Chapter 20: The Minotaur

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A few days passed as I regained my strength; but it sometimes seemed much longer to me, as I sat in bed, barely allowed to move. But it wasn't all bad. There wasn't a moment that someone wasn't with me, so I was never bored or lonely for long. My family would sit with me for hours and we'd all just talk about things. They wanted to know every detail of my adventure, and I wanted to know everything about how they had been.

We also talked a lot about the future. Spring was back, for sure; outside, the world was bursting into green. Papa had been talking a lot with 13 and 15, and they had decided something terrific. When we went home, the Dekas would be coming with us. Not forever, but for a pretty long time—maybe until fall came again. Everyone agreed: the Primes were under-equipped to deal with the harshness that winter was, and we needed help from experts. After explaining the condition of the library, 13 was a little surprised my family had survived.

0 didn't fully understand why it was so great, but 4 and I were extremely happy about this. It meant that we'd get to keep 12 around. Part of me was just thrilled to keep watching the two of them together. They were so cute! I wished more than ever that 5 was still alive. He had known exactly what it was like, being the brother in the middle of an unexpected romance. It felt awkward and a little lonely, being that clumsy third wheel. But at the same time, seeing them so happy made me feel great.

But I never once saw 11 anywhere. In fact, she had locked herself away so thoroughly that she hadn't allowed her brother in their room for days. Even 13, who was still furious with her, had to be a little concerned. It was frustrating for me, because I felt so full of conviction. I found myself wanting very badly to forgive her. But she never presented herself. When I asked if someone would bring her, they all refused.

"What if she doesn't even want to be forgiven?" my sister asked.

"Then that would be very sad; but it wouldn't stop me. It never stopped any of you, and it's not going to stop me."

All this went on for about a week. At last, papa allowed me to get up and walk around a little. I hadn't thought of how wobbly I would be after an operation and a week stuck in bed. But I found my feet again quickly. My chest was still pretty sore, but it grew less and less so after a few days. Papa was impressed. He said that my recovery was coming along faster than he had expected, after a near-death experience.

One evening a few days later, 12 and I were playing in the den with 0 and the toy ark—which 13 had allowed him to keep. But night fell, and mama took him off to bed.

"Don't stay up too much later," she advised me. "You still need to rest."

"I won't," I agreed. How could I say no to her, now? She smiled, reassured, and walked off with 0 falling asleep in her arms. It was the first time in a while that seeing them so close didn't make me burn up with jealousy. It felt great.

I peered down the dark tunnel that led back to our rooms. 11 was back there somewhere, and I knew that she was hurting inside. I had to do something about that. But the pitch blackness of the tunnel was annoyingly ominous. As confident as I was… There could still be a vicious monster hiding in the shadows.

12 saw me looking down the tunnel and said, "Whoa there, Theseus. You're in no shape to go chasing the minotaur."

It was as if he had read my thoughts. I could appreciate him referencing my favorite Greek myth, even calling me by the name of the hero. But I shook my head and slowly stood up.

"I need to face it sometime," I insisted. "It just feels like sometime is here."

"…Do you want me to go with you? Keep an eye out? Run for help, if there's trouble? You can't exactly make a quick getaway right now."

"No, 12. This is something I have to do myself."

He didn't like it, but he sighed. "I guess that's true. But I'm still going to stand watch. I'll be close by, okay?"

Just in case, I agreed that it would be wise to have him close by. Even Theseus hadn't been completely alone in the minotaur's lair. We walked down the tunnel together, into the shadow. It did, indeed, feel like I was marching down the dark corridors of the labyrinth, hunting down a deadly beast. It could be lurking behind any corner, waiting to pounce while I was vulnerable. But I steeled myself and faced it. I had to be like Theseus, bravely facing the dangerous task that was my destiny.

And we arrived at the twin's room without incident. It was very quiet, and I was suddenly very nervous to leave 12's company. But I had to do this. I carefully stepped into their room, wondering what I would find.

Within, the lights were on and I could see everything plainly. The mess that usually dominated 12's side of the room had been cleaned up, wires and cords hung up on the wall or piled neatly on his work table. He certainly hadn't done that. On one of the two beds, I found the minotaur—or what seemed left of her, anyway. 11 was lying on her back, staring listlessly at the ceiling. When she heard me come in, she sighed sadly.

"I'm not coming out, 12. I can't bear to look at any of them. I simply can't."

"Actually," I answered, throwing my hood back, leaving nothing hidden, "it's me."

She suddenly sat up straight, completely surprised. "You? Of all people? Have you gone mad?"

"Maybe I have. But that's not important. I need to talk to you, 11."

"About what?" she demanded defensively. "If you've come for an apology, you're not getting one."

"I just wanted to say… I know how you feel."

"How could you know anything about how I feel? You don't know anything I've been through!"

"I do, a little. I know what it's like to hate a brother or sister. I know what it's like to want them dead. And I know what it's like to try to kill them. I tried, and I almost succeeded, once."

She gave a weird, quizzical look. "You tried to kill someone?" she asked incredulously.

"That's why I ran away."

She studied me for a moment.

"…I've misjudged you. You're a cold-hearted killer, just like me. It's nice to not be alone, I suppose."

"No, I'm not. I thought I was, once, but I'm not a bad person. It's like a monster, you know? Living inside you, taking you over, making you into something you're not. Right?"

Something struck in her eyes, like she finally understood, and she relaxed a little.

"It is," she said quietly. "I never thought of it like that. It's just always been there. Sometimes I would wonder if I could be different, if I could be better… But every time I thought of it, the monster said no. It told me, this was all I could be. All I needed to be."

"That if everyone else is so distracted by the little one, you'll just have to take care of yourself."

"You have to save them from their own blindness. As long as they can't see, it's all up to you."

"You're the only one who's not crazy."

"You don't have to deal with this silliness, if you don't want to. Be strong, and take matters into your own hands."

"Be strong, save them from themselves—"

"—and get rid of her."

"Or him."

"So you heard it, too?"

"Yeah. Twice, before. Exactly like that."

"Wow. I guess you do understand." She hugged her knees to her chest and stared off into space. "I had never thought of it as a monster before… I don't think I even knew it was there at all. Now that I've found it in me, looked at it, seen what it's done to me all my life… I don't know what to do with myself."

"Do you feel empty?"

"Yeah, empty. And now, I'm just… I hate myself. I've done terrible things to everyone I've ever known or loved, and I didn't care. How am I supposed to live with myself now?"

"No," I answered, coming a little closer, "you didn't do any of those things yourself. Something else was controlling you. Something you weren't aware of to fight against."

"That doesn't make any of it right," she countered miserably, her face falling upon her knees.

"I know it doesn't. It never gets easier, having to live with yourself when you've caused so much pain and trouble. But it gives you hope—you didn't do this on your own. Now that you've seen that, you have the power to change it. If you go to them, and you ask them forgiveness and for help, they'll give it to you."

"I can barely look at my own stupid, useless waste of skin. How am I supposed to face my mother and father? How am I supposed to do that?"

"That's not easy, either," I answered, easing down on the bed beside her. I even felt bold enough to reach out and lay my hand on her shoulder. She recoiled, completely shocked that I would want to touch her… But she relaxed, comforted by the sudden contact in spite of everything. No one had seen or spoken to her in almost two weeks. I couldn't imagine how lonely she must feel… And then I remembered my month in the study, trapped alone with no one but the monster, and realized that I understood very well how lonely she had been. And she hadn't even had the bad company of the monster.

She slowly looked up at me and took a deep sniffley breath, trying not to cry. The look on her face was pathetic and broken, without a trace of hate or deceit. I wasn't in danger, so close to her. The monster was no longer plaguing her soul. She was free. But she had left a mountainous wake behind her; it was daunting, but she knew she had to make things right again. She was so worried.

"I'll walk with you, 11. You have a lot to do, but you don't have to do it on your own."

"I deserve to have to do it alone. It's my mess, and I should clean it up. I should spend an eternity at it, never fully fixing anything. Maybe I shouldn't be forgiven by anyone. Not my mother, certainly not your mother, not our fathers or our twins… not by anybody. Maybe it would be easier if I just left, just went away and never bothered another living creature again."

"That's what the monster told me when I failed at killing 0 the second time. It stopped telling me that I was completely right. Instead, it told me that I was worthless and that I deserved banishment more than death. It drove me away to die, alone and scared. And when it saw that I was too weak to be useful anymore, it went away to look for someone else.

"Running away from our problems is always easier. It's ultimately what I chose when I ran away. But it doesn't solve anything. All it does is make you regret everything you ran away from. Getting up and facing your problems is always scary; but if you just do it, you can move on. You can still make this right. If you truly want to be forgiven, you can do it."

"I do really want to be forgiven."

"Then you can do it. And I'll help you."

She sighed slowly. "…I still can't understand why you would want to do this for me, after all we've been through. But I would be happy to have your help… And your forgiveness." She looked at me hard for a moment, invisible tears starting to fall. "3….. I am so sorry for everything I've done. I—I feel like there should be more, but—"

"That's all there needs to be. I know that you're sorry, and I accept your apology. I forgive you."

I had never seen her smile before. Even as she continued to cry, she gave me the purest, most thankful smile I've ever seen. She finally had a scrap of hope to cling to: if I could forgive her so willingly, so gladly, maybe the rest of our family could, as well.

"I think I can go out there now," she said quietly, brushing her scarlet hair out of her eye, only for it to fall right back in place.

"Then let's go," I gently insisted, daring to take her by the hand and pull her off the bed. She willingly followed, though she was sluggish from lying still for…probably about as long as I had, I realized. When she stood up he legs wobbled a little, even. And I had been bracing myself to face a minotaur—she reminded me more of a lamb, now.

"Oh, I should warn you, your brother's in the tunnel somewhere."

She gulped nervously and sighed. "I have to face him personally, sometime. Better like this, when I can't get away from him. He's my twin, after all."

We walked back into the hallway, and saw 12 almost at once, waiting anxiously for something to happen. But he must not have expected 11 and I to walk out together, with e leading her by the hand, because he looked impossibly surprised. He looked up and stared at us for a moment, words failing him.

Sensing it was up to her to end the awkward silence, 11 steeled herself and stepped forward, bravely holding her head up and looking him in the eye.

"…12… Is there any miracle by which you can forgive me?"

He paused for a long second, processing this. But it got through quickly. He sprang forward and enveloped her in a hug from which there was no escape. All of a sudden, he was crying tears of joy.

"That's all I want is to forgive you," he sobbed into her shoulder. "I've wanted to for so long… But I wasn't sure if you wanted it."

I stood back from them and allowed them their moment, still a little amazed that 11 was crying—and so hard, now. But after a minute, she straightened herself.

"Are mother and father still awake?" she asked.

"Do you want to speak to them?"

"Yes. After all this time… I am ready."

Standing on either side of her, holding her hands in our own, we walked with her back to the den. When we walked into the light, the grownups didn't notice us at first. And then they all looked up and saw us, a most unusual sight, indeed. 14 jumped up from where she had been sitting, joy fluttering behind her surprise to see her daughter again.

11 hesitated, not sure where to begin. But I remembered how papa had given me a head start, when I had returned from the study. I gently nudged her forward, farther into the room.

"Everyone, 11 has something she'd like to say."

Well, there was no escape now. She bravely took a few steps into the light, facing her mother first of all.

"…Mother… I wanted… I'm just…"

She stopped stammering and hung her head, humiliated and hurt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears falling once again.

14 regarded her with the same wonder as I had. This wasn't the 11 she had known and raised. She was visibly a completely different person. It was as if she had spent all her life as an ugly, poisonous caterpillar, and had morphed over a few nights into a soft, delicate butterfly—her real self.

12 and I could see it, and 14 clearly saw it as well. After only a moment's hesitation, she pulled 11 close and held her tightly.

"Oh, my darling girl," she breathed, invisible tears of joy flowing down her face. "After all these years, you've come home!"

"I've been gone for so long, and I'm sorry," 11 sobbed, snuggling into her mother's embrace. "I've been so far away, and I let that monster stand in my place all this time, but it's gone! I'm never leaving again, I promise!"

"I believe you, I believe you,"14 insisted, rocking her child back and forth. "I've missed you so much, but I could never make myself see…"

11 looked up at her, pulling herself together enough to speak clearly. "I couldn't see it, either. Mum… I want to be a part of this family again. I'm done with only thinking about what I want. I want to really thing about what our family needs from me. It made me think I was useless, and there was nothing I could do to change that. But I see now. I see now, and I'm ready. Please, help me."

Before 14 could answer, 13 had come up behind them and thrown his arms around them both, holding them safe and sound.

"Of course we'll help you, child," he said gently. "We all will."

She gripped his arm and looked at him earnestly. "Father… All the things, everything I did… If I could undo them all—"

He silenced her, shaking his head. "What has been done cannot be undone. All we can do now is have hope, and move forward. And we shall do this together."

"I am so sorry for everything I've done."

He ran his fingers over her face with a loving smile. "Now that you are home, we can give you our forgiveness."

Unable to hold back anymore, 12 glommed onto them.

"We're all here for you, sis."

Remaining silent and sturdy as always, 15 joined them last, towering over them. After all the years they had spent in denial and pain, the Dekas were a real family again. It wasn't me that they had needed to heal them, after all. What they had needed all along was each other.

Papa came and stood beside me, grinning down at me proudly.

"Sometimes you are more like me than your brother, always rushing into danger when everyone else says there's no point," he said, patting my head. "And maybe that's a good thing."

And all I could do—needed to do—was smile back.

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Author's Notes…

School is the main reason it has taken so long to finish this chapter. That and more sentimentality. But the good grades I have garnered from sticking to school first have been very worth it.

MADE THE DEAN'S LIST! 8D

This story is almost finished, can you believe it? Only one or two more chapters to go, I think. Given my workload, I have no idea when the next one will be ready. Soon… ish… I hope. :/