Hi folks, sorry it took me soooooo long to update, but I had some really crazy weeks. This chapter is very short for that I wanted to update finally. But the next one will be as long as the others until then enjoyed :-)

Bella's PoV

After I munched my french-toast and had three cups of coffee I felt well sated and calmer. Though it could have been also the fact that Michael talked about ordinary stuff just like old times. He told me about his police work and that he got new rookies who apparently keep him very busy when he's not fighting bad guys and tries to solve criminal cases which happens almost every day. So the newbies are mostly on their own but doing great so far.

I saw his pride, it literally sparkled in his eyes and I couldn't help it but tease him. "You probably intimidated each one of them so badly with your I-am-the-boss-and-if-you-don't-do-as-I-say-you-are-in-big-trouble look, that they are totally afraid of you doing something like shooting them accidently, so you have your very own puppies now, huh?" I laughed out loud.

He just smirked which told me I was right. "Well let's just say it's all business and I can't have a circus with twenty something years old boys and girls running around like wild monkeys."

No I grinned and shook my head. "Wow, I guess if they would now what a charming, lovely and most harmless puppy you actually are, it would make things so much easier, right? ....which makes me thinking....maybe I should stop by one day." Michael almost choked on his bagel and looked shocked.

"Bella you can do everything you want, but that is completely prohibited unless you are in for some trouble and I have to lock you up." I giggled.

"Did you just admit that you are afraid of me?" I asked in my most earnest and sarcastic voice.

"Nooo" He said a little too quickly. "I just like to keep my dignity and authority." He said proud and convinced, tapping his fingers on the table as if to warn me.

"Well I guess I have to find something else then, huh?" I bit my lower lip not to laugh out loud again when I saw his narrowed eyes and pouting expression. It was hilarious really.

Michael checked his wristwatch and rose. "Well sweety it's time, I'll be back with your dad in about an hour." Now I was the one who was shocked with a lurching stomach.

Though I didn't let him see it, just nodded. "See you in a bit I guess." He regarded me for another moment and walked away. I sighed. Let the party start. Or better. Lets celebrate Halloween a little earlier this year. That should be lots of fun. I just hope I will do the right think here? ...sheesh I can't have this self doubt right now! Bella, YOU OWE THEM!

I went upstairs to take a quick shower, then decided to dress up a little though for no good reason but I felt somewhat more confident. And once I put some make up on and braided my hair I thought I looked pretty in the blue summerdress, almost innocent, which made me frown, because that I wasn't not in the slightest. And just as I put color matching sandals on, I heard the door open downstairs and a cheery "hello we are home."

I swallowed, tried to get the lump out of my throat, straightened my shoulders, inhaled deeply and eventually walked down to join them. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it, you have to do it, you are a big girl and can take the consequences.

I saw my dad standing in the living room. I so gonna faint. Maybe I can escape through the backdoor? Alright maybe not, thanks Michael for blocking the way to the kitchen! Alright just lets get it over with. Wow dad looks good. God look at does big brown doe-eyes. Does ebony hair, does broad shoulders and proud posture. Has he always been that good-looking?

My dad watched me wide-eyed while I walked the steps, I heard him catch his breath and looked as if I were something alien, just like Michael did. His expression so perplexed but hopeful it broke my heart. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, remember you have make up in your face!

But as soon as I reached the bottom my dad pulled me close to his chest and put his arms around me. "Oh God, Bella, I...I...love you so much." His voice totally hoarse and tearful, it was my brakedown. Damnit you sissy. Why can they make you lose yourself so fast? It's not fair! The tears welled up but I fought hard not to sob.

My own voice shivered, my arms crept around my fathers. "Dad...I...I...don't know what to say. Of course I love you and I am just so glad to see you again and Iamsorryforeverythingthathappened." I squeezed myself into him, almost painful and wept on his chest. Two years, almost two fucking years. And it feels like yesterday. I have family, my very own family....thank you so much.

His hands stroked over my back in a caressing movement, his chin nuzzled my hair. "Shh is all good honey...my baby I have you back...I can't believe it...is it real?" He had called me honey, just like he used to do when I was a child and he tucked me to bed. Now I sobbed. Ah to hell with all the discipline and self-control. I craved so long for this day to happen. Daaaaaaaaaaad, I love you so much.

I pressed a little harder, held on for dear life. "You won't ever know how many times I went through this situation in my mind. But nothing came close to this. It's perfect and I sound like a little girl right now, but I don't care. Please hold me just a little longer."

God I sounded so hopeless and whiny my dad pressed one kiss on top of my head. "Bella my little girl, I will hold you as long as you want and if it's forever than so be it....I love..." I heard him gasp. My dad actually started to cry. I froze in shock and felt so ashamed like never before. My dad, my superman, never cries! What have you done? He cries because of me?! Me!

My lungs threaten to suffocate me, I couldn't breathe, my chest ached as if somebody just dropped a tanker on it. Nobody should ever make their parents cry like this. Not for the reason he did at last. It was all my fault. And I didn't thought about it for a minute when I left or did I? I didn't have an answer to that, because I couldn't remember, which was even sadder.

I straightened myself, tried to be courageous and tough, though the tears still floated, but with a better composure, I looked up at my dad. There was so much love, hope, gratefulness and sorrow. I'm such a disgrace and infamy. Even after all this time, he looks at me no different as if nothing ever had happened. And maybe it makes me even more selfish and arrogant. But I am so happy and thankful for his love. I don't deserve him, probably never have, but this moment, this feeling, I won't ever forget it.

"I'm so very sorry and I know it won't ever be enough, but that's all I have to give, besides an explanation of course." I gave him my most unreserved apologizing look, because I felt it deep down right to my toes despite that I knew no matter what I will do in the future I could never make up for what was.

His eyes swam and a tear threatened to drop but he blinked it away. That is worst than any bloodbath with loose limbs everywhere. I'd rather have all the bad monsters and their cruelty than seeing my dad so helpless.

I lowered my head, but my dad tilted it back with his fingers under my chin. My heart started to race when I saw his eyes. He seemed lightly irate. "My one and only beloved daughter. I don't want to hear you apologizing to me ever again!" Oh god now it comes. And I'm so not ready. Probably never. I don't want to lose you. You are the only family I have left. Though I deserve it I know. "There will never be anything YOU have to apologize for. Not in the past or in the future."

"But...but..." He pressed his index finger against my lips to stop me.

"No BUT's here. The one and only person in this room has to be me. I shouldn't have let you go on like you did. I should have stopped you. I should have come to you wherever you were and get you. I should have never waited as long as I did. I shouldn't have abandoned my little girl. I should have come to you when you needed me the most. I am so very sorry that I didn't do anything. Can you ever forgive me?"

What? What? Abandoned me? He asked me for...? That's the total deja vu. "Um...eh... that was totally unexpected, you got me frankly speaking off guard and my legs feel like rubber right now, so if you don't want me to fall you better hold on, because otherwise I gonna do just that...drop to the floor like a puddle."

He pulled me as close as I could get to the warmth of his chest and squeezed tightly. I just closed my eyes and cherished the moment. "Sweetie I know I don't ask for a small favor but a huge demand. You have all the time in the world. I maybe shouldn't have asked at all, at least not minutes after I walked through the door. Please just let me enjoy the feeling of you in my arms right now if you don't mind until my head eventually, finally processes that you are real and not just some dream."

I muffled my words into his chest, hoped he would hear me anyway. "Well I guess I have bad news...I am real and stay that way. So you are stuck with me for the time being which means you better hurry up to realize that, because otherwise you gonna squeeze me to death."

My dad let go off me instantly, looking worried, searching for signs of injuries. Once he decided I must have been alright he sighed. "Sorry, I was just so overwhelmed suddenly."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I know." Who isn't? Please, somebody say something, because I don't know what to say.

Then finally Michael saved us, probably knew and felt the same way. "Why don't we go and sit down and I make some coffee. Is any of you hungry?"

"NO." My dad and I said in unison, which made us grin and the tension ceased a little bit. Michael arched an eyebrow, looking back and forth between us.

"Well I guess coffee it is then."

Once we were seated the bothersome mood was back. Nobody said a word, nobody moved, nobody made a sound whatsoever except for the coffeemaker. Now and then we glanced at each other, then frowned, then quickly looked the other direction. I concentrated on the brewing sound behind me, listened to the constant flow of water until there was the peep...finally.

Michael got up, poured coffee into mugs and placed them on the table. "Thanks Mike." I smiled at him. He winked back. "Your very welcome." My dad just nodded. That's gonna be a looooong day.

"So?" Normally I would have laughed about all three of us saying that in unison, instead I groaned. Bella do something!

I cleared my throat for attention, though I had it already anyway. It just kind of encouraged me a little and brought me some control. "I don't know about you guys, but this situation here right now at this very moment is probably the most awkward moment I've ever had. So could somebody say something unless you want me to just start with...the...things....I have to tell you or would either one of you just give me a gun?" There... now I said it. Let's see what you do with it, won't we?

My dad looked taut and badly tense, hell so did Michael as if they have to make a life and death decision. Well let them know that this isn't easy for me either. But the gun-part brought a huge surprising and questioning expression on both faces. They regarded me intensely, trying to figure out what I meant. Seriously, in the past they would have never taken so long to figure that one out. And now they watch me as if I have given them a complicated task. I would give everything to know what they think.

Michael spoke first though he was hesitant. "You are right of course. Chatting about weather or daily events just doesn't feel right. I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you need a gun for?"

My dad looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Not that you would ever get one though."

Ha what do you know? Too late for that already. "I see... my joke went right down the tube. I know it was rather lame of me, but hey somebody had to cut the deathly silence and it worked right...at least we talk...it's almost as if I am back with the vampi...." I shook my head to clear it. Shit, shit, shit, Bella why don't you just shut up.

Michael and Charlie just might have been total spoilsports, but of course they would never stop being experienced and observant cops. So they caught everything I just said, their brains work 24/7 and it couldn't have sucked more. They both stiffened, my dad furrowed his brows. "I'm pretty sure I must have heard you wrong. Did you just say, no, wanted to say vampire?"

That was my cue huh? With propped elbows on the table and chin leaning on linked fingers, my eyes moving back and forth between them watching their faces for a long moment, trying to read something, but they were just as good in concealing their expressions. So I let my breath out very slowly.

"Well...um...yes I almost said vampires." Did they just wince? "I am not a nutcase or something, though you are probably not the only ones who would think that. But before you judge me. Please and it is very important for me, don't interrupt what I'm going to tell you."

"I don't think anything right now. Though I am honest, I have no idea why you would say something like vampires? If that's suppose to be another joke then I have to say sorry, because I didn't get that one either." My dad said in a very firm voice.

I sighed. "Would you please just listen. Michael and I had a talk already yesterday and I understand that you knew more than I ever guessed. I promised him to fill your holes and add the rest of the missing pieces. But I also told him, that neither one of you will like it.

And trust me when I say this ain't easy for me. So I ask you just for one thing. Please don't interrupt me. Just let me get this out and I promise you I will answer all your questions."

Michael nodded of course since we went through that earlier, but my dad looked at me as if he wasn't sure what to make of all this. You could almost see his brain working on the facts and mysteries, they didn't have...yet. Eventually something in my face must have convinced him. "Alright Bells, whatever it is I want to know. Two weeks ago, I thought I lost you, it was the worst thing, like nightmares have become true and now I'm sitting here in Arizona with my dearest friend and my thought dead daughter. I care a lot about the things you have to say, apparently you are the only one who can solve the "case"."

I mouthed thank you and took a deep breath. Just do it. I pulled my hands underneath the table, unclenched and clenched my fists over and over again in an attempt to calm myself. I hope this will be the very last time where I have to do this. "Alright...um...on that Halloween night, when Vanessa was murdered. I met Phil for the first time. Mom told me she met him a long time ago before that day but didn't tell me about it. Well she almost never did, thought it would be too much for me to handle. But with Phil, it was suppose to be different for her. Well it was...."

For the first time I told the whole story, from the beginning to the end. I said what truly, horribly happened. Why and what I did, how I survived and lived. Even some of the time when I wasn't hunting, when I had a good time with Jason, when we tried to live a normal life now and then again. Speaking of him brought tears to my eyes. The images were so real in my head that sometimes I couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't.

Once I started with some happy memories, I remembered even more, things I forgot about, precious things. Like those days when Jason overslept and he throw pillows against his door after I knocked to wake him up. He was always such a morning grouch. Sleepyhead. And now it won't ever happen again.

I was completely honest with the self-defense, shoot, sword, and many other trainings I've had over the past months. Hell I even admitted how many times I've been in the hospital afterwards or that I was badly injured from our hunting nights. And when I told them about the dead bodies, that we burned each one of the corpses after we killed the vampire, I swear, I could smell the burning flesh as if I just did that...burning the last remains of the undead. A cold shower ran through me and goosebumps built.

After I came to the tricky part where I clarified that we tried to escape after the vampires found us but that they were faster and caught us, Michael and Charlie shook their heads, rubbed their temples as if to make the information easier to sink in. Of course they understand what I said, after all I just cleared that neither Jason or I were close to the house when the bloodsuckers must have set it on fire.

The underground capital with the masters wasn't pleasant either. I shivered when memories of the Volturi hit me once again. When the pictures became so vivid just like in my nightmares. I left out how painful and devastating it was, knew they got a pretty perfect picture anyway with Jason being converted, me mentally tortured, even killed almost twice but brought back with vampire blood, or where Jasper's friends were concerned. Though I did stop talking once. I didn't say anything about the cuts and skipped that part completely but went on with our escape and how I met Rachel.

"...She was the person who actually persuaded me to call you otherwise I would probably never have done it.... I did horrible things but I honestly don't have any remorse about killing those monsters, hell they deserved it. My life in these past months was crazy and brought me close to death several times. How I survived I really don't know. Sometimes it felt as if something besides vampires was there and kept me alive besides those two occasions with the blood. But traveling, observing, learning, training and killing was all I did.

I know it is much to digest. I'm not even so sure that it was the right thing to do. But I thought I owed you that much. After what Michael told me, I was so shocked and surprised about how much you actually knew that I felt so bad I couldn't leave things like they were. I mean keeping you in the dark. Though I am honest, the story you came up with seemed like a much better deal than what I've got, almost like in the movies, but the good science fiction ones versus the horror, psychic version. Unfortunately I can't change the truth or the past however and hope that one day both of you can cope with it but most of all believe it."

I blew out my breath in a puff when I reached the end to the story. When I looked up I saw it was dark outside. It took hours, my throat burned, my chest felt heavy and I was scared of condemnation, scared of them thinking me a loony. To my benefit neither of them talked, but their eyes told volumes. Sorrow, fear, shame, awareness, shock and uppermost compassion switched through them.

I felt drained and exhausted although it wasn't physical labor. My mind hasn't stopped yet. The images still showed up and they weren't all nice and beautiful. I'm done with it. I promised I would do my part and that's what I did. They look at me as if I just told them the earth is going to be destroyed by tomorrow. Maybe I should just leave them alone for a while.

Just as I rose Charlie asked for me to stay. "Sorry that was rude. But this...I mean I... this is so. Hell I don't know. As you can imagine I played with my own fantasies, but phew, this whole thing just took a complete new level of...everything. Vampires? You hunting them?

God I never expected or spent even the tiniest thought about them. I mean they are like horror movie figures, fantasy creatures from books, things that don't exist." Could I have read them so wrong? What did I expect, that they would be all nice and sweet to me? You are so dumb.

I stopped him right there, my blood was starting to heat up again, something in me didn't like where he was going. I can't handle it. Not right now. "Stop that!" I yelled. "I don't want to hear anymore than that. I just spilled everything embarrassing, humiliating and devastating that ever happened to me. I just told you the most important part of my life and the only thing you can think of is that it is crazy that the monsters I hate the most really are living side by side with us?"

Both Michael and my dad tried to stop me but I just screamed and cried louder. "Well then let me tell you something else. My life was a fucking hell and still is and it won't ever stop. I know pain just as good as I do my own thoughts, it's a constant companion you could say. I have nightmares ever since the first day I've met one of them. And sometimes they get so bad that I don't know whether they are real or just a dream.

I am haunted, I am broken, I am not even sure that I am sane most of the time because there are days even I can't believe all this shit. Back in Volterra, I was ready, I wanted to leave, wanted to escape in a better world. I am not scared to die anymore and I had the chance twice. But hey, I wasn't granted this tiny little gift of mortals. No, I was pulled back before I eventually could have reached the "light" so many people talk of. Well let them know that there isn't one. There is just pitch black silence, but still it would be better than another day in hell with living monsters all around me.

But you know what I don't care anymore. The past strengthened me and I can be as cruel and brutal as they are and you know what it's not frightening at all. I just not give a shit. I walk through the dark all day, even when the sun is up but somehow it never really reaches me. I kill when I have to and won't have a second thought about it.

I don't know whether the vampires are hunting me now since I was the person who more or less destroyed their master coven. I have one friend who now is also a vampire and lives with others of his kind but I miss him, miss him dearly and badly. Some think I am a crazy bitch but hey I can live with that too.

But do you know what I cannot live without and it's rather surprising for myself but that's the way it is. I can't bear your reaction right now. And if you think you could lock me up or get me in any way. Well let me make something very clear. I've learned a lot and won't make the same mistakes twice. Which means when I leave, I leave for good."

Somewhere between all the yelling and screaming, my dad got up and embraced me while I cried my lungs out. I shouldn't have let him but it felt so good, I betrayed myself yet again. He stroked my hair and tried to calm me, but I was so devastated and felt beyond deceived I just couldn't stop.

"Bella, baby, I am so sorry, so very sorry. I never wanted you to think I don't believe you. You just interrupted so quickly before I could finish."

I sobbed and hiccuped. "Do you really think I'd like to hear from my own dad that I'm a nutcase?"

"Oh no, not at all. Like I said I wasn't finish. I don't know where to start or what would be the proper thing to say. I believe everything you say, though it's hard I am honest. But I know you would never ever make something like this up. It explains everything. Many unsolved cases. It all makes perfect sense though it's scary to think about it. And even more so that YOU, my little girl, my only daughter went out into the world and fought these, these creatures and I wasn't there or did even know.

I can't believe I was so blind not to see what you were doing. Completely oblivious! Michael and I... we came up with conspiracy, eventual criminal activities and that's why you lived with someone from the CIA. It's almost laughable what we thought huh? God I...I...how horrible.

When did you become so brave and even more stubborn to do such a thing? People are suppose to run away from vampires and not hunting them, right?" He said it more to himself than to us. I could see he was in deep thought, his eyes far away. I was beyond relieved but also beyond upset with myself about my outburst. I should kick my ass for that.

Michael's voice came up from behind. I totally forgot about him which showed me how unfocused I really was. Fortunately I was save. But in case of vampires it would have been deadly. "Bella I owe you more than an apology for not knowing, for not helping, for not doing anything at all. I failed as godfather, as your friend, as your keeper."

How can they think that? That's ridiculous.

"I don't know what to do right now. I'm scared for you. I can't believe what you did, how you did it. I have now experience with vampires which I am happy for, but all the things you said, I actually don't even want to start to comprehend what it must have been like?"

He gave me a tissue, looking all distraught and almost miserable at me. Once I blew my nose, swallowed the remains of my outburst, I took a deep breath and leaned against the kitchen counter to keep some distance. Both looked with too much sad eyes at me, making me feel small and uncomfortable.

"I apologize for the screaming part, it was unnecessary and out of place. And I think I honestly need some alone-time right now, so please excuse me." Without a glance I walked out. Trembling and shuttering while I went upstairs.

I hated myself, hated my feelings, hated almost everything at this moment. I shivered so much that I waited for the moment to see my very own breath.

With angled legs I rocked back and forth, sitting in the corner on the floor, my head on my knees, eyes closed. I thought I'd feel better, but instead I am dreadful. Bella you just gave them the shock of their lives! And now why this is all over, what are you going to do? What will be in the future for me? More vampires, more dead, more killings, a life maybe?

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