Disclaimer: I own none of this Harry Potter stuff; anything you recognize from the books or the movies is not mine. I can only claim the club and Tric (and those other non-important OCs).
AN: None of this is Betaed; I'm the only one who's edited it so sorry for any mistakes. Also I've updated the timeline to be current (chapter 14).
I've tried to cover all my bases before but just in case WARNING; cursing/potty-mouths, heterosexual and homosexual couples mentioned, some talk about sex, death and Death Eaters, physical threats on characters' lives, blood and bruises, alcohol and under 21 drinking (but no under 18), suicide and self harm are mentioned, multiple personality disorder and other mental issues are touched on too, and everything else. Of course by now you've seen all those things mentioned in the story already so it's too late now but whatever.
Chapter 20: Looking For Marbles
"Do you want some coffee Jack?" Tric offered as she unlocked the apartment she and Mark shared. The young man staggered in with the support of his ex. Grinning from where he leaned against Jack, Mark whispered loud enough to for both of them to hear.
"She takes great care of me. We keep the coffee machine ready to go in the mornings." Making his unsteady way over to the kitchen he sat down with his head buried in his folded arms on the table.
"Sorry, no. I never could see how you can fall asleep after drinking that stuff. It's got too much caffeine for me." Jack glanced disdainfully at the pot Tric had started. "Give me a good ol' cup of tea over that stuff any day," he yawned out.
"We just drink so much it doesn't do anything anymore. You've got my bed tonight. I've got some sleepwear in my underwear drawer, somewhere, but feel free to just sleep in your boxers or whatever." Groaning Mark waved vaguely at Jack as if to imply he was to find his own way to Mark's room.
"Please don't walk around without clothes on," muttered Tric, blushing furiously. "You two may have seen each other in the altogether before but I haven't, and I don't really want to."
"Still avoiding all the guys but Mark?" Jack teased.
"Doesn't mean I don't get any," defended Tric. "I'm an equal opportunity type."
"Which is why I've only ever seen you with girls," he countered.
"She flirts with boys all the time. Tric just goes further with girls; either way she doesn't 'get any' as she so crudely claims. Please go to sleep and stop talking," whined Mark.
"I'd like to but, where are you sleeping? I don't want to kick you out of your own bed but we really shouldn't try sharing either," explained Jack.
"I'm in Tric's room again tonight, no need to worry about me jumping you or anything," groused Mark. Although still happily drunk he hadn't completely lost his irritation from the earlier confrontation.
"You're the one who broke-up with me, I wasn't worried," Jack protested as he got up, jokingly waving his hands defensively in front of his face. "Good night, or morning, Tric, Mark, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Enjoy your coffee."
"Why did you two break-up? I get that you're still great friends, but what was the reason you went back to friends when you were happy together? Five months Honey, it was your longest relationship, ever," Tric pressed her drunk roommate once his ex was down the hall and out of easy earshot. Pouring two cups of coffee she set the first in front of him before settling down in the recently vacated seat.
"I was the reason." They sat in silence, sipping coffee together, for a few minutes before he started explaining. "I couldn't stay with him anymore. He doesn't know me and I felt horrible lying to him, I always do. Anyone I meet likes Mark Willasin and that isn't right. We could never have lasted; I'd be lying to him forever about my past and who I am. I feel bad enough tricking people into being my friend but I can't keep secrets like that from a lover. I told Jack I wasn't really over someone and he didn't deserve to be tied to me if I couldn't give him everything he was willing to give me."
"It's not really lying, you are Mark Willasin. And you aren't tricking people into being your friends at all. Every one of your friends likes who you are now, they don't need to know who you were, it isn't who you are anymore," Tric reiterated what she'd tried to explain to Mark just yesterday. "People change, you've changed, I've changed, and I'll bet they've all changed too. You aren't lying about who you are by leaving out irrelevant bits of your past."
"Honey I adore you. If we had a male clone of you I'd marry him straight away." Slurping down the rest of his coffee he fluttered his eyelashes and simpered at her in a parody of a love struck teenaged girl. "Of course he'd have to not have the history we do. I'd hate to end up married to someone I couldn't see as anything but a little brother."
"You wouldn't be able to marry him anyway, it's not legal in either world." Grabbing his cup and putting it in the dishwasher with hers she half dragged him into her bed room. "You mister need to stay awake long enough to at least get in the bed."
"Are we sharing?" He asked as he sat on the closest edge of the bed to remove his shoes and socks.
"Yeah, why not. Close your eyes," demanded the girl as she pulled out the shirt and boxers she wore to sleep. While he kept his eyes shut she changed as quickly as she could behind him. "Alright, you can open them."
"You know I could have kept them open and still not seen you behind me." Smirking he pulled off his shirt, leaving him in his trousers, before laying back on the bed.
"It makes me feel a little more decent." Crawling under the covers on her side she gave him an evil grin as he settled down next to her. "Wanna bet on how soon I steal all the covers out for under you?"
"I'll take it as punishment for drinking so much." Rolling towards her he turned serious. "Don't wake me up if I'm dreaming, evil Malfoy and I need to talk."
"I'll do my best to keep you calm without waking you up and I'll be here when you do." Reaching out she flipped off the lamp leaving them in the dark.
"Thanks," his response came punctuated with a yawn.
"Good luck."
It was beautiful in the fuzzy way of the dreams one has when they're mostly drunk but not yet enough to prevent dreaming. Colour danced vividly before his eyes, everything was brighter, more exaggerated, than it ever could be naturally. Mark frowned, this bright place reminded him of a bustling Diagon Alley, and that wasn't right. He shouldn't be dreaming of places he'd pushed out of his mind years ago, even when he was drunk.
"Come out 'Malfoy,' portrait or whoever, I know you're here somewhere. I'm sure you've always been here watching me haven't you?" The world spun around him as he called out to the alternate Malfoy he'd met in his latest nightmares. Things melted together before re-solidifying into a simpler version of his old room at the Manor, with the image of who he would have been had he stayed a Wizard lounging on the bed. Sneering evilly the blonde Malfoy sent his skin crawling; the likeness of himself wearing Death Eater robes and casting Unforgivables was something Mark couldn't forget and here his doppelganger was reminding him of it again.
"Don't you just hate watching someone wearing your face making decisions you wouldn't, doing things you never would," the figure on the bed taunted Mark.
"Yes, but, now I know why you did," came his calm response.
"You don't know me, you left me behind, remember, Mark." Almost growling 'Malfoy' spat the name Mark like it was some sort of disgusting disease.
"This is my dream, and I'm still in charge here, so shut up for a moment." A piece of what looked like duck tape appeared covering the mouth of the blonde version of Draco Malfoy, who grew furious with the rest of his face promised revenge.
"You're mad at me, and I understand, I've felt it. Before I left there were so many moments when I hated myself; hated how weak I was, how cowardly," sighing Mark moved to sit next to himself on the bed while his counterpart struggled to peel off the tape. "Yes I studied all those Muggle psychology books for fun, if things had been different I think I would've liked becoming a Mind Healer, but I've never dealt with anything. My one-sided love, the depression, the suicide attempt, anything I didn't like thinking about I left behind with my old life and my magic. I was obsessed with becoming someone else, someone better, and that idea has warped all the unresolved problems I abandoned into you. You, the part of myself that I didn't want, the part I denied."
"You know I spent so much time not thinking about anything associated with the past that I'd almost forgotten there were times when I was happy." He stretched out alongside the still unwillingly silent Malfoy. The two lay side by side on the bed close enough that the slightest movement towards the center of the bed by either of them would bring them into contact. It was an odd scene; the two men were identical in features their clothes, eye and hair colors being the only ways to tell them apart. One wore comfortable muggle jeans and a t-shirt while the other was dressed in a fully wizarding outfit of black robes. "If you were really all the memories I left behind then you wouldn't be nearly so hateful. I was never able to cast the killing curse at another living thing successfully."
"See, I left behind my friendships with Pansy and Blaise, and Vince and Greg. I pushed all my memories of how happy I was with Mother, how fun it was to spend time with Sev, and everything else before graduation out of my mind with the rest of it. You would have had all that, I even tried to forget Him, but that was the problem wasn't it." Mark turned his gaze from the ceiling to the suddenly very still person next to him.
"You were stuck, you are me up to the point where I left, and I left you with all the unresolved problems to watch me move on. You don't hate me, you hate yourself, because I did. I hated who I was so I moved on to a new life, a new name, and built a new personality to go with it. I've grown and made friends while you've been stewing in the back of my mind unable to change, unable to leave behind your problems because without them you wouldn't be here. Because you are my problems, you're my past, and I've been trying to forget you but I was still too attached to pieces to let it all go, or to deal with any of it."
"I need to accept who I was before I can find out who I can be. Even when I ignored it I've always known, subconsciously, that I had to deal with my past before I could truly move on." Rolling over to pin down his 'past' self Mark smiled hopefully at the newly duck tape-less Malfoy. "I forgive you for being who you were made, I'm sorry I tried to get rid of you, and I think I can forgive myself for everything too. What about you, ready to move on?"
"Can you though? We believed that mudbloods were inferior to Purebloods. Have you forgotten when you actually hoped that Granger would be killed by the monster of Slytherin; maybe you couldn't have killed her but you were okay with someone else doing it for you. Are you really ready to consider everything, to accept everything?" Since Mark had pinned him and released him from the tape his cocky attitude had retreated. Instead he looked forlorn, lonely, as if he knew the coming answer would be negative.
"When I ended relationships because I didn't care enough about the other person I was lying. When I kept myself distanced from friends I said it was so I wouldn't get hurt, or that I liked spending time with Tric better, or that I just didn't really like them that much I was lying. I haven't been able to move on and connect with anyone because I was always hiding who I was. I couldn't let go of it, you, but I wouldn't hang on either. I, we, need this."
"I still love him. You never gave me a chance to move on. Ready to deal with everything you left behind?" Determined to be difficult the 'past' half of Malfoy countered his arguments desperately.
"Yeah well, 'The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.' I don't know if it's possible to just move on from that. After all, the name Harry Potter is spoken less than Lord Voldemort's in our flat." He gave a self disparaging grin, "probably not the best way to deal with it."
"Quoting muggle authors to me now? If I wasn't you I'd think you were never a wizard. But then, that was your goal," sneered the Wizarding version of Draco. In an instant he flipped Mark, pulled out his, their, wand and pointed it threateningly in the man's face.
"You still don't get it," he snarled, enraged by the platitudes Mark had been spouting. "As you said yourself; you never were able to cast the killing curse, and Harry Potter was your hope, you could never kill him. I can. True, the portrait hasn't aged in over two years, and I have been able to move around in it, but I am not just your silly old problems, or past. I am more; I've grown too. You didn't just leave behind your friends and family, or even your magic, you left behind a person. You created a new identity, a new life, for yourself, you became Mark Willasin and left behind Draco Malfoy. I am not just who you were, I am who you would have become, who you should be."
"Not possible," protested the Muggle, undaunted by the threat of magic his double posed. "It's been established that alternate futures cannot cross over into one another. And do put down the wand, your spells go right through me."
"I am not from an alternate future, I am the alternate present. You couldn't let go of your past; you left a trail for your Godfather and friends to follow, you refused to move on, you kept Tric, who knew all about your past, around. You didn't let Draco Malfoy 'die' when he should have. Sentimentality left a connection between you and I, and I lived along with you. Had you severed yourself from Draco Malfoy at the start I would have just been you when you left, I would have been Draco Malfoy's living portrait. I would have been free to move about as if you had died because essentially I would have; Draco Malfoy would have died and given way to Mark Willasin." Continuing his rant the wizard leapt off the bed and began pacing, waving his arms agitatedly.
"These last few years have been torture; watching you live your happy life as a filthy muggle and knowing that you didn't want me, you didn't want to be like me anymore, but you wouldn't let me just die like I was supposed to. Every thought you've had I've had, and I could see and hear as your portrait too. I was Draco Malfoy, I should have been in the portrait hall with my ancestors, but you left a trail, and a connection, to tell Narcissa you were fine, that you were still alive," he hissed the last few words venomously. "Couldn't decide which life you wanted as your own? Maybe you were playacting? You wanted to be Draco Malfoy acting like Mark Willasin but you got caught up in your own fantasy? You thought your spells created me on accident. And now, I know everything you think, you wanted to just get rid of me." Spinning he pointed his wand back at Mark, who had gotten over the shockingly bipolar attitude of his magical twin and was sitting up on the edge of the bed.
"You think you just need to accept yourself, your past, and I'll go away. Ha! I'm no longer just a part of you. I've told you before, magic tries to escape any way it can when you contain it. You repressed your magic and you repressed me. It will escape and I will take over, because you are a weak, indecisive, fool." Abruptly stilling he gazed at Mark in a calculating manner. "This is your dream, but our mind. My spells went through you before because I wanted them to, I wanted to taunt you with your helplessness. Have you ever wondered what happens if you die in your dreams? Do you really die in reality? Or would I be left to take control of your body? Let's find out, shall we?" His face broke into a disturbing smile as he steadied the wand aimed at at Mark's chest.
Lunging across the short distance separating them Mark desperately scrabbled for the wand. Knocked off balance the two fell to the floor wrestling for control of both the situation and the weapon. Hindered by his robes and the fact that Mark had clearly had more practice fighting without magic the 'darker' version of Draco Malfoy was slowly being overpowered. Frighteningly when one punched the other across the jaw both gained a split lip, when the muggle gave the wizard a black eye his own face bruised; it was clear that neither could truly win the fight as both men took the same amount of damage. Panting they reached a stalemate when Mark rolled free, wand in hand, to the opposite side of the room.
"What are you going to do? A wand is useless to you, you can't use any magic," scoffed the wizard in triumph. The strange look in his eyes made Mark feel as if he had lost the fight instead.
"Yeah, but at least you don't have it," shot back the confused winner. "If you think I'd let someone who was or is me kill me after all I went through-"
"Mark? MARK!" The call echoed around them.
"Merlin's beard, the stupid muggle's going to-" The blonde was cut off by Tric's voice calling out again, this time louder.
"Draco? Mark? You've got to wake-up, NOW!" She sounded panicked and Mark could feel a slight tugging on his arms, increasing by the second. "Please wake-up Honey, please."
Mark, and the wand he held, faded from the dreamscape leaving the wizarding Malfoy standing alone. A string of shockingly foul curses, both muggle and wizarding, poured from the blonde's mouth. Screaming in incoherent rage he punched the nearest pillow and kicked at the furniture.
"So close! That stupid girl! It was so close, less than a minute more and the proximity alone might have-, ARGH!" Chest heaving he closed his eyes and attempted to calm down. Eventually his breathing slowed and his face lost most of its red tinge. "Oh well, we've made some progress at least. Until next time. I will make it back, eventually," he whispered as the room fell apart into nothing like wisps of fog.
Miles away in Malfoy Manor, had anyone cared to observe it very closely, the living portrait of Draco Malfoy aged a small amount for the first time in over two years.
Staggering slightly Mark opened his eyes in confusion, stunned to find himself standing in their linen/storage closet. Tric stood grasping his arms from behind with her own trying to drag him back out into the hall. Looking down at the thin box he held in his hands Mark jumped and threw it to the floor as if it was a poisonous snake. He slowly backed away.
"Tric, please put that back for me. I don't know what happened," he claimed shakily. "Thanks for waking me, tell me what I did back in your room?"
"Sure, you should make sure I didn't wake Jack up too though." Stepping around her roommate, considerably calmer now that he wasn't sleepwalking anymore, she grabbed the wooden box off the floor and stuffed it back into the open duffle bag it came from. Zipping it up with the tab engraved 'W' she pushed the bag back into place among the boxes and closed the door behind herself.
Peeking into his room Mark was reassured by the quiet snores coming from the lump in the bed. Silently reclosing the door Mark stopped in the wash room on his way to meet Tric. After splashing some cold water over his hands and face to help jumpstart his mind he joined Tric in her bed. Once they were both huddled under the warm blankets together he motioned for her to explain what he'd done while sleepwalking.
"Honey I can't really tell what happened; one moment you're thrashing around like mad and the next you've gone all still. You were really calm all of a sudden and you just stood up and walked out the room and over to that bag, opened the right side and pulled out your wan-" stopped by his glare she smoothly changed her wording mid sentence, "wooden box. Even though I could tell you were asleep, the closed eyes really gave it away, you knew exactly what you were looking for. It's a good thing you gave me the key to hide 'cause otherwise you might have opened that thing in your sleep."
"I know I've said it before but thank you, and never give me even a hint of where you've put that key. The, uh, mind Malfoy said he could see all my thoughts and I don't want to take any chances. I think he was using my dream to control me or something." Shivering at the dark thoughts running through his head he didn't protest when Tric cuddled closer.
"Do you think it'll do that again?"
"I think it could." Glancing over at his friend, who was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, he gave her a reassuring hug. "Don't worry, you can just lock me in my bedroom while I sleep," he half-joked.
"That could kill you! The flat, or the building, could burn down with you in it," she protested, shocked out of concern and into an affronted anger.
"Well then you'll have to just rent a storage space somewhere to hide that bag. Having it here, so nearby, is clearly a bad idea." Smiling at her still ticked off look he ruffled her hair playfully, as one tends to do to cute children. "You're such an adorably overprotective little sister. Really, I could jump out the window onto the fire escape or make an escape rope with my sheets and clothes or something if I needed to."
"Still, I'm not willing to risk it, I'd be lost without my partner in crime." Pouting she tried to flatten her mussed hair, although it was pretty much a lost cause due to both bed head and her roommate's actions.
"Ah, we're a pair all right, a pair of runaways," smiling nostalgically Mark tugged on one of the more stubborn cowlicks sticking up in back that Tric couldn't tame. "You're the Cloak to my Dagger, always helping me hide. Actually you're probably the fighter like Dagger, and you are the girl, so I guess I'd be Cloak."
"How is it that you won't touch fantasy but you'll read American Sci-Fi superhero comics," she complained.
"Hey, I read British comics too. I just don't read anything with magic in it. No elves, fairies, unicorns, mermaids, or any of that stuff," patiently he explained his reading choices in what was clearly a conversation they'd repeatedly had before.
"Right, you don't read about stuff that actually exists." Rolling her eyes in the way that told him she was humoring him only because they were so close she gave up the battle with her hair and rolled over onto her back.
"I was just ignoring anything that might relate to, you know, but tomorrow if you really want to I'll let you recommend a good fantasy book you like and I promise to read it. Okay-?" He was cut off by Tric squeezing the air out of his lungs in an impressively tight hug.
"Oh yes, finally! Okay, okay, lemme think," she paused, glancing around the dark room as if a book might light up and give her inspiration. "Terry Pratchett, yeah, his stuff is all awesome. Discworld is wicked and it's nothing like er, my sister's world. You'll love it, he's known for his satire, I'll start you on the watch, or maybe the witches, series as soon as we get a few more hours of sleep. Maybe the Death ones, you'll love them."
"Sure Tric, whatever you want. Goodnight, again." He sighed and wiggled until she got the message. Loosening her grip Tric let him slip back off to sleep.
AN: Read my companion piece, 'Made Himself Muggle,' just for kicks please. So the chapter when Draco gets his magic back and is exposed to everyone as Draco Malfoy was written back before ch. 12 (possibly even 10 & 11 but I can't remember) but now may have to undergo changes. I'm finding that although I had mental struggles for Draco/Mark to go through I kinda want to add a bit more; let other people, mostly those searching for him, see the 'evil' portrait Malfoy, have the two of them in the real world at the same time. Also while I was writing the dream scene this creepy idea kept popping into my head:
—'…Rolling over to pin down his 'past' self Mark smiled hopefully at the newly duck tape-less Malfoy. "I forgive you for being who you were made, I'm sorry I tried to get rid of you, and I think I can forgive myself for everything too. What about you, ready to move on?"'
"Yeah." As soon as Malfoy responded Mark leaned down to kiss him. Relinquishing his blonde twin's hands Mark held the face identical to his own. The kiss grew heated and soon they separated to gasp for air. Looking up at the 'muggle' who instigated the kiss Malfoy smirked.
"You know this makes us the most narcissistic person ever, right?" The wizard quipped.
"Who cares? I'm hot," Mark replied before diving into another make out session.
And just like that the two made up. Malfoy quit being evil and instead spent all day thinking of all the fun they could have together in the dream world. Mark/Draco got over everything and never needed another boyfriend because he had someone who knew his every thought already. Since he was no longer evil Malfoy helped Draco get his magic back and hide himself better from the wizards. He lived happily ever after, with himself, the end.—
Yeah, I was like what the hell, too. But it just popped up when Mark pinned him and then again, when they were wrestling over the wand, it occurred to me that if they weren't the same person the situation could have been sexual… alone and pinned to a bed by a hot guy… wrestling said hot guy… yeah. I swear I'm not sick. I didn't let it happen for real! I just figured the thought could be shared, just because.
smiling-is-my-favorite-pastime: Yea, Tric's not annoying! Thank you for your review, here's your up-date.
The Phantom Dragon: Huh? Well, I don't know about no pairings, after all I've already got two couples engaged in there. If you're against gay couples… I warned about that in the summary so if you've made it to the 12th chapter you should've realized they'd be in there. I don't know what else to tell you; you're the only person who's asked for there to be no pairings so you probably won't get your wish, sorry. But thank you for your review anyway. Hopefully your siblings had more fun than I did.
Emeralden Rapley: Uh…never saw the Buffy showdown (le-gasp!) but the Jean Grey/Pheonix showdown in the 3rd X-men movie I loved (when she was tearing apart the whole island and Wolverine was healing himself while being torn apart trying to get to her). Quite fortunately Draco will not be going insane and/or tearing people apart. But I may have to work with that 'epic finally' idea. It was going to be more of a Draco's all calm and 'I don't really care if I get my magic back, oh look I did, well whatever bye' while everyone else was flipping out but who knows. Maybe he needs a drama queen scene too. Thanks for the review, and the review on Made Himself Muggle too.
P.S. Please review in any way shape or form. This was/is my first fanfic ever and my first piece of writing this long so I need all the advice and critic I can get. Tell me what you guys think should happen and I may consider it.