" So when are you going to do right by me?" Catherine teased him with his favourite line, he used it whenever he referred to marrying her; it was cute.
" When do you want to go and where? This is Vegas." His hand was in her hair again, she loved the time they spent together; just laying in bed.
" Lets have a court ceremony. I need to get the paperwork to change my name. Do we need vows?" She let him slip closer, their skin pressing together; he was warm.
" I don't, I know what I want to say to you. I don't need to say it in front of some one who is just going to stamp and sign a piece of paper. If you want them I will say them, if you don't I will just spend the rest of my life proving that I love you." The seriousness in his eyes reassured her; neither of them were traditional.
" Lets just do it, say I do and sign the papers and come home. Maybe if this was different we would do it differently but right now I just want to be your wife. I love you and I trust you; you have already proved that to me over and over." She smiled as he rolled them, his knee slid between her legs; it felt good.
" I am more than okay with that. Someday we will go on a honeymoon too and we will enjoy every part of each other." Lou sighed, his lips finding her neck.
" Let me feel your weight, I miss it; I miss you." Catherine groaned as he lowered a little more of his weight; there were a few times when she had felt it all.
" You want to go today?" He asked, raising his head; she pushed hers back to meet his eyes.
" Its today already? I need sleep." She groaned, they had been planning to go to bed; somehow they had ended up talking all evening.
" I'm taking that as a yes." Lou kissed her again and rolled them, sliding into his place behind her; his hand trailing the incision. She knew he didn't intend to do it but earlier he had expressed how glad he was some of her stitches had come out; she knew as a guy he was more reserved. But she was coming to consider her body shared, it was his too and his was hers if he needed her.
Catherine drifted to sleep in his arms, her heart thudding at his answer; a part of her was hoping he had been waiting to talk about getting married. She wanted it badly, she wanted to be his and to be married; to take his name. This wasn't something she was sure of, it fought everything she had built for herself but Lou was that part of her that had been missing. He drew it out of her and reassured her, she wanted to be his and hand him that power, she had given that power before and it had been abused; this time she knew it wouldn't be.
A soft touch was running up and down her side, it was gentle and warm; Lou was awake. " How long have you been up?"
" Awhile. How are you feeling today?" He asked, pulling her onto her back; his eyes were bright. She smiled as he brushed a fly away curl from her face, he could be so soft.
" Good. Are we seriously going to get married today?" Their pillow talk from last night had been fun.
" I took your moan thing as yes. We can get the paperwork from the court house this afternoon and go to one of chapels, or just do it there. Do you mind if I ask why you don't like the chapels?" His hands drifting down her arm making little patterns.
" I married Eddie in a drive through chapel, I was drunk, high and just off a shift; I didn't really want to be there but I didn't want a fight. It was a mistake, I think Lindsay was conceived that night and its not that I don't love Lindsay but there is so much history and pain in that decision and that night." She whispered, hoping he wouldn't push.
" He hit you for getting pregnant. Sweetie, don't be afraid lets go to a nice chapel that is out of the way and special for us. Don't worry Catherine." His voice was so soft, she knew he cared, that he meant what he said and that he would be a good father. Yet a nagging part of her wanted to run, she didn't want to tie him down to hard.
She sighed, he made it so easy to love him and to feel safe, she knew she could build a life with him and trust him. It was just hard when she couldn't be that for him, she needed him and she knew it could or would change but it would take time. It was hard to believe their passion could work, believe she could really be happy and safe; not to have to fight for herself and her child. She did love him, and it scared her; it scared her to be with a man who wasn't going to abuse her heart. " I love you, I trust you, I just am not used to opening up; I'm not used to the settled safe life. Be patient with me, I will be a good wife, and your lover again someday."
She grinned, he didn't reassure her; it wasn't what she wanted. Catherine knew he was tough and it was part of why they worked; he wanted her to need him but he got that she could be tough too. " I know, goes both ways. I don't want to move."
It was just the fighter in her, the part that didn't want to be hurt again; that was all. She was about to suggest they just lay in bed for awhile when the door flew open.
" Hey mom, did you see the kitchen? How did your tests go?" Lindsay flew through the door way and came to stand at the foot of the bed, wide awake and unconcerned that her entrance had made Lou scramble; personally she didn't care.
" Lindsay, have you ever heard of knocking? What if we weren't decent?" Lou growled at her daughter, she glanced off and smiled; his face was turning red and he had dragged the sheet up to his chest.
" Did you miss the fact my mother was a stripper and a good one at that, I had that explained to me at five or that I am almost twenty? Honestly, I've heard it anyways, you aren't exactly quiet. Did you see the kitchen?" Lindsay rolled her eyes at him and his expression made her laugh; neither of them were done.
" Its not just your mother in here. I really wouldn't want you to walk in on anything that would make it uncomfortable or.." Lou spoke slowly which only got him cut off.
" Please, you think I haven't seen a guy naked, I have gone to college parties and anyway I thought you had a son." Lindsay, dismissed him and came to sit on the bed by her hip, she was trying really hard not to laugh any more; but the look on Lou's face was making it hard.
" Wait, you mean..." He stuttered, she almost felt sorry for him, he and Jake weren't that close so he could only guess what his son had done.
" Lindsay has done the same thing we have. She told me after her first time and anyways you see everything in college. We try to talk about it and I don't get involved as longs as she is cautious and safe; anything unplanned ever happens I will be there for her." She put him out of his misery before turning to her daughter; who looked very smug at Lou's confusion and discomfort. " I saw the kitchen, it looks amazing; it is a good change. How did you guys do it in a day?"
" It was fun, we had almost everything cleared out before hand; we just kept you out of stuff. One of Lou's friends came with all the stuff and they worked at that while I did the painting. They both made fun of me all day, so don't pity him for being uncomfortable. Then when they actually started putting stuff back together I followed along and put things away and cleaned; Sara came to help for a bit I think she had a video camera. It was fun, it was better that you didn't even know it was happening though. Did the doctor think you are doing okay?" Lindsay bubbled over and taunted before becoming more serious; stretching herself out on the edge of the bed beside her; her daughter's comfort was something she was glad of. Yet Lou was slunk down under the blankets and fidgeting.
" Yes, it is going well, after the next appointment I will start light physio therapy. What are you doing today?" She tried to move the conversation along to get Lindsay out and let Lou relax.
" Since I'm not invited to your wedding I will probably be at Kayla's we are going to work on a research paper for school." Catherine raised her eyebrows, she had not wanted Lindsay to over hear something like that; she didn't want her daughter to feel pushed out. " Don't give me that look. I was outside the door for a few minutes, texting Kayla to try and figure out when we could do this stupid paper and I over heard. Although I don't like the double standard but I blame him."
" Why am I always the bad guy?" Lou grumbled.
" You're the only guy in the house. But I find it slightly unfair that you go to the hospital, I'm not allowed to visit. Your boyfriend is now your fiance and I am somehow not told; not that I really dislike him I just find him rather pointless at times. You tell me your pregnant and I'm supposed to be okay with that. Get home and your boyfriend is now your fiance and living with us. I find out you two are going to get married by eavesdropping. Do you see the double standard? If it was me you would be at the hospital, you would be reaming me out if I moved my boyfriend in or went to him before you and I know there would be some sort of lecture if I ended up pregnant; not that I think you wouldn't be there for me. I don't want to think what would happen if I just announced I was getting married. Before him this didn't happen, he is to blame. Yet I am strangely okay with it, but at some point we are going to talk when he is far away." Lindsay calmly delivered her lecture and Catherine found herself grimacing internally; she hadn't meant to push her daughter out.
" What is your problem with me? I thought we were getting along decently." Lou stated indigently making both of them turn to him.
" Linds, I get that you're irritated with me and we will talk, tonight if you want. We are going to get married today but there are no invitations. I didn't mean to shut you out I've just been stressed and am tired of making you be more mature than you should have to be. Can you please go to Kayla's and let Lou relax?" She tried to smooth things over, knowing they would need to be addressed but Lindsay was right; it was a girls discussion and if they carried on down the path it would accidentally happen with a guy present.
" Fine, kick him out tonight and we can get chinese." Lindsay dropped a kiss on her cheek before standing and moving to the end of the bed; Catherine watched hoping she would make good on her word. " Lou its not so much that I don't like you its that you are suddenly very present and very permanent; plus how often can I make fun of a cop with out consequences." Lindsay thew him an evil smirk and walked out; leaving the door wide open.
Catherine managed to hold in her laughter until she heard the front door smack shut; Lindsay never managed to shut it gently but did usually avoid slamming it.
" There just might be consequences. I didn't realize what a piece of work she was." Lou grumbled, she knew he was more upset with Lindsay walking in on him only covered in a blanket more than anything else.
" You just have to get that we have always had a open relationship where we have had to rely on each other. Honestly you have no idea how scary it is to feel safe relying on someone other than myself. It is just another step in life,but it is new for both of us; Linds really isn't used to having a man around the house. Its not that she doesn't like you she is just reacting by testing you." Catherine tried to explain, reaching for his hand; if that had bothered him she would have to warn her daughter off because she knew Lindsay could hit far more precisely than she had been.
" It takes time I know, really we should get up; I still don't want to move." Lou groaned rolling towards the edge of the bed.
" That makes you, my mind has been running crazy all morning trying to convince and unconvince myself that this is right. I know it is I have just been lying still thinking about it. I'm getting up." She told him firmly, at least that way he would know she was sure but fighting herself, as she slid out of the bed.
" I think that's normal, I've been having some of the same thoughts; maybe its because we have both already had a bad marriage and are afraid of a repeat. Fear always seems to come up over the personal things; it would be so much easier if it would just hit at work." He shook his head, still not climbing out of the bed.
" No that would be normal, and neither of us are; at all. But that is what will make it work. That and the fact we can respect each other and then die wanting each other. Its been a while since I've been out of bed before you." She grinned cheekily, rounding the bed to beat him to the bathroom.
" Right, would you mind closing the door seeing as your daughter apparently has no problem with seeing you naked; I don't trust that the brat couldn't still be lurking somewhere to make fun of me."Lou's last words didn't register as she started laughing, but closed the door for him.
" She was just trying to get under your skin. Let me have my own shower." Catherine warned him before shutting him out of the bathroom; she was feeling good and wanted to get ready for him on her own. Knowing that if he didn't have a warning not to join her he would send himself an invitation. She heard him grumbling as he made his way down to the hall bathroom.
She was pleased that she managed to get herself ready for him, she had felt some of it but it was good to be able to do little things for herself again; she noticed them more. Wrapped in a towel she slipped back into the bed room and to the closet, it was shared now and her stuff was on the left; she was still getting used to it.
" You should wear your purple dress." Catherine heard Lou say as he entered and crossed into the bathroom; she didn't need to ask why as she had been told several times.
Yet she wasn't sure she wanted to, he liked it and they had some good memories with it; a couple that had sent it to the dry cleaners after. But it had a slanted neck line, which when she had bought it had been a selling point for her; she had always loved the one shoulder shirts and dresses but now the scar was awful high.
Pulling the dress from the back of the closet she held it up. The deep purple was knee length and pulled in from the waistline up to under the bust with neat little tucks that lengthened and smoothed her torso, the fabric pulled across from both sides and up through the middle of the dress to come together on the right side. Carefully woven the thick flat strap curved over her shoulder and plunged down her back; brought together by the crossing swaths of fabric that created the effect on the front and left a neat design of skin showing.
She liked the dress and was well aware of why Lou liked the dress but her insecurities were flaring. Glancing over she saw Lou was done in the bathroom and mostly dressed, dress pants a white shirt made him look fantastic. Dropping the towel she slipped into her underwear and stared at the dress she had thrown on the bed.
Taking a deep breath she pulled down the zipper and slipped it over her head, the fitting dress slid over her and came to rest like a glove waiting to be pulled up under her arm. Another deep breath and she reached for the zipper, still not allowing herself to look down, trying to tell herself that from her angle she would see right down the dress and all of the scar; if she waited for the mirror maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Zipper up she slipped back to the bathroom, fixed her hair and avoided looking down; finally done she stopped.
Staring at the sink she gathered herself and looked up, staring straight at her reflection. Her heart sunk, the cut of the dress caused the scar to show; had the slant been a little more severe it might have hidden the ugly mark. All Catherine could do was stare at it, she had no way to hide it, it was too warm for a jacket and the mark to new to cover with make up; she wanted to change.
Hands closing around her hips made her jump slightly; Lou appeared in the mirror with her. " You look gorgeous, don't worry about it. It is a good reminder for me not to jump you and end up doing something I will regret."
She just nodded, trying not to let herself cry, she did not want to go out in public like this; he continued. " I love you, I am sorry that you have been hurt so much by other men but it makes me want to protect you and prove to you that love and marriage can be wonderful. Catherine you make me want to be a better man, you make me jealous as hell and prouder than I have ever been when I see you working or doing anything.
When you say you want to take my name I hear trust and you don't know what that means to me. I see you with your daughter, with victims and you are soft and comforting; it makes me sure of how beautiful you are and why I respect you. Then when someone needs to hear it I know how strong you are and why you make me light on fire.
I'm with you and I am sure of our passion; there is no doubt that our bodies work. It is wonderful enough that I would be willing to wait years to be with you again if it meant we would both enjoy it; I would be okay with it as long as I could still hold you and know it was for a reason. But we work on another level too. I don't understand it and it scares me, as much as it scares you; you make me let my walls down. You bring out the me I forgot existed; you take away the jade years of our work has piled on.
You are becoming my world faster than I even know but I love it. I love you and I am ready to learn how to be your husband. To make you feel like the beautiful, strong and tough woman you are, to be behind you so you aren't alone to be beside you when you need a friend and in front of you when you deserve to be protected.
I want to love you, I want to call you Mrs Vartann and I want to raise the child growing inside of you. I want to be there for your daughter too, once she is ready to accept me. I am not saying my vows in front of someone who doesn't know us, care about you or understand the past that has built us." Lou spoke, his tone flitting between the soft tones she heard when they lay in bed and the brash, rough tone she heard at work; the ones she had learned were protective.
A tear leaked from her eye and his thumb came up to brush it away, instinctively she reached up and took his hand; pulling it away and letting the tear track down her face. She was happy, safe and sure, very softly she whispered words for his ears alone. " I love you, I don't know what else to say; I cant even think. But I know we are right, I can feel that."
" You can say you are ready to say I do and let me torment everyone by calling you Catherine Vartann." She squeezed his hand.
" Catherine Marie Vartann. That sounds more right than it ever has. I am ready to be your wife." She turned herself in his arms and locked her own arms around him; her face buried in her husbands chest. Catherine didn't need at court to tell her he was her husband because she knew he was more than that now, she just couldn't find the words to explain it; the fact he just held her tight explained it. "I'm ready."