Chapter 21 Cold Company
Two day, thinks Kara.
At least that long since Sam died…
Was killed...
Since she got him killed.
No one's come for her… Or for Sam... Or for his corpse.
In fact, no one's come at all, not even to deliver food. She still has access to the spigot in the corner, but she indifferently wonders if they'd forgotten her in here.
Reaching out, Kara touches the body again, a fey mood compelling her to nudge and prod it every few hours. Rigamortis had fully stiffened the body sometime late the first day. The hours since are marked by the slow relaxing of the locked muscles and ligaments as death absolves the mark upon the shell that had once held Sam's vigorous spirit.
In the spaces between dozing and checking the body, Kara stares up at the gray ceiling and remembers nights spent running her hands over Sam's athletic frame. The sculpted torso and muscled legs beneath her caressing palms always had made her hot for him. And he knew just the spot behind her ear that made her quiver with need. She'd had a year to get to know the body of her husband and the shades of their lovemaking had slowly changed from rough and fast to a slower enjoyment of each other. Now, as the body she had held so often through cold New Caprican nights went from rigid corpse to a slack piece of flesh, Kara lays beside it and wishes that she could just follow.
Since being captured, she had prayed on many occasions. Now, no longer believing that any of the gods are going to pull her from this nightmare, she still has faith that they're at least listening. And so she sends prayers to them to guide her Sammy to a better rest.
Another day passes…
….she thinks.
It's hard to tell with the constant light and nothing to mark time by. Huddled in on her grief, she doesn't care how much time has passed. She can't bring herself to even be concerned about whether they ever intended to feed her again. When her body's demand becomes undeniable, she drinks, but otherwise she just drifts. In time, she becomes more and more light-headed and detached. The reality of her cell fades into confused flashes of Sammy laughing as he nuzzles her ear or leading a pickup game of Pyramid on the makeshift court…or hanging suspended, blood gushing from a wound that grows beneath her hands.
Thus the scrape of the door opening doesn't immediately rouse her from her stupor. A shadow blocking the glare of the blub finally has her listlessly turning her head to blink dull eyes at a hazy figure as it moves towards her. Leoben's concerned face finally comes into focus as he kneels beside her.
Kara lets her head roll back and resumes her staring at the ceiling, barely registering the warm palm on her forehead as the Cylon strokes a gentle hand across her brow.
"Why must you make everything so hard?" His hand moves to her cheek but her eyes never shift, not even as Leoben continues, "Stop fighting. Let me help you. Just ask, Kara, and I can free you from all this."
Silence and staring. Kara wraps herself in the numbness and pushes the voice away.
With a sigh, the figure rises and leaves.
And she was left alone with what remain of another man she has loved. The second she has killed. Within the silence of the cell, her thoughts touch on ideas and questions. She wonders if Zak and Sam would be waiting for her on the other side. Wonders if the two men will like each other. Two easy going guys like them, yeah, they'd be chummy in no time. The true question was whether she'll be welcome, being the instrument of both their deaths and all. A smile lifts her cracked lips as she realized that her guys could never deny her. Her heart eases slightly as she realizes that if the gods let her cross, the two would be waiting. Letting her heavy eyelids droop shut, Kara knows she might finally find peace when her body finally fails.
Just have to have faith.
For the first time since she was taken, Kara accepts she isn't going to make it out. In a guarded place in her heart, she'd held to a hope that if she could survive long enough, Adama would come for her.
At least one of them.
Now, in a world where choices have been taken from her, Kara sees her last chance to determine her own end…and screw her bedamned destiny.
Kara rests her forearm over her eyes and lets herself drift off again.
[ I I I I I ]
Outside the door, Leoben and D'Anna watched the still figure through the one-way window.
"She's not going to give, she'd rather die," the female Cylon said to her male counterpart as he stood frowning beside her.
"You were wrong," Leoben snapped at her, his frustration at being overruled before making him ruder than was his wont. "Wrong to take her from me. I tried to tell you that her path did not align with this Anders."
"Whatever," D'Anna returned, her own anger obvious to Leoben. He had no time for her displeasure.
Turning to face his sister, "Your plans for Starbuck are inconsequential. Doomed to failure because you can't discern her true purpose. Kara Thrace is not meant to be some token figurehead." He paused as he turned back to the door and splayed his fingers against the glass window before continuing, calmer now. "Her path will carry both the Human and Cylon races to their ordained end."
"And how, oh brother of mine, can you be sure that this 'end' is a good one?"
"Because she will love me. I've seen it." Leoben's voice now took on a singsong quality, "Kara will hold me in her arms, embrace me, and declare her love for me."
D'Anna shook her head. "Look at her brother. That woman doesn't want you. What she wants is to die."
As her words echoed in his head, Leoben felt doubt churn his chest. He'd seen how weak Kara was, how little physical reserves she had left. He knew that she probably wouldn't eat now if he offered it to her. As it was, she was barely even bothering to drink. Starvation and dehydration were as sure killers as any weapon.
D'Anna tilted her head contemplatively as she laid her hand over the one Leoben still held on the window. "There is something about this Kara Thrace." She interlaced her fingers with his, pulling both away from the glass. "I thought you were acting the fool, falling for her. Then Six and Simon each seemed caught up in her, too." D'Anna gave a brief shake of her head, a mocking smile curling one corner. "Then I tried. Ha!" a self-depreciating laugh, then she added, "No wonder you fell for her brother. There's no ignoring her, I'll give you that."
He pulled his hand free. "You've only met Starbuck. You know nothing about Kara."
"Maybe not. But I know you're gonna lose both if you don't do something."
Leoben returned his gaze to the cell. He had to agree with her. He did know Kara. She was running away again.
He would have to do something about that.