life. And don't forget! I have seen some of the things in both Alice and Rosalie's closets from the eighties. Putrid stuff. These top anything they could ever show me."

I'm sure that I looked crestfallen, because immediately after her little rant, she began laughing with a gusto that made her roll onto the bed, clutching her sides.

"Edw-w-ward… oh—my gosh… you aren't—s-s-seri-ous. A-are—y-you?" She was gasping for breath. I would have been mad, but she looked so beautiful. The curse of a beautiful woman's laughing scorn.

I frowned down at her, crossing my arms.

"I'm very serious, Bella. I think these pants are—well… I think they're fantastic."

This brought around another peal of laughter from her. It was too much for me. I pounced on her, pinning her to the bed. The laughing decreased.

"What are you doing?" Bella let out a wayward giggle, "Get away from me. Those—things… they're ugly. They look like… someone has eaten some fruity cereal and then thrown up all over you. They're the brown throw up pants!"

"That's not very nice." I deepened my frown, "If you tried them on—well… they'd probably swallow you. But if you were actually the right size for them, you would understand. They're delightful."

And then my mouth crashed down on Bella's leaving her no room to argue. She relented without much of a fight.

"Ugh… do you guys not close your door?" Emmett's voice penetrated our embrace. I groaned and pushed myself up into a sitting position. Emmett's face contorted in disgust. "Whoa… Edward. What are you wearing?"

"SEE?" Bella laughed from behind me, "They're the brown throw up pants. Edward decided he needed to fit in with college students."

"You are not calling them that," I turned to her and scowled.

"It's fitting," Emmett laughed, "Seriously, though? Trying to fit in? You're Edward the Emo. What's gotten into you?"

"Apparently, a penchant for ugly pants," I sighed. But secretly, I still loved them.

A/N- Poor Edward. Seriously… why is it that I'm having so much more success writing him? It's so weird.

Ok… now review… because… the brown throw up pants need some love.