Twelve Months Old
Part Two

TRIGGER WARNING!
Be aware this chapter contains mentions of terminal illnesses

How much hospital time should one baby have to endure? Maura thought to herself as she paced back and forth down children's hospital hallway. By the time the ambulance had arrived at the house, they weren't able to wake Noah up. Jane had stayed behind with Harper and the rest of the family while Maura rode with the little boy to the hospital.

"Maura?" Tommy's voice came from beside Maura suddenly, stopping her in her tracks as she looked at him in complete bewilderment. "How is he?"

"I don't know; they rushed him off for tests the second we got here." Maura responded truthfully, shrugging her shoulders as a slight shiver ran down her spine. Tommy placed a reassuring hand on his sister in laws lower back, kissing the side of her head gently.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly as Maura settled in against his side, not bothering to ask him to leave or not touch her. Her arms felt empty without one of her babies in them; it was nice to feel someone against her.

"He'll be fine." Was all Maura could manage to get out before the elevator doors in front of them opened, Jane emerging with Harper fast asleep in her arms. Maura instinctively rolled her eyes as she pushed away from the wall she and Tommy had found themselves resting against. "You bought her to the hospital?" Maura complained as she took Harper from her mother who was yet to look Maura in the eye.

"I'll take her home whenever you're ready." Tommy announced in that quiet, empathetic voice people had spoken to Maura in when Noah was in the hospital when he was a newborn. It was the voice of someone who didn't believe her baby was, in fact, going to be okay.

"Hi baby." Maura cooed when Harper slowly started to wake up, seeming confused as to how she had gone from being at home with Jane and her friends to the hospital with Maura. The little girl stretched her arms out and rested her lips against Mauras in an attempt to give her mother a kiss.

"Bass?" Harper asked innocently, leaning back to look her mother directly in the eye. Maura felt a smile creep onto her lips at her daughter's simple request. Never before had Maura been so thankful that the babies were still too young to really grasp concepts.

"Uncle Tommy is going to take you home so you can play with Bass, okay? And mommy will be home to put you into bed tonight." Maura knew she shouldn't be making any kind of promises to the little girl, but it was impossible not to feel the need to assure her that mommy would be home soon.

In a matter of minutes Harper had given both of her mothers' a kiss and was gone, leaving Jane and Maura alone in the otherwise empty hallway. The blonde woman slipped her hand into her wife's and lead her to the end of the hallway where there were a bunch of empty, depressing grey plastic chairs.

"What are we going to do if he dies?" Jane asked in a quiet voice, leaning forward to place her head in her hands between her knees. Maura swallowed hard, not wanting to admit that that was the first thought that ran through her mind when she saw Noah on the ground.

"We are not having this discussion." Maura warned her wife, keeping her voice quiet and harsh as she spoke as she caught a glimpse of Noahs doctor making his way toward them down the hallway.

"Is he okay?" Jane asked, jumping to her feet as the doctor stood before them. He didn't say anything as he gestured down the hallway, both of the women knowing that wasn't good news.

"Just tell us he's okay." Maura begged once the doctor's office door was closed behind them. The second Jane and Maura were sitting down, their hands were joined together underneath the table.

"We found a mass on Noahs brain." Mauras breath caught in her throat, her eyes widening. Jane's eyes darted between the doctor and Maura, trying desperately to know whatever Maura seemed to know. "It's looking to be a grade two, which isn't terrible considering…"

"A grade two what?" Jane asked innocently, frowning at the doctor as Maura began to shake from beside her.

"Tumour" Maura responded. "He has brain cancer."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"A tumour? What does that mean?" Angela asked when Jane and Maura returned home later that afternoon. They had both decided to go home and put Harper to bed, along with filling Angela and Constance in on what they had found out.

"We don't know yet." Jane responded as Maura turned the kettle on, giving her own mother the bravest smile she could as she rested her body weight on the counter in front of her.

"They need to do more tests." Maura confirmed, realising how little information Janes statement had given the two worried grandparents. Harper came walking into the room, reaching up for Jane who effortlessly lifted her onto her hip.

"Did you play with Bass today?" Jane asked with a warm smile, kissing the side of the little girls face as she spoke. Harper nodded, seeming to completely understand what it was Jane was asking her.

"Do you want mommy or mama to give you a bath babe?" Maura asked as she poured herself a cup of green tea; the moment she had been most excited about all afternoon. Harper merely pointed at Jane before throwing her arms around her neck. Jane chuckled quietly and excused herself before she left the room with Harper.

"It's bad." Angela said without context, Maura looking up to meet the eyes of both her mother and her mother in law. The blonde woman swallowed hard, her heart hammering in her chest as she debated how much she should say.

"There's a five year survival rate if it's really bad." Maura whispered, shrugging lightly as though that was the best news any of them had gotten in years. Angela nodded slowly, her eyes slowly shifting to look at the place where Jane just stood.

"For all we know he'll be perfectly fine." Constance chimed in, her voice louder and cheerier than anyone else's had been since this afternoon. Maura took a deep breath, placing the mug she held in her hands back down on to the kitchen counter.

"Best case scenario he has surgery to remove the tumour and goes through months of recovery with every risk of it coming back, mother. He is not going to be fine." Maura knew if there was one person in the world she could correct in this way; it was Constance Isles. The older woman stared at her daughter, as though waiting for more.

"What are you going to tell Harper?" Angela asked quietly, looking down at her feet as she spoke. Again, Maura took a deep breath. She was yet to think of how she was going to talk to Jane about it, how she was supposed to know when, or how, they were going to explain it to a one year old was beyond her.

"We are not telling her anything yet. She's just turned one." Maura reminded both of the women who were standing staring at her. Today, she realised. Today their babies had turned one, and today they had found out they could possibly lose one of them.

"And you had no idea he was sick?" Angela asked, Maura coming to the end of her rope as she dropped the mug into the sink, ignoring the sound of shattering china as she turned back to face her mother in law.

"He was sleeping all the time and I did nothing. He didn't start talking like Harper did, and I did nothing. He stumbled every time he took two steps and I thought nothing of it." Maura stopped herself, realising there were tears beginning to trickle from her eyes. Constance placed a hand on Angela's arm to stop her when the Italian woman made a move to hug Maura.

"Sweetheart there is nothing you could have…"

"If you tell me there was nothing I could have done I will scream." Maura warned, laughing between quiet sobs. The last thing she needed was people telling her it wasn't her fault she didn't realise her baby was sick. Maura grabbed her handbag, suddenly feeling as though the air in her kitchen was far too thin. "Tell Jane I went back to the hospital."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Any news?" Maura asked as she walked into Noahs room, her son lying fast asleep in his little crib. The doctor jumped slightly at Mauras sudden presence, but offered her a warm smile none the less. Both Jane and Maura were thankful their little boy had his own room, there would have been nothing worse than seeing other families go through what they were potentially about to go through.

"Do you want to wait until your wife…" The doctor started, nodding toward the empty doorway.

"No, I'll tell her." Maura interrupted, knowing that if the roles were reversed, Jane would have found the information out straight away and relayed it to her later.

"It's definitely a grade two tumour, which essentially means we could operate but there's a chance…"

"It'll always come back." Maura finished his sentence, remembering the three months she had done placement on an oncology ward in medical school.

"But with chemotherapy and radiation he may go on to live a fulfilling life." The doctor added, completely changing his tone when he spoke now. Maura knew he was only saying it for her sake, and she was thankful.

The doctor continued giving her information she was already aware of and before she knew it; he was gone and it was Jane standing in the room beside her.

"It's a grade two tumour. Even if they remove it and if they get all of it, it could come back." Maura told her wife who bent down over Noahs small crib to press kisses to his face the way she had done to his sister hours earlier.

"What do we do?" Jane asked, her eyes red when she turned to look at Maura. The blonde woman let out a quiet sigh before she wrapped her arms around Jane's shoulders. The brunette collapsed into her wife's arms, violent sobs shaking her whole body.

"We need to talk about him either having the surgery and risking it coming back and putting him through it for the rest of his life. Or we don't do the surgery and get to spend the next four, maybe five years with him." Jane pulled back and looked Maura in the eye for the first time, the reality of the situation hitting them both as the words left Mauras mouth.

"Either way, he's going to die." Jane concluded.