Chapter 21
Cold
Asami couldn't sleep.
As much as she wanted to, as much as her body was yearning for rest, she couldn't do it.
Why?
She was just too fucking cold.
Contrary to her original folly of not caring what fabric she had to lay with, she found that the blanket she was wrapped in offered very little heat trapping ability, its size not even enough to cover the entirety of her body. Now, she longed for a pelt or a fur or anything warmer than this shitty cloth.
Just hang in there.
She rolled over and curled inward, trying to get as much of herself under the faulty throw as she could. The oil from her clothes rubbed off onto the blue fabric. At this point in her exhaustion, she didn't care; she would help Senna clean it in the morning, when she was well rested – if she could sleep at all. She held her knees to her chest and shook, trying with all of her might to warm up.
You'll be asleep in no time. Then you won't think about the cold. Just keep trying to drift.
There was no fire in her room as there were in the others. Even the object she slept on was nothing more than some cushions on the floor. Her eyes stared at the mantle, its opening void of any wood to burn. She had heard Tonraq reassure Senna that he would get more in the morning earlier in the night, but that didn't help her right now.
Relax. You're fine.
No, I'm not.
She scowled and flipped back to her other side. This was maddening torture, she concluded, her body forcing her awake despite all she'd done in the last few days. She gazed at the wall, which looked much thinner than the others she had seen in the very small house, almost as if there were several layers missing in the stone. The wind whipped against the glass of the window, its cold seeping into the room.
Just move over. You'll be fine.
Asami crawled as far away from that part of the room as she could. It proved to be of little use.
Just a little longer.
After several more minutes of increased shaking and overall fatigue, she broke.
I can't do this anymore.
She rose to her feet and resisted the urge to toss her blanket to the ground in tired frustration.
Maybe if I just sit by one of those fires Tonraq made, I can warm up.
She pulled the door open as quiet as she could and peered outside. The hallway was dark, illuminated by the small amount of light bouncing off the walls in the other room. She could hear Korra's parents conversing and decided not to bother entering; she wasn't in the mood for talking and didn't want to make them uncomfortable with her awkward, quaking silence.
Instead, she tiptoed down the corridor in hopes of finding Korra's room undetected. She searched for a wooden entrance large enough for Naga to fit through. When she found it, her knuckles tapped the door in rather soft knocks.
"Korra?" She whispered, hoping to avoid attracting attention from the Water Tribe couple nearby.
"Asami?" Her voice was muffled through the wall. After the sound of heavy footsteps across the wooden floor ceased, the door creaked open. Korra squinted for a moment to the slight change in lighting. Her white tank and blue sweatpants were loose against her skin. She rubbed the side of her head, blinking several times before speaking. "Is everything okay?" It took only a second for her to notice that no, everything was not okay. "You're shivering." She widened the entrance and waved Asami inside. "Come in. I'll start a fire."
She hesitated for a moment, watching from the doorway as Korra approached the mantle. When she grabbed the sparking rocks from the edge of the fireplace, Asami entered. She shut the door behind her, already feeling a bit warmer under the thicker walls. A smile crossed her face when the flames flicked to life.
"There we go." Korra straightened off the floor, a satisfied look on her face. "It shouldn't take too long for the room to warm up to your liking." She approached her guest from the opposing wall, their eyes locking as she moved. Her tan fingers brushed away some of the dirt from Asami's cheek.
Asami begged to the Spirits, pleaded that Korra's hand not leave her face. Her palm was so warm and – and relaxing.
"You're still shaking. Here, come sit by the fire."
"I actually shouldn't sit too close." She took a half step away from Korra. "My clothes are somewhat flammable right now."
She raised a confused eyebrow as she traced over Asami's body. Realizing this was a mistake, she turned away with flushed cheeks and scurried to her bed. "Here, you can cover up with my pelt, then." She held the light grey fur up to Asami with an unseen smile, using part of it to cover her blush.
"Is this a wolf pelt?"
Korra nodded. "I've had it for as long as I can remember. I think my dad went out and got it the day I was born. At least, that's what he told me. It might have been the week I was born – but that's not important."
Asami faltered. "Korra, I don't want to stain your nice fur." She spoke through chattering teeth.
"What do you mean?" She lowered the pelt until her oceans met the peridots in front of her. The dirt and oil marks around her face and on the blanket in her gloved hands were enough for her exhausted mind to put it together. "Right. The repairs..." She frowned and tossed the fur back onto her bed. "Maybe I can start a bath for you." Korra turned back to Asami with another smile, excited that she thought of this potential solution. When their eyes met, she looked away, faint remnants of her rosy cheeks remaining. "Well, if you want. It's just down the hall."
"That sounds wonderful, actually. I haven't had a shower in days."
"And it'll help you warm up, too. Here, come with me. I'll show you how it works." She took Asami's hand and pulled her out of her bedroom, eager to stop Asami from shivering; she didn't like seeing her so uncomfortable and wanted to do whatever she could to help.
They snuck down the hallway and past the now-barren, fire lit common room.
Her parents must have gone to bed. But why would they leave the fire going?
Korra led her to the end of the corridor, next to the training room. The door was already open, signaling its emptiness.
"Good; no one is in here." She made her way through the entrance, releasing Asami as she did so. She fumbled around for the mantle until her hands found the sparking stones beside it. She knelt down and scraped one with the other, lighting the small amount of kindling after her fourth try. She crouched further and blew on it until the larger log started to burn. "That's odd. We usually have a lot more wood on hand. Dad must need to stock up." Korra mumbled to herself as she rose and crossed the room, focused on her task.
Asami observed the space from the doorway, the blanket still tight in her grasp. There was a small stone tub of standing water in the corner. In the space opposite was a gravity-fed toilet system made of the same material. The room was cramped and tiny, but she still felt the need to make it tighter by shutting the door. She joined Korra by the mantle and watched as she placed several rocks into a half-filled stone pot hanging above the fire.
"What are you doing, Korra?"
"Getting heating stones," she called over her shoulder as she left to gather a few more from the small pile near the tub. "It's going to take a little while to heat the tub up." She plopped a few more in the pot and straightened.
"Why do you have to boil stones?"
"We use them to heat the water in the tub." Korra paced over to the bath and stuck her finger in. A shiver crawled up her spine. "Wow, that's cold. I'm surprised that it hasn't frozen, to be honest. Maybe they put some salts in before they left… But don't worry, though; it will be warm soon." She returned to Asami's side and scrunched her brow when she saw her expression. "You look confused, Asami."
"I am, just a little bit. Maybe I'm just tired. Or… well, I guess I'm just used to doing things a different way. Why don't you just fill the tub with heated water from the tap?"
"We – uh – don't have running water in this part of the village. There are areas in Harbor City that do, but the pipes tend to freeze out here, so it's a lot harder to put plumbing in. We've tried before, but it… didn't go well." She ran a hand through her hair, her expression a bit sheepish.
"Do the people in your village just use buckets to supply their water, then? Or a gravity fed trough or something?"
"Some of them use buckets. Most of the homes just get their water supply by Bending the water from the river and boiling it."
Asami crossed her arms. "That doesn't seem very useful to the people who can't Water Bend in the village."
Korra looked away, hiding her flinch, and stared at the tub across the room. "Yeah."
Her heart dropped when she realized what she said. "Korra, I'm sorry –"
"Don't apologize." She held her hand up to stop Asami. "It's something that I just need to accept; I'm not a Water Bender. Besides, your statement isn't wrong. It is a bit less convenient for Non-Benders to live by themselves here."
"It doesn't mean I should have said it."
"It's fine." Though she spoke the reassuring words, nothing in her tone or posture confirmed the state to be true. She walked over to the mantle and used a long bone with a two-pronged split at the end to lift the pot from the fire by its thin, metal handle. She brought it to the tub and submerged it until the exterior was cool enough to touch. Korra dumped some of the water from the container – the rocks still in its bottom – and returned to the fireplace. She placed the holder back onto its hook and started the process over again in silence.
Asami watched with worried eyes; she never meant to hurt Korra. The words just came out. Maybe it was her exhaustion that was disintegrating her filter. Or maybe her fatigue was affecting her tone. Either way, the guilt was unbearable to her.
"One or two more of these and the water should be warm enough for you to bathe in without getting cold too quickly." She pulled Asami from her thoughts and met her peridots.
Asami.
Korra knew that look. It was a look that she didn't want to ever see in the woman's eyes. She stepped closer – running on instinct alone – and slid the fingertips of both hands into the raven locks in front of her. Her expression was soft, a gentle smile spreading up to her cheeks.
I'm okay, Asami. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Words weren't needed in this instance. If anything, they would make things worse. Both of them were more than okay with this silent communication.
Asami saw everything she needed to know in those oceans before her. The worry melted away.
Her grin widened when she noticed the change in Asami's composure.
Their stares said more than their words ever could. They moved so the space between them was even less, their bodies separated by just a few inches.
A pop of a smaller rock behind them startled Korra. She rushed over and retrieved the neglected pot, carrying it with the carved bone to the tub. She had to remind herself that these stones were nowhere near the boiling chips she used in chem lab; they had to be watched, as did the container, so that nothing cracked. Another dip of the heated materials and a quick finger test followed. "How's this, Asami?"
She joined Korra's side and removed her blackened glove to feel the water.
Korra noticed a blue line on what looked like ink on one of Asami's hands, but thought nothing of it, throwing the image into the back of her mind with the rest.
"Perfect," Asami muttered with closed eyes, too excited to get in and clean the grime off of her skin.
"Good." Korra removed the chilled pot of rocks and returned it to the mantle, though she kept it out of the fire. "If you need to warm it up more, then the pot is right here. And there's some soap right next to the tub."
"Excellent. Thank-you so much, Korra."
She nodded in response and walked up to Asami.
Asami kept her eyes on Korra, who was standing before her in an awkward blush, neither of them quite sure what to say at this point.
"I – uh – well…I should – I'll be in my room, if you – um – need… anything…"
Get it together, Korra. It's just Asami. She's just taking a bath. In your home. A few feet away.
You're not helping.
Relax. Just talk to her. You've done it before.
You make it sound so easy.
Well –
Hush.
"Thank-you, Korra." She grinned pushed some of the woman's hair behind her tan ear, reading the bit of hysteria inside of Korra through her blue eyes. Asami hoped that her touch would calm the girl, would soothe her. "I appreciate it," she threw that in, too, to showcase her gratitude.
The reddening worsened, much to Asami's dismay.
Korra tried to turn away, but her feet wouldn't work. She stuttered and mumbled until her tongue, lips, and vocal chords could manage to form the words "you're welcome".
Move, legs, move. Go. Run. Hop. Skip. Do something. Anything. Leave. Now.
She spun around and almost sprinted out of the door, her body inches away from smashing into the frame. Her flushed cheeks remained even after she had returned to her bed and shoved her face in her pillow, embarrassed for all of her stammering. "I don't understand, Naga." She groaned to her polar bear dog, collapsing onto her mattress in defeat.
Naga lifted her head, yawned, and snapped her teeth back together. She stared at Korra, waiting for some sort of explanation from her human companion. When there was nothing but silence to follow, she tilted her head and lowered it until she was back in her sleeping position.
(-)
Half an hour passed.
Korra was still lying there, face in her pillow, her limbs curled up in her befuddled position. She had way too much time to try and think about why Asami was affecting her the way she did.
The keyword: try.
It wasn't easy for her to pick through her feelings in her exhaustion and mental state. She knew she had feelings for Asami; it was no surprise to her. She knew she was attracted to Asami. She knew she loved Asami. And she knew that she had felt this way towards her for a long time. So why, she was trying to decipher, did just the thought of Asami reduce her to some kind of internal mush when it hadn't been so severe in the past?
Why did she notice more and more every time she caught herself looking at Asami's body?
Why did Asami grow more and more beautiful to her with each passing glance?
Why did her ability to speak in a coherent fashion disintegrate whenever she was talking to Asami?
Why did she feel warm inside when they were together, even if they weren't interacting directly with one another?
And, most of all, why couldn't she believe that her love for Asami was to blame for all of this?
Instead, she was convinced it was her exhaustion. It had to be, in her eyes. She hadn't been this nervous and incapable when they had spent time together during college. Now that all of this – whatever the hell it was – was going on, it seemed that her abilities worsened with her enervation. It was the only logical explanation she would accept for her behavior and it took her half an hour just to get to this point.
She didn't have much time to debate it, though, when a knock on her door interrupted her thoughts.
Korra scurried from her bed, knowing full well who would be on the other side of the entrance.
What she wasn't expecting, though, was the tall, beautiful, porcelain woman to be standing in front of her, wrapped up in just the small blue blanket and nothing else.
If Korra was a 'real' Fire Bender, she was sure that she would have burst into flames on the spot.
Small drops of water fell from her black locks and slid down her shoulders. The grime and makeup was washed off of her face. Her skin looked pale and soft and gorgeous.
Korra had to fight the urge to reach out and touch what she was starting to believe was some sort of divine spirit, gracing her with its presence.
She tried not to trace the rest of her body, fought with all of her might, but her peripherals coaxed her and her eyes betrayed her. She glanced down – just for a split second – at Asami's chest. Warmth spread inside of her from her cheeks further south. Her oceans met the peridots in front of her in an instant from guilt, but this didn't help. She blushed harder than she ever had before and looked away.
"I – uh – hey… Asami..." She refused to look at her, too embarrassed to do so. If anything, she wished she was an Earth Bender so she could burrow far under the ground and never surface again.
Asami couldn't help but smile at the flustered version of Korra before her. The evaporation of the water on her skin forced a shiver up her spine and brought her back to her original purpose of coming to Korra's door. "Hey, do you think I could borrow some clothes for tonight? Mine are… well…" she glanced over her shoulder in the direction of the bathroom. "Really dirty."
"Oh!" She almost lifted her eyes back to Asami but stopped herself at the last second. "Yes, of course! That's why you're here. Of course it is. Sure. No problem." She scurried to her dresser and fumbled with the drawers. After struggling for several seconds and dropping both the tank and the blue sweatpants she was retrieving, she stumbled her way back to the doorframe. "Here, uh, these should work." She outstretched her arm, the clothes tight in her grip, her pupils burning a hole in the floorboards.
"Thank-you." Asami slid her fingers across the back of Korra's hand as she took the pajamas from her, though the move was unintentional; her subconscious was at it again. Despite this, she embraced the warmth of both Korra and the fire from the bedroom mantle. She thought of the cold training room that awaited her and quivered.
"You're still cold." It wasn't a question. "Here, come inside. It's much warmer in here." Korra stepped to the side and gestured towards the fire place. "I don't want you to sleep in the training room tonight, Asami. It's too cold and uncomfortable. Trust me; I've fallen asleep there a lot."
Her wording didn't go unnoticed. Regardless, a gracious smile covered her lips. It was as if Korra could read her mind. "Thank-you, Korra. I really appreciate it." She slipped inside as Korra shut the door behind her. She balanced the blanket on her body as she pulled the tank and pants on. Once the clothes were in place, she discarded the fabric on the floor near Korra's bag of books and scrolls.
It took Korra a moment to gather her words. The only one that would come to her was 'wow'.
Korra, for Spirits' sake, focus! Be courteous. She's your friend. Fucking treat her like one. Say something instead of awkwardly staring at her the way you are right now.
Right. Of course. Focus. Courting. Friend. Words.
No, not courting, courte –
"You can sleep in my bed." She blurted out, ignoring her correcting thoughts.
Asami faced her, a bit taken aback from her outburst. She met her ocean irises and felt the anxiety ooze from Korra.
"You know, uh – if you want. You can use my pelt and stuff. There's plenty of space and it's comfy and not the floor and I can – I'll – Naga!" She turned to the sleeping giant and outstretched her arms. "I'll lay with Naga. That's what I'll do." She shuffled over to the polar bear dog and tried to snuggle herself up next to the animal.
Her movements were too rough for her four-legged friend's liking.
Naga nudged her away with a grunt, not appreciating the disruption of her sleep. She huffed and returned to her slumber.
"Fine, Naga, I'll sleep on the ground." She grumbled and curled up a foot or two away, mumbling the word "rude" along with other incoherent, dissatisfied noises.
As much as Asami was amused by her behavior, she couldn't take watching Korra go through the torment anymore. If anything, Korra needed sleep more than all of them, and she didn't doubt that this exhaustion had some sort of effect on her social skills right now. She walked over to her and crouched down, caressing her tan shoulder with her palm. "Korra, you're not sleeping on the floor – especially in your own house. Come here." She skimmed her fingers down to the woman's hand and gripped it.
Korra first looked at their connection, and then stared at Asami. She rose with her as if she were in a trance, locked onto her peridots. Korra could feel Asami shake as she pulled her to the bed.
Asami crawled onto the mattress first, prompting Korra to follow. She sat on the closest side to the edge and patted the spot behind her.
Korra was too tired to object. Too tired to rationalize. Too tired to even think about what was happening right now. So she shut her mind down and allowed her body to move. Her legs brought her to the other side of the bed and pushed her onto it. She burrowed under half of the pelt and held the other side open for Asami. "You're still shivering. Still – still cold. I can keep you warm, Asami," she spoke with a dry voice, her exhaustion taking over. "If you want."
The smile on Asami's face matched Korra's. She nodded, a bit of fervor in her eyes.
Korra tossed the other half of the pelt onto Asami. They both stretched their bodies and lay on the mattress, too ready for their sleep to begin. Korra brought her hand around Asami's torso to tuck the fur underneath her. When the task was complete, she felt a set of fingers intertwine with hers, holding her arm in place.
Relax, Korra. Relax.
A tired smirk crossed her face, as if Asami's thought penetrated her mind through actions and silence alone. Korra settled behind Asami, ensuring that the entirety of the Asami's body was covered with the pelt before doing so. She inched towards her in her enervation, her nervous flutters and inhibition gone away for the time being. Korra buried her face into Asami's locks, nudging her way to the crook of Asami's neck.
Asami didn't mind being this close to her one bit. As a matter of fact, she preferred it. The heat radiating off of the Water Tribe girl behind her melted her to the core, destroying the ice she had tried to build inside of herself on the railing of that stolen ship. It left a familiar, undeniable warmth within her.
Their bodies touched, Korra's front to Asami's back. Their hands never separated, fingers locked against Asami's abdomen. They shut their eyes at damn near the same time and took a deep breath. With each gentle exhale, the only thought that crossed their minds – the only word that they could think of – before slumber took them away from the world was the name of the other in their grasp.
(-)