The Day Got School Got TWISTED chapter 21
(Cafeteria)
I was sitting with Anna, Dani, Hanna, Karvian and Casey.
"What was up with that teacher!" Anna asked
"I tried to tell Elrond about it, but he wouldn't listen?" I informed, "No!"
"NO! SHE WON'T GET LEGGY! I MUST GO PROTECT HIM FROM THE DARK FORCES!" Dani screamed and ran off to find Legolas
Much screaming later, Dani was sitting on the table that Legolas was at, with her arms wrapped around his head.
"She is weird but not as weird as Ms. Fowler." Karvian said
"I wonder what happened to Mr. Fowler." Said Hanna
"I bet she eat his brain!" I replied with a laugh
Then Prudence deiced to make his appearance.
"Hi Casey and Friends." He said and sat down in the vacant chair
We ignored him.
"So what's up friends?" He asked
"The ceiling." I hissed
"That is not what I meant, you Elf chaser." He said with an evil grin
I narrowed my eyes, "I am NOT AN ELF CHACER! YOU ARE AN ANNOYING FREAK! GO AWAY! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME AT THIS TABLE!"
Prudence didn't bother responding and put his arm around Casey.
"NO! Non-shiny person! My one and only love is Elfy!" Casey said and swatted his arm away
"Well I can be your Elfy." Prudence said
All of us erupted into laughter.
"I'm not even going to make comment!" I said
We were making so much noise that Elrond came over.
He now had a shirt on that said 'Doom! Doom on you!' It was black with bold yellow writing. He still had his dyed robes on underneath.
"Um, Dude? You are a big fashion no-no." Anna said
"Leave me alone." Elrond hissed and was about to say something else but Anna cut him off
"But you are! That is so stupid looking! I mean you look like a Goth- hippie!" She insisted
"Goth-hippie? Where do you come up with this stuff? Zombies, Goth-hippies!" Elrond exclaimed
"THERE IS A ZOMBIE! THERE IS! I-
"SHUT UP! THERE ARE NO ZOMBIES AND THERE NEVER WILL BE ANY! EVER! GOT THAT!" Elrond yelled
Suddenly someone tapped him on the shoulder.
Elrond turned around slowly and looked at the ugly little woman behind him. He raised an eyebrow, "Yes? Can I help you?"
"Yes, kind sir, I was wondering where t-
"THAT'S THE ZOMBIE! LOOK OUT ELROND!" All of us at the table yelled
Elrond frowned, "Excuse me," He said to Ms. Fowler and turned to us, "If I have to tell you one more time, it will not be pleasant... Now, what can I help you with?"
"I was wondering if you could show me where the teacher's lounge is." Ms. Fowler said
"Sure. I will escort you there." Elrond said
"Thank you." She replied and walked away with Elrond
"Well, we tried." Anna said and sighed
"It's his brain. I warned him." I said annoyed, "You all saw it! I will not be blamed for this!"
"So Casey do you want to go with me to a movie?" Prudence asked
"NO!"
"Okay, I'll come to your house around 7 then." He replied
"HEY I LOVE POTATOES! POTATOES ARE THE BEST! GO POTATOES!" Jackie screamed and ran past our table with Noliee behind her
Noliee was trying to get her lunch back.
Gollum randomly came over and placed a fish on our table. Then he put a fish on everyone's table and ran behind the trashcans.
"Um, okay." Melanie said, "What was that all about?"
Suddenly, the fish exploded covering everyone in sticky nasty fish guts.
Gollum laughed manically and scampered off.
All: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
"At least Leggy's shiny hair didn't get yucky!" Dani said completely covered in fish guts
Yes, she was still hugging his head.
"Stupid Gollum!" I screamed and pushed fish covered hair out of my face
What happened next would haunt all of us forever...especially Gandalf.
From the corner of the room a giant bowl of orange potato salad suddenly sprouted arms and legs. It got up and laughed evilly.
Everyone turned and stared. This was so weird that even Dani pulled her attention away from Legolas to see what the cheese was going on.
In the school kitchen, in a pot of 5-week-old chili, a pink cat was laughing evilly.
"My newest minion shall take care of that stupid old fool, affectionately known as Gandalf. That slob shall not see the halls of this school again! Muawahahaha!" Noruas laughed, "UGH! What am I sitting in! Is that...MEAT SAUCE! EVIL DOES NOT DWEL IN MEAT SAUCE!" Noruas got out of pot quickly
He hissed and shook the meat sauce out of his fur.
"I really need to get a permanent lair."
The evil potato salad then wiped some of the food off its face and revealed eyes, a nose, a mouth and ears.
Everyone: o.0?
The salad let out a war cry and headed straight for Gandalf.
"No! What is it doing! Get away from me you fiend!" Gandalf hollered
The salad hopped onto Gandalf's table, "You. (points to Gandalf) Come with. Me." (Points to self) it said in a caveman like voice
"No! I don't go places with food!" Gandalf replied, "I eat it!"
"Okay. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way." The potato salad said and grabbed Gandalf's hat
"GIVE THAT BACK!" he said
The salad gave a war cry again and attacked Gandalf.
After a wile the salad had Gandalf hog-tied and dragged him out of the school. It pointed to us then to it eyes as if to say: 'I'm watching you!'
We sat in silence as we heard car tires screeching and evil laugher.
Everyone: O.O...AHHHHH! GANDALF WAS WIZARD-KNAPPED BY EVIL FOOD! (High pitched squealing) OH NO!
Suddenly a loud ear-shattering yell thundered from down the hall. A roar followed it.
Everyone: (silence) we heard the crickets chirping…
"What was that?" I asked
"I have no clue." Jackie replied
"Where is Elrond!" Legolas asked and pushed Dani away, "That sounded like him yelling."
(loud gasp) "He went with the zombie!" Anna informed
(loud gasp) "WHY! It will eat his brain!" Dani exclaimed
Everyone: OH NO! (Loud Gasp)
(Bell rings)
Silence…
"Well. We can deal with it after school." Aragorn said
"Yeah. Okay." Everyone agreed
"BUT WAIT!" I said, "We need a principal!"
"The substitute principal was Gandalf and the one after that was Galadriel!" Noliee said
"So we need to vote for another principle. Just for the day." Melanie said
"I CHOOSE LEGOLAS!" Dani hollered
"ME TOO!" Casey screamed
Several shouts came in for Aragorn. There were some for Pippin, lots for Legolas, several loud ones for Haldir, some for Boromir, even 1 for Gollum, and then there was that really loud scream for Noruas.
"OKAY OKAY! SHUT UP PEOPLE!" I screamed and jumped up on a table, "Now let's do this in a civil and calm manner. Okay, now, votes for Aragorn please raise your hand now...
(counts hands) "That's 37 Cheesy one!" Noliee said
"Thanks, Jackie please write that down." I said
"Sure."
"Okay, for Legolas..."
"38!" Noliee informed
"For Gollum..."
"4."
"For Pippin..."
"33!"
"For Boromir..."
"28."
"For Aragorn..."
"37. You called him already."
"Oh yeah, sorry, For Noruas..."
"17! Wow, that's surprising."
"Yes Noliee, okay, Haldir..."
"Oooh, 39. Is he the last one?" Noliee asked
"Yep! Looks like Haldir is the winner!"
"Okay, so now what?" Alice asked
"We go to out next class?" Casey said
"I guess." I replied and got off the table
Haldir shrugged, "Okay. Whatever...(squeaks) I GET ELROND'S SHINY OFFICE!"
0.0? "Okay, see you later." I sad and walked to my next class
ooooooooo
We were supposed to have Gandalf's class next but since he was...not available, Haldir called in a guest speaker for his class.
It was Denethor, and he was going to tell us about fire safety. Ha ha.
Denethor entered the room quietly. He was wearing the coat thing the wore in Return of the King and carrying a box.
No one was paying attention to him and continued talking.
He carefully put the box down on Gandalf's desk and tried to get our attention, "Hello? Class?"
We continued talking.
"CLASS!" he yelled
We stopped talking and looked at him. Denethor stared back.
"Yes. Okay. I am here today to talk to you about...(twitches)...fire safety." Denethor said
"Fire safety? As in, you are going to be telling us about, matches...
Denethor twitched
"Camp fires..."
Twitch…
"Fire places..."
TWITCH…
"And those things that you put fire in, oh yeah, torches." I said
Commence violent twitching: TWITCH TWITCH
"YES YES! FIRE! FIRE GOOD!" Denethor exclaimed and grabbed a match from the box
"I don't think this is good." Anna mumbled
Denethor laughed evilly and grabbed a fire safety packet from the box. Just as he was about to let the paper on fire, something must have clicked in his mind.
He suddenly put out the match out and collapsed to the floor. Denethor curled up in a ball and rocked back and fourth.
"No! NO! Fire bad…what was it that the nice people in the white coats said? Oh yes, think of nice waterfalls and the ocean and lakes and- AH! NOW I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!"
He ran out of the room at full speed.
Class: o.0?
We sat like that until he came back.
Denethor re-entered with a manic expression on his face. His hair was all frizzed out and his clothes were all wrinkled.
"What happened dude? Did ya fall in?" Noliee asked
He looked at her oddly. Then he walked up to the front of the class and continued with the lesson.
"Okay class. There will be no more interruptions on my account. Now, the first lesson in…(gulp) Why playing with fire is bad…(reading paper) You could burn something down or cause an…(Twitch) explosion. You could…(violent twitch) set yourself on fire or someone else that you know and- (stops and stares blankly) I DIDN'T DO IT! I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!
DEAD! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"
Then he started hyperventilating.
"Um, are you okay?" I asked
Loud hyperventilating…
"Dude?"
LOUD hyperventilating…
"STOP IT!"
He hyperventilated so much that he sucked in a random bug and choked.
"ACK UGHAHHAUGHG!"
"Oh no! He's choking! Does someone know what to do? I wasn't paying attention in class!" Anna screamed
"Oooh! Oooh! Pick me! I know!" Casey said as she ran to front of the classroom and pounded (and I mean POUNDED) on Denethor's back.
The bug flew out of his mouth and stuck to the wall on the other side of the room.
Denethor panted heavily a few times before he sat down and sighed loudly.
"Okay. Let's try this once more…Fire is-
"IS EVERYTHING OKAY? I heard screaming." Boromir said blasting into the room
Denethor stared at Boromir with his mouth open and eyes wide.
"Father?" Boromir said just as confused
Denethor shrieked loudly and threw a textbook through the window, shattering the glass. Then he jumped out the window and ran away hollering random stuff.
o.0? "I really don't want to know." Alice said
The bell rang and we got out of there as quickly as possible.
OooooooooO
I instantly knew something was up when Hanna rolled into Gimli's class in a wheel chair. Then I saw that Noliee was the one pushing her along and it all made sense.
This was obviously another prank. I pity the poor slob who falls victim to this one.
Slob, heh heh, Noliee should join forces with Noruas. They might blow up the school and then we would get the rest of the year off…maybe. Or the might make us come back during summer, a horror to unspeakable…
Gimli watched as Noliee wheeled Hanna up beside her desk.
"What happened Hanna?" He asked
"I have suddenly developed a crippling illness." She replied in the utmost seriousness
"Well, I hope you feel okay to take notes on today's exciting science lesson on the history of rocks!" Gimli announced
"Oh, you are totally rippin' offa' Leggy's 'History of Elvish'." I said in my best rapper voice and snapped my fingers
Gimli grumbled something about how much he hated The Elf.
"Whatever! Just get out your notebooks and start copying down what I say!"
Jackie smirked and took the cactus out of her backpack. Then she raised her hand.
"Yes, Jackie?" Gimli said and stopped speaking
"The cactus has a question." She said and pointed to it
Cactus: …
"Oh not again! The cactus has an amazing question but whenever I try to get him to talk he won't speak to anyone but me!" Jackie informed
Gimli looked at her funny, "Ooookay, and this is what you interrupted me for?"
"Yes, yes it is."
Gimli frowned and continued talking. Jackie stared mumbling things and appeared to be having a heated conversation with the cactus.
Gimli just ignored her.
"Now as I was saying, rock may seem like just some dirty old things in the ground. But they are not! Rocks are like underwear; they come in all shapes sizes and colors. If you think about it, the same is true for people too. You may like one brand and hate the other. Another brand may give you wedgies and then there is the type that fit just right." Gimli said really getting into the lesson
Okay, I could see where the little dude was going with his nice little metaphor thing, but I'm sorry comaring people to underwear. That's just not right…not right at all! I am so not writing that down in my notes and if it was going to be on the test Iwould give Gimli a wedgie myself no matter what type of fancy panties he was wearing!
"But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that all rocks are special and deserve your love and attention. Rocks ha- Yes Jackie?"
"The cactus promised to tell you the question now!" she informed with a smile, "He's finally ready."
Cactus: …
"…Jackie, stop talking to the cactus! Its not alive! Its not a 'He' it's an 'It'!" Gimli informed
Jackie gasped, "I can't believe you just insulted him like that! He is so a 'He'! He even has a name! His name is: Sherwood the Mighty Fig! And he does talk!"
"Jackie, I am only going to tell you one more time! The stupid plant is not alive!"
"Well you think your stupid old rocks are alive! I bet you write love notes to them like you do to Galadriel! 'Oh precious rocky, I love you soooo much! won't you take me away forever and ever and buy an underwear store with me?' I can't believe you!" Jackie yelled and crossed her arms
Gimli just frowned, "If you want all that touchy feely lovey stuff, go see Legolas!"
"Maybe I will! Come on Sherwood! We will go somewhere where you will not be insulted!" Jackie said and got up 'accidentally' kicking Hanna's wheel chair in the process
Hanna screamed as the wheelchair when flying forward, got stuck in between two desks and launched Hanna out of it.
She went flying threw the air and landed on the floor with a thud. Then she ever so slowly pulled herself up realizing that she could walk!
"Hallelujah! I CAN WALK AGAIN! I CAN WALK!" She yelledNoliee smiled and put a CD into the class radio. Then she turned the sound all the way up.
The music BLASTED to an overly excited church gospel choir singing HALLELUJAH at the top of their lungs. The blast broke the windows and everyone got up and danced around wildly.
We joined hands and danced in a circle around Hanna who was showing off her craziest dance moves. We threw confetti and played leapfrog over the desks all the while shouting 'HANNA CAN WALK!' or "HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE LORD!"
Then Jackie ran to the TV and put a movie of the overly excited church gospel choir singing HALLELUJAH at the top of their lungs and also turned it on full blast.
We formed a line and copied the movements of the choir by swaying back and forth to the lively music and clapping our hands in a crazy manner.
Gimli backed out of the room fearing for his life once more. Once he made it to the hallway he slammed the door shut, muting the music, and sighed in relief.
Then as if another curse upon the poor dwarf, Legolas opened the door of his classroom and looked out. Seeing Gimli in the hall leaning up against the door panting and gasping for breath, Legolas yelled to his class that he would be right back and warned them not to write obscene things on the chalkboard in elvish.
WHY the class would know obscene things in elvish unless Legolas taught them is beyond me…
"Having problems, dwarf?" he asked
"No I have it under control, elf." Gimli replied
Legolas opened the door and the wild music blasted once again almost blowing the door off the hinges. He slammed it shut again.
"MADNESS!" shouted Gimli
"For once dwarf, I agree with you." Legolas replied
They stood in silence for a moment before Legolas laughed loudly and ran the room and joined us.
Gimli just shook his head slowly.
It was then that all the noise attracted the Hobbits and Merry and Pippin came running down the hall.
"What's going on?" Pippin asked running up to Gimli
"Madness…" He mumbled
"MADNESS?" Pippin shrieked, "Where, where is it!"
"In there." Gimli said and pointed into the class room where Legolas was break-dancing on a desk
"HEY EVERYONE! PARTY IN GIMLI'S ROOM!" Pippin yelled before he and Merry ran in
There was a great cheering roar and all the kids and teachers came stampeding out of their classrooms and sprinted over to Gimli's room, plowing the poor dwarf over in the process.
The music went up even louder and the whole room shook violently.
Gimli just shook his head, "Madness."
Ooooooooooooo
UNTIL NEXT TIME! MWUAHAH!
Turk-out my homies!