[Jo]

Jo rubbed the bridge of her nose, tired of her neighbor's attempts to charm her. She had only been walking up the steps from her car, trying to end a horrible day in a peaceful night, smiling at Sam politely in passing when he had struck up a full blown conversation and just wouldn't get the drift, even though she kept sighing and rubbing her nose and forehead and eyes and whatnots and yawning. She really just wanted to go to bed.

"So, I was thinking I could take you there some time?" Sam looked at her with a shade of rose grazing his cheeks.

"That Mexican place? I heard it's not supposed to be very authentic, did you read that article?" Jo fabricated that story, subtly trying to tell him that she just wasn't interested. Not that Alex and her were an official thing or anything… but at least he was supposed to believe just that, right?

"Oh, ok," Sam looked a bit let down. "Well, maybe another one then," he suggested.

"Yeah, maybe," Jo found it appropriate to leave the conversation now, smiling at him again before strolling towards her apartment. She realized him following when she was already at the door, shooting back a questioning glance.

"What time are you getting off tomorrow?"

"Not at all, I'm on the night shift," Jo informed him, unlocking the door, putting the bag of groceries right inside the door, standing one foot in, one foot out, seeing if he had anything else to say. "Maybe another time," Jo told him before he could say anything else, though, and closed the door right in between them, leaning her head back against it and exhaled slowly. It wasn't half a minute later when it knocked again. Jo rolled her eyes, whining voicelessly, scrunching up her face and swiftly opened the door. "Sam, I rea-," the words got stuck in her throat when she saw who her visitor turned out to be. "Oh, thank God," she exclaimed, feeling like relief was washing her down, taking his hand and pulling him in, closing and locking the door. Alex was looking at her with a curious gaze, his eyebrows hiked.

"So, you are home," he assessed. Jo looked at him with uncertainty for a second before grabbing the grocery bag and walked into the kitchenette, stowing the stuff. "I was pretty sure by now you were hiding out somewhere," he walked over towards her slowly, leaning against the counter, watching her from behind.

"Why would I do that?" she purposefully busied herself with sluggishly getting out the last few items.

"I kinda had the impression you were avoiding me… again...," she heard Alex say. Damn it, Jo.

"I was just busy," she replied without much energy to the flat out lie. When did you start being such a coward? By now it's so very crystal that you are way into this, into him. Getting jealous of some girl he had once dated, on a night you had even told him you weren't willing to meet? Not being able to think straight anymore, think reasonably, not knowing what had really happened that day, Stephanie telling you about the love speech and Alex rushing off, and if you're not completely in the dark here… he was running off to meet with you in the closet. Come on, it's pretty damn obvious that he wants you too. Right?! Just say something.

"You sure?" Alex sounded something in between teasing and insecure probably because she still wasn't facing him. Jo sighed and turned round, leaning against the opposite counter and looking at him straight faced.

"I didn't wanna intrude your cozy time with Dr. Fields before she left for Africa again… thought I'd give you some space," she concluded to, watching his reaction closely. To her surprise but definitely delight just as well, he furrowed his forehead.

"What are you talking about?" he shook his head, apparently not catching on.

"Ugh, nothing," Jo rolled her eyes at herself, turning back and getting out a beer. "Want one?" Instead of an answer, she startled mildly when Alex came up behind her, tentatively reaching out for her waist and nuzzling her neck, making her eyes flutter shut and still her movements.

"You sound jealous," she heard his amused whisper near her ear. Jo snorted forcedly, not for him to notice though. He chuckled into her neck.

"Yeah, whatever," she said, opening her beer and taking a sip, waiting for him to move the conversation along. When he didn't, she sighed and gently put her own arm to lie on the one he had slung across her waist, linking fingers with him. "I guess I thought you might wanna take the time to re-evaluate dating," she said, leaning back. Alex kissed her neck.

"God, I don't miss dating, trust me," he told her. Jo bit her lip, disappointed with his answer. "Why would I anyways? I have you," she felt him smile against her neck and his second arm looping around her torso, holding her tighter.

"Well, I won't always be available, either," she gave him back snippily, surprised about the tone of voice herself.

"That's why I totally root for making every last minute count with you… once you stop avoiding me and talk weird stuff about me dating and you not being available anymore," he answered sarcastically. Oh well then, that's settled, I guess. Jo was struggling for something to say but she couldn't think of anything really. She couldn't think of a reason why she hadn't called him back or taken any of his calls for that matter. She couldn't think of a reason why that Lucy person had made her mad even though she knew there was nothing going on in between them and she could have had him if she had wanted him. She couldn't think of a reason why all of her feelings and thoughts circled around that very person holding her tightly while she couldn't express just any of those feelings towards him, feeling too… vulnerable, too daring… too stupid. Despite all her efforts, despite her values and attitudes and resistance, despite her derisive comments about all those girls who Karev had cast a spell over, making them stupidly panting after him… despite all those hours of telling herself it was just the unbelievable hot and satisfying sex she was after… after all that, she found herself to be the stupidest of all Karev girls imaginable. She had fallen in love with Alex Karev and she couldn't find her way out. "Tell me what's going on," Alex brought her back into the real world, running the tip of his nose along the outsides of her left ear, tickling her, Jo feeling the soft breaths on her. Jo grasped his arms a little tighter still, since words apparently were failing her at the moment. She shook her head after a moment, tilting her head the tiniest bit and pressed her cheek up against his, closing her eyes. "Did I do something wrong? Or… are you… with someone else now or something…? Just… you just need to tell me and I'll back off… but as long as you'll keep me around I'm here… so… just tell me what's bugging you," he murmured into her, kissing her softly on the cheek. The way he was holding onto her, talked onto her, again, Jo wanted to never let go of this.

"It's fine, I just had a really crappy work week and I'm exhausted. That's all it is," Jo was tired of staying away from him but couldn't find the guts in her to actually tell him the truth. Why was this so freaking hard? He was holding Jo right at that moment, tightly, intimately, almost lovingly, it was completely obvious, right? So why in the world does his reaction to your words scare you as if you were admitting to him... Well, something... Like it was so ridiculous, Jo felt helpless without end. "I'm glad you're here," she added, sensing his smile against her skin. "For a moment I thought it was Sam again."

"Alright, I feel like I keep repeating myself, but is this guy bothering you? It sounds like he is… and I know I haven't been here much lately… but it seems he's getting creepier… or am I overreacting?" Jo sighed, rubbing his arms gently for him to loosen them and turned around in his embrace, resting her palms on the edge of the counter as she looked at his face which had worry lines all over it. She tilted her head and smiled, touched by this gesture.

"He's creepy, yeah. But he isn't… I mean he gets on my nerves but he's not seriously bothering me… I think," she said.

"You think?" Alex asked her in amusement. Jo chuckled.

"Well, I could tell him to back off, I just never did," she pointed out.

"You're too nice, I've always said that," Alex shook his head. She did too.

"No, no, it's just…," she shrugged. "I mean he isn't bothering me… he's just making a fool of himself. He knows I'm with you…," she pondered before her face fell awkwardly and she realized what she had just said. "What I mean is… he thinks you're my boyfriend… and I never made the effort to correct him… you know?" She looked up with him, feeling the blush coming on. There was nothing she hated more. Feeling embarrassed or awkward about something, putting her foot in her mouth… was bad enough. Furthermore, showing the entire audience that you are doing so was even worse. She hated it. "I just thought I could keep him off me as long as he thought I was in a relationship… that's all." To her surprise, Alex didn't show any awkwardness towards her at all.

"I'd think that was enough too… for me at least… I don't get why he'd put himself in that spot over and over again… it's humiliating… isn't it? I mean I don't know how you see him but if I were him… I'd just… be really embarrassed if you clearly don't wanna have anything to do with me…," he pondered.

"Well… again, I never told him to back off… I never told him that I wouldn't hang out with him… I just never do and never planned to… and I never saw the possibility of it arising to be honest… especially with my fake boyfriend coming over so frequently… having introduced each other… I don't get it… I'm not sure though what it is that I can say to make him back off without snubbing him completely," she admitted.

"I don't think there's a good way to do that to be honest… I'd probably be awkward around you for a teensy tiny bit if you told me to get lost," Alex looked down sheepishly, developing a blush. Jo grinned at him.

"You went full on bat shit crazy on me when I denied you sex for a while, I don't know what's your measure of teensy tiny bit but you get very passionate about things," she winked at him.

"I told you, you have addictive qualities and I have a weak spot in my genes," Alex came back matter-of-factly, making her laugh out loud.

"Are you gonna go crazy on me when I meet a nice guy to settle down with? Are you gonna go all if I can't have her nobody can," Jo asked him teasingly. Alex nodded at her with wide eyes. Jo let go of a giggle, pulling her shoulders up.

"Just give me fair warning, will you?"

"May-," Jo started but got interrupted.

"Oooor you'll get yourself a dude who doesn't care about… polygamous ways," he struck that new idea in his head.

"I'm no cheater material," Jo told him soberly.

"It's not cheating if you declare it," Alex countered. Jo smiled.

"I'd rather have one healthy happy relationship than getting all necessary details from different people," she dreamed. "There must be someone out there who can give it all to me," she decided.

"Well… until you've found that perfect guy of your fantasies, I'm glad to be of service," Jo watched his face, his small lopsided smile, his gaze casted downwards, not quite on her eyes, not quite on her lips, somewhere in his odd world of insecurities that she knew so much about but then on the other hand nothing. And it drove her crazy. She touched two fingers of her right hand to his chin and guided his head up to look at her.

"And you're doing an amazing job at keeping me happy," she told him. Alex's smile widened a bit, but his eyes still radiated… conflicting emotions it seemed. Even that was too much for him? Okay… I can't get smart with this one… better say nothing at all I guess…

"It's easy with you," he confessed, making her guts coil. And then he says things like that. Maybe… just maybe he was insecure because he actually wanted more and thought she didn't? No, that'd be blatantly stupid. She was so into him, he could surely see that. She wanted to spend day and night and every minute of every hour with him. She got sick when thinking how many women had and will have her Alex as she had him.

"Yeah, I know… same with you. If you ever decide on leaving your wild days behind you're gonna make some girl very happy some day," she said with a sigh.

"Wow, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever told me when mentioning me sleeping around too much," he told her. Jo smiled and smoothed her fingers across his biceps, following them with her eyes.

"Yeah, you have great potential. Sleeping with you, though initially I was horrified about that thought, has benefitted me in more ways than you'd think," she admitted slowly.

"You mean surgeries?"

"No," she defended herself. "I meant you're great company… I've enjoyed myself so much… not just sexually speaking," she flitted her eyes at his for an instant. "That's why I said… you should re-evaluate dating again… someone's missing out… I think you're decent guy," she scrambled on.

"Is this goodbye or something? It feels like we're saying last appreciative words," Alex chuckled slightly. Jo looked up at him now.

"No," she shook her head. "I'll keep you around as long as I'm not interfering with anything serious," she said. "But you deserve it is all I'm saying," she smoothed her thumb across his face, looking at his stubble, thinking, and missing the split second Alex came rumbling down on her, pushing his lips onto her, making her gasp incredibly loud, her eyes wide open in surprise, her mouth open with the shock and the deep sharp breath she was taking before she let him take her into the most spectacular kiss. "Mmm," Jo hummed against him as she felt his tongue enter her, slinging her left arm around his waist, cupping his cheek tightly, pulling him down desperately, while he kept pushing her back into the kitchen counter, touching her feverishly. "Uhh,uuuh," Jo sighed stupidly with the overwhelming desire drenching her.

"Problem is," Alex croaked out with hot breath and a stare that connected with her own eyes and made her cringe with pleasure and longing, panting openly into his face. "I want you," he said without adding unnecessary detail to it, deepening the kiss from before, groaning against her. Jo desperately tried to get her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. At the moment, she had no idea what he had meant by saying those words, if he had just admitted his feelings to her or if he had just meant he wasn't thinking of dating because he was involved with her as they were or if he was just really horny and couldn't listen to her harp on anymore. She also didn't know what the hell had struck her to have this conversation with him, she just felt like… sometimes he was giving her those looks… those deeply insecure, self-unworthy, underappreciated looks that she couldn't stand and as much as they had talked and as much as she knew where they were coming from, she didn't want to see them on his face, not when she was with him, not when she was trying so hard to show him he was a good person, all around, even if it was hard and tedious since at the same time she was scared to admit she had feelings for him, many feelings, strong feelings, and cared deeply about the fact that Alex thought of himself that lowly. And what she was scared the most was…acting on those feelings… what if she eventually told him about all this… and he wasn't all averse to it… and they'd… take their relationship to the next level… and then it didn't work? There were endless scenarios which she could imagine that could happen… and she knew with already having built this much affection towards him, which would most probably only deepen over time, she wouldn't be able to take it if something might happen… something she could and would never anticipate. As usual, she concluded, she was far better off staying on her own two feet.

At the same time and completely contrary to her thoughts, Alex swept her off her feet easily, pushing her up towards his own body, kissing her intently, groping his way towards the bedroom. Once they had closed the door behind themselves and stood in the dark, Jo felt a lot better. Here, it really didn't matter what was happening in between them. It was just them, all lights off, all inhibitions off, nobody watching, not even themselves watching, just doing, and feeling, and they were excelling at the practice of ignoring the reasons behind all those spectacular things that kept going down between them when the lights were off.

[Alex]

I want you.

Alex, you stupid fool, why did you say that? Why did you have to say it out loud? Why couldn't you just have shut up? Now, you're going all caveman crazy on her, having said those words out loud, not only with the blatant truth of it that was sinking in cruelly but also with the anger you feel towards yourself, and you know you do, wanting to erase the last couple of minutes, wanting to make her forget, wanting to reverse time for just a little bit to leave their being together uncomplicated and casual. You need to erase this. Do something.

Alex put Jo back down on her feet, sensing the tension in between them, the deeply seated need for each other, the almost crude moves on each other. He felt his facial muscles scrunched up with exertion, working to keep his whole body and mind upright with kissing her that hard. He felt how with every passing second, Jo's frantic hands on him grew more erratic, her movements more chaotic, he heard how she moaned continuously through breaths and kisses, as if she was just generally overwhelmed with this. He broke the kiss, ripping the shirt from her upper body wildly, doing the same with his, spying a confused look on Jo's face; as if she was worried… she looked deeply worried and confused. Alex sighed and took her wrist, pulling her a step closer to him, and their foreheads softly bumped onto each other, both of them breathing hard. He had closed his eyes, trying to tell her with his train of thought what he had meant to tell her before. He sensed Jo smoothing her hands across his shoulders in a soothing motion, stopping them to hold onto his upper arms, restraining him somehow even though he knew if he wanted to he could escape her easily. They stood like that for a second before she smoothed her hands up to his cheeks, searching his eyes. He knew with how she looked at him, that she saw the undeclared anger mixed with the deep desire swimming in his eyes, he knew she sensed his tensed jaw muscles underneath her palms, he knew she knew all about it, but she stayed all the same, right in his arms, telling him she could take it.

He bent down to kiss her again, roughly, and at the same time she grabbed for his belt buckle, opening it aggressively as if she was trying to match his general mood, fidgeting with his button and then opened his fly, flicking his waistband teasingly, making him even madder. By now she knew he was really, very angry, although she probably had no idea as to why, but she was definitely playing with it. That much for keeping a secret from her. And that much for not telling her what this was about. Her kisses and moves definitely told him that she was just as mad right then for exactly that, not telling her. Alex not so gently pulled Jo's tank top over her head, unclasping her bra. While she reached up to hold his head to hers and kissing intently, Alex let his pants fall and felt his insides flare up with her erect nipples touching his bare chest. He took her into a fierce embrace and stumbled forwards, almost shoving her onto the bed, a tiny bit too untamed. Jo looked up at him with narrowed eyes, assessing his savage behavior, crawling back onto the bed, watching him get rid of his pants from around his ankles and then his socks. He crawled towards her, getting rid of her jeans with some fuss and moved her panties aside to enter her with his fingers before doing anything else. He knew this drove her crazy, he knew she didn't like to be manhandled like that, she usually wouldn't accept him going all now or never on her but she also knew he was mad for some reason and by then she was too and he knew that she knew he was doing it on purpose to get a rise out of her. As predicted, Jo threw him a fierce glare, pulling on his shoulders, forcing him down onto her and into a ferocious kiss, her left hand around him, holding onto his skin so tightly, it almost felt like she was pinching him with her entire palm and her right hand going down towards his hand action, furiously ripping down her panties, actually ripping the material at it and not so gently pulling his briefs down, grasping his penis, making him buck and groan into her mouth, breaking the kiss. The look she was giving him was full of reproach, making his stare that had just felt… raw to him, wild somehow, with undefined emotion behind it, change to a look of sudden panic, a restricting feeling inside him that he couldn't explain, as he couldn't explain the last ten minutes – frantically going from need to passion to desire to anger to despair to aggression and then panic. Jo's reaction completely threw him off, she let out a silent breath of laughter, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at him. When he just kept staring down at her, she shook her head at him questioningly, and smiled teasingly.

"So….?" She asked him in a whisper. "What were you about to do next?" she mocked him. Alex tried to keep his anger in. Did she really think now she could fiddle with him, now that he had admitted he wanted her? Did she really think she had the upper hand now? Alex puffed, getting himself up onto his palms, when Jo grabbed a hold of his cheeks, making him pull her up with him to a sitting position, him still hovering over her. "Stop being such a baby," she told him, pushing him down on his ass and scrambling to sit in his lap. "I want this just as much," she told him with a shake of her head, staring him down. Alex sighed, rubbing his eyes, failing to see her lips coming onto his, diving into a fiery kiss with her once more, falling onto his back with her hovering on top of him, pressed up onto his torso. He felt her tease his erection that was lying flat against his groin with her wet entrance, reaching down and touching her, feeling the softness, the slippery sensation of it. He felt her flinch, broke the kiss and sat up, guiding her up, so they were both sitting again. She climbed down from his lap and opened the drawer to her nightstand, fumbling around, scrunching up her face before getting out an empty carton of condoms. "Ugh," she ranted and he could see her irritated face. Alex moved over to get to the edge of the bed, when feeling her hand clasp his upper arm again. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked him reproachfully.

"Well," he told her, shrugging.

"You're so weird sometimes, Alex," she told him, pulling on him. "Come here and kiss me," she told him. "Now," she added with much force when he looked back at her with a completely emotionally drained face. Alex was exhausted by that time, he was confused, and he was angry with himself for being angry and for being weird with her and for saying those three unnecessary words and ugh. When he sat for a second too long, Jo had crawled over and kneeled next to him, embracing him from the side. "I don't know what's wrong with you… I don't know what happened the last ten minutes but you're being weird," Jo whispered against his ear. "Stop being weird and start being Alex again, please? We can talk later," she added. "Or not."

For the first time in ages it seemed to him, he looked over at her, as in really looked at her, connected with her, finding her having clasped to him firmly and how she looked at him gently, pleadingly, as if she really did want him, too. Alex tilted his head and shook it. She smiled at him and then they kissed and everything after was just a blur. He remembered guiding her down, aligning her with the bed frame, he remembered how they had sex with no space in between them, him lying in her embrace, her having constricted him with her heels wrapped around his knees. He remembered that he was thinking how beautiful she looked and how smooth her skin was and that the way she looked at him sometimes just gave him the creeps… because it was so sincere. He had watched her while he entered her, he had watched while they had built up to their climaxes, he had watched her orgasm and it had all just trapped him in a state of trance. The way she couldn't hold her eyes open when he did what he's by now used to do to her, the way her fingers kept searching for somewhere to claw themselves into, first the pillows, then the rods that just weren't there because they were at her house rather than his, eventually clawing them into his back. The way she sighed his name, his name with such conviction, as if that was the name that was supposed to fly from her lips always, as if that was her right and nobody else's… as if she was adamant about the fact that she was the only one calling out for him in the middle of this. He had watched her for all this until he had felt his own eyes flutter close, speeding up for the last part, feeling her clutch him closer, embrace him fully, resting his head in the crook of her neck and rub against her, hump her deeply, feeling her constrict, feeling that she was riding a dangerous high and hadn't come down yet, making it a double jackpot for her. He remembered that just before he blacked out on her, he'd be spilling himself inside her, completely unshielded, for the first time with him realizing, and for some stupid reason even that gave him a high. He remembered her holding him tightly, as they had stopped moving, sensing her kiss his sweaty hair and scratch through it gently, having kept his eyes closed tightly, not wanting to have that talk she said they could have later. It was later then.

Alex guided himself out of her and rolled off her, stretching for a couple of seconds before rolling back over, finding her stretched out on her back and throwing an arm around her waist casually, placing his lips at her shoulder, leaving his left leg on top of hers. She didn't talk, so they remained silent for a long while. Jo was reading a text on her phone, he squinted with the brightness of the screen in the completely darkened room, no windows, no nothing, a room in an apartment Alex had had criticized often enough, making her mad and tell him to fuck off with his stupid attendings' paycheck and shut up. The only thing he could think of was the smell that he loved so much. Resting his nose at her shoulder, he could smell the faint odor of sweat on her, mixed with the soap and whatever shampoo or perfume or lotion she was using. But more than that, he could smell her on himself, on the sheets, in the air. He knew knowing the smell of a person was one of the most intimate things one could be prized with. He'd know her scent anywhere. And he knew their mixed scent after spending themselves generously… he just knew it. He knew also that she hated it, especially because, once again, there was no window to her bedroom and she couldn't get rid of it. But smelling her spent scent did something for him… it was so pure somehow, so raw, it felt to him that this was such a privilege, knowing her scent. She hated it, but he loved it, and there was nothing she could do about it. It somehow made him feel closer to having her as his. Calling her his. Knowing this about her made her closer to him. And it soothed him.

Alex opened his eyes when he felt her move and get up, watching her walk into the bathroom with the sheets around herself, closing the door behind her. He climbed down to reach for his pants, getting his phone out, seeing a few messages from Arizona. When Jo came back out, she sat down beside him, reading the texts over his shoulder.

"You going in?" she asked him, and he could feel her breath on his shoulder blade.

"Trying to figure that out," he gave her back dismissively. Please don't make me talk about it.

"So…," he sensed her shake her head. "You wanna talk about what happened earlier?" When he looked back at her, she had adopted a face of genuine cluelessness on her face. Act clueless.

"Talk about what?"

"About… what you said… and then…everything else I guess," she suggested. Alex sighed.

"What did I say?"

"You… want me," she told him. Alex turned back to his phone and started typing a reply.

"Didn't I just show you that I do," he gave her with a slight shrug, trying so hard to not having to face her.

"Okay," Jo said quietly. "And… what does it mean?"

"What's it supposed to mean?" Alex felt himself get exaggerated again. This was going nowhere.

AZ – forgot you lost your pager, please come 911… at least a precautious 911

"You lost your pager?" Alex shrugged.

"I actually meant to ask if I left it here somewhere… or if you pocketed it or something…? I can't seem to find it… well I haven't been able to find it in weeks now…," he told her, looking at her face. She just looked a bit lost and shook her head.

"I only have mine, right here," she pointed at the nightstand. "I haven't seen it, sorry," she gave him with a shrug.

"Alright, I guess I gotta go in anyways," Alex said, scooting towards the edge, knowing she was watching him.

"So… we're not talking…?"

"I have to go, Jo," Alex told her impatiently, walking over towards the bathroom and relieving himself. When he came back out, she was still sitting in the same spot, looking like she was not gonna let this go. "Jo," he sighed. "I want you. You're hot. You're amazing. You're freaking mind-blowing in bed. I want you, okay?" Jo looked up at him, pondering.

"What about all the others... that you want...?" Jo asked him, blushing like a schoolgirl.

"What others?" Alex scrunched up his face, getting his boxers on.

"Well… the other girls…?"

"What girls?" Alex looked back at her in irritation now, trying to untangle his jeans from the inside out. Seriously...? Did he have to spell it out for her?

"Well… I thought you wer-," Jo started, making him roll his eyes.

"You know I'm not," Alex simply answered. Best to go with the truth I guess.

"I don't know anything anymore," Jo barked at him, probably for not engaging in this conversation much.

"Tell me one thing, though," Alex straightened up, looking her deeply in the eye now, meaning to say something nice, bending towards her. "When would I have time for anyone else?" Jo, though, looked seriously offended, making his lungs restrict.

"Charming, really," she commented. "I'm sorry I take up all your time."

"Jo," Alex groaned. Why was she being like that... was she... Alex was confused with her, not knowing why exactly she was asking him all this. First, he had thought she maybe wanted... maybe she was jealous? But then... Well... maybe she was jealous? Alex's insides flared. "I'm serious… when would I have the time? I'm with you all the freaking time," he shook his head, putting his t-shirt over his head.

"You weren't lately," she pointed out weakly. What?

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?"

"No… no…," Jo's eyes fluttered. "But I mean… you could have," she shook her head also. Huh? I just told her I'm not... why was she being so stubborn? Oh... oh... it's about the condom thing again...Alex's heart sank with losing hope again.

"Is this about the STDs again? I told you I haven't had sex with anyone else since November," he gave her casually. Jo looked at him with wide eyes. "And also, I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I won't…," he gave her, half-heartedly referring to what he said earlier. Well, here it is. Go deal with that.

"So…," he stood there, narrowing his eyes at her fidgety demeanor. "Does this mean… we're… exclusive… or something like that?!" Alex sighed, gathering the rest of his stuff and walked towards the door. I've been - unintentionally - exclusive from the start... I don't know if you have.

"I don't know what it means, Jo, it just turns out that I am on my part…," he gave her, when she got up, wrapped the sheets around her and followed him. "It doesn't mean you have to be, you know that. I… I," he searched for the right words frantically, getting on his coat in the living room. He closed his eyes in defeat and shook his head. Just because you were stupid enough to fall for your fling... doesn't mean you have to be mean towards her. "I didn't mean anything by saying I want you… I just… I was horny and…," he walked towards the door, trying to make a quick leave, feeling sick.

"I-," Jo started, shaking her head all the while when Alex's phone rang again. Ugh, really? What was she about to say? Or maybe... maybe it's for the best if you don't know... Alex picked up the phone hurriedly.

"Alex, this is real 911 now. I need you here," Arizona called into the other end of the line.

"I gotta go," Alex shook his head sorry at her. Jo nodded.

"Can we talk about this later?" Jo walked up towards him, while he listened to Arizona ramble on about what had happened. Alex sighed.

"Sure," he murmured, nodding, closing his eyes at it.

"I just don't know what's going on with us and I… I think we're not exactly on the same page and I really… we need to talk," Jo said in a whisper also. Alex's guts stung. Not on the same page. That was a nice description.

"Okay," he told her, already halfway out the door when he felt Jo's hand clasp his elbow, pulling him back and kissing his lips softly.

"See you later, okay?"

[Stephanie]

Stephanie rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to blank out the obnoxious paging coming from one of the lockers, not comprehending how a pager that seemed to have been locked away purposefully – since if you really were on call or something you'd have it with you, right? – could beep for such a long time without going out of battery. She got herself into her street clothes and just tucked away her scrubs in the laundry basket when Jo entered and sat down on the bench, looking sick.

"You on call tonight?" Steph asked her in confusion. The other woman just shook her head. "What are you doing here then?" She watched her friend sigh and then look up at her.

"You up for a drink?" Jo asked her and she did not look good at it.

"Are you okay?" Steph immediately walked over, sitting beside her.

"I'm having a crappy night…," Jo told her. "I just really need a drink- and what the hell is this beeping?!" Steph frowned at her friend's irritable state.

"Um… yeah, someone left his pager in there…," she explained.

"Well… whose is it?" She got up and listened to the individual lockers. "Somebody is needed somewhere it seems…," she got really riled up. Steph just shrugged, watching her at it, as Jo came closer to her own locker and gulped, mumbling obscene words underneath her breath.

"What? What is it? It's yours?" Stephanie looked at her unbelievingly. She observed as the other woman unlocked it and got out some stuff before finding the noisemaker, closing her eyes. "Seriously, Jo? I thought you said you weren't on call?" Jo just shook her head.

"It's not mine…," she told her with a sigh, groaning. Steph hiked her eyebrows. Oh this was going to get interesting.

"Whose is it then?" she asked her, when she finally switched it off and got her phone out, typing in a message. When there was no answer, Stephanie felt herself become impatient with her friend. "Who the hell are you sleeping with, Jo?" This made the fellow intern look up and after a second of matching eyes, away.

"Can we just go have some shots?" Jo begged her, closing the locker door. "Please?" Stephanie got up and nodded, starting to worry. She really didn't look good. Or sound good. Jo rushed ahead towards the nurses' counter and as much as Steph tried to keep up and wanted to listen to what exactly she was telling the nurse when handing over the pager, she couldn't. A few minutes later, they took their seats at the bar and Jo had already ordered some gin shots.

"Ew, Jo, really?" Jo didn't reply and just chugged down the first of her shots, shuddering at it. "Jo…," Steph was sitting sideways, contemplating how to go about this. When her friend had downed her second shot, she moved her body towards Steph and faced her, her expression completely desperate it seemed.

"I'm falling for him, Steph. I'm falling for him and I don't know what to do about it," Jo confessed. Steph took a deep breath. So, they had already established that she was sleeping with someone from the hospital then. She reached over to take Jo's hand in hers gently, not knowing how she would react.

"Jo, who are we talking about? This can't be so bad… let's just figure this out, okay?" she tried soothing the distraught woman who just shook her head. "Jo, you can tell me… come on, I won't judge you," she tried, making the other one pull up her eyebrows and laugh madly, staring at the next shot.

"Oh, but, you so will," she let her know, downing the next one.

"Now, stop it for a minute, you're being a bitchbaby and it's getting on my nerves," Steph ranted. "Either you tell me or you don't," she let that sink in. "Jo, who is it? Is it Shane?" Jo cut her eyes at Steph, wrinkling her nose and smiled.

"Ew," Jo slapped her thigh, making her friend laugh for a minute.

"God, I'm so relieved, I actually debated if that was a possibility," she sighed happily. They sat in silence for a bit, Steph still watching Jo fiddling with the empty shot glass. "You sleeping with an attending, Jo?" Steph asked her cautiously, wishing so much that she hadn't gone down that road. When she didn't react, Steph put her elbow on the counter and rubbed her face inside her palm. "Why, Jo? Why did you do that?" Jo just shrugged.

"I don't know… I don't know, Steph. I didn't mean to, I swear… I… I didn't mean to at all… I just… I did and then we… we couldn't stop somehow and I found myself wanting him more and more and I know… I know he only wants sex and I just… I swear it was the same for me… but then… I mean I don't know anything anymore... I don't know just what it is he wants... he's so sweet at times and says he wants me... and first I think he actually does want me and then he's all weird and acts like... like he's mad at me because... I don't... I don't understand... I just... or... I mean," Jo shook her head frantically. Steph scrunched up her face, not really following as all the unrelated facts came tumbling out of Jo's mouth. "And then he keeps going on about how he doesn't miss dating and he's so done with that shit... and I'm just... I don't know anything anymore... I'm trying to not be that girl here, I am… I just… I don't know how to stop," Jo rambled all of a sudden. "I tried talking to him, I did... it's just... every time I open my mouth and I really really believe I'm gonna just... talk to him... the words I actually say are not the ones I actually thought I would... I'm just... now I feel even more confused... I just...," Jo sighed. Stephanie listened and pondered. Who was she sleeping with? It couldn't be Shepherd or Hunt or… she looked around the bar, spying another attending… Avery… no, she wouldn't, right? Steph thought about the last few weeks and what had been going on with Jo. She'd been weird lately… especially when she had been asking her about her sex life… and all of a sudden it dawned on her… oh God, Jo, no… you didn't, did you? Oh God… yes, it's so freaking crystal… Leah telling about Jo hooking up with someone in Baltimore… all the nothingness coming from her front… hearing no gossip about him sleeping round the hospital anymore either… her starting to date when he was back to Baltimore... it all fit… oh God, him running off after that love speech… her being weird about it afterwards… oh God, Jo, you stupid, stupid girl. Steph found herself looking at Jo painfully. She didn't know if Jo was ever going to say something and she didn't know if she should say something herself but… "Don't look at me like that, Steph," Jo whispered really quietly, seeming to know that Steph had figured it out, still looking at the bar counter desperately. Steph bit her lower lip and looked her over. She really seemed completely off her game. But her? Jo? Sleeping with Karev? Falling in love with Karev?! Steph turned towards the bartender and sighed, trying to get his attention.

"Can we have two more of these?"