I own nothing you recognize. All original characters and storylines are my own.

Unbreakable

"No fucking way…" I whispered as I reviewed the bank statement for what had to be the dozenth time. According to this Opie had had one hell of a payday, a fucking government transfer according to my snitch. I quickly reviewed it again. Fuck, if this was right there was only one way to interpret this…Opie was a rat.

After Clay dismissed me with the order not to tell anyone I was going crazy. My mind wouldn't shut off. I admit that I didn't know Ope too well but he was a brother and Milla loved him almost as much as she loved Jax and trusted him more. If he was a rat this would fucking devastate her, hell it was devastating me. Once I was finally able to concentrate enough I went home and sat staring at my computer screen in my office. I usually hated having my workspace separate from the main living area of the house but now I was grateful for it. This meant that I could hide out in here and wouldn't have to confront Milla with this shit.

"Baby, you in here?" I heard her shout and began to panic. I couldn't lie to Milla, I didn't seem to have the ability and that was the only way I could think to get out of this. I glanced at the door and tried to figure out the appropriate course of action. Should I shut and lock it and say I was busy with club shit? Should I leave it open and be forced to tell Milla one of her favorite people in the world was a rat? Should I keep my answers to single or, at the most ambitious, double syllable answers? Ding, ding, ding, number three was the winner. I'd keep all answers simple and short. For now I just pulled up our finances to look like I was doing something.

"Why didn't you answer me?" I looked up at Milla framed in the doorway, a look of concern on her face and looked back to the computer.

"Just checking out some things baby. Now that you're not at CaraCara we have to adjust our income levels." Yeah I know it wasn't one or two syllables but it was reasonable and something I was honestly thinking about.

"Well, we may have to adjust those again." She said as she walked up and traced her fingers along my bolts.

"Whaddya mean?" I asked as I hazarded a look at her. She smiled as she leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"Well, I may have gotten a job. Elliot Oswald needs a personal assistant and I'm more than qualified for the position. I may end up taking some business classes later but for now I could do it. I wasn't guaranteed the position but a position was promised. No matter what I will have a job." Despite everything it made me smile. Milla needed a job, downtime was not her friend and she hated being taken care of.

"That's great baby." I said as I ran through the pros and cons of telling her in my head. There were no fucking pros.

"Wanna know what else is great baby?" She asked as she resumed tracing the bolts.

"What babe?" I asked as I tried to get a way out of this conversation before I said something that could get us both killed.

"I got some new ink…" Then she leaned down and whispered, "I think you'll like it."

She moved away from me but not before she had me turn my chair so that I could have full view of her. Shit, what did she get? I watched as she lowered her already lowrise jeans in the back and lifted up her shirt. If I hadn't had shit on my mind the sight that was revealed would have had me hard as fucking stone. On her lower back, in tramp stamp territory, there was a crow in flight above the words "Property of Juice" in blocky writing. Fuck yes she was my property and damn it if I didn't want her to have that tattoo. Now I couldn't enjoy it. She turned around with a grin on her face that fell when she saw mine.

"What's wrong baby? Don't you like it?" She looked sad so I took a deep breath.

"Of course I like it baby, I just have a lot on my mind. Listen, I really want to get this done." I turned back to the computer and started randomly clicking shit before she got the hint and walked out. I knew she was upset about my lack of reaction but I'd rather have her upset over that little thing than tell her the shit I found out. Once I heard the door to the backyard open I got up and closed myself in the office. I had a lot of shit to think about.

Donna was dead… As I watched the paramedics wrap her body and put it in the back of the ambulance I felt the bile rise in my throat. I did this…it was my information that put the bullets in the back of her head. This wasn't gangland, this was an extermination.

"Yeah, he's with us. He'll tell her." Clay said into the cell as he nudged me. "This'll hurt less coming from you."

"This'll fucking kill her." I said before I took the phone and took a deep breath, "Milla baby, you there?"

"Yeah baby, I'm here." She said in a voice laced with fear. God I wished I didn't have to tell her this.

"Baby, Donna's...Donna's dead. It was a driveby." I said as I fought the tears that were coming to my eyes. She was silent for a few heartbeats before she let out a bloodcurdling, almost inhuman, scream. The call ended abruptly and I shut the phone before I looked at Clay.

"Go to her, my baby needs you." I nodded before I went to my bike and climbed on. I slapped my helmet on my head and tore out, I needed to get to my baby.

I got to the house and wasn't prepared for what I saw. Milla was running toward the door and I caught her before she ran for it. She kicked and scratched at me but I held her until the fight was gone. She collapsed in my arms and I knew the second we were stopped on my bike she'd run off. She was good at talking to me about shit now but when it came to grief she ran for it. I borrowed the car Wendy had stashed in the carport and brought Milla to the clubhouse. She'd stopped crying and was too fucking calm. I'd seen this before and it was fucking terrifying. She called it "the numb" and when it struck her she wasn't my Milla anymore. As soon as we got in the door I walked her to one of the couches and she sat still as a statue. I had no fucking clue what to do so I joined Chibs at the bar and tried to drown everything with alcohol.

I was on my third beer when I heard a raw, painful gasp behind me. I turned around and saw Milla standing there. The look in her eyes was pure pain and desperation, almost wild and I knew what had to be done as she started moving toward the dorm rooms I got off the stool and followed her. The door was barely closed before she was on me. She kissed, she bit, she scratched and she latched onto me. I was just as desperate as I brought her to the bed and we tore at each other's clothes. In no time at all I was inside her and I was anything but gentle. She didn't need to be made love to, she needed to be fucked. She needed feeling fucked right back into her body. She cried while I drilled her and I found myself being more violent. I needed the violence and she needed the brutality. Soon we were exhausted and I held her to me as she fitfully slept. The next day would bring even more heartache and I didn't know how or even if I could fix this.

I spent the morning trying to figure out what the fuck to do with Milla while she slept. I didn't know how much she knew, or what she thought. I did know that she knew more than she let on, she'd become suspicious when she'd heard from Donna about being in lock down. Once she was awake I got my answer. She knew…she knew everything and it was tearing her up inside. I did what I could to help her but I'd never felt so helpless in my fucking life. I loved her more than anything else in the world and there was nothing I could do to stop her pain.

"Juice! Where's my daughter?" Clay called and he snapped me out of my thoughts as I ran security protocols, the last thing we needed was some ATF tech figuring out how to maneuver around my firewall, I really didn't think it was possible but it did give me something to do to keep my mind off shit.

"Last I heard Sack took her to the funeral home." I put the program in the background and he looked at me completely annoyed.

"Last you heard? Well last I heard she was damn near suicidal and your Old Lady. You gotta contain that shit. I don't care where Sack is. It's your ass on the line here. You go to that funeral home and bring her back. I want her in this fucking clubhouse so we can keep an eye on her." He took a drag of his cigar and looked steadily at me. "Well?"

"I don't know what to do with her Clay. She's never been this level of crazy before." I was scared out of my mind. I had been working out scenarios all day and there wasn't a single one that didn't end with her finding out the details and ending up in the ground next to Donna. And if she went there I'd follow.

"She's never had her best friend murdered before. She needs you and you need to grow some goddamn balls. She's going to be crazy and you're going to be there for her. I said it before; you're the only one I trust with her. Don't force me to reconsider that position." There was sympathy in his eyes but there was also that fierceness that shined through whenever he talked about Milla.

"I'll call Sack and find out where they're at." Clay nodded and moved out of the clubhouse.

A few minutes later I rode to the funeral home and saw Sack leaning against the side of Milla's Jeep staring intently at the entrance. When he heard me pull up he broke his gaze and pushed off the side. Once I'd pulled to a stop he walked up and stopped.

"Hey man, Milla's inside." He nodded toward the door and I nodded.

"I know, I'm here to pick her up." He looked confused and was about to say something when I put my hand up. "Don't say anything. I want you to go to my house and box up everything wedding related. Go through the whole fucking house, I don't want anything laying around that Donna may have touched, picked out or even glanced at. My baby needs to go home and she won't step a foot through the doors if that shit is still there."

He didn't say anything; he simply nodded and got in the Jeep. He knew how to get into my house so I didn't mess with him about it. Now wasn't the time. I leaned against my bike and lit up a cigarette. As I smoked I thought about the last twenty four hours. At this time yesterday Opie was professing his innocence in Church. I believed him, shit he would never rat. Five years in prison and he never once ratted on the douche who left him behind. He could have put everyone away but he didn't. From everything I'd heard he'd suffered in silence. I had to think about something else. Milla…shit what the fuck was I going to do with her. I wasn't going to leave her, I couldn't leave her but my first instinct wasn't going to work. I wanted to fix her, to make this right and I couldn't. She wasn't like a corrupted file or a broken carburetor. No tightening of a screw or rewriting code for her. I had nearly finished my second cigarette when Milla came walking out the door, she was clutching what looked like a shoe box and a folded dry cleaning bag. When she got close to the bike she stopped short, obviously expecting Sac.

"Where's Kip?" She asked as she clutched the box like it was a fucking lifeline.

"I sent him to the house to finish some things. I wanted to see how you're doing. Opie said you were looking lost." I looked at her and she chuckled lightly, it should have been a good sound but it wasn't, she was broken.

"Baby, I've never felt more lost in my life." Her voice took on a distant quality and I couldn't think of anything to do so I walked to her and held her in my arms, she was wound tighter than a guitar string and I felt lost myself.

"I'm sorry I'm so crazy." She added quietly and I just held her tighter, there was nothing I could say or do to fix her and I was feeling helpless.

"After the funeral I wanna go to Reno, you and me. We can find a chapel; get the marriage license, everything. I need this with you." I pressed my forehead to hers, I meant every word. Even though I wasn't sure how to deal with her now I knew she was the only one for me and we would figure this shit out.

"Even after this you still want to marry me?" She asked quietly and I pulled away to look at her. She was serious with that shit.

"How could you even question that? Nothing you could do could push me away, nothing." I meant every word and suddenly the only thing I wanted to do was kiss her, make her feel what I felt so I pulled her closer and crushed her mouth against mine. Something shifted and she didn't feel as broken as she had before. Sex and violence, the two things that could shake her out of the insanity.

As I pulled her even closer and started to make the kiss more intense my phone rang. I groaned and broke the kiss before I walked away and flipped it open. Shit was going down that Milla didn't need, and I didn't want her, to hear.

"Yeah." I practically growled.

"Watch that tone boy. We need those skills of yours back at the clubhouse. I'm also calling church, once you get here we'll have everyone we need. You have my angel?" He asked and I heard the real question, "did I contain that shit."

"She's waiting at my bike, I'm gonna bring her back to the clubhouse, do whatever you need to do then take her home. I sent Sack to the house to make it inhabitable again." God I wished that I would have lit a cigarette.

"Good, now hurry your ass up and bring me my angel. I have to see with my own two eyes that she's good." I never should have told him how I felt earlier, now he didn't trust me with her. Fuck that, I was one of the few he could trust.

"We're on our way." I hung up without saying goodbye, annoyed that he thought so little of me. With a deep breath I walked over to Milla and saw her zoning as she still clutched the shoe box like her life depended on it.

"That was Clay, we're having church. He needs me back. Where do you wanna go baby?" I asked her as she looked at me like I was finally something she could see, not looking through me like she'd done earlier in the day. I'd asked her where she wanted to go but it was a question to get her mind working, I knew exactly where we were going but I needed her to talk to me. I took her hand and started leading her to the bike. I needed the contact and I needed her to break the death grip on the shoe box.

"I don't know, I can't go back to Ope's. Not right now and if I go back to our house I'll just go numb again if I'm alone. If you leave me with a vehicle there's a good chance I'll run. Maybe you should just put a bullet in my head, that's the only thing that'll stop this." I felt every muscle in my body tense at once. She was fucking serious I could hear it in her voice and I was having none of it. I whirled on her and the violence of the movement seemed to shake her up a bit…good.

"Don't you fucking say that Milla! If I lost you…Jesus Christ! I'm bringing you to the garage and finding someone to babysit you, otherwise you're not getting out of my fucking sight." I was scared, pissed off and sick and the image of Milla being wrapped up in the bodybag like Donna entered my mind and I felt my stomach turn.

I didn't say anything more as I forced her to take the helmet and tore the fucking shoebox from her hands. As she put on the helmet I forced the box into the saddle bag. I got on the bike and silently commanded her to get on. She climbed on behind me and ended up clutching me just as tightly as she'd clutched the fucking shoebox. Once we got to the garage I got off and grabbed Milla more roughly than I should have and hauled her ass into the office. Yeah Clay wanted to see her but Gemma could keep her in line. I forced Milla into the visitor's chair before I caught Gemma's eyes and she nodded. Gemma was there for Milla, she would give Milla what she needed while I took care of business but she still knew Milla's place was with me. It's amazing how much can be said without speaking a fucking word. I stormed out of the office but before I went in the clubhouse I punched the wall. The violence of the action took a little of the edge off but I was still tense as fuck. I wouldn't lose Milla, I just needed to figure out a way to keep her in her own fucking head.

I woke up to the feeling of something warm, wet and soft around my dick. Not a bad way to wake up but I'd gotten barely any sleep the night before and no matter how pleasant it was a man needs sleep. Despite that need I opened my eyes as the fog lifted and saw that familiar head of dark hair bobbing up and down on me.

"Baby…" I whispered but she didn't let up, she worked my junk like her life depended on it and I guessed that in that moment it kinda did. It felt good but I needed to know she was ok. I fisted her hair in my hand and accidentally jerked her head as her tongue swirled over a sensitive spot and that did the trick, her mouth disengaged with a pop and she turned her head to look at me. Her eyes were lucid and focused. Shit, that was what I needed to do, if I wanted her sane I had to hurt her. My hand was still fisted in her hair as I pulled her up to me and she complied, moving with the hand as I guided her mouth in a kiss. She whimpered as I tightened my grip but never attempted to move away, she knew she needed this too.

"Please…" She whispered once the kiss ended and I removed my hand from her hair and started moving the shirt she'd slept in off her body, soon enough she was naked and I licked my lips as I took in the sight of her. She was always going to be the sexiest woman in the world to me, even when she was bat shit crazy.

She moved closer to me and instead of letting her do what she wanted I roughly forced her to the bed and started kissing my way down her body. I had a plan and didn't want her interference.

"Juice!" She gasped as I took the skin along her hip between my teeth and bit down hard enough to bruise. She was panting and I felt something in my chest loosen, she needed this. The hip was just the start of everything as I left bruises all over her body. If Clay or Jax saw them there was a good chance I'd be dead but my baby needed the pain and the sex so I was going to give her what she needed.

"I love you baby." She smiled down at me as I rested my head on her stomach, the sex had probably been our most intense and emotionally charged ever. We both needed the anchor that the physical had provided and I could see the old Milla already creeping back into her eyes.

"I love you more than anything else in the world baby." I trailed kisses from her stomach to her mouth again and she fell into the kiss. We proceeded into round two and I could feel her slipping more and more into herself. This was step one of the recovery plan, step two was to get away. After the funeral I'd bring it up but for now I'd just take care of her in the way we both needed.

Author's Note: Sorry I took so long to update. Life has been crazy as hell for me lately. I wanted to show a little bit about what was going through Juice's head with the Donna situation. Not only was he dealing with obvious guilt he also had the added duty of keeping Milla sane and still breathing. Soon I'll be moving from Mending Walls to Changes and I have some ideas about what I want to share but a always your suggestions are very welcome. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing.