Reality's Dream

Chapter 20: The One Person He Couldn't Lose

Only the sounds of the raging storm outside and heavy breathing could be heard in the bedroom, the three teens frozen, as if their bodies had just stopped functioning while their minds went into overdrive.

Eriol stood, rooted to the ground, unsure of what his eyes were showing him. Here he was, knowing of Sakura's fear of storms, swinging by on his way home to if she was alright, and finding the door unlocked had let himself in. Whatever he had expected to find, it definitely was not Sakura and Syaoran in bed together with articles of clothing absent.

Syaoran moved off of Sakura grabbing for the nearest shirt within arms reach and handed it to her. Sakura gratefully took what turned out to be a pajama top from the previous night and pulled it over her head. She felt like she had just woken up from a nap and was in that disorienting state of trying to determine dream from reality. She rose unsteadily off the bed going toward Eriol who was still frozen in the doorway, his blue eyes unreadable. "Look…Eriol, I…" But before she could find the right words to convey what was happening he had stepped past her, eyes blazing at his once best friend.

"You son of a bitch." He growled. "I warned you to stay away from her." His voice was hard and livid, something she was not accustomed to hearing from Eriol's mouth. Sakura was still having trouble processing what was happening. 'He warned Syaoran to stay away? Why? And why is he acting like I'm not a part of this? Was I not there on the bed with Syaoran…'

Syaoran was having similar thoughts, but he felt the anger was rightly aimed. He had been the first to initiate contact; he'd been the one harboring impure thoughts of his best friend knowing she was going out with another guy. On an irrational impulse he thought to keep Eriol's rage directed at him, to keep the blame from Sakura. And to accomplish this he tried to provoke Eriol, attacking his weak points. "You're just jealous because you're dating her yet I've gone further with her than you have…You've been worried all along because she wants me and you know it," he taunted not even sure of what he was saying, just sure that it was what Eriol did not want to hear. "Maybe even more then she wants you."

Sakura opened her mouth to protest before she realized that what he said had a ring of truth to it. She wanted Syaoran, there was no denying it. And had Eriol not walked in, who knows how far things would have gone.

But before Syaoran could let another word out, before Sakura could even attempt to interrupt, Eriol had punched Syaoran in the jaw sending him reeling backwards, a look of pure loathing blazed in Eriol's eyes at the mere suggestion. Those words encompassed all that he had been worrying about for the past few weeks. Syaoran shook off the blow by taking a swing at Eriol. The two began brawling around the room with Sakura yelling at them to stop. Sakura's helplessness quickly turned to anger as the boys paid her no heed and became beyond frustrated with them, herself, and this whole mess they were in. Her head was a bog of confused emotions, the last hour a rollercoaster ride of fear, excitement, lust, shock, and worry. She just wanted it to all go away. But that was the one thing that would never happen. The can of worms had been opened, nothing left but to face the aftermath.

She spotted an opportunity when Syaoran shoved Eriol away, sending him tumbling toward the door. Eriol picked himself back up, charging at Syaoran when Sakura jumped in between them one arm facing palm out toward each aggressor. "If either of you wish to hurt one another anymore, you'll have to hit me first." She spat out glaring at each one of them. She saw Syaoran relax his stance and then she turned to Eriol. She watched the fire fade from his eyes as he looked at her. The anger turned to hurt and anguish, and before she could say anything Eriol was turning away leaving the words "I hope you're happy," lingering in his wake.

Sakura felt herself deflate like a balloon, all the air rushing out leaving her to collapse on her bed, head in hands. Syaoran was standing above her, struggling to form the right words to say. To say how he felt. Why he acted the way he did. To try and comfort her. "Sakura I…."

"Get out." She whispered, a hitch in her voice betraying the tears that were about to fall.

"But…" He couldn't abandon her like this. Not after what had just happened, especially between them. Syaoran reached out a hand to touch her shoulder when her head snapped up, green orbs blazing, shining through a layer of ready to be shed tears.

"GET OUT!" She bit out more forcefully, and then pleadingly "...please…" She was about to break and did not want him to witness it.

Nodding slowly Syaoran relented, leaving the room stopping with a last glance at the door to see Sakura staring at the floor fixedly trying not to cry.

Her mind was racing, replaying over and over again what had just occurred, especially what Syaoran had done. 'How could he have said those things? Those awful things?' Sakura shuddered. The first teardrop worked its way ahead of the rest slowly blazing a trail down her cheek, clinging to her chin, a crystal clear drop of salty sadness. '… He treated me like a trophy. Like some kind of prize to throw in Eriol's face…' The tears were starting to flow at a steady pace, the floodgates now opening as she tried to ignore the pain the realizations caused her. 'He doesn't care about me…He doesn't love…" Sakura let out a sob on that thought before bottling it back inside herself, trying to steel herself against it. "It was jealousy." She tried to forget his touch, his kiss, the image of them in the mirror searing itself into her memory. How his arms felt so good around her. So different from when she had been with Eriol. She shoved it aside, 'It's all a lie!'

Then she remembered the other party involved. 'Oh god Eriol…' She had hurt him, and badly, when he had been so kind and caring these past few months. And she had just tossed it away like a used tissue. And he didn't deserve that. Sakura wiped her tear streaked face with her palms, standing up. She had to apologize. He deserved that much.

Sakura ran down the stairs, jamming her body into the first coat she found coat and her feet into some kind of slip-on shoes at the door running out into the rain to the nearest bus stop.

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Sakura waited a moment before knocking on the door. 'What am I doing here? What could I possibly say to make things better? To make up for what I've done?' But despite her hesitance, she knew that she needed to at least try. She raised a trembling fist emitting a few muffled thumps on the wood. When the door finally pulled back to reveal a darkened home, she could not miss the look of surprise that crossed Eriol's face as he took in her wet and haggard appearance. 'I probably look like a drowned rat.'

"What…What are you doing here?" He asked incredulously and concerned as he let her in. "You're soaked. Did you walk here?" Sakura nodded.

"And I ca-aught the bus," she stuttered, following Eriol into a hallway.

"But why?" He stopped at a cabinet in the wall, opening it and pulling out a terry cloth towel for her to wrap around herself.

"We need to talk…" Sakura began, accepting the fluffy material but only holding it limply in her hands.

"Look I understand…" Eriol interrupted. Sakura opened her mouth to continue but he held up his hand in protest. "I knew what I was getting into. I knew you were still in love with him when we I asked you out," looking her dead in the eyes before dropping his gaze. "And we weren't official or anything. You didn't do anything wrong."

Sakura was stunned. He was neither angry at her nor blaming her. This night and these boys were beyond comprehension. Nothing made sense. "Official or not, it wasn't right for me to have been so reckless when I knew that you care for me. And I'm sorry you got caught up in my idiocy. I thought I was over him when I wasn't and that wasn't fair to you. You've done nothing but be there to support me and I repay you by being with another guy. You have no idea how sorry I am."

"I took that gamble by going out with someone who's heart was with someone else. And I'm glad…" He paused a moment and swallowed hard. "I'm glad Syaoran loves you back. You'll be good together." Eriol choked out unable to meet her eyes.

Sakura bit her lower lip letting her teeth slide over her mouth before responding, her eyes unseeing as she thought of her earlier realizations. "We're not together." The words were hollow, devoid of emotion as they echoed in the silence of the hallway.

Eriol's eyes narrowed in confusion waiting for an explanation. He'd seen them together. He knew Syaoran wanted Sakura. Nothing was adding up.

"It wasn't love. It was some weird possession thing." She thought back on the things Syaoran had said to Eriol. "He didn't want me; he just didn't want you to have me." No matter how she tried she couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice. "And I foolishly thought it was something more… But now I know, and it's just…over." Sakura took a deep breath trying to shake the thoughts away before looking Eriol in the eyes. "I just wish it hadn't hurt you."

With what might have been considered a faint farewell smile Sakura turned to leave but Eriol stopped her.

"Wait." As Sakura faced him again he ran his hand nervously through his hair. "I know this is probably stupid of me considering what happened tonight, but how…how would you feel if we tried becoming friends again. You know, like how things were before it got all complicated?"

Sakura was surprised. She'd just betrayed a good friend of hers and here he was wanting to put it all in the past, to start anew. He'd been there for her in so many ways recently and she desperately wanted to make it up to him. If he wanted her friendship she would give it gladly. She would find some way to make up for her mistakes.

"I think we could all use a friend right now." And with a nod Sakura handed back the towel and left before he could even offer her a ride home. In her mind it just wouldn't be right. Hopefully they could build their friendship back up over time, but right now they were neither lovers nor friends.

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Sakura dragged her soaked and chilled body up the stairs, all her energy seemed to have been washed away by the night's events. Not even bothering to test if the lights worked she stumbled into her room her tired eyes taking in the image of Syaoran's silhouette slumped on her bed awaiting her return.

"What are you doing here? Did you stay all this time…how did you get in here?" Her shaking voice rambled, demanding, trying to figure things out. Everything reeled, her nerves shot, everything a frazzled disarray of incoherent thoughts and feelings that never seemed to stop. 'Why?…we kissed…love…possession…make it go away…run…why?'

Syaoran didn't even make a move, his head still pointed toward the floor. "I never made it past your block. Just came back. And sat here…thinking."

Sakura made no response so he continued. "Tonight when I was with you and then after," he shook his head lightly, "I don't think I've ever felt better or worse. I just…It's…" Syaoran let out a sigh trying again. "Look there's something I need to tell you."

It was at that moment that Sakura snapped. All her anger and frustration and confusion came pouring out of her. "I don't want to hear it."

Syaoran rose from the bed his voice pleading, "Please just hear me out." He took a step towards Sakura and she instantly sprang back like a frightened doe. He sighed, "Things got out of control tonight. Things happened and were said and I sat here just trying to figure out how and why, but I could only think of one thing. Only one reason why I would even be with my friend's girl." Even through all the chaos that had happened, he could not consider Eriol anything but a friend. He always had been, and always would be even if they were on opposing sides. "I've wanted to tell you for weeks but I was afraid. And I let it get way out of hand." He tried another step toward her and this time she did not move away, merely watched him guardedly. "Sakura I…I love-"

"No!" Sakura recoiled, shaking her head in refusal. She had slowly been softening as he spoke but whatever bridge Syaoran had been trying to build came crashing down. She couldn't hear him say it. Not those words she had longed to hear for so long. Not now. Not ever. "Love, no you don't feel love." She spat out, her eyes wide and glaring, glancing frantically around like a cornered kitten. "If you loved me you wouldn't have waited till I was with someone else. I mean why now? Why not any of the years we've known each other? No, you only wanted me when it turned out someone else did too. You were just jealous." Her face scrunching in disgust at the thought. "And that's not love. That's possession."

Syaoran looked like he'd been slapped. He wasn't even sure how to respond to her rant, to show that she was wrong. He began, "Sakura that's not true." But Sakura was having none of it.

"I'm not yours to own anymore. For years I would have done anything to make you see me as more than a friend." His eyes widened as the statement registered but Sakura plowed on obstinately. "And I let that blind me, believing there was hope when there wasn't." She was on the edge of tears now. "So please, just stop all of this…" Her tirade slowed down, the edge from her voice fading. "I don't want to be hurt anymore."

The silence hung heavy in the air. Syaoran's eyes were blank, his mouth slightly parted unsure of what he had heard or what to do or what to say. So he did the only thing he could. What his friend wanted. He turned around and with one last glance left.

Sakura stood frozen, cringing when she heard the close of the front door. She felt the slow ache in her throat, the stinging burn as the tears crept back into her eyes trying to escape. 'He loves me…No, no…It's a lie…I don't love him…I can't love him…' Her knees gave out below her, as if her mind in its disorder had shut off the connection to her body. 'Syaoran…' 'He loves me…No, no…It's a lie.' Her knees gave out below her, -'I don't love him…'-as if her mind in its disorder-"I can't love him…'-had shut off the connection to her body……..'Syaoran…'

Sakura awoke in the morning finding herself curled up on the floor of her room having cried herself to sleep at some point in the night. Crying over the one she tried so stubbornly to shut from her heart.

Syaoran spent the night wandering the streets, thinking of the one person he couldn't lose, but maybe already had.

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A/N: And there it is folks, the last chapter before deletion. And what a dramatic one it is. People being stupid all around, and very human. Hope you guys enjoyed it nevertheless. There are two more chapters left I believe but they are only outlined so I don't know when my next update will be especially with school starting. Thank you all for your support, I love reading your reviews.