Author's note: Oh my god, I can't believe that this chapter just wrote itself. In my head I didn't imagine that this would be the ultimate outcome. The true reveal! Holy snot! Anyway, sorry for the shorter chapter but to make up for it, it's a pretty quick update. Now, a shout out to Peya Luna. It was because of your comment that I had to finish this chapter today. I loved everyone's comment but when Peya's came around and you called out the big secret, I was glowing. I was so happy. Thank you so much! I adore each and every one of you so much! Please, let me know what you think! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Warnings: None
Word Count: 4,691
It took Sam far longer than expected for the words to fully register in his brain. When they did, he turned to look at Optimus's impossibly sad eyes. Sam suddenly hates himself a little for not thinking about Jazz much these last few years. He died in Mission City and admittedly Sam hadn't spoken to him much more than a handful of times. Still, he was an Autobot and a dear friend to Optimus.
An idea began to form in Sam's mind but he forces it away to mull over later.
Quietly, Sam asks, "What don't you have, Optimus?"
Optimus looks perplexed by the question. "I don't understand."
"I had another dram last night. I spoke briefly with Ratchet about it, but we couldn't really figure it out. I was given a cryptic message. Was it by the All Spark? Probably. But it wasn't one of those dreams that I die to get to," Sam says, turning to look at Optimus. He doesn't miss the flinch the Prime tries to covertly hide behind a shift towards Sam. Optimus lowers to kneel in front of Sam. Sam rolls his shoulders suddenly aware of the ache in his neck from looking up at the bot.
"That's good, right? Who knows what kind of detrimental affects all of your organs shutting down night after night is doing to you?" Optimus asks and Sam has to wonder why the thought hadn't crossed his mind.
"I'm actually a little peeved that if it had the capabilities to influence my dreams without the little, you know, shutting-down-all-of-Sam's-organs thing, why didn't it just do that earlier? Why take the extra step?" Optimus considers but shakes his head.
"I would have to have an absorbent amount of time dedicated to just trying to understand the All Spark and it's many mysteries before I could even begin to consider tackling things such as "why" when in comes to All Spark reasoning." Optimus shakes his head, blinking. "Unfortunately, there isn't enough time in this galaxy for such an extensive undertaking."
Sam finds himself grinning at the words in spite of himself. He takes a moment to appreciate the fact that he's not the only one that can't even begin to understand this moody hunk of space energy. The All Spark pulses in the back of Sam's brain, almost indignant. Maybe it's just Sam.
"Anyway, in my dream I was asked: What does all other Cybertronians have that Primes do not. And neither Ratchet or I could think of something. I wasn't aware you were lacking anything, Optimus," Sam says sheepishly.
Optimus looks more perplexed now than he did earlier. "I wasn't either."
That wasn't what Sam wanted to hear. He sighs. "So we have no idea what the next cryptic message from the All Spark is all about?"
Optimus looks a mixture of troubled and sympathetic. "Unfortunately no. But it's not something that we can't figure out. We just need more brains on it, is all."
At first, Sam looks confused, like the words didn't sound right, but when he finally understood them-he laughed. Sam doubles over, holding his gut. Optimus stares on in confusion while the young human wipes away imaginary tears. Sam finally gets control of his hysterics long enough to explain, "This entire time, I've been thinking that I have to figure all of this out by myself and it's honestly stressing the hell out of me and here you are, telling me we should put our heads together with everyone." When Optimus still didn't seem to understand, Sam clarifies, "I was going about all of this all wrong. I just need to trust my friends to help me. Sorry, it's not really funny, I guess I'm just relieved I don't have to kill myself trying to think of how to go about all of this by myself."
Optimus nods, still a bit confused. "Yes, you know that you can come to me for anything, correct?"
Sam nods, sheepishly. "Yeah, I got it, big guy." Sam rubs the back of his neck, noting how chilled his fingers are against the heat of his neck. "Do you mind if we go talk to the other Autobots? I don't want this problem to fester too long."
Optimus nods. "That would probably be the most wise idea."
Before they could get too far, Sam looks back up at the Autobot leader. "We aren't done talking about... about your problem, okay?"
"Sam-"
"No, Optimus, I will pick you apart if I have to. I'll find a way to properly explain this to you so that you can't be so upset with yourself, okay? I know you feel horrible now, but when I'm done with you-bam!- you'll be like, 'I had an issue? I didn't even know. I feel awesome' and then I'll be a big ol' hero." Sam grins up at the Autobot leader, feeling better when the bot chuckles lightly.
As they make their way to the Autobot hanger, Optimus calls for all available Autobots to go to the hanger for a discussion. When they get there Ratchet, Sideswipe, Arcee, Dustyrose, Bulkhead, Cliffjumper and Bumblebee are there. Sam falters slightly, worried on how to react in front of the lattermost Autobot, but the Autobot only beamed at him which eased Sam's nerves a bit.
Once the problem is explained, all of them sit around and think quietly.
"That's so vague,"Arcee says. "'What all other Cybertronians have that the Primes don't' could be anything."
Optimus gives her a look. "Somehow, that doesn't inspire any soft of confidence."
"Sorry, Optimus."
"Well," Cliffjumper says, rubbing his chin, "let's think of something more simple. Physically. Is there anything in our making that we have that a Prime doesn't?"
All heads swivel to Ratchet. The old medic shakes his head. "No. Optimus is part of a class, just like all other Cybertronians. He's part of the warrior class. There's nothing about his make up that differentiates from others in the same class."
The room settles into silence.
"The only other thing I can think of, would be emotionally," Sideswipe says. "And I know Optimus isn't exactly lacking in the emotional department."
Optimus stares at him blankly. "What exactly does that mean, Sideswipe?"
Sideswipe falters, blinking rapidly. "I, uh... I mean... come on, you guys know what I mean."
Bumblebee makes an amused noise before his soft British accent comes through his speakers, "Not at all, Sideswipe. Please elaborate." The scowl sent his way is positively menacing.
"Shut up, Bumblebee!"
Optimus raises an eyebrow. "No, do explain."
Cliffjumper and Bulkhead both grin at each other and Cliffjumper looks at Sideswipe sideways. "Are you saying that Optimus is overly sensitive about stuff?
"What?" Sideswipe says horrified. "Why would you say that?"
"He didn't deny it," Bulkhead jokes, laughing into his hand.
Optimus smiles with gentle mirth. Teasingly, he says, "I noticed."
"What? Optimus, no... I just... stop it, guys, this isn't fun!"
Dustyrose stretches her long legs out from where she sits on the ground. With an amusing smile on her lips, she says, "I beg to differ. I'm having lots of fun."
Sideswipe glares at them. He looks over at Sam, who was sitting on the same platform that he was on in his dream. He had his legs dangling from beneath the railing and keeping a significant amount of distance away from any crates that were placed up there. He gives the boy a pleading look.
Sam nods reassuringly. "Okay, come one guys. It's not Sideswipe's fault his huge metal foot is stuck in his mouth. Cut him some slack."
"Sam!"
The Autobot liaison smiles playfully, feeling a heavy weight lifts from his shoulders. "But seriously. If Optimus isn't lacking in the... physical or emotional department in comparison to the rest of you. What could it be?" All the glowing blue eyes stare at Sam. After a long moment of them all staring and no one saying anything, Sam asks, "What?"
Cliffjumper finally says, "Did anyone else feel like that was the nicest backhanded comment ever directed at them?"
There's murmurs of agreement and nods of heads.
Sam looks surprised. "What? That wasn't suppose to be backhanded. I didn't saying anything mean." He pauses. "Right?"
A lot of staring. Some of them look at one another then back to him. Sam frowns and leans against the railing. The room falls into silence. The amusement faded. Everyone looks around, trying to think of something that could help. But all of them just kind of looked at each other, no one having any idea what this could possibly be.
On a whim, Sam says, "All Spark, please help us." He feels really silly, especially when everyone turns to look at him. "I know you want to tell us something, but it's too vague. There are too many possibilities. We need a clue. Something. Anything." Silence follows. All of the Autobots look from Sam, to each other, to all around the room, wondering if there would be a sign from the All Spark.
"You're awfully nosy," Sam snaps, patience running out. "You always have to butt in even when it's none of your business." Sam pauses, thinking about the issue with Bumblebee. His eyes flicker to the yellow bot and he can see that he's thinking the same thing. "Yet now, you give us a cryptic message that we don't understand and you won't help? At all?" More silence.
Sam drops his head back, neck straining. "I don't get it. If this means anything to you, why don't you just come out and say it? Why does it have to be this big game? What's the end goal? Secret of the universe? Why planets rotate? How the universe was formed? Why one loves? What is it?"
More silence. Bumblebee scoots closer to Sam. There is no response from the All Spark, but Sam does get a tingling in the back of his head, one that travels down the length of his spine. Maybe that in itself was a sign from the All Spark.
But now Sam is thoroughly annoyed. Why couldn't things with the All Spark be simpler? Why couldn't it just come out and say what it wanted to say? Why did it have to skirt around the big picture?
"You know," Sam says impassioned, "just because you're some super energy from outer space doesn't mean you can just go around living lawless. How is that fair to everyone else in the universe? Don't you think that you're making everything just a tab bit too difficult? Why do you have to be so manipulative? Because, trust me, being difficult isn't going to make you friends. I guarantee it."
Sam feels so dumb. He's talking to something that probably can't even hear him. It's a form of raw energy. It doesn't even have any ears. It's an agenda driven mass of energy circling around in Sam's head. Which all aspects of that sentence were strange. And Sam knows he sounds so weird talking to this energy like it's a person because, of course it doesn't want or need friends but Sam's grasping at straws now.
"Can you give me anything? Anything at all?" Sam let's his head drop to his chest and closes his eyes as the tingling spreads from his spine throughout his entire body and suddenly Sam feels heavy. Much like when he was at the mall, but this time he's tingling all over the place. His eyes grow heavier and heavier until his body sags against the rail and everything goes dark.
"Sam?" Ratchet shoots up and takes a step toward the unconscious boy when he notices all of the other Autobots trembling. Bumblebee struggles to stand but falls over, shuttering a few times and then falls over. Systems alert appear on Ratchet's platform monitor. All his systems are forcefully shutting down. Without his consent. It's like someone else has logged into his systems and is forcing an entire system shut down. Ratchet has had to do it to some unwilling injured Autobbots that were too stubborn to follow his commands.
He can't override it, all he can do is allow the shut down to happen.
Sam is in the swirling universe. Everything in the same when he opens his eyes. All the swirls; black, white and gray. All big and small. Poofing out of existence in a puff of smoke.
"Sam?"
The small human spins around to see Optimus. He's looking down at Sam with wide, bright blue eyes. His spark glowing like a sun in his chest. Behind him is Bumblebee, Ratchet, Sideswipe, Bulkhead, Arcee, Dustyrose, and Cliffjumper. All of their sparks blazing with strength beneath their chest plates. All of them looking around with mixtures of shock and amazement. But most of all, wonder. As far as Sam knows, no one but him has seen this weird universe thing that the All Spark created.
"Sam," Optimus says again, "are you okay?"
Bumblebee makes a worried keening noise behind him.
"I'm okay." Sam shakes his head, still surprised to see someone else here with him. It feels a little weird to have someone standing beside him after having gone through this countless times on his own. "It's weird to see others here," he admits.
Ratchet, as if walking on some invisible solid ground beneath him, walks over to him. Cautiously. "Sam, is this what you see under the influence of those All Spark dreams?"
Sam nods. "I think that this is the universe. Each of those swirls are planets and the longer they swirl, the longer their life is. I think. I don't really have any concrete proof. The All Spark isn't very forthcoming with such things, I guess."
"This is scary," Bulkhead says, looking around at all of the swirls. "And a little sad."
"I know," Arcee says softly. "It just goes to show how short life really is. If these are the planets and this is the course of their life, it's like an instant in comparison to the universe."
"That's... deep," Cliffjumper says softly, hypnotised by the world around him.
Suddenly, the swirls cease. The entire world blackens. Some of the Autobots make noises of surprise and Sam can somehow feel Optimus and Bumblebee scooting closer to him. Like they can somehow protect him in here. Sam took great comfort in knowing that the two bots were at his side. Two protective pillars of strength. One on either side of Sam. It's nice.
The darkness illuminates the darkness in the shape of a box. Intricate designs glow. It wasn't just some random box. It was the All Spark. It expelled power like a super nova, bright blue, like Cybertronian sparks. A figure appears next to it. It looks like a Cybertronian, but it's far larger then any other Autobot Sam has ever seen. No, that's wrong. It looked like the ancient Autobots. The same ones that were there when Sam died for the first time in Egypt.
Ancient Primes.
Before Sam's very eyes, it was like a film strip. It shows the perch that the Cube sat upon on Cybertron. The world shifts and changes behind it. The All Spark stays stationary and for the most part a Prime stayed by it. Through war and death and carnage, they stayed. The sun rises and falls and the Autobot changes. It's the life of the All Spark. Day in and day out it sees lots of Cybertronians, gives lots of life and takes lots of life in return. It shows all of it, fast forward. The Prime always standing by the All Spark's side like a silent protector. A guardian.
Just like Bumblebee is to Sam. Optimus is to the All Spark. The only one Sam recognizes off the bat, other than the random vaguely familiar Primes from The Fallen's time, was Sentinel.
Finally, it shows the All Spark, amists of war and it's guardian, Optimus. He stands like a statue, overlooking all of his people and the Cube with careful affection and dedication. Day turns to night and the cycle continues. Each time, couples could come up and leave with a sparkling in their care or large groups would come carrying the bodies of their dying and the All Spark would accept their sparks back into itself. It was both beautiful and tragic to see.
"Is this the hint?" Optimus asks, his voice soft. It takes a second for Sam to realize that there was no sound coming from the images. It was a soundless movie showing the All Spark going through time with multiple different guardians through its life.
"Maybe," Sam murmurs, looking back at the scene in front of him. It appears on repeat. Silently, all of the watch, over and over again it shows the same thing. It always stops with Optimus, cradling the smaller version of the All Spark in his hands just before he casts it into outer space. Optimus always has this horrible look of utter sadness on his face. Like he's not just chucking his own way to save his people from extinction and provide them with afterlife, but also a physical part of himself. Like half of his soul is within the Cube.
Half of his spark.
Sam gasps, recalling Bumblebee's words. Soul mates. Spark mates.
Before Sam can say anything, the All Spark releases them from the dream. Sam awakens with a jolt. His neck hurting from the strange position he fell into when he passed out. He rubs his neck and looks around at the placid, unmoving bodies of the Autobots around him. He waits, barely able to contain his excitement by his realization, while the Autobots reboot.
Once everyone is up and about. Sam stares wide eyed at them. "I figured it out. It took a while, but I did."
"Before that," Ratchet walks over to Sam and scans him. "Let me make sure you are okay, first."
Sam rolls his eyes at the overprotectiveness. "I'm okay, Ratchet."
Bumblebee shakes his head and points at Ratchet and makes gestures that Sam can only depicted as 'let Ratchet do his job'. Sam glares lightly at him with no real menace.
"I feel fine, really. Great even."
Ratchet gives him a look. "Which is weird, considering that you were clinically dead for... twenty-five minutes. You shouldn't feel fine."
"Maybe I wasn't... uh... in the dream long enough." Sam shrugs, not really all that concerned. He figured out the question, shouldn't they be as excited as he is? "Anyway, I know what the answer is."
Ratchet looks over at Optimus. "He's okay."
"Okay, Sam," Optimus says, turning to Sam. "What did you find out?"
"The thing that all other Cybertronians have the Primes don't is a sparkmate. None of those Primes have a sparkmate at their side, did they?" Sam looks around. All of the Autobots stop and look around at each other. Trying to recall any of the other Primes in their lifetime or in their history even, having a sparkmate. Sam looks pleased, having cracked the code, only to deflate. From the beginning of life until the the end, the Primes have been without that one simple pleasure in life. Being with the one they would love whole heartedly. The other half of their soul.
Just by looking around at the guilty, sad faces of the other Autobots, Sam can tell they are thinking something similar. No one ever gave thought to the fact that Primes lived such solitude lives, such lonely ones.
Sam recalls all of the little moments he's caught Arcee and Cliffjumper together. That thread that connected their sparks together. Primes live the solitude life of watching over the Cybertronians keeping the peace on Cybertron, and all of it was taken for granted. They weren't doing it to ensure that their children would live in a time of peace, they were doing it to ensure that everyone else's kids grow up in a time of peace.
Each Prime lives, breaths and dies alone for the sake of the All Spark and the people of Cybertron. No wonder Optimus has been so down. No wonder he's felt so guilty about thinking of leaving them in Mission City. And then a very dark, very evil thought came to Sam before he could stop it.
If the All Spark had been shoved into Optimus's chest instead of Megatron's. And if it truly killed Optimus... he would have been the last Cybertronian to be welcomed into the Well of Sparks.
And there it is. The real reason behind Optimus's sadness was the conflict. He could be with the thing that meant the most in the universe and be one with it in the Well of Sparks or he could live to watch Megatron possibly destroy the people he loves with the thing he loves. But now, he has to watch his people die, hopeless and afraid, and the Well of Sparks is out of theirs-and his- reach.
The truth hits Sam like a box of bricks: The All Spark is the universal Prime sparkmate. Over the years each and every Prime has been stuck to the Cube, not because of duty or reputation, but because of love. Their duty is to the people of Cybertron, but their eternal unending love will always be to the All Spark itself. That's what the All Spark has been trying to tell Sam.
Now every other Cybertronian in the universe has a chance to die along side their sparkmate, but Optimus. The last living Prime.
"Optimus," Sam says softly, standing up to look at the downcast eyes of the Prime. "I am so sorry..."
All the other Autobots shift uncomfortably, looking over at their leader. Optimus stands very slowly and he has this look on his face. This look Sam has never seen before, one that just rips his heart from his chest. As if Bumblebee can feel his pain, he whimpers softly.
No one says anything, they just stare at the quiet leader who has yet to look up at anyone. His white fingers twitch a little at his side, his entire body is completely rigid. And Sam hates himself. Why did he have to figure this out? All it did was shove into Optimus's face what he lost and not only that-it connects to the horrible issue he was aching over earlier.
Almost like the All Spark is punishing Optimus.
The anger that sears through Sam almost burns him alive. And most of the anger isn't his, it's the All Sparks. Does that mean that it's not punishing Optimus? The heat simmers and dies out.
"I believe..." Optimus says softly, his eyes still downcast, "that... I need to be alone for a little bit."
"Wait!" Sam runs after the retreating leader. His feet pounding on the metal stairs as he hustles after the far larger leader. "Optimus, don't run away. I have something to say! Come with, Bumblebee!" A quick glance backward shows that the yellow bot was obeying. Sam follows Optimus out into the cold air once more.
"Optimus, stop!"
Looking like he'd rather do anything but, Optimus turns to Sam, face twisted in the most rawest form of sadness Sam has ever seen and it stops him in his tracks. Sam is willing to bet that if Autobots could actually cry, Optimus would be right now. And that thought is horrifying and scary. Optimus might be the strongest person Sam knows and thought of seeing him so weak is terrifying.
"Optimus..." Sam says softly, his voice being carried away by the wind.
"No, Sam. I don't want pity or sadness from you. You have no reason be sad, okay? I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I know you didn't know this was what the answer would ultimately be and I know that you don't want me to be upset. Did I miss anything?" Optimus looks down at Sam, tried and sad. The small human had to flinch at that. All of the useless sentiments that came to his lips are now all used up. Optimus really did know him so well. Just like Bumblebee.
"Optimus..." Sam starts again, trying to think of something -anything- that can somehow make this okay. The All Spark tickles the back of his head and Sam wonders if it's going to pull the three of them into a dream again, but the pulsing almost feels comforting, like a heart beat. "Optimus, I know that you're upset. And... admittedly I'm just kind of winging this but... I feel like the All Spark is really trying to tell us something. Something that doesn't revolve around trying to make you feel like shit because of the actions you've made."
Optimus, who looks like he wants to just run away, forces himself to face Sam. His entire body is rigid.
"Optimus, when I thought about what I learned and wondered if... if the All Spark did this to punish you," Optimus flinches at that, "it got mad, Optimus. And I'm starting to wonder if it got mad at me for thinking that." Optimus hesitates, looking over his shoulder at his own private, rarely used quarters, like it's some kind of safe haven. Probably because it's somewhere where he can be truly alone. And be able to drowned himself in his own misery.
"Look, I hope whatever comes out of my mouth next isn't total bullshit, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe all of this... the... the whole mishap of finding out Bumblebee's in love with me and that I'm probably his sparkmate, Carly leaving and now this...? I think..." Sam hesitates. The pulsing in the back of his head, while a bit distracting, also offers a bit of comfort. Giving Sam the impression that what he's nervous out of him mind about saying, might be what the All Spark has been trying to tell Sam this whole time.
"I think that the All Spark wanted me to know that Bumblebee..." he glances up at his best friend and guardian standing at his side, "loves me... er I mean, is my sparkmate or whatever... because I have a spark inside me..." he swallows, feeling warm even in the chill outside. Luckily, Optimus looks like he's absorbing everything that Sam is saying. Sam can't help himself as his mind travels back to a single moment a long time ago. The moment where Optimus died for him. And while the thought is horrifying and painful to think about. It also tells Sam something. Something he never noticed before. Something that he should have noticed.
"I think Bee is my sparkmate because I have a spark," Sam continues, rubbing his arms both because he's nervous and because he's cold in just his t-shirt. Bumblebee moves, as if on autopilot to try and block Sam from some of the wind. It's little things like that. Sam just can't believe he never noticed that those acts are things done out of affection and love. "And I believe that you are my sparkmate, because I have the All Spark."