What, is this? She updated again so soon? Is she sick? Has she been body snatch and the alien that has taken control of her body doesn't procrastinate and does things in a timely fashion? Nope, still me! As much as I would love to be body snatched by aliens, I think I will stick with being me. Unless they can make me less accident prone, then I might be willing to talk. The characters have just been REALLY loud and begging me to write it out.

Only three chapters left! I'm getting kinda sad. This story has brought so many AWESOME people into my life. Technically there is only two left. You will have your choice on how the story will end. So review and tell me what you would like to see. I've been know to work in requests.

Shout out s to bff Kimmie and WT for making look smarter than I actually am. And to everyone who reads and reviews- FLOVE YOU ALL!

Two weeks from today I will actually be in FORKS for Stephanie Meyers/Forever Forks weekend! If you're going let me know, I would like to meet you!

P.s. I don't own Twilight

Chapter 21

"Ohhhh mmmyyy goooddd." Rose moaned. "If cum tasted like vanilla pudding Emmett's dick would TOTALLY get sucked more and I'd most definitely swallow!" Rose said after her fourth vanilla pudding.

"OH MY GOD ROSE, TMI!I yelled shivering cause she managed to completely gross me out.

"Oh Jesus B, lighten up. I'm just saying."

"If you stick it far enough down your throat you can't even taste it so it wouldn't matter." Alice pipes up in between bites of Rice Krispy treats she's been is hoarding.

"I swear, the more pregnant you two get, the more vulgar you become." I mutter trying to shake the images that they have so kindly assaulted me with.

"I've always been vulgar B." Rose smiled.

"Get it out of your systems now! Pretty soon there's gonna be little ears that pick up on everything. You don't need my little bean telling Grandpa Charlie anything about their mommy blowing their dad."

"Oh my God, could you imagine the Chief's face!" We all started laughing. My father has and always will subscribe to the, 'don't ask don't tell' method when it comes to his children and sex.

"Ugh, I can't wait for Sunday to come. I want my Jazzypants back." Alice pouted.

"What, I'm not a good enough snuggler for you?" I asked fake pouting.

"Oh B, of course, but Jasper has one thing you don't..."

"Patience for your crazy antics?"

"A penis."

"Well I could always buy a strap on but I don't think it would be the same."

The look on her face was priceless! Rose started snorting she was laughing so hard.

"Just saying." I said with a shrug. Hey, I can be vulgar when I want to be.

Jasper and Edward's business trip went on longer than expected and Alice guilted me into staying with her by pulling the pregnancy card. Who am I to turn down a pregnant Pixie? But in all honesty it was nice having someone there for me at night or after therapy, and I, in turn, was able to ease her loneliness and soothe her need to keep an eye on me.

After coming clean to everyone, I now have a real strong support system. They take turns taking me to my appointments, making sure I eat, listen when I need to talk it out, and know when to give me space. I still have a long road ahead of me scattered with the occasional bad day but with the love and support of my family and friends I am beginning to believe that I will be ok.

Then there's Edward. Watching him walk out the door knowing how much pain and hurt I inflicted… I could literally feel my heart breaking. Not knowing if I lost him, I felt sick. I just always thought that he would be there, no matter what, but after that night I know that if I continue on this path he really will be done and I will lose him. I don't think I can handle that.

He sent me only one text saying he landed safely. Since then, all Edward updates have come from Alice. So far she's kept quiet about it but a quiet Alice can be a scary Alice. The only person I talk to about Edward is my therapist. She wanted to make sure first and foremost that I was taking this journey to get better for myself not for him or anyone else. Because if that was the case, I was wasting my time. If I wasn't truly doing this for me then in the end, it's not gonna make a difference and honestly I struggle with that. Was I only doing this so I could make the pain in his eyes when he looks at me go away?

Not gonna lie, therapy scares me. I repressed this shit for a reason and digging up those things is really fucking hard. My biggest fear regarding therapy is that I am gonna lose me. Like, I've carried around this anger and pain for so long, as long as I can remember really, so I don't know who I am without it. Who will Isabella Swan be when the dust settles? Will I be someone I like? Will I be so different that the things I want now, the person I want now will change? What if I only love Edward and want to be with him because he is familiar and somewhat safe? These are things I have to figure out before going any farther with him.

"Earth to Bella. Have you heard anything I've been saying?" Alice said waving her hand in front of my face.

"Umm no, sorry. I was spacing off."

"Wanna talk about it?" Rose asked.

"No, just thinking things though. Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Yeah, since I've already heard this once, I'm gonna head home and have dirty sex dreams about your brother." Rose smirked as she got up to leave.

"Rose." I groaned.

"Later Bitches."

"I was talking about my wedding." Alice said shortly.

"Haven't we discussed this to death? I thought everything was set up?"

"It is but I was thinking last night that I should add steak to the menu." Alice said licking her lips.

I swear that woman has had steak every night for the past two weeks. I sighed and smiled at her as she started going on and on about the pros and cons of adding steak to the menu.

XX

"Hurry up B, we need to leave soon if we're going to be on time to pick up the boys!" Alice yelled down the hallway.

"Actually I have some things to do so go ahead without me."

"What things? Alice questioned as she stood in the doorway watching me pack up my things.

"Work things and I'm sure I'll see Edward eventually." I said trying to keep my tone even. I really didn't feel like getting the Spanish Inquisition from her right now.

"What's going on with you two? I know there is something going on, I can feel it." Alice's hands are on her hips and she's giving me the, I'm not above torture to get answers, look. Yup, a quiet Alice means a scary Alice.

"We are just not seeing eye to eye right now. Don't worry your pretty little Pixie head; I'm sure we'll work it out soon enough." I said zipping up my suitcase.

"We're just not seeing eye to eye." Alice said "impersonating" me.

"That is such a vague answer. Why must you be so frustrating? That could mean anything. It's really not nice to frustrate a pregnant lady you know." Alice said pouting.

"Are you trying to guilt me with the prego card?" I said laughing.

"Yes, is it working?"

"Not one bit. Whatever is going on between Edward and I, is our business."

"But…" Alice said pouting.

"Alice." I said sternly.

"Fine. I'm gonna miss having you here B."

"As soon as Jasper steps off the plane you will forget all about me."

"Not true."

"I know, but hey, I really do appreciate all you've done for me. It really means a lot." I said hugging her and trying not to get to emotional.

"Anytime."

"We'll talk later."

"Don't be offended if I don't return any calls or texts. I've been without peen for far too long and I have a boat load of pregnant hormones to unleash on my man, so we will be tied up- literally." Alice giggled.

I lied when I told Alice I had work stuff to do. Really I was going to wait for Edward at his place. Since I had a good couple hours before he got home I had enough time to take my stuff home, shower, change, and pick up his favorite take-out.

In the last three weeks I took on extra therapy sessions and forced myself to do a lot of thinking. I wanted to be sure of what I want for myself and my future before seeing Edward again. It was so much shit to wade through and at times very emotionally draining but my best friend is worth it and it was killing me not to have him in my life.

So that's what led up to this, me in his living room pacing like a nervous fucking wreck waiting to see if I have lost him or not. I tried to squash the feeling of dread. Telling myself to be the half full kinda girl. Reminding myself to take deep breaths and that no matter what happens I'll be alright.

When I heard the lock in the front door turn, I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. Fuck, ok moment of truth. As soon as he saw me standing in the living room he dropped his bags and we just stared at each other for a good two minutes. God, even jet lagged he looked good. I missed his face. It literally took everything in me to just stay put. So many emotions were coursing through my body, it was starting to get a bit overwhelming. I could feel the tears starting to well up, so I closed my eyes for a moment and took a couple deep breaths to keep them at bay.

"You blinked, I win." Edward said smiling.

"I was never good at that game." I said smiling back.

"It's hard to win when you're being blinded by my awesomeness." He smirked

"Cocky much?"

"Me, cocky? Never." I missed this.

"I brought you some Bella Italia. I figured you might be hungry." I said quietly.

"Thanks MB. I'm just gonna go take a quick shower and scrub all the airplane germs off me. I'll be right out."

As soon as I heard the shower turn on, all the nervous thoughts about seeing him slipped away leaving only the overwhelming hormones of a 15 year old boy. All I could think about was Edward, naked, water running down his sculpted body. I grasped at the couch to keep me from going in there and joining him. Having sex instead of talking wasn't going to move us forward. But GOD DAMMITT did I want that man. Instead I turned on the TV and hoped Ancient Aliens would distract me from the images of Edwards's hot wet body slamming into me from behind in the shower.

"Trying to figure out how to phone home?" He asked as he walked into the living room towards the couch where I sat. I glanced up and there he was standing right next to me, jeans hanging low enough for part of his ken doll lines to be visible, no shirt, beads of water trickling down his chest and he was running his fingers through his wet hair.

I let out a low groan. Fuck me. Was this man trying to kill me? I turned my eyes quickly away and slid his food over to him.

"I can only take you pesky humans for so long." I muttered trying to regain my composure.

He just chuckled and plopped down next to me on the couch. God he smelt good; like a man. Good enough to eat, which made me think of vanilla pudding… and um no, not going there. Edward in the shower, me in the shower with Edward. I could feel the heat building between my legs and I rubbed them together a bit. If I was a guy I would be trying to discreetly adjust myself because I had a ragging vagoner going on right now.

"You alright MB? You look a little flushed." He said glancing at me putting his hand on my thigh.

Dear god, I felt like I was going to explode. You know the thing about meds dampening your sex drive, well apparently mine have the opposite effect because my hormones are going crazy.

"Yeah, umm just a lil hot that's all. Do you want some water? I need some water?" I stammered as I jumped off the couch and practically ran into the kitchen.

I grabbed two water bottles out of the fridge and then just stood with my forehead against the fridge door trying to reign in the horny.

"Bella." Edward said from behind me. I closed my eyes and turned around slowly. When I opened my eyes Edward was standing nearly flush to my body and his eyes were dark. Before I had a chance to say anything I was pushed up against the fridge his lips hovered against mine but instead of being kissed like I had expected, he kissed me on my forehead pulling away slightly but still gripping my shoulders like he was trying to keep himself grounded. I let my chin fall to my chest trying to get myself under control. But fuck, really man?

"Sorry. I just…you…we…" He stammered.

"Need to talk." I said finishing his sentence.

"Yeah." He slid his hands down my arms slowly leaving what felt like marks seared into my skin. All those nerves and feelings of dread suddenly started to rush back in.

Ok, no matter what happens, you will be ok. I repeated to myself. I will be ok…

A/N***

So whattcha think? Don't you just love Rose! Please note that I had the vanilla pudding convo in the grocery store with my friend. You get the two of us together and we are a couple of hilarious vulgar bitches (bitches in an awesome sense).

I for one am SOOOO proud of B for accepting help and really working hard to get better, for herself. Edward is just a double bonus Tuesday prize. So they are gonna talk...I wonder what will happen?

I love reading reviews, so don't be shy. Good or bad- I wanna hear what you think. Remember, 2 weeks the land of Forks (I totally just had this image of rolling hills with forks sticking up everywhere, lol) If you're going let me know. I love meeting new people.

FLOVING YOU ALL
HB