A/N – Special thanks to nomadsland, iris129, and uncutetomboy for the reviews. Those of you reading and not reviewing, you also have them to thank for the new content.
Chapter 21
Rachel had offered to do it for me. She'd said I didn't have to see Jessie at all, that she could get her out of my life without me there.
I have no idea why I didn't take her up on it. Maybe I just wanted to see her one last time, to say a final farewell, as it were. Maybe I was just sick in the head and I wanted to torture myself. Lord knows I was beating myself up already for how close I'd let myself get to this girl in such a short period of time. 'Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why would you ever think something good could happen to you?' I berated myself.
I sat in the mall, waiting for her. That was where we planned to meet. Then we were going to go across the street to the same Mexican restaurant as our first date. It was supposed to be our one-week anniversary, she'd said. 'How dumb are you? Even if everything were normal, can't you see how stupid the idea of a one-week anniversary is? Why? How did you let yourself get to this?'
I knew the answer, of course. Everybody I knew was pairing up, from the Animorphs on down to random kids at school. I felt left out – simple as that. I'd seen an opportunity to catch up with everyone else, and I'd grabbed at it with all the desperation of a drowning man grabbing a life preserver.
Lesson learned. I'd never let anyone in again. I would never feel like this again, even if it meant keeping everyone at arm's length for the rest of my life. A fair price, one I'd pay a million times to make this feeling go away. The feeling of a lost future, of happiness vanquished before it had a chance to blossom. I'd never thought of myself as deep or romantic, but this kind of pain would make a poet out of anyone.
"Marco?" a voice broke me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw Jessie. Not the Yeerk that I knew controlled her; just the girl. That was the hell of it all – how you could hate the slug and love the person. Separate them, even if they were inseparable.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what had to come. It actually made it easier, knowing it was just a play I was going to act in. "Sit down, Jessie," I told her, and I was pleased to hear no waver in my voice. "We need to talk."
The smile evaporated off of her face as she sat. Never in the history of relationships had those four words preceded anything good, and she knew it.
"That girl last week you saw me talking to? She wasn't just a friend," I said tonelessly. This lie was so hard to say, even though it was the Yeerk I was lying to. Had to lie to. "I thought it wasn't going to work out with me and her, but I was wrong. Sorry."
She studied my face. "Oh. Why did you lie to me last week about her, then?" she asked, unemotional. The Yeerk was going through the motions, but secretly had to be pleased at this turn of events. One less thing to complicate its life as it pretended to be Jessie.
"Because I thought I wanted to move on. To try something new. But I don't," I said. It wasn't hard to sound confused – I was confused. Confused about everything but what I had to do.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I knew it was Rachel, showing up right when we'd planned. "I'm sorry, too," Rachel told Jessie. "But he's mine." My heart leapt in my throat as she said those words – how many times had I pictured Jessie saying them in the past week?
Jessie gave first me, then Rachel, a cold glare. "If that's the way you want it. Sorry I wasted my time." She stood up to leave.
"I'm sorry, too," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I mentally let go as she walked away, and an ounce of the depression I felt left me. Just an ounce, but at least it was something. It gave me a glimmer of hope that maybe, somehow, I'd get through this. When she was out of sight, Rachel took her hand off of me.
"That sucks, man," she said sincerely. "But it's over. The hard part's over."
"Yeah." Now that it was done, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I didn't know if I wanted to be around people or not. I know I didn't want to be alone. I didn't have to think on it long before the decision was made for me.
"Guys?" a timid voice from behind us. What was Cassie doing here? At my confused look, Cassie gave me an apologetic one of her own. "Sorry. Rachel told me this was where you were supposed to meet Jessie, and when I couldn't find her at her house, I thought maybe I could catch the two of you here."
"Okay. What's up?" Rachel asked. I could tell she was glad for the interruption – if I had to bet, I'd say Rachel was at the end of her rope when it came to being nice and supportive.
"Turns out we might get one more chance to put a damper on the Yeerks' plans," she said. "Tobias found out some interesting information, and Jake wants to act on it. Like, now."
A fierce enthusiasm ripped through me. Everything cleared up in an instant. The Yeerks were the root cause of my pain. We had a chance to hurt them back. I was in, big time. "Let's go," I said, a smile on my face that really didn't feel like my smile at all. "Let's get 'em."