Seiji's Love Letters

Chapter 21 –Shichi-go-san

Dear Shiharu,

Today was tiring but I had a wonderful time with you and the twins. Aoi and Akane were absolutely exhausted when we got home so they went straight to bed. I am enjoying the peace and quiet as I reflect on today.

I have felt so much closer to you since we cleared up all the confusion and you have been more open with me about your feelings and emotions. Thoughts of those moments holding you in my arms while your arms were wrapped around me has helped me through some rough days at work. I wish it were a common occurrence but I will just have to be patient.

While I was making all the arrangements for today, I realized that the twins have been my responsibility for more than half of their lives. They were only eighteen months old when their world came crashing down. Their mother died, their father disappeared, their grandmother was seriously injured in the accident that killed their mother, and their grandfather was left to pick up the pieces. I was a complete stranger to them because I had only seen them once, just after they were born. I am so thankful that you have been with us through most of those eighteen months. In many ways you have been my anchor. I felt so adrift before I met you and I can't imagine where I would be today if you hadn't been there for me.

My family was never very close. I don't think my mother and father even consider themselves to be grandparents. I was practically on my own before I was even a teenager. My mother was always working, my father was with his mistress, and my brother was with his friends. In some ways, I was almost as much an orphan as you were. At least you had the institute and the other kids that you could create your own semblance of family. I just had the house and whatever money my mother left for my brother and I to take care of ourselves.

Today felt so much like being a real family. I have to admit that I fantasized throughout the day that you and I were the parents of the twins, participating in this meaningful tradition of celebrating life. You made me so happy when you agreed to accompany us. It wasn't just the fact that I couldn't have handled the twins alone, it was the gentle affection that you offer us so freely.

It amazed me that, despite all of the strangers who were getting the twins dressed and prepared, Aoi and Akane never cried or threw a tantrum. They have come such a long was in just the last year and I know that is has so much to do with you. I couldn't help chuckling to myself as you made funny faces to get them to smile for the photographer. All of the photos were so wonderful that is was hard to choose just a few.

I am sorry that I still get impatient with Akane and Aoi. Even after all these months, I still need your gentle reminders that they are young and they have much to learn. Thank you for remembering how much the zouri hurt their feet and helping them change their shoes. Although that did result in their running around more.

Why do you still balk at being in pictures with us? I guess it bothered me more than usual today because I was fantasizing about us as a real family. In many ways you are the glue that holds us together. I know I would fall apart if it wasn't for you. You have to admit that the photo of the four of us was absolutely adorable.

When your hair was caught in the fastener on the back of your dress, it distressed me to see you hurting. I really did not want to cut your beautiful hair so I worked as gently as I could to release the tangle. Being so close to you, feeling the warmth radiating from you, and smelling your intoxicating scent were really hard on my self-control. I'm glad that I was able to untangle your hair without hurting you further or resorting to cutting your hair.

Thankfully the visit to the shrine went smoothly. The twins were so well behaved despite the crowds and all the other children there. Aoi and Akane certainly like the little gifts that they received.

I'm glad I reserved the private dining room for us. It was nice to just relax and not worry about the twins running off. Thank you for remembering to have the twins change out of their costumes before lunch. It was also nice that you didn't have to cook so you could sit and enjoy the meal with us.

When we dropped you off at the end of the day, I started to tell you that you looked cute. However, I realized that cute did not truly describe how you looked today. I settled on telling you that the dress suited you but what I really wanted to tell you just how beautiful you are.

There is just something about you that makes me feel so comfortable. I don't have to pretend to be perfect like while I am at work. You have seen me at my worst (on more than one occasion) and you are still there for me. Thank you for being there for me—and Akane and Aoi- today.

Love, Seiji