Title: Leave a Trail (20/x)
Rating: T
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Addison Montgomery, Alex Karev, Izzie Stevens, Mark Sloan; est. Kevin/Addison
Summary: Set a few years post season four, Addison Montgomery finds herself back at Seattle Grace, albeit to find that things are quite different. Along with her life set and in order, she sees that many of the doctors have also come to terms with love life. As time progresses, however, these doctors will witness the phrase 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' manifest. (AU post mid-S4)
Note: oops, i really got behind here. SORRY. but i've completed all the chapters, so no worries about this not getting done now. enjoy. (:

Everyone's voices kept coming at light speed to her, and that wasn't the worst of it.

The worst of it was that the voices slowed, crystallized, even paused when she caught sight of Alex Karev.

It felt like this punch in her stomach, mocking her, torturing her for that which occurred between her and Kevin the prior night because of some feelings.

And she knew it was just one of several things that came to stand between her and Kevin, but Alex Karev was tangible. He was a manifestation of sorts of that which went wrong.

Untouched basis'. Fear, communication, comfort, trust. Explored but never delved into.

She hadn't the proper brain or heart to clearly recognize who was at fault for what and if anything would have changed had the aforementioned aspects been given their full and proper attention. She didn't have much of anything that morning. Just a logic that kept reminding her that she was supposed to be working and that there were patients who were entrusting their lives and their children's lives in her hands.

Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. Before anything else, and after everything else, she was first and foremost Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery. Leading neo-natal surgeon in the country.

As such, she took in a deep, heady breath, breathed out, looked away from Dr. Alex Karev, and looked at her current patient's mother.

"We're going to do everything possible to make sure your baby makes the most amazing recovery," Addison reassured the women who looked at the other doctor to find him giving her a similar reassuring smile.

"Thank you," the women nodded nervously, giving Addison's hand a squeeze for her own comfort, then excusing herself from the waiting room, a nurse waiting to show her to NICU unit where the baby was recovering from his surgery.

Addison nodded to herself after the women left, and she shook her hair as she closed her eyes for a few seconds, forgetting she was not alone in the waiting room. When she opened her eyes and pushed the hair from her eyes, she noticed that Alex's eyes were fixated on her face.

She smiled nervously and cleared her throat.

"You alright, Addison?" he said with a disconcerted tone.

"Yes, yes, of course," she nodded, and even she could hear the lies in her words, so she turned away from him and quickly walked away. Not that it stopped Alex from inquiring. He followed her aimless trail, until she was standing at a charts cart.

"Hey," Alex touched her hand, but she flinched away. Alex stared at her as if she had offended him, but he only inched closer to her.

"Addison, what's wrong?"

Addison rifled through the charts, her foot tapping, hands clenching every other movement or so, and she just shook her head. "I'm fine. And it's Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Karev."

Alex pushed the cart out of her way and stood directly in front of her. "Did I screw up? Did I do something--hey, if this is about what I said yesterday on that porch, I'm sorry. Okay, I'm sorry?"

Addison froze at the near pleading infusion of his voice and she stared up at him, shocked at the sincerity so clear in his words. She could only recall a few instances in which he made no effort to mask his emotions.

"No, Alex, it wasn't--" but she couldn't complete the sentence. She glanced down at the floor, then back up at him. And with a slight frown and weary glance, she told him, "Kevin and I broke up."

With those words, a pregnant pause filled between them, and then she walked a few steps backwards, looked around the hospital's halls, and walked away.

*

Meredith kept raising her eyes to Mark as he, she, and Lexie observed the x-rays of an aesthetics patient.

"Meredith, you going to talk to me or keep staring?" Mark said.

"I wasn't--"

"Yes you were," Mark smirked, "not that I can blame you."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she murmured.

"Come on, Grey, if you got something on your mind, just say it."

"I don't have anything on my mind," she shrugged.

The room was quiet for a second, and Lexie opened her mouth when she spotted something on an x-ray, but Meredith spoke again.

"Hey Mark, you and Iz were good friends, right?"

Mark breathed in before giving her a snappy, "yes."

"You two not hitting it off anymore? You not interested in being her friend anymore? Oh hey, you've met Marie, right? Cute little nose, nice dark blonde hair, blue eyes--"

"Meredith," Lexie said forcibly, "maybe you should stop pestering Dr. Sloan."

Lexie and Meredith shot glances at each other. Mark wearily glanced at them before shaking his head. He would never understand women.

"Yes, I've met Izzie's daughter. Why?"

Meredith looked back over at Mark and smiled tightly. "No, I just thought that since you and Izzie were friends, you would know how…lovely her daughter is."

Lexie strolled up to Meredith, and nudged her.

"Mer, we have to talk," she muttered in her ear.

Meredith burrowed her eyebrows at Lexie, but did not have time to respond, as her younger half-sister dragged her outside.

"Ow," Meredith complained when they were outside. Lexie pulled her even farther from the door and hissed at her, "why are you talking to Sloan about Marie?"

"Why do you care if I talk about Izzie's daughter to Sloan?"

The two Grey's squinted their eyes at each other, trying to measure the other's knowledge in regards to Marie.

"You don't know," Meredith said semi-confidently.

"And you do?" Lexie queried. They kept up their unofficial staring contest for several more seconds before Meredith came to the distasteful conclusion that Lexie had to know. She was always hanging around Izzie and taking care of Marie. In conjunction with Lexie snapping at her for bringing up Marie in front of Mark, it made sense.

"You know about Mark, don't you?" Meredith finally asked.

Lexie crossed her arms over chest defensively, and shrugged. "Know what?"

"You're a terrible liar. Don't worry, I wasn't going to tell him about Marie. I was just…curious."

"Curious?" Lexie sneered, "you were dropping hints! Blond hair, blue eyes--Mer, you can't--"

She pulled her hand over her mouth, realizing that she had basically admitted to knowing.

Meredith grinned.

"Yeah well, don't worry, Iz told me not to tell and I hate that she didn't trust me, but I wouldn't tell Sloan."

Lexie sighed in relief and even smiled. "She told you? Thank God. I felt like I was carrying this big secret and I couldn't even talk to Iz about it because she hates talking about it, you know, but now you know and it's like, yay!"

She laughed but Meredith was far from amused.

"I'm walking away," Meredith said, and that she did.

Lexie's shoulders slumped, disappointed, but Meredith was always acting that way, so she shrugged to herself and went back into the x-ray room.

Mark eyed Lexie as she walked back in. "Where's Meredith?"

"Oh," she jumped a little, "she just--left. We were talking about…sister stuff. And now she's gone."

Mark cocked an eye at her suspiciously.

"You're still not telling me something, Dr. Grey."

Lexie bit her lip and turned her back to him. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Dr. Sloan," she chuckled.

She really was a terrible liar.

*

Alex followed Addison as she flung doors open, looking for something, he didn't know what. She opened a couple of on-call rooms, but they were being occupied, and then she opened the door to a supply closet, but that was chalk-full of things. She walked for a couple of minutes more until she flung open a door, poked her head in, and apparently satisfied with the results, she walked in, Alex right on her heels.

He stood against the door while she paced the on call room, one hand on her hip, the other pressed on her forehead. She was breathing heavily, trying to control the full force of reality pulling at her heart.

Alex didn't say anything, letting her breathe as much as she could, although it probably wasn't helping that he had followed her. He knew that.

Addison stopped her pacing and stood in the center of the room. She dropped her hands at her side, and tilted her head at Alex.

"He's gone," she said with a morbid chuckle. It surprised him. He expected her to lash out at him for following her into the room.

"I'm sorry."

She bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head.

"I came all the way up here from LA with my boyfriend, and for what? We were fine there. We were…it was fine. And then Seattle happened."

Alex slowly walked over to her.

"You can't blame Seattle."

Addison fell back a step when Alex reached her. "Then what, Alex? I come here, and Derek's here. Mark's here."

"What about them? They didn't break you and your boyfriend up. You weren't chasing after them."

"That's not the point, Alex."

"Then what is?!" he screamed out.

"The point is--is that they were here and I thought it would be weird, but I got over that. I got over them a long time ago! I got over you a long time ago! But you're here and I have to get over you again!"

Addison shut her eyes in a bolt when she allowed the words to leave her mouth. Alex felt the corners of his mouth fighting off an inappropriate grin and simultaneously his gut churned at her choice of words.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes still closed, "that wasn't…appropriate. I'm aware of your daughter and I respect Dr. Stevens."

Addison wiped at her brow, opened her eyes, sent him a regretful smile, and began walking forwards, but Alex matched her step.

Addison's eyes widened at his motion, and she attempted to move past him again, but failed.

"Alex--"

He placed his hand on her arm, just a small touch as he took one step closer to her.

She kept her eyes steadily on his, the words "focus Addison, focus" running through her head. His eyes were the focal point, the reminder that at most, he and she were friends, and that was the most she was allowed to ever see him as.

Alex was a little more bold. He placed his hands on either side of her forearms, looked at her feet for a good second, then inched up to look directly at the features of Addison's face. He could note every movement in her body. The tension, the apprehension of his proximity, the strained throat, small count of breaths escaping through her parched lips, the dilation of her eyes. He was so acute of everything he didn't know if he could keep all of the truths from escaping his own mouth.

He reached a hand over to the smaller patches of her dark red hair close to her forehead and pinned them back behind her ear. Her eyes never left his.

"Tell me what you want, Addison," he said, his words surprising her more.

"I don't," she began, paused, went on, "I don't understand."

"I don't want you to get over me," he explained his side, "and I don't want to get over…whatever I'm feeling for you. Because I do feel something and I'm not going to throw it away this time."

Addison's breath came in shorter spouts, and she faltered. She fell a step forward, leaning more into Alex. Her eyes flitted to his lips, which didn't escape Alex's notice.

He leaned his head down, his lips brushing against her cheek, and Addison's hand wrapped around the hand he had on her arm.

"Alex," she breathed, lips nearly touching.

"There are things I can give up to make this right," he whispered to her, and in a flash, she pushed his hand off from her hand, moved her head so her cheek faced his mouth, pulled away, and moved around him. Still he followed.

*

Addison didn't go very far this time, but she did head into the restroom--the female restroom.

Alex paused outside the entrance, debating on whether or not to enter, and it was foolish on his part. He couldn't keep intruding on her--he had never been the guy to not recognize a woman's need to just get away. It was a person's right. But he couldn't abandon the path when he had just found out that Addison returned his feelings, so he went inside.

No one was standing at or near the sinks, and even the stalls appeared empty. All except for one.

He tilted his head to ensure that those were Addison's heels, and he knocked on the stall at question. She didn't make a sound, didn't reply. He tried pulling at the stall, but she had fastened the lock.

"Addison, let me in," he called and miraculously enough, he heard the lock unfasten. She didn't push it open for him, though. He pulled the door back carefully. He saw that she sat against the stall, and he probably wouldn't fit, but he tried anyway.

He crept into the stall, standing tightly on the opposite wall, and pulled the door closed behind him, putting on the lock as well.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

She smirked at him, looked around the small bathroom stall, and pinpointed at the toilet just centimeters from her feet. "I could ask you the same thing," she scoffed and shrugged.

She then turned her head back down, buried it in her palms, to hide the tears that she failed to stop.

She was almost broken, like she was reverting to being that fragile thing people would do their best not to set off, and somehow he couldn't help but ache for her. He trudged up to her, knelt in front of her, and took her hands in his. She didn't make a move, tears blurring the ground she stared at. He pulled at her, and she far too weak to protest or hang on any longer, let him pull her into himself.

He pulled her onto his lap, an arm around her back, legs cushioning her body, hand holding her chin. Her tears maybe too many to catch, but it didn't stop him from trying to help her. He pulled her head into his chest, whispered 'shhs,' and kissed her red hair. He rocked her silently, slowly, letting her cling to him. Her mangled cries were painful to his ears, her clutching fingernails made him fear for her own life, and her normally strong frame, now so vulnerable, disturbed him to no end.

"Please Addison, talk to me, tell me what to do--you can't be like this."

"He knew," she whispered, but amidst her chaos he heard her.

"What?" he said, not completely understanding her, and he stopped rocking her.

She turned in his embrace, and wiped the watery residue from her cheeks.

"He knew," she spoke, with that tone that said how dead serious she was. "And I can't do this," she shifted in his arms, "any of this…"

He loosened his hold, and let her move away from him embrace.

"Addison," there was a hint of exasperation in his voice, but his eyes screamed at the terrible way life kept going wrong for them.

"You--you have people relying on you, and I was just left by a boyfriend of three years. And don't tell me we can figure this out, that you are willing to make your sacrifices, because we both know better, we're smarter than that."

He dropped his eyes, hating what this had all come to, and never had he been more tired of the lies. After a moment, he drew his eyes back up to hers. He inhaled deeply, preparing to shift his world around once again, this time without Izzie's content, and he said: "It's a set-up--all of it. From the relationship, to Marie--none of it's real. Well, definitely not the relationship part, but I still love Marie as if she were mine. But her name--Marie's name--it's not some name we picked randomly, or because it's a variation of Mary. The name's got a part of her mom, and her dad," he paused, watching Addison carefully who was on the cusp of grasping his words.

She stood up abruptly, transfixed at the words he was telling her, putting puzzles together until he said the final three words.

"Her real dad."

Addison gaped at his words, bewildered. "A set up?"

"Yeah, we--"

Addison raised her hands, as if telling him to stop, and she pushed her way out of the stall.

"Addison, wait--"

She rushed out of the restroom, out into the halls, where Alex would not stop. Finally, she stopped, turned on her heel, and stared at him angrily.

"Stop talking. Stop following me," she ordered, turned back around, marched away from, and turned a corner to disappear.

From a small distance, Izzie watched Addison chastise Alex and Alex's crestfallen face in response to whatever Alex was telling him. He stood frozen in the middle of a hectic hallway, and Izzie made her way to him.

Izzie touched his shoulder, and he shook it off. When he realized what he had done, he turned to face the person who had touched him, and immediately apologized.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"What happened, Alex?"

"Nothing," he looked away, back in Addison's direction.

"Addison," Izzie said in a small voice, "she's the reason, isn't she?"

"No," Alex answered.

"What happened, Alex?" she asked again.

Alex turned to face her. "She broke up with that Kevin dude. I tried talking to her but, you know, I was never good at that stuff. Whatever."

He brushed past her, and Izzie nearly laughed at herself. The signs had been there. She knew Alex, she knew him very well. The company he kept with Addison and how he responded to Addison's words and glances. She should have seen it. Whatever the case, it wasn't as if Izzie could do much else anymore.

She and Alex were on the verge on unfolding the truth, if only to the remainder of their friends and closest co-workers, but that was all it would take for the entire hospital to find out that she and Alex were not together. There was of course, still the matter of informing Mark before he heard it through the grapevine that Alex Karev was not the father of Isobel Stevens' daughter, which would lead to the irrefutable truth that Mark would quickly come to.

*

Izzie didn't push Alex, knowing he would just deny, deny, deny until the he was so irritated that he just told her what it was that occurred between him and Addison. He would tell her on his own terms.

Addison wound up leaving Alex and an intern or two the remainder of her cases and leaving for the day at her discretion, angering Alex furthermore. But it didn't compare to his anger that arose when the following morning, he searched for Addison high and low until the Chief himself informed Dr. Brandon that which the surgeon would all too enthusiastically told Alex--Dr. Montgomery was, at that moment, on her way back to her own practice in Los Angeles.