My Toes, My Knees, My Shoulders, My Head

A/N: Gustin Puckerman, your enthusiasm for this fanfiction is an inspiration. I'd like to appease your worries about this straying from its classification as a ShikaSaku fic, but I can't accomplish that without spoiling the entire story for you (although this message is enough of a hint, I suppose).

For the rest of those who reviews, favorites, and adds MTMKMSMH on their alerts, you have my gratitude also. It's always nice to know what you think of how the story is progressing.

Twenty

Tsunade

"The human body is funny," Shizune said.

I pulled the blanket over Sai's toes, but the image of them lingered in my thoughts. They were so pale and lifeless…useless, even. "The human body manufactures the shell of the infant that grows to be our mothers, our fathers, our brothers, our sisters, and our friends. The human body grows, and the human body heals. The human body does its best to survive the most fatal of injuries…but the human body that belongs to Sai and Sakura cannot perform the simple task of filtering the rebirth virus." I scoffed, and I rubbed Sai's leg to give it warmth. "It's such an ugly betrayal."

Shizune lifted her head to look behind me.

I turned around, surprised to find Shikaku standing at the corner, eying Sai. I had not felt his presence at all. He had no reason to disguise his chakra, so it only meant my mental and physical state had been debilitated to the point of vulnerability.

"I am assuming the blood transfusion went well?" he said just above the beeping of the two machines attached to Sai.

I noticed the twitching of his bandaged right hand, but I did not remark on it. Isas informed me before the surgery that Shikaku and his team had yet to sleep for the last forty-two hours. When questioned why, he answered something about the reconstruction of the rebirth jutsu requiring active appliance in order for the observing specialists to see the defects in the script they were using.

I sighed, realizing the obsolete presence of his chakra was far from intentional, and I said, "Extracting the infected blood was the hard part – the rest was a piece of cake. Now we just wait and see if his body will respond or react to our treatment."

Shikaku approached the bed and gripped the metal foot board. "What are the chances that he'll react?"

"I don't know," I confessed. "The rebirth virus is unpredictable."

"If he does respond," Shizune interjected in a lively tune, "we can proceed to step two, which is to induce Sai with multiple sclerosis."

Shikaku opened and closed his mouth. He stroked his beard. "If these things go smoothly for Sai, when can we proceed to apply the treatment on Sakura Haruno?"

"On step three." My voice strengthened at the mention of her name. "Shikamaru will have to be by her side every step of the treatment, but I think he can cope better with you around to encourage him. By the way, have the ANBU sentries in your forest reported on Sakura's behavior? How are the two of them?"

Shizune paused from arranging the curl of the tube around Sai's arm. "Kakashi said Naruto was in contact with them for a maximum of five minutes, so unless he screamed the truth of the rebirth to Sakura, I'm guessing no real damage was done."

I frowned at her. Since Naruto was thrown into a prison cell last evening, Shizune had been doing her utmost best in suppressing the real severity of the matter. Having known her all my life kept me from getting angry at her unending blabber in an effort to calm me, but I was surprised that she could be so mindful of me even in her fatigued state.

Instead of being sarcastic, I thanked her, and repeated the question to Shikaku.

"They reported that Shikamaru and Sakura had been too quiet last night," he said. "In the morning, Ino met with Shikamaru in the forest-"

"Ino?" My brain awakened, and I turned to face him completely. "She met him in the forest? Without my permission?"

He cleared his throat, and the twitching of his hand worsened. "With my permission, milady. The pressure of last night's incident could cloud Shikamaru's judgment, hence I sent Ino there with a request to have him confide in her. Forgive me for taking liberties. I saw no harm in my son having a quick interaction with a person aside from Sakura."

"You think I would not have allowed it if you asked?"

"You are anything but cruel, milady."

My brows furrowed deep. "Stop covering for Ino. Tell me what they talked about. Did she tell him about Sai? Well?"

"…No, ma'am. She came there to be a confidant."

"What did she say, Shikaku?"

"She assured him we are on our way to finding a solution."

"You're not sure!"

"The ANBU took note of their conversation if you will not believe me, milady."

I marched past him and spread the division apart, but I did not pass through. Suddenly, I was shaking, and I could not decide if it was anger or confusion that hollowed me inside. "You do not enter the forest, perform an experiment, or make a crucial decision without my fucking permission!"

The air behind me stilled, and I took that as a queue to leave.

I did not know where I was going, but my feet led me to a destination. My hopes willed that destination to be far away and dark – somewhere I could be alone to think.

"I'm still in control," I mumbled to myself while I hastened past the doctors, nurses, and patients, past the glass double doors of the hospital, past the Hokage Tower, past the Academy, and past my varying reflections on the windows of the Intelligence Department.

"I'm still in control." Motioning to the sentry of the underground prison cells, I stomped past the gates and entered the descending staircase. The words would not leave my mouth. My feet led me left, another left, and then a right.

I stopped mumbling, then, because the eerie coldness dried the moisture of my tongue. The flames of the torches played with my shadow on the cracked pavement. My silhouette against the orange illumination of the torchlight cut my head in half, and for seconds long, I wondered if I was a woman with two heads.

Another shadow from the corridor ahead overlapped mine. The glimmer of his head ornament helped me recognize him. "Yamato," I called.

He bowed his head. "Fifth! I was not told you would visit."

"How is Naruto?"

Yamato hastened to my side and whispered, "The Nine-Tails never threatened to come out. Naruto has been calm the whole time he's been locked here."

"Is that good?"

He hesitated. "He may be upset."

"He should be."

"This is unusual of him."

"He's eating, isn't he?"

"Cleans the tray with his tongue."

We stopped in front of his cell, and I ordered Yamato to leave us alone. Once he was up the spiral staircase, I put my hands on my hips. "You've learned your lesson, I hope."

Naruto stirred on the thin mattress, but that was all.

"What a surprise," I cooed. "This is the first time you've got nothing to say to me. I warn you, if I spit you a needle and you turn out to be a shadow clone, you'll have no – "

Naruto waved his hand. "This is me, grandma. And can you lower your voice? Someone's trying to sleep here."

His cockiness, no matter how slight, relieved me. I smiled and turned on my heels, ready to leave.

"One of the first things Sakura told me when I came back to Konoha was that you're the coolest woman she ever met, and one day, if she worked hard enough, she might just come close to becoming like you."

My shoulders slumped, feeling the exhaustion now more than ever with the memories of a younger Sakura serving me my paperwork. Failing this case would mean destroying a brilliant spirit, and I had destroyed too many of them in my life. I shut my eyes and massaged my forehead. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Shikamaru probably thinks the same way about Mr. Nara, doesn't he?

"Honestly?" I said, " They're not completely in a truce, but they've got plenty of time to figure it out."

Naruto rolled on his back, and he spread his arms sideways. The blue of his eyes gleamed and winked, and it was so easy to identify the intensity they held, even in this gloom. "I keep thinking…that if I was the one in Shikamaru's shoes, perhaps I can do better.

"Is that why you assaulted them? Because of an inkling that you can do better?

"Because I know Sakura, and I think it's important that we don't take that away from her.

I reached forward and clutched one of the metal bars. "What are you talking about, Naruto?

"She mistook Shikamaru for Sasuke…"he drifted to silence. He folded his legs up and tucked his left arm beneath his head. " I keep wondering if I had been the one there, if I had been the one present to remind her of who she is, then maybe we can stop this.

This statement hinted me that this was going to be a lengthy conversation. I sat cross-legged on the cement, ignoring the rough edges that pricked my thighs. "Rebirth doesn't really depend on persuasion, Naruto. The formula is designed in science and chakra, therefore it should be resolved by science and chakra, too.

"Wouldn't it be easier, grandma, if I was right?" He rolled on his side now, and his vibrant eyes found mine. "I know you'd hate to lose Sakura."

"Well, I hope otherwise," I shrugged one shoulder. "That would be quite a challenging theory to work with. It would be like forcing a plain to grow into a mountain."

"You're a snoot!"

I leaned forward to enable him to see the gravity of my frown. "I'm serious, Naruto. Sakura has you to persuade her, but who does Sai have? If you are correct, then we lose every chance of saving Sai."

"Me, Captain Yamato, Sakura, Kakashi-"

"None of you know him deep enough, but that was a good theory, Naruto." I didn't want to continue with this. Of all the conversations I have exchanged with him, the last I expected him to make me feel was maternal. "If you were right, I'd cuff you with Sakura so you never leave her, but as it is, all I can promise you is the moment you step inside the Nara Forest again, I will break your legs enough that even the Nine-tails will have trouble healing you."

"You can't do that!" he growled.

I held the base of my back while I stood, careful. "Trust me, I-

"Is trust enough, grandma?

His question made me forget about my backache. He was now sitting up and staring at me like my brother used to when he asked whether mother and father would be coming home soon. I looked away before sadness morphed Naruto's face into my brother's, and I would not be able to help myself but cry. "I'm not going to beg you to trust me, if that's what you want for retribution for my lecturing last night," I muttered. "But you don't really have any choice. I'm going to correct this with or without anybody's trust. I know what I'm doing."

Through the corner of my eye, I saw Jiraiya behind me. I dawdled in place, uncertain whether it would be best to leave or to accost him for Naruto's behavior. They were so alike that I knew losing him would best explain what Naruto would feel if he ever lost Sakura.

I understood Naruto's stupidity, but it did not justify the fact that it was stupid.

"Pervy sage!" He bounced from the mattress and clung to the metal bars. "Took you long enough to get back here!"

"So," Jiraiya said, "You've been busy."

"I've been stuck here for decades thanks to grandma!"

"I'm not talking to you, kid. Tsunade?"

His tone implied an unspoken knowledge of my activities, and I chose not to face him. "Stay out of it, Jiraiya, and mind your student instead. He starts training tomorrow."

Naruto punched the air, grinning. "Yeah!"

Jiraiya sucked in air through his nose and exhaled noisily. "Whatever you say, Tsunade. But don't forget…ah, you all ready know what I want to say. Go on, I know you're itching to get away from me."

I patted his arm blindly and proceeded to climb the spiral staircase. Midway, I heard Naruto ask what Jiraiya meant, but he ignored him and lectured him about my thinning physique. The last I was able to pick up in their argument was, "I told you to take care of her!"

So that was the reason Naruto had been forcing me to eat more.

I smiled at this, and decided this one remark bought him a twenty-four-hour delay from getting his cheekbones broken.

I spent the rest of the day watching over Sai in his containment area, updating his prognosis in an hourly basis. Sometimes, I would catch him mumbling in his sleep, and I would rub his knuckles, and he would return to his drug-induced placidity.

I must have dozed off, because I found myself in a field of endless grass, kneeling beside Naruto, pressing my ears against his chest, and hearing nothing. I recalled this scene being the time Jiraiya and I fought Orochimaru again after so long. This was the day and this was the way Naruto persuaded me to inhibit the role of Hokage.

The moment seemed to stop then. My body failed to move, and the fear in my bloodstream personified Orochimaru. Fear snaked around my legs, climbed my thighs, encircled my waist. It squeezed until bile came up my throat.

I blinked and the body beneath my ear was not of Naruto's but of a baby. Fear was all I heard, and it said that my son was dead. His spirit had departed. His body was a waste.

But... my son never even came to be.

Black engulfed the dream; the crippling facts it presented clung to me only with a monotonous beep. A straight, green line flashed in my eyes, and when my sight cleared, I recognized the monitoring machine.

The division parted, and Kazuo yelled for Isas. "Prepare to resuscitate him!"

I scraped my chair back and jumped to my feet. Isas was suddenly beside me, steadying me. "Stand aside, Lady Tsunade. You're not in a condition to-"

"Press harder!" I shrieked at Kazuo, and after he reached the fifteenth pump, I tipped Sai's head back and breathed into his mouth.

"Anything?"

"Nothing!"

"Use the machine!"

"No!" I hollered at Isas. "The electric shock will only make the virus stronger!"

Kazuo listened to Sai's heart, paused, and hissed, "Nothing."

"Stand back." I slipped off my robe and pressed the tips of my fingers on his chest, inches above his heart. The chakra cut through his flesh, and blood spilled sideways. Isas put an oxygen mask on him and pumped the air sac.

Hovering my left hand over the incision, I estimated the depth my chakra had cut through and used it as a guide for my right hand. I inhaled with my nose and exhaled with my mouth. Steadiness was the key. My chakra touched his rib at last. I concentrated it on the flesh of my fingers for accuracy, and used physical force in breaking his rib cage.

"How many minutes?"

"Two."

Isas wiped my forehad. Kazuo held Sai's chest apart. I reached inside, seized his heart, and massaged it with subtle force.

"Three minutes, Lady Tsunade!"

"Shut up!" Panting, I continued to massage. My free hand brushed back Sai's hair, and I whispered, "Beat. Beat. Beat. Stay alive, Sai….please."

The beeping fell and rose. I gasped at the machine, disbelieving the zigzag of the green line.

"He's back!" Kazuo announced.

Shizune stepped through the division with her understudy, Ayano. "We'll take it from here, Lady Tsunade. Ayano, start by reconnecting his rib cage. Isas, help the Hokage out of here. She needs to rest."

I stepped back with blood dripping from my hands. "I-I-I'll stay. I'll stay! I need to make sure he doesn't die again!"

Nobody paid me any attention. Shizune rounded the bed and assisted Ayano in stitching Sai's flesh. "Good, but you have to balance your chakra there until the skin is pink. No, no, Ayano, don't stress your chakra on one point only. There. Good. Balance, Ayano, balance."

Kazuo inserted the air tubes inside Sai's nostrils. Done, he glanced my way. "Let's clean your hands, milady."

Isas picked up my robe and draped it over my shoulders. Kazuo scoured my hands with his lab coat. "You did very well, Lady Hokage. You deserve rest. Miss Shizune and I will be around, and Isas will alert you if something bad happens to Sai again. Will that be okay with you, ma'am?"

Blood traced the lines on my palms. Blotches of red decorated my nails.

Isas prodded me forward. We waddled to the door of the containment area, and if not for Isas' hands around my waist and arm, I would have long hit the floor.

The next moment that I was fully aware, I was already sitting on my chair, inside my office, and Jiraiya was releasing the seals of the scrolls on my desk. A candle burned in the middle of my desk. I pushed my body up from my chair, and the blanket slipped to my lap.

Jiraiya peered at me. "Before you say anything, I met you and your medic assistant halfway the tunnel leading out of the containment areas, and I tactically maneuvered you back here without being seen by any of your underlings, so rest assured, no one will ask why you look and smell as horrible as a poop storm." He sat on a stool, and his energy slumped into melancholy. "And no, you don't smell like a poop storm anymore because Shizune came back here to clean you."

My face heated. "You didn't-!"

He rolled his eyes. "Shizune kicked me out! When I came back, you were fully dressed! Happy?"

I glimpsed the red kimono. A little of my cleavage showed. "You swear you didn't take advantage of me while I was unconscious?"

"You'd break my neck even if I didn't."

"True."

His eyes lingered on mine for several, wordless moments. "Will you explain to me why Naruto pursued Shikamaru and Sakura in that forest or can I just jump to the conclusion that you're dealing with something along the lines of a rebirth, and this thing is getting out of control?"

"It's in my perfect control, Jiraiya," I said. "Where's Naruto?"

"Sleeping like the dead."

Swinging my chair around, I saw the moon was descending to the west. It was already early morning. A bite of winter came with the breeze. Snow would fall but it wouldn't stay. The Fire Country was too hot and alive to tolerate winter longer than ten days. "I don't need your sardonic jokes today, okay? Sai nearly died for good, and Sakura's still suffering from the rebirth. When this is over, then you can come back and say what you want. Just-just not now…not now."

"Tsunade, you have to reveal the situation to the elders as soon as possible."

"I don't have time for your jokes."

"This kind of threat requires the effort of more than a handful of inexperienced shinobis."

I burst into laughter. "You fucking sound like you never knew Akiyoshi! I don't know what disgusts me more, the fact that you're here telling me to offer Sai and Sakura into their execution, or your bullshit about obeying protocol!"

Jiraiya grabbed the backrest of my chair and leaned down. His nose pressed against my temple, and his breath warmed the inside of my left ear. "You're the Hokage now, and no matter what the elders say, you can choose what action is befitting this rebirth conundrum of yours, do you hear? Yes, by laying those children under the spotlight, you're risking opposition and a lot more stress, but at the same time, you'll gain the advantage of having real medical experts participate in curing them!"

I held my forehead. "You know they will prioritize Konoha's gains through this medical breakthrough than actually let them get better! You know they'll want to get every fact about that rebirth virus even if it means killing Sakura and Sai! I've been here before, Jiraiya, or have you miraculously forgotten? I've probed a child for the sake of research – I've followed orders from above – and the child died! Akiyoshi fucking died, Jiraiya! He died when I could have let him live!"

"You can make that choice now!" He slammed his fist on my desk again and again. "Don't you see this?" he motioned to the room. "Haven't it sunk into your skull yet? If anyone has the right to decide their future, it you! It's you, Tsunade! Don't you understand?"

"My power is not of a dictator! If Sakura and Sai are not halfway to recovery when the elders find out, they will conclude that those children are threats, and the majority will side with them, not with me!"

"But who is more credible?" he snarled. "You're the only one in the Fire Country who have the skills needed to define this rebirth! Your judgment is more accurate than all of Konoha's medical experts combined!"

I clutched my hair, digging my nails into my scalp. "Why won't you listen to me?"

"I'm listening!"

"I have a temporary solution to stop Sai's pathways from altering into Ryo's! This is the reason I'm so confident we don't have to include politics in this right away! First, we remove Sai's blood slowly and replace it with clean blood to help the victim to fight the virus. The second step will be to induce multiple sclerosis in the victim to disable the axons from commanding the organs to accept the virus – and if Sai does well after his first blood transfusion, then we will induce him with multiple sclerosis. The third step will be another round of blood transfusions, and lastly we will surgically revert his pathways to its original design and heal the damaged organs and capillaries!" I opened my medical notebooks and flung them across my desk for him to see. "I can cure them first!"

"A rebirth is the most unpredictable jutsu, Tsunade," he said. "And if your plan is going as smoothly as you claim it is, why is it that when I asked that short, hairy medic-"

"Isas."

"-Isas, why you were so dazed coming out from one of the containment cells, he answered that Sai's heart had stopped beating? And I believe he just came out of his first round of blood transfusion!"

I snatched the nearest scroll and pitched it at him. Jiraiya evaded by sidestepping, and it bounced from the door. "We're not children anymore!" he bellowed. "Stop throwing things at me, for goodness sake!"

The paper rolled to Jiraiya's feet.

I snatched three more scrolls. "This isn't a child's game! A child can't throw and suddenly kill her playmate, can she?"

"You-!" he closed his mouth and returned his gaze to the scroll. He knelt down and traced the script with his fingers.

"What?" I barked.

He lifted his hand to stop me. "Tsunade, is this the basic design of the rebirth?"

Stomping my way to the center of the room, I waved the candlelight above the script and said, "Yes, that's what Shikaku and his team have successfully concluded thus far. Why?"

He sat on the floor with a defeated sigh. "Tsunade, promise me you won't murder me just yet."

"What the hell, Jiraiya?"

"The design," he whispered as his palm ran back and fro the length of the scroll. "This design is similar to the one Orochimaru and Kabuto were painting on a dead body during our last encounter."