South Park: The High School Years

S2-E11

Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Godson

That evening in South Park...

Kyle was walking down the street in the cold prime time's chilling wind, on his way to his most loved and also most hated advesary's, Eric Cartman. The house that Eric had lived in his entire life, was not far ahead, but the whipping winds and sheet of snow made it hard to look at. Kyle finally reached his objective and knocked a few soft knocks. The door was answered by the last person Kyle ever expected to see.

"S-Scott Tenorman!" he gasped.

"Oh hi Kyle," Scott greeted warmly. "Didn't Eric tell you I was living here now?"

"Yeah, but I never thought it would be true!" Kyle said in disbelief. "Anyways, is Cartman here?"

"Yeah, come in," Scott replied.

Kyle walked through the door and found himself in that same familiar living room with it's mustard yellow walls and those same pictures of a younger Cartman now much older.

"Cartman!" Scott said loudly. "Kyle's here!"

"Yeah, yeah," Cartman yelled in reply. "I'm coming ginger!"

Kyle gave Scott a sympathetic look at the insult. Scott shrugged and vacated the room, slipping into the kitchen just as Cartman was descending the stairs.

"'Sup Jew?" Cartman greeted.

"Hi fatass," Kyle replied non-chalantly. "I came by to talk."

Meanwhile, in the next room, Scott was eavesdropping and neither of them had a clue. He listened carefully as Kyle spoke again.

"Stan and I both came out," Kyle continued. "We're fags."

"Yeah I know," Eric said with a shrug. "This isn't news to me."

"Anyways," Kyle pressed on. "Now Stan doesn't have the guts to let Wendy off the hook, and I'm torn between two sides. I do love Stan, but I also love someone else."

"Who?" Cartman asked.

Kyle sighed and struggled for the right words. Scott continued listening in with sincere curiosity.

"Look Cartman," Kyle said in a guarded tone. "Let's not even pretend we don't both know how I feel for you. It's you! I love you!"

"Kyle," Cartman replied with a sigh. "We've been through this. We can't be together. It just wouldn't work, and we've been through too much."

"It would too work," Kyle insisted. "Maybe it's been working all this time, for years and years, and we just never thought of it this way. Who saved me from that smug in San Francisco? You. Who brought me back to life when I was shocked to death by the Imagination Gate? You. You love me Cartman. I know you do."

Cartman folded his arms defensively and looked away from Kyle. Scott couldn't believe his ears. This might be even easier then he had hoped.

"Kyle," Cartman said with a sigh. "I wish it were as easy as you wanted it to be. I love Butters. He and I are together."

"But he's not who you really want," Kyle pointed out. "Compared to me you've never wanted him. Think about it Cartman. All those years, it's always been me. You like to tease and antagonize the people you like, and compared to how much you've antagonized me, Butters doesn't compare."

"Kyle if you don't want me to say something we'll both regret, I suggest you let this go," Cartman warned. "This is a pipe dream. Seriously, get that sand out of your vagina."

Kyle huffed, feeling the anger flood him at Cartman's usual insults.

"I should have known better," he muttered. "I should have known this would be a waste of time. You've never been able to admit it, why should I think you'd start now?"

"Kyle I really don't want to talk about this," Cartman emphasized, almost pleadingly. "Stop doing this. I already told you that I love Butters."

"You heard him, ginger Jew bitch!" a voice said rudely from behind them.

Kyle spun around to see Butters with a look of pure hatred on his face.

"You heard my boyfriend!" Butters snapped. "Get out!"

"Butters what has gotten into you?" Kyle asked in disbelief. "You usually don't down me like this."

"Well gee Kyle," Butters said sarcastically. "What should I do when you're trying to steal my man?"

"Butters he loves me more," Kyle insisted. "Think about it dude! You know it's true."

"It's absurd," Butters said with a snort. "You must be a glutton for punishment if you interpret Eric's Nazi values as love for you. Kyle a masochist, who would have known? Do you love it when Cartman downs you for being a Jew? Does it turn you on?"

Kyle could feel his anger rising at every word, but not because of Butters' words, but because they were true.

"You don't know a thing!" Kyle huffed. "See ya Cartman. I thought you could be a man and own up, but I was wrong."

With that Kyle proceeded to the front door and left, making sure the door slammed smartly behind him. He didn't know what Butters or Cartman would think of him after this, and he didn't care. Now he had just one more stop to make before he returned home. He couldn't believe he was here, standing outside the front door of the teacher he'd hated and despised in his younger years. Maybe he was here for advice from an older fag, or maybe he just needed something else. Kyle drew in a breath and knocked. Sure enough, Mr. Garrison answered it.

"Kyle?" he asked in surprise. "To what do I owe this visit?"

Suddenly Kyle knew why he was there.

"I need to ask you something, inside," Kyle said, walking in without further invitation.

"Ask me what?" Mr. Garrison asked, closing the door behind him.

"I've decided to become a Catholic," Kyle told him. "I want to be baptized, and I know I'll need a sponsor. Would you?"

Mr. Garrison looked thoughtful for a few moments while he thought it over.

"Well sure, I guess so," Mr. Garrison said finally and then smiled. "No one's ever asked me to be their sponsor before. I guess I'm kinda, touched..."

"Thanks Mr. Garrison," Kyle said. "Now what do I have to do?"

"Well RCIA classes once a week," Mr. Garrison answered. "I can take you if you like. We can go to Wednesday Mass together, and then class afterwards."

"Sounds good," Kyle said, placing his hand on the doorknob. "Thanks, Mr. Garrison."

"You're welcome Kyle," the older man replied.

Kyle walked out the door into the snow. The cold winds on his face helped cool the inner tension inside of him. Finally, he was going to become a Catholic, but that didn't compare to his confusion and tension over what had happened at Cartman's tonight. Where would his crazy life in this crazy town lead him next?

To be continued...

The next chapter will probably be the last of this season, but I would like to continue on to the third, if I get some reviews telling me the readers would like that. This is possibly the longest fic I've ever done.