I could feel the crisp in the air as I awoke the next morning and could not fall asleep. I wondered the shoreline for what seemed like hours just taking everything in. Though I knew that there was nothing that I could do about the Inn, I longed to get those girls out of the hell that I knew that they were in, I longed to free them and could not because of the condition that I was in and the journey had to go on without us making too much commotion. I could smell the sea and the way that it called to me like it had called my father, the way that it seemed to majestic during the day and could be so dangerous at night. I smiled as I placed my hand into the wind and could feel it call me to it with every movement.
" We will see one another again, my father." I whispered into the sunrise with a smile as I could feel the wind move around me and then back out to sea.
Many big ships were starting to come in and I waved and smiled as all of the sailors came off of their boats and would smile back at me and nod as they passed. Most of them seemed like they have been out to sea for a very long time and were all very happy when they stood on land once again. But as I dipped my toes into the water it brought back memories of because near the water when I was a child, splashing around with my brothers with big smiles and laughs on my face the whole time. We would have so much fun at the shore. . . that was the only time that my father would truly be happy being with us is because he had his sea and this family with him. It was really one of the only times that he would be happy. Mother would be with him and would smile and wave to us as we went into the water and played around, always making sure that we were safe and sound.
" Life has always been cruel to you, Ireth." Nátulcien smiled to me as she placed her hand onto my shoulder. " Through what should be one of the happiest things that should happen in your life you have been felt a bad hand of cards. Being in love with one and having him turn his back to you only for you to fall for his brother to find that you are pregnant." I sighed as I sat in the sand.
" You do not think that I have thought of this before, I have thought about it everyday since I found it out. I want to love Fili, I really do, I want to trust him and be with him and have the perfect little family that we should be. But. . . I don't know, you know how my family seems to have this curse with fathers being out of the picture. I mean mine was not for me, I pray that Elrond will be for his sons, and me? I think that my son will have the same curse placed on him. I mean if I must, I will be both a father and a mother to my son if need be. I hope that both Kili and Fili will be there for me and this child but if not, I will do what needs to be done." I sighed as I placed my head onto my friends shoulder as she sat beside of me.
" And if something may happen to both of them during this journey?" She questioned as we watched the shore coming in.
" You will not be able to protect them all." I whispered as I looked up at her. " That's what was sad in one of my visions."
" What do you think that it means? I mean you think that something is going to happen that you do not expect or just in general?" Nátulcien asked as I looked up to the sky for the answered.
" You will not be able to protect them all. That's what he said and that is what it means. I mean I really do not know how to define it but I know that something will happen and I will not be able to protect them all. I. . . I owe them my everything and I need to protect them with all of my heart and soul, but I guess that I will not be able to. I will protect the heirs and the Hobbit with everything that I have, they seem to need the most protection. Kili and Fili honestly should not be here at all, they are not the brightest anything. Bilbo. . . well I do not know why he is here at all, but I love them all and will not allow anything to happen to them!" I dug my feet into the cold sand as Nátulcien wrapped her hand into mine and I could see her branding as she could see mine.
" And if something should happen between the brothers, if one should die? What would you do then?" Nátulcien asked and I could feel the panic running through my body.
" Nothing will happen to them. I mean nothing can happen to them. . . I'm going to protect them and nothing is going to happen. Kili and Fili they. . . they can fight and they know how to and as long as they have someone watching over them once and again they will be fine. Bilbo is still learning. One dragon against all of us? We will be fine." I sighed as I looked into the sky and felt the water slowly coming up to my toes.
" There have been whispers of an army starting of orcs and goblins." Nátulcien whispered as she looked up to see another ship starting to come in. " Daytime job starting to come in. Gotta get the girls up and ready to go to make sure that the Inn will be all set up and ready for out night time jobs." She said with a smile as she stood and took my hand into hers.
" I will get you out of this hell as soon as this is done." I whispered as she patted my hand lightly.
" No. . . this is a place that is much better, much more safe and they take care of us here, we are all here because we want to be not because anything has happened to us. They even pay us." She smiled as she looked back to the town and started to walk off. " Hey Ireth?" She whipped around as I stood from the sand and started to whip all of the sand off of my pants.
" Yes Nát?" I questioned with a soft smile as she ran her fingers through her hair.
" Just. . . just make sure that you live through this, okay? Do not die for these Dwarfs." She smiled but I could see the look of worry running through her whole body.
" I promise." I said as I placed my fingers to my lips and then to her as she did the same to me, it was something that the Inn girls did to one another if they were sold. It meant love, goodbye, and hope that they were going to a better place.
We marched on without another word to the people in the town. We would smile and nod our heads as we passed people in the town, but did not stop to say where we were going or where we had been. Nothing was said between any of us, we all knew what would be coming sometime between today and tomorrow and as Kili brought me in as close as he could to my frame, I knew that we were all thinking the same thing. We were worried about never seeing our loved ones again, that we would all be killed trying to get into this place and if we did that we would be eaten or killed by the monster that lived inside. Kili kept giving my hand a soft kiss as we would walk and walk through the small paths that lead straight to Erebor. I could see the smile on the face of Thorin that did not seem to want to leave as he saw his kingdom that was in front of us.
We did not sing, did not even tease one another as we walked though. There was a feeling that was going from one person to another and I could feel it through each and ever person. We were all scared, we were all nervous, and we were all happy that it was finally here as well. It was like one of those feelings that one would get in their stomach if it were to be twisted in each and every different way and then snapped back into place. I kept rubbing my stomach and hoping that everything would go according to plan. . . if we really even had a plan. . . which I was not sure if we even really had plan besides to have Bilbo go in alone. But when we got the to mountain we all looked at it and then back to Thorin as if he would know where this all secret door was going to be.
" Kili, Fili, and Ireth. You take the right side near the base. Bilbo you are with me. Balin, Ori, and Nori take the right near the top. . . ." I stopped listening and looked straight at Bilbo with a smile.
" You will be safe with Thorin. He will protect you, my dear friend." I smiled as he looked right over to me and I nodded at him lightly.
" How can you be so sure of that? That he will protect me if I come between him and his kingdom?" He asked and I could see how nervous he was.
" Because he owes you his life. He will do anything to protect you. . . Bilbo?" I could feel ym face stressing as I looked to him and he smiled as wide as he could
" Yes Ireth?" He asked and I could feel my face blushed.
" Just make sure that when you are in there and you are doing your thing with the dragon that you make sure that you live through this my dear friend. You still have to show me through the Shrie."
" So are you saying that you forgive me for. . . for what I did back there with Fili and Kili and having them find out before you were ready? I am truly sorry that I did that to you Ireth, it's just . . . well. . . well I thought that they deserved to know before. . . before all of this in case something were to happen." Instantly I thought of the child that I had seen, my child, and I knew that Bilbo saw it and we both starred at one another.
" I forgive you. Now go, I think that Thorin is waiting on you." I smiled as I placed my hand onto his shoulder as I took my bow off of my back. " Be strong my friend." I whispered as I passed him and started to try and catch up the Fili and Kili who seemed like they were refusing to speak to one another.
" How are you feeling?" Kili asked as I kept my bow at the ready.
" Let's not talk about it. Focus, please?" I asked as I tried to keep my mind focused.
" She is right, this dragon will be able to hear us coming lone before we will be able to even see it." Fili said to his brother.
I seemed to be the only one that was focused on finding this damned door. Looking on walls looking to see if it was a trapped door, anything that even seemed like a lever that would show the door was good enough for me and I would through it or touch it. I wanted to find this thing and just be done and over with it. I wanted to kill this dragon before he killed me or someone that I cared about. I wanted to be able to say that it was over and that I finally had that stress off of my back. Fili and Kili were bickering at one another and I did all I could do not to send an arrow right between their skills to shut them up. Instead I bickered to myself and shook my head and kept looking for a door that seemed to not be around. But then something happened that I did not expect to happen.
When I turned around to tell the boys that we had come to the others who had given up on searching for the door was well to find that they were on the ground, Fili beating his fist into his own brothers face. I looked at the both of them and could see that something had happened when I was so focused. I was panicked, I placed my hands on my head and screamed for the both of them to stop it. But all they did was look up and then would go back to fighting one another. This was not one of the wrestling matches that normal brothers would do with one another, oh no, this was actual fighting where they did not care if the other one bled. I looked around to see that the others were around me, starring down at Kili and Fili as well.
But I could not allow them to hurt one another over me. I mean it did not matter to me if they both hated me with all of their heart as long as they were brothers and still cared about their family – my son included – well then they could hate me for all of their lives. I moved over to the two of them, hearing the yelling that was coming from the rest of the group to just leave it alone and ripped Fili off of his brother and he instantly pushed me off of him and I feel to the ground and looked up at him in shock. I could see the look on his face and knew that he much have thought that I had been someone else and as he tried to help me up I shoved him away as I stood up and looked at the two of them. I had instantly had enough of these two fighting with one another. They were brothers and nothing was supposed to come between their bond.
It was something that I had been thinking about doing for a pretty long time though I guess that it had finally hit me right now. I should have known that it would have never worked in any way. Maybe I was cursed, maybe there was something that was wrong with my family or maybe – hopefully – it was just me. I guess I should have known that it would have never worked with Kili because of how odd it would be with him and me and a new baby that was not his but his brother. I sighed as I moved the hair out of my face and looked at the two of them, though I tried to calm myself down and tried to not seem angry as I spoke, when I started it just seemed to gain and gain in anger.
" Okay let me just get all of this out before either if you open your mouths and try to stop me. This-" I said as I pointed between the three of us. " This is over between us because I do no want to be the thing that breaks you two up as brothers. That is something that you need to have in your family, a strong bond between the two that you will live forever with! Family is so important! And you two used to be so close it was amazing to see and I broke it up! I loved you both and I will never stop loving either of you but this cannot work anymore. I will not pick between the two of you and you will not have to fight over me. I am so sorry, really I am, but I am not going to be the thing that ruined this family." I said as I turned from the brothers and started to just walk away, up the mountain and did not stop for anyone.
But I could feel the presence that followed me up the hillside. I could feel him following me and no one noticing because they did not know what to do and who to watch. When we were finally far enough away I fell to the ground and just curled myself up into a ball, wrapping my arms around my body and just allowing myself to finally break. My whole body trembled as I cried into my knees and did not look up at the figure that was in front of me but I could not stop myself. I could not stop myself, I really did not think that I wanted to. I had just let go the the two people in my life that I could not bare to lose. I was broken and there would be no way to stop me after I started. I just gave up both Kili and Fili because I knew it was best for them. . . but at that moment I thought that it may kill me. I cried for what must have been hours or it felt like it atleast as I finally looked up to find that Thorin was kneeling beside of me and slowly rubbing my back and smiling lightly.
" You. . . you were right. I am just a distraction to this company and I am sorry that I did not see in before. I will follow you till this journey has ended and then I will leave and. . .and you will hear from me when the baby is born, you and your family will be in the child's life but. . . but I will not be here long enough to be able to tell them all of the things that they need to hear. I am going to. . . to. . ." I could feel the tears that were coming to my eyes and allowed them to fall. " I will not come back here once this is all said and done. I will just get in their way. . ." I cried as I allowed the fears to fall.
" You truly loved them?" Thorin asked as he wiped the tears from my eyes.
" Of course I loved them! I would never just play them like a game!" I cried as I hit my hands off of my knees. " I would never do that to anyone as my father did to whoever the hell my mother is I loved your nephews and then you took one away and I had to end it because. . . because of that!" I cried as I looked back to the group yards away.
" Then I have never been more wrong in my life." Thorin said as he took me into his arms and I cried as hard as I could into his furs and finally I felt equal to Thorin as we stayed like this.