Tribute

Chapter Twenty-One

BELLA POV

"Can you believe they went out with those skanks?" I was beside myself, angry and enraged. "Lauren thinks she can just—"

"Jessica's a bigger slut." Alice tilted her bottle back. We were drinking peach schnapps, the only thing she could snag from her father's liquor cabinet.

"Which one do you think Edward will hook up with?" I asked, taking the bottle from her.

Alice groaned, getting to her feet. "My question is…Why do you care?" She whipped toward me. "I mean, that day at the beach. You were acting all…like I stole your man or something. You're with Jake. And Edward," she sighed, "he's fair game. But I don't wanna fight with you." She pouted, sitting back down.

I groaned, covering my face with a pillow. "Have you seen Edward?"

Little did she know, the crush I have on Edward goes back to when I was practically in diapers. He's always been different. Even when I was young and Jazz would tease me, Edward would be there to soothe me. He'd tell me I was pretty when the other boys would call me ugly.

He said that one day I'd be a knockout, and then all the boys would like me.

He always made me feel better, but we were closer back then.

Even when I was eight and he was twelve, I'd chase after him. I don't think he ever noticed, but I used to follow them everywhere.

And that lasted until he left at fourteen.

One time, I kissed his cheek. He didn't wipe at his face or scream about how gross I was, like Jasper would. Edward just smiled and said thank you.

He always had manners.

Then again, his dad was a legend around here, and I'm sure he instilled values in his son.

Respected by many, feared by most, Edward Masino Sr., Edward's father, ran this neighborhood with Colleoni. It's no secret. If his father was still alive, Edward would be who Alice's brother is—a go-to guy around the way—a neighborhood capo.

Sadly, he's no one now.

I knew that once things were settled, Edward would come into his own.

I've watched him, studied him is more like it. I know everything he does, and maybe that makes me a creepy stalker, but I didn't give a shit.

He seems lost…

Although I want him—really badly—all I really wanna do is hold him and tell him everything will be okay.

He's home now.

For years—every year and every few months—I'd ask Jasper how Edward was doing.

I never forgot about him.

Yet, he treats me like I'm still a kid.

He also checks me out every chance he has . . .

His mouth says one thing while his eyes and body say something completely different.

I'm confused, getting mixed signals.

After years of living with Jasper, I know how some guys think, and Edward flat out told me.

He wants and/or needs to get laid.

And I was willing to be anything he wanted . . . needed.

Because, overall, I needed him—to be with him.

I wanted him...

Even if I'd only have him for one night.

I'd be happy for one night, and I'll genuinely smile for days after . . . It'd be something, a memory I could cherish and hold.

After having made love to a real man, being with Edward.

I've been acting on it, going for it, because I had to.

I felt like it was now or never—since there probably won't be too many opportunities in the future.

Now it's looking closer to never.

"You know the saying, 'Bros before Hoes'? Do you think Edward's gonna go for Jasper's sister? I don't know." Alice plopped onto my bed. "I've spoken to CJ…and I know you don't care about my feelings for Jasper—"

I screamed into my pillow, because of how selfish she was being. "This is about me!"

"Ay!" She waved her fist at me. "I'm in no mood."

"Shut up." I scoffed, guzzling the schnapps. "What am I gonna do?" My head was already beginning to fog, and I enjoyed the buzz.

"Make a move," she gasped; Alice has no clue as to what I've been doing. "Sneak into bed with him?"

I raised a brow. "Tonight? After he fucks some slut?"

It wasn't the worst idea. I'd just never admit I was that desperate to do it.

"Regardless, you can't be angry at what he does…He's not your man. In fact, your man is on his way here."

"Fuck." I forgot that Jake was coming by. "I don't know what to do about Jake." I hung my head, hugging my pillow close to me. "He's crazy. If he sees me with Edward—"

"He'd kill him," Alice whispered. "Edward's not with a crew...Jake runs with CJ...maybe not directly, but CJ and all the guys would have Jake's back. Edward's like the new guy. He is the new guy, no matter if he was born here. Jasper would be behind Edward..." Her gaze met mine. "You gotta think about your brother. He could get hurt, too." She frowned. "I don't know what to tell you. If Jake sees you, or even suspects that you and Edward—"

I cringed. "I'm literally and totally fucked."

"You're drunk, too." She snorted. "Going for Edward, starting all that trouble . . . It's not worth it. Edward will never be your boyfriend. Going after him for a fuck and then all the crap that'd happen after...it's petty and dumb."

"Maybe not just a fuck." I palmed my throat, holding back a burp, and I felt my new necklace. "This means something. You don't just give something this expensive to—"

"He's classy." She smiled. "Like real classy, like a man. Not like these boys we chill wit' who pretend to be men...thugs." She nodded, puckering her lips. "We should go out. You ditch Jake—don't even tell him. We'll leave for Gazebo before he even gets here. You need to have fun—get Edward and Jake outta your head."

"I—" I had a feeling that my going to Gazebo, ditching Jake, would just piss him off more. I'd lied the other day, and Alice covered for me. I don't have a cell phone, and Alice said I was helping her rearrange her bedroom furniture. He believed the lie, but... "I can't." My stomach tied in knots.

"My brother always lets us in." Alice shook my arms.

"Jake—"

"He won't say anything if you're with CJ and me. You know that. My brother will son him faster than...I don't know what," she giggled. "You'll get away with it. I promise. We'll just dance and have a good time until Jake calls to meet up with us, 'cause you know he will. Remember what a good time is?" She grinned. "We used to have fun..."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

I've always pretended to be happy when I wasn't—especially recently with dating Jake, so no one would be the wiser—I try to smile whenever I'm around Jasper, too, so he doesn't worry.

After I graduated but before Edward arrived, things got even worse for me.

I was having a hard time just getting out of bed—doing normal human things—while also dealing with this high level of anxiety.

I'd be in a constant state of despair I couldn't explain.

Jake was the biggest reason why I was like that—because I'm trapped—but I'm used to him now, all that stuff.

I still feel sad, even more so now. I'm caged by my boyfriend while craving, wanting, and needing another man's arms...having Edward so close yet so far away, having what I've always wanted and longed for within reach...

But it's never going to fucking happen. I'll never be free.

I also have no purpose in life—no interest in school, college, or getting a job—no interest in anything.

What's the point?

I just couldn't see the fucking point anymore.

I'm nothing.

"I won't lie...you seem happier with Edward back." She pinched my cheek, her face falling. "But I think you should forget about him. It's a lost cause—you going for him. You know you'll never leave Jake."

"If it was possible..."

She nodded. "Get dressed."

I grimaced at the bottle we had. "If we go, we can drink…I can scope the place out since I start tomorrow night?"

She nodded again, leaving my bed. "I need something to wear…Do you think Edward will be there?" She lifted her cell. "Lemme call CeeJ—wait." She faced me. "If I do, he'll think I like Edward…'cause I always call about Jasper."

I shook my head. "Why do you call your brother about Jasper?"

"To me, men are like a Rubik's Cube—impossible to understand. He helps me decipher behaviors." She grinned. "Everyone thinks he's so big and bad. He's a kitty cat."

"Yeah, okay." Her brother is the roughest, toughest dude in our 'hood. Maybe he softens for his baby sister—as my brother does the same—but it doesn't take away from what he truly is.

"I'm gonna call him. You get dressed."

She left the room, while I went through my closet. I already knew what Alice would borrow—the black minidress Jake bought me months back that doesn't fit. She's had her eye on it, and since Jake gave it to me, I didn't give a shit.

I laid it on the bed for her, and then grabbed my blue minidress with the sequins. It's tight and fits me just right. I'd turn heads tonight whether or not Edward is there . . . and I needed to feel good tonight, maybe even attractive with dressing up and wearing heels.

Alice was taking an extremely long time on the phone, so I continued to get ready—teasing my hair yet leaving it down, making sure it had body. I put my large hoop earrings on and smiled at my necklace in the mirror.

I put my makeup on, and then I was ready to go.

After placing my stilettos on my feet, I sought Alice.

She was by the banister, still on her phone.

"What's going on?"

"You got dressed that quick?" She stared at me and then behind me.

I shrugged. "I didn't have to do much."

"I'm waiting for him to call me back." She groaned. "He's at the club with Edward and Jasper!"

I was giddy for a second, at the mention of Edward. I hoped he'd see me in this dress, realize that I wasn't a little girl. "Really? Get dressed. Let's go." Yanking on her arm, I ushered us back into my bedroom, acute sadness filling me as my thoughts took a turn for the worse. They came back to reality.

Alice was right. Even if I had a chance with Edward, what was the point?

We could never be together.

Jake would never let me go.

"Ceej left the call going, and I heard a commotion. Then he said there was a fight and that he'd call me back."

I rolled my eyes. "There are always fights there—drunk bitches who can't handle their shit."

"Like you…" She poked me. "Remember that time you smacked Lauren for getting too close to Jake?"

"She had it coming—trying to creep on my man." I'd also never admit to the façade, that I was egged on, which was why I went for Lauren. People were talking shit, and I had to save face so I didn't look like a coward.

"And…?" She scoffed again. "Before you go for Edward, you have to let Jake go! He's respectable. Edward will never touch what belongs to another dude. And...if you broke up with Jake for another reason—one that has nothing to do with Edward—he wouldn't have a hold or a reason to have beef with Edward. They're not boys. Trust me! I don't spend hours picking my brother's brain for nothing."

Although her reasoning was plausible, a slight possibility, it still seemed impossible. I just wanted one night with Edward...I want those arms to hold me. I long for that safe, at home feeling.

Nevertheless, I wanted to get Alice off the subject, my brain cloudy...from the booze, just too many fucking negative thoughts. If I didn't stop, I'd start crying and ruin my makeup. "You've hooked up with half of your brother's crew. Does CJ know that?"

She ignored me, shimmying out of her shorts to put the dress on.

"Alice?" I asked, falling down onto my bed.

"No, he doesn't know . . . Riley and Marcus are hot. They fought over me once." She threw her t-shirt at me.

"They're both married."

Alice ignored that. "Tell me how to be for Jasper. I'm tired of—"

"Jasper…I don't know what my brother likes. He's a dog, though—one that doesn't get much play. But a dog nonetheless." I nodded, snorting. "He's a total pervert, but he knows—" Maybe I used to have a big mouth, dishing and gossiping to my brother. "He knows you're not…a virgin."

"What does that have to do with anything?" She bent over to mess her hair.

"I don't know…I mean, that'd be totally weird. If you and Jasper got together? I can see it as a hookup. He'd probably have sex with you, but…I don't know if he'd be your boyfriend?"

She grinned her sly grin. "Who said I wanted a boyfriend?"

"Well, okay!" I toasted to that, bringing the bottle of schnapps to my lips.

Alice faced the mirror as she started applying makeup. "Dump the mutt, and go get your man." She spoke with her hands, her attitude shining. "Jake's a douche…does whatever the fuck, and then comes here. You have every right to break up with him—"

"What?" I sat up to hear her better. She doesn't know what goes on in my relationship, yet she knows reasons why I should dump him? I didn't understand. "Um…" I was wary and at a loss for words. "What have you heard?"

She groaned, rolling her eyes. "You know how things go, right? Me and you? We're the kind of chicks you marry."

"I'm confused," I admitted. "You managed to confuse me." Meanwhile, I'm well versed in Alice-speak.

She turned to me. "You know what I'm saying . . . think about it." She touched her temple. "My brother has Marie at home—at his house, but he has that apartment. It's a guy thing. They get sex from whoever, but they have their chicks—the ones they love—at home. Or in your case—" She gestured to me.

"What are you getting at?" I stood up. "What are you tryin'a tell me?" Anger got the better of me. "I'm being played?"

She frowned. "I—I thought you knew. I thought that was why you hated Lauren—"

"Whoa!" I cut her off.

"Don't be mad at me, B!"

"I'm not," I whispered, backing down. "But what…" I didn't know how to continue.

I mean, a large part of me didn't care.

The other part...well, Jake always swore he loved me...and that love made me miserable, trapped me, made him do crazy things.

But if he's fucking Lauren, he obviously doesn't love me.

I know I don't love him.

I had to get rid of Jake, but how…? I'd tried to before, and he ignored me—called me silly and said no.

Yet, the thought of him being unfaithful hit below the belt.

I bet everyone knows about it, too—everyone but me—and I was even more of a joke in the eyes of others.

Edward could be with Lauren right now...

"We've been together for like a year!"

"I know," Alice said. "That's a long time."

I nodded.

"I thought—I thought you hated Lauren because they hooked up after you guys were together. That's what I heard. Sometimes, they sleep together."

"Who'd you hear this from?" I asked.

She stuck out her tongue and slumped her shoulders, letting out an exasperated groan.

"Tell me!"

"OKAY!" she hollered back. "Lauren told Jessica, who told the other Jessica at the tanning salon. She told me because…she knows we're good friends. Lauren's going around talking about how you're getting played and yadda-yadda."

"You ready to go?" I actually took my earrings off to stuff them in my purse. "I'mma fuck her up. She's at Gazebo now?" I stomped from my bedroom, knowing I'd be able to let go of some aggression in the near future.

Maybe I'd never be rid of Jake, but I couldn't be the ass-end of everybody's jokes either.

Although maybe I could break up the love fest between Edward and Lauren.

My feelings aside, how fuckable is she gonna be with my heel up her ass?