Gah! I apologize profusely for the long-ass delay in this chapter. It was, if you will, the result of "the perfect storm." Between RL sending me to the ER, to subsequent and unexpected work-related strife, to the simple fact that I started to post a new fic, and didn't know the rule about having only one chapter in the queue at a time.
Can you tell I have a very negative response to rules in general? Yeah. ;D
I also want to send a shout-out some tweeps who helped me through a rough time recently: JaspersIzzy, BigRedImp, HammerHips, darkNnerdy, ScuitoLover, and stitch_cat. These tweeps give some of the funniest shit you'll ever see in Twitterville, and without them, I might have left fandom.
Oh, and if you love crackfic, you simply MUST read the girls over at Whitlock Harem blog's take on cliches in ff. The stitch I had in my side for a half an hour was just proof that it is simply one of the most hilarious things I've ever read. You can find "Virginal Dominatrix of Love" here on ff.
I guess that's enough bs from me. Oh, and thanks to my ever-faithful beta, Jenny Cullen, who for some reason keeps with me, even though I'm sure I've driven her utterly insane by now.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight, except for 4 copies of the books, two DVDs, 2 t-shirts, genuine Rob and Kristen autographed movie art, an autographed Twilight script, and one...immensely entertaining and dreamy CardboardWard.
Without further adieu, here is Chapter 21...
Chapter 21
Rachmaninoff, Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor, Op 18: Moderato
CharliePOV
Holy fucking FUCK!
It didn't just hurt. I didn't just burn. It raged like a motherfucker. Oh, I screamed, wailed like a goddamn madman, or at least I think I did, but most of the time, I don't think it made it past my grinding teeth. My neck muscles pulled and stretched, but the sound didn't seem nearly as loud as I felt it was. My insides were on fire, and not just some backyard, marshmallow-roasting kind, but the inside of a fucking furnace, the shit flowing through me like fresh lava spewing from a volcano. I knew my body was twisting, buckling, chucking, but it didn't matter, because nothing made the fire go away.
Sometimes, I could hear Carlisle, but whatever he was saying came out like he was underwater. I knew Esme was close, too, if only because I recognized her voice, her gentle hands in comparison to the size of Carlisle's. That is, until the fires swelled and my body sprang up in protest, and I couldn't distinguish between the strength of either one of them.
I kept trying to focus on Catherine. If it hadn't already been on its way, my heart would've stopped dead, as I now understood what she had felt, what she had endured, and I let go with another cry. One part of me knew for sure that if she saw me like this, she would flip. But the other part, the selfish part, wanted her next to me, so I could feel her small hand in mine, to give me reason, to not lose myself in the pain that was threatening my grip on what little sanity I had.
Three more days of this? Or was it two? How long had it been? Was someone timing me? Please, someone shout out an update!
Stronger, larger hands now pushed on my chest, and I assumed they were Carlisle's. I couldn't tell anymore, and I didn't give a fuck. I remembered Catherine, being by her side, holding her hand, watching her squirm and scream, and how I couldn't fathom what she had been going through at the time.
But now I knew.
"Cath . . ." This time I'd made the sound. Through my teeth, I was sure I'd said her name.
My mind weakly held on, feeling like I was going to crack with the burn. If I had gone first, if I had been me that had gotten bitten, I would never have let her go through this. Edward's description of it being like "fire through your veins," was not nearly hot enough.
Catherine.
The last glance at her face as Bella and the boys pulled her from the room . . . the last image my mind was able to process, was the color of her eyes. They had been a bright red, not my beautiful stormy blues, and it hit me that mine would be that way, too. The look she gave me, and then Carlisle, shook me, and I thought for a moment that she would throw him off me. Or worse, tear into me. I just hoped the boys and Bella got her out, somewhere safe.
Just hold on, Catherine. Dammit, I needed to be with her.
I needed her. I needed to hear her voice. I needed to feel her touch.
Until I felt the flames surge, my brain seemingly shutting off with the force of my scream.
CathPOV
I was running. Fast. Faster than I'd ever dreamed possible. It was nearly like flying, but not. I knew I was moving, the trees and brush went by, but I maneuvered and avoided them like they were elements on an obstacle course for a kid. The amazing thing was, I could still take in everything around me. See everything around me. I started to challenge myself when I realized that this thing I had become had incredible strength and speed, so I purposely jumped high up into the farthest tree branches, then down again, improving my landing each time, until it was nearly as soft as a feather.
The thrill with what I could do briefly overtook the aversion to just why I could do it.
I didn't want to think about the Cullens, about what I was, about anything anymore. I didn't want to feel this overwhelming urge to drink from everything in sight, to kill them with my bare hands. But I did. I drank from animals I never knew existed, not even knowing what they were, but their flavor was . . . off. It was like having ground chuck when I really wanted a filet, or a cheap cup of coffee over a distinctive Brazilian roast. But I kept running. Running to desperately try to eliminate all thought, all memory, of what had happened, of what I had become.
"Fuuuck!" I shouted into the air, not caring who heard.
My head swam with incoherency, no thought lasting long enough except for the absolute necessity to run farther and faster, and to drain whatever I came across. I could hear the creatures before they even had a chance, the thought fucking so badly with my brain, I stopped mid-kill to swallow the realization, rather than the blood of another one of those antlered things I had feasted on before. Remembering the scene, the Cullens, and their willingness to help me, made the desire to flee once again rear its demanding head.
I pushed down a tree because I could, my anger manifesting itself in a show of force that when I stopped to think about it, felt good. I sent my arms through a few, sawing them in half, only taking the time to look at my skin to see if there was any damage. Nothing. I punched my fist through a particularly large trunk, randomly justifying that some squirrel or other animal could come and make it his home.
I ran so far and so fast, I had no idea where I was. The Cullens were still there, their murmurings in my head like a buzzing drone. They were still following me, and would keep following me. Their thoughts and voices gave away their plans and their location. Edward mentioned Jacob and the pack, which briefly made me wonder what the hell he was talking about. I could recognize their scents from when they held me captive, and only had to sniff my arms to recognize Jasper and Emmett. They were worried, really worried, I would run across a person, a human, and that I would-
I stopped running for a moment and let the thought sink in. If I ran across a human, what would I do? Even after all the blood that I had consumed, a small ache in the back of my throat surged hotter, remembering the delicious aroma that had come from that room, where . . .
No, I wasn't going to think about it.
"Edward, she's headed east and going to try and lose us. She's going to think about swimming for it." That was the little one, with the short brown hair. Alice.
It was Edward's voice in my head that broke through louder than the others, though.
"That's why you need to let us help you, Catherine. You're struggling to keep rational. Please stop. Please. Bella and I . . ."
I suddenly struck me that it was only Bella's voice that I didn't hear, and for the life of me, I didn't know why. I could only identify when Edward or the others would talk to her, hearing her replies through them.
"Can you still hear her?"
Edward must have given her some sort of indication without sound, but in his head, he told me yes. Works both ways, Eddie boy.
"Edward, we can't stop until we find her."
"We will, Bella. We will."
Their conversations momentarily brought on more of the guilt, almost as if I should stop. As fast as the feeling flowed through me, though, it was overrun by something even more lost, more hopeless, but as soon as I gave words to the feeling, it became a nearly suffocating rage. My overwhelming urge to get away from every voice, every person, everything, pushed me onward. I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't care. I swam through a lake to try and hide my trail, noticing that the water didn't feel cold. Realizing that even wet through, I didn't feel the least bit chilled. I swam through another, remembering from movies that this worked with bloodhounds, laughing out loud at the thought. Hopefully it worked with vampires, too.
I kept going and going until their voices became a muted hush, although Edward's still came through the loudest, the clearest. I didn't want to hear him anymore, his begging me to come back, his attempt at some mindfuck mojo that would make me feel better.
"Mindfuck mojo?" Edward's shock at my vocabulary pissed me off even more.
"Get out of my head!" I mindscreamed to him.
It finally hit me. I could hear them, hear everything that went through their minds. The conversations during...I guess I would call it the change, the euphemism almost comical if not for the situation. Could all vampires do that?
"No, just you and me." Gee, thanks, Eddieboy, for the clue.
"No problem, and please don't call me Eddieboy." He gave me a glimpse of a time, what looked like the last time, Emmett called him that very same name, and a glimpse of someone that Emmett called Esme not happy about the state of a flowergardern.
Vampires. I still couldn't wrap my ahead around it. Bella, Edward, the Cullens were all vampires. I was a vampire. Charlie was becoming a . . .
Charlie.
I stopped as I broke through a treeline and realized I was on the edge of a cliff, looking out over what I could only assume was the Pacific Ocean, but the view much different than the one that had been from my cabin and the beach. Glancing down, I finally surveyed the clothes I was wearing-just a wet pink nightshirt splattered with faint bloodstains that reached the middle of my thighs, and underwear underneath. Someone had obviously taken the time to dress me, although I didn't know who, but something told me it was the voice that sounded . . . motherly. I didn't even know her name, but I guessed it was Esme. Edward had said that Carlisle and Esme had stayed behind with Charlie.
My mom. Bits and pieces of memories of my family played like a blurry movie. Images, scenes, pictures flashed as if covered in a fog as I tried to focus. I knew I needed to remember, if only to recover that part of me that seemed to be slipping away. If the Cullens were worried about me running into a nameless stranger, something told me that seeing my family again would be . . . difficult.
"Cath . . ."
The faint sound wafted through the trees, my head spinning around to listen for more. Stinging tendrils pricked at my skin as if it were reflected off the branches, the sensation baffling, because it was coming to me rather than from within me.
"Charlie," I whispered into the air, not able to distinguish whether the voice I heard was his or the wind.
"I love you, Catherine O'Hara. Every inch of you."
The memory came out of the blue, his words a speck of white on a dark, black sea, the expression on his face as he spoke them, and the feel of his coarse hands on my cheeks as he said them. I heard Edward gasp, Bella asking him what he'd heard.
"Catherine, if that isn't reason enough to come back to us," Edward tried to rationalize with me.
"A reason," I whispered again.
If I were to keep running, I was leaving Charlie behind. I might never see him again, and the pain of that thought was too much to bear. I dropped my head into my hands, wanting to cry the tears of a million oceans, but they wouldn't come. Why? I gasped as my muscles seized and dry, wrenching sobs racked my body, unable to control the wails I didn't want anyone to hear. Charlie was back at the Cullens, turning into one of these . . . these . . .
Vampires. They weren't some mythical or fictional creation of some horror writer. They were real. One had . . . I pictured his face above me that last moment, of what he had done, and my cries ceased. I stood transfixed. Why had this happened to me? Why had some vampire chosen me, and Charlie, to torture? Did he know of the Cullens? Was this in answer to something they had done?
"We need to figure that out, Catherine, and we need you with us to help. We didn't know him," Edward said in my head again.
"Why can't you shut-up? Why can I hear you? Why can I hear everyone but Bella?" The questions flew from my head.
"Come back, and I'll explain," Edward calmly replied.
I looked back out across the water when the thought struck me. What about Charlie? He wasn't . . . he hadn't been one of them. But his own daughter? Did he know about her? Renesmee, Edward, all of them? I watched what looked to be a whale frolicking in the water, amazed because I'd never seen one before, shocked that I could see it clearly now, and the momentary distraction stopped the questions from firing. It was all too much, and if I kept running, if I got away, I would never know any of the answers.
A weak voice in my head struggled to be heard.
Listen to them.
Stop.
What they must think of me. I slumped down cross-legged on the edge of the cliff, wondering if I just jumped . . . Could I just end it all now? Would I die if I hit smackdab on some of those rocks below me? Probably not. If I was able to leap tall trees in a single bound, something told me I could do a lovely half-gainer and not even come close. My hands flew to the sides of my head, squeezing it like a vice, trying to push away what was left of the noise. It never truly went away.
A strange scent wafted in from the left of me, and I was instantly on my feet. I'd caught faint gusts of it while I was running, and thought it was just a dead decaying animal or vegetation. It was . . . disgusting, like a wet mangy dog and rotting garbage all rolled into one . . .
It was getting closer. It was something, and there was more than one.
I looked behind me back out into the water. I didn't know how far the jump was, I was never good at distances, but comparing it to a building, it was at least five stories. I could always swim for it...
"Don't think anything to scare her." The voice came to me, a male, and it was one I didn't recognize.
I turned back around when I sensed what was ever coming near me was close. What the hell was that?
"Catherine. Do not move. I know you can still hear me. Whatever you do, do not jump into the water. We're coming. What you're about to see . . ."
Before I heard what Edward was going to say, I saw them. Three of them. Three of the biggest, hairiest beasts I had ever seen were slowly making there way toward me.
"There, on the cliff."
Another new voice penetrated my thoughts. Who was that?
A small part of me thought I should be scared. They moved slowly, like they were tiptoeing, their heads dangling low to the ground as if in supplication. If they had been upright, I'd a guessed they were at least six feet tall, one even taller than that. At first, I thought they were gigantic dogs, but their fur, the shape of their heads . . . No.
Holy shitfire, they were wolves!
The other part of me, the stronger half, wanted to attack. I crouched down instinctually, recognizing the stance again from what I had done in the bedroom as some automatic vampire-defensive maneuver. I felt my animosity build into something fiercer, something inside me identifying that they were enemies, and my stance grew more offensive.
"Catherine, I'm Jacob. Don't be af-"
Wait. What? I stood up straighter, stunned. You've got to be fucking kidding me. Did one of those gigantic things just try to speak to me . . . in my head?
"Jake, she's a newborn. You can't talk to her like you're talking to any of the other Cullens."
They knew the Cullens?
There was no way I was sticking around for the rest of this conversation. I wasn't stupid. Even knowing my strength, three against one told me the odds weren't in my favor. So I took off like a bat out of hell, running back the way I'd come, but at a forty-five degree angle north so as to avoid the Cullens. I could outrun these God-awful, smelly things, just as I'd been able to leave the Cullens in my dust.
CharliePOV
"Errr!" My vocal chords vibrated, my tongue pressed against the back of my teeth. I tried to hold it in; I tried to be a man.
Hell, I was a cop. My guys would think I was a complete pansy if they heard me yelling the way I was. I should be able to take this.
But the fucking truth was, this was nothing like an ass-kicking, or even a gunshot. It was nothing like I'd ever felt before, and it wouldn't quit. It never let up. How the hell did Catherine last through this? Edward said she had thought she was in hell. Hell had nothing on this inferno.
Shit, she had thought she was in hell, and I couldn't help but moan. Baby, what you must have thought, how you must have been near crazy not knowing what was happening to you.
"Charlie, it's Esme. Carlisle and I are here with you." A cool, soft hand rubbed gently across the top of my own. The fire burned still, even hotter, and I didn't know how much longer I could take it.
Catherine. Where are you? Why can't I hear you? Why can't I feel you? Are you even here?
It was then that even through the firestorm that was raging through me, I started to panic.
"Carlisle?" Esme's soft voice somehow got through the roaring in my ears again, and more hands held me down as my body started to jolt. But I knew they weren't Catherine's, as their strength and size told me they were once again Carlisle's.
Where the hell are you, Catherine?
"Cath!" I forced her name once again through my teeth, hoping that she heard, searching for her voice, needing her touch.
But it didn't come, and the scream that I let go with wasn't entirely from the pain of being burned alive.
CathPOV
Wolves? As I ran from them, I wondered if my fucked up head was just trying to play tricks on me. No, they were real. They were real, because I could smell their stench even before they were in front of my eyes. But as the trees and underbrush flew by, and my feet sped faster through them, thoughts of the last time I was running away, running for my life came barraging at me all at once. The greenery ahead of me suddenly transformed into a familiar path, one I had been on the other day, the day I went hiking.
The day he had appeared.
I glanced back, and the wolves were no longer there. They had been replaced by a person, a person chasing me wearing jeans and blue hoodie, his blond hair and face no longer obscured.
It was him. His face twisted into that terrifying smile, his legs and body skillfully dashing through the trees with a speed seemingly faster than me, and the distance between us dwindled. I realized I was scampering backwards, and nearly lost my footing turning forward again. I followed the path in front of me, looking for the edge of the treeline, because my knight would be there. Knowing it was him I would find, I ran even faster. Charlie would be there, waiting for me . . .
It was too late when I realized they surrounded me, their distinguishing scents coming at me from all sides. I turned back around once more, and it was Damian menacingly approaching, his hand outstretched as if to beckon me to him triggering unnecessary breaths in a fit of panic.
"Jake, Sam, Seth, hold your ground. She's terrified." Edward was giving instructions to someone, but I didn't have time to process.
Damian's eyes held mine, and I couldn't look away, my feet stepping backward as he stepped forward. The Cullens were getting closer, their worry prevalent in the thoughts that were shooting into my head, mixing with the fear that threatened to possess me, making me almost dizzy. I couldn't look away from Damian, I couldn't move as he stepped forward still, but in a moment of clarity, I decided I didn't care anymore. The Cullens were here. They would help me.
They would kill Damian.
And I would help them do it.
"Bella, she's seeing him and not the wolves." Not just Edward's voice speaking, but a gasp of a female off to the left of me said they were near.
"Catherine?" Bella voice softly whispered as she stopped two feet behind me.
Edward's voice came from behind Bella's. "Catherine, he's not there. We already destroyed him. He can't hurt you anymore." As he spoke, I could feel the truth behind the words, mixed with his concern for me.
We already destroyed him, his words repeated in my head this time. I wasn't sure if it was him repeating himself, or my mind just replaying what he had said, but the monster began to fade slowly, his edges softening, his smile fading, until he just disappeared, and through the spot from where he had taunted me, I now stared at the three gigantic wolves.
I squeezed my eyes shut and held my head between my hands again, shaking it as if doing so would knock everything back into place. Damian wasn't real. He was gone. Edward had said so. Were the wolves?
"Sheesh, she's in bad shape."
"Shut it, Seth. She can hear you."
"Crap, you're right. Sorry."
"Sure, but shut the hell up. Hey, Catherine, my name is Jacob. I know you can hear me, because Edward said you can just like he does. We're not going to attack you or anything. We're just here to help the Cullens . . . and you. I know we're big wolves and all, but you don't need to be afraid of us."
My eyes shot up to see the center wolf walk forward as he spoke. I felt my underlying dislike for them, like I should want to attack them. But I had heard them speak-words, English, and in my head. They were telling the truth and were here to help the Cullens . . . with me. I could hear them the same as I could hear everyone else.
How was that possible?
Jacob. Jacob had been the guy talking to Edward and Bella, but I was preeetty sure he hadn't been a huge wolf when he had been in the house.
I kept staring straight ahead. "Bella, is that really you behind me? Are you all really here? Or . . . or am I losing my mind?"
I felt rather than saw Bella's half step toward me. "It's us, Catherine. We're here. And yes, those are wolves in front of you. But they're friends. Good friends. I've known Jacob since I was kid."
"Man, I hope she doesn't go all Rambo on Jake. Nessie would be pissed." Again, Mr. Kinda-Hot Emmett. I glanced to my left where Emmet was standing, and he took his eyes off the wolves to look back at me. His hands went palm up from his sides, and his mouth formed the word, "What?" questioning me.
I stopped to think about what I'd just heard him say. "Could I really go all Rambo on him?" I asked him out loud.
"Emmett," Edward said as if a warning behind me.
"Well, yeah, you could try . . ." Rosalie was by his side before he finished, and the smack she gave him to the back of the head echoed around us all.
"Dammit, Emmett!"
The gesture was almost comical, if I weren't feeling panicked, confused, and what I thought might be something like a psychotic break. The Cullens' thoughts were all jumbling in my head, but I could feel their concern, and for the first time, I wanted to believe in it.
Movements from the corner of my eye made me whip my head back to the wolves, which were slowly retreating back into the forest, their eyes not leaving me. My body started to relax, and my limbs started to feel heavy.
"Jacob, Sam, and Seth, are going to change back into human form. What you're feeling is Jasper. He's able to help calm you. Don't fight it." I sensed Edward's steps forward as he came to stand next to Bella. They were both behind me now.
"Catherine, Damian is gone. The boys and Rose ripped him to pieces and burned him into oblivion. He won't be coming back for you. We want to take you home. Charlie . . . is there." Bella took another half-step forward as I turned slowly around.
Charlie.
Charlie was suffering what I had just gone through, and I wasn't there for him. It became clear that he had been near me, holding my hand, speaking sweet, loving words to me as I had endured what I thought had been the fires of hell. He was in the greatest pain, and I was . . . I was running away from him. From all of them.
How stupid could I be?
"You're not stupid, Catherine. You're a newborn vampire. Your emotional state would be wild and uncontrolled, even if you hadn't gone through what you did. There's much we need to tell you, to teach you." Even though part of me didn't want to believe him, Edward's words made sense.
I glanced at him as he spoke, then back at Bella, and caught Jasper and Alice off to Bella's right in the distance. I recognized their skittishness to get any closer from the thoughts they couldn't keep from me, neither one trusting me nor wanting the other to get hurt, but also something about doing it for my benefit-not wanting to spook me. My eyes shifted over to Rosalie and Emmett. Rosalie took his hand and led him towards me. The big guy was having second thoughts about Rose's proximity to me as well.
I turned back to focus on Edward and Bella. "How long . . . how long will I be like this? Wild? Uncontrolled?" I searched Bella's face and then Edward's.
"A while," Edward answered.
Rosalie walked up to me then, leaving Emmett standing a short distance behind her. "But you're not alone, Catherine. You've already learned the most important lesson, and that's feeding. You see, we're what we like to call vegetarians."
"Vegetarians?"
"Yes. We only feed off the blood of animals. Not humans. It's one of the reasons we were so afraid when you left us. Newborns aren't . . . well, let's just say newborns and humans aren't a good combination." Rosalie half-smiled.
"I think I can understand why," I said, nodding my head.
"Edward, Catherine, we're going to go back to the Rez. Things seem to be okay here. Catherine, I'll come by the house later to meet you. Hopefully, I won't freak you out then." It was Jacob. I felt the humor behind those last words. Yeah, hopefully.
"Catherine, Seth and I will have to say hello some other time as well. Hope that's okay." Deduction told me that had been Sam, but as he said it, a sudden image of the three of them turning, changing . . .
"Wow." Where the three gigantic wolves had been were now three men. Three very naked men, all with glistening brown skin, toned bodies, and rather sufficient . . . appendages. I tried to wipe the image away, attempting to focus on anything, anyone around me.
"Catherine, whatever you do, don't tell Charlie you just saw that." I looked up at Edward as I heard him, and there was slight grin on his face.
"Yeah, right." Like I was ever going to forget that image. Edward just shook his head at me.
"'What?" Bella asked.
"Nothing. I mean, don't worry about it." I tried to answer her, and I heard Emmett's chuckling and even Jasper's snort.
"Okay, okay. Yeah, I saw them change . . . into . . . They didn't have any clothes on. Are you happy?" The look I gave Emmett made his hand come up to cover his mouth, and his laughter stop.
I started to get uncomfortable again. Agitated. Any other time, my old self would have found this kind of funny, hilarious even, but it was like I couldn't find her. It was if she was prisoner inside me. I knew she was still there, but everything that had happened had forced her into a hiding place that I had yet to discover. I wanted her back.
"Jasper . . ." Edward flicked his head to the side, not taking his eyes off of me.
"I'm on it," Jasper answered him, and again, I felt that familiar peaceful sensation, and even a smidge of humor. Whatever Jasper was doing, it was helping.
I looked over at him. "Jasper, what is it you're doing to me exactly?"
Alice ran up to me finally, stopping just short of my dance space. "Jasper can control the emotions of those around him. It comes in handy sometimes, like now." She smiled at me. Jasper still stood a good six feet from me, apparently not wanting to join the others yet, or not trusting me enough to, as Emmett had so eloquently put it, "not go all Rambo" on him.
"Sorry, Catherine. I, uh, have a history with newborns," he said as he walked up to stand protectively in front of Alice.
"You're right about Jasper and trust issues," Edward hinted to me.
"But I think you might be over the worst of it," Jasper continued to speak. "With my help, and everyone here, I think we can get you through this."
Another wave from Jasper came over me, momentarily freeing my mind of the chaos that had been. Jasper was a godsend for whatever was warring inside me. "Thank you, Jasper. It feels . . . I think I feel better," I said, glancing up at him, momentarily too embarrassed to hold eye contact.
"I . . . I'm sorry. To all of you." I found a strange beetle crawling at my feet and concentrated on it. "I'm sorry for running away. I'm sorry for being . . . for being a pain in the ass. I just didn't . . . I still can't think straight, and I still feel somewhere inside I'm going to pop like a wild banshee." Crossing my arms around me, I tried to hold it in.
"No problem, Cath. We've all been there." Emmett chuckled as he walked up.
My eye caught his arm reaching out as if to put his hand on my shoulder, but even before feeling it, I jumped back, taking me at least twenty feet from where I'd been. I had reacted so quickly, the thought process of why I jumped didn't even register.
"Catherine, please don't run again," Rosalie begged, grabbing Emmett's hand and pulling him backward.
I could hear all of them, their collective hope, that I wouldn't disappear again, their pleas nearly deafening.
"I'm . . . I'm not. I just don't want you all to . . . hold me again . . . right now. It kind of freaks me out," I said, looking down, unable to fully understand my reaction myself. "I'm sorry, I don't know . . ." I shook my head, and turned my back to them.
The problem was part of me did want to run again, though, the feeling whooshing through me reaching out to smother any thought of remaining. I tried to push it away, back in some deep dark corner where it belonged, to make room for the part of me wanting to run back to them, to stay. A semblance of logic said it would be safer with them, and I fought like hell to listen to it.
"That's good, Catherine. Recognizing that side will help you learn how to fight it," Edward supported.
Try to focus on what's good and right. Bella's voice came back to me. I turned back to her now. Bella. Charlie's daughter. I needed to do this, to overcome this, for her, for all of them . . .
For Charlie.
"Bella . . ." I began walking back to her, stopping one step in front of her, just far enough away to maintain my now recognizable comfort level. "I wanna go back. I think. I need to see Charlie. Can I? I just want to make sure he's okay."
The asking made my heart ache, or what had once been my heart, and my hand went to my chest, where the thumping of it should be. But beating or non-beating, it still belonged to him. I wanted to be near him, at least I thought I did, because he needed me now. Needed to know I was there, needed to hear my voice, exactly like he'd been for me. I simply had to somehow overcome the madness. I had to find the strength.
Never let me go.
I had to try.
BellaPOV
Catherine met me eye-to-eye, the ache for Charlie probably more evident to me in the expression on her face than even inside her own head. She seemed better now, almost controlled, but there just was no way of knowing. She had gone from calm to frantic, reserved to panic so many times in the last hours, I couldn't be sure what would happen next. As much as it hurt me to keep them apart, I just didn't know what her reaction would be to seeing Charlie.
I threw my shield over Edward.
"What do you think, Edward?" I asked in my head, first glancing at Catherine and then up at him. He turned slightly to face me, and I could see him running through scenarios in his head, not even sure himself.
"I don't know, Bella. She could be fine, she could react, she could ..." He didn't have to say the last part, as I caught a glimpse of Catherine at Charlie's neck, our collective arms not able to hold her back.
"Catherine, it might be dangerous to see him, even still." I reached out my hand, and then quickly pulled it back, remembering Emmett and her reaction. Her head lowered, as she wrung her hands together.
"I... I know." Her eyes slowly came up from the forest floor to look at Edward, mixed with both uncertainty and earnestness. "Edward, you...you can help me, right? You can see if my head starts to whack out? Maybe, get me away before I could...do anything to him?"
Alice chose this moment to slowly come around from behind Jasper and stand next to Catherine, but at arm's length. "I could help. Edward, I haven't seen anything to indicate things would go . . . badly." Alice smiled a sheepish smile at Catherine and tilted her head ever so slightly to Edward, as if to reinforce her plea.
Edward didn't answer her right away, which allowed me to see through him what Alice had seen. Although Alice's glimpses seemed harmless enough, Catherine's lightening-quick changes in disposition so far didn't bode well for Alice's being able to see anything, really, so I retracted my shield.
Catherine glanced over to Alice. "I don't understand. What do you mean you haven't seen-"
"I can see the future." Alice bounced in place as she said it, her attempt at a little smile of reassurance seemed only to confuse Catherine.
"Oh," Catherine simply said, seemingly pausing to comprehend, and then looked at each of us. "So, Ed, you can read my mind. Jasper, you do something funky with my feelings, and Alice, you can see the future." She nodded over to Rosalie and Emmett. "What about you two? Please don't tell me you shoot fireballs from your hands, or have x-ray vision or something."
Emmett busted out laughing. "Nope, Rose and I don't have any abilities." Even Rosalie smiled.
Catherine turned to me. "Bella, what about you? I've already figured out yours is the only head I don't hear."
I tried to explain the best I could. "I'm what they call a shield, Catherine. I can protect people with it from others who would manipulate the mind. I can also hear what's in other people's heads when my shield is over them."
Catherine's hand went to her forehead, her fingers slowly rubbing across it. "I feel like I should have a headache, even though I don't." Catherine glanced up at Edward, and something was shared between them as Edward nodded his head.
Rosalie suddenly left Emmett's side to stand with Catherine. "Edward, Catherine needs to see Charlie. If we're all there, she'll be fine. Charlie should be well past the initial stage, and we'll all be there if something should happen. Besides, none of you could keep me from Emmett's side when he was turned." Rosalie then turned to look at Catherine. "She needs to be there for him, like he was for her." She nodded her head in an it will be okay fashion.
Although Catherine answered with a smile back to Rosalie, she didn't seem as convinced of what Rose had just said, as her smile slowly faded.
"Thanks, Rose. I'm...I'm glad you think so." Catherine hesitated for just a moment. "Jasper? You'll be there, right?"
"I wouldn't be anywhere else." Jasper smiled as Alice took his hand in hers.
"C'mon, bro," Emmett finally piped in, stepping closer to us and to Edward. "She'll be fine."
"Like she was when I told you to hold onto her before?" Edward challenged. We all stood still, waiting for Emmett's reaction, but it was Catherine's snort that had everyone turning to her.
"Yes, by the way, about that." She stepped past Rosalie and walked over near Emmett, stopping just next to him. "Is that the best you got, big guy? Cuz, if I remember correctly, I slipped out of your hands like they belonged to a little girl."
It was at that moment I wished I had a camera, if only to capture the extreme shock and embarrassment on Emmett's face. Rosalie's laugh rang out first, followed by the rest of us, including a whoop from Jasper. Even Edward cracked a smile.
"Emmett, I believe you've just been put in your place by an older woman," Jasper politely delivered.
"Yeah, well, she's a newborn, and-"
"Emmett." Rosalie cut him off with a whack of the back of her hand to his gut.
Edward took the opportunity to walk over and stand in front of Catherine, clasping his hands together as if he, too, realized that physically reaching out to her would be a mistake. "I know you're still confused, Catherine. I can hear it. But I know one thing, if that were Bella in there, you couldn't keep me away. So between Alice and I, and the rest of us, we'll help you. He's calling for you."
Catherine stood for a moment, scanning the ground as if she were trying to think or to listen. I wasn't quite sure. She glanced up at Edward, and they seemed to share a moment of something that actually brought another slight smile to Catherine's face, and a nod of her head.
"Okay, well, if you will all be there, then I'll try." Catherine eyes left Edward's and scanned the rest of us. But it didn't escape me that as she turned to go back, the corners of her mouth drifted down, and the smile that had been, slowly disappeared.
A/N:
So, was it worth the wait? I truly appreciate all of you who are sticking with me, and all of your lovely reviews. I should have more for you sooner this time, since the next 3 chapters are already in their bare bones form.
Thanks so much again for reading!