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Chapter 19

Because she was spending more time with him, Acacia decided to work on Ferus, though she wasn't sure how to squeeze information out of a man as tight-lipped as he was. The direct approach might work, but it also might make him clam up. The hinting approach had even less of a chance, though; Ferus was the sort of person who either didn't take the hint in the first place, or took the hint, examined it for a second, and gave it back.

So Acacia went for the confusing-and-hoping-he'll-let-something-slip approach.

"Ferus?" she said the next day while they were on a break.

"Yes."

"Did you know Anakin and I are siblings?"

Ferus spit out his water. "You're what?"

She nodded. "Yup. Same mom, different dad. It's why I'm living with him now. Can I ask you something?"

"Wait, what?"

"Why don't you like my brother?"

"Why don't I... Acacia, can you slow down a moment?"

"I did slow down. I wasn't talking anymore."

Ferus wiped a hand across his face like that would erase all the extra details so he could focus on what was important. "It's not that I dislike Anakin. It's just... we've had our differences over the years."

"Well, that's descriptive. Thank you."

He sighed. "We've had disagreements since our first mission together. Everyone said we were both, well, extremely talented, so it seemed like we were always in competition. And Anakin always wanted to take it further than a friendly rivalry." Acacia wanted to argue on her brother's behalf, but that sounded too much like him.

"We just... clashed. And well, you were there for the mission Darra died." Acacia nodded, remembering the young padawan who'd been killed on Acacia's first mission with Obi-Wan and Anakin. "Things between us came to a head," Ferus went on, "and because of that, she died."

"It wasn't your fault," Acacia said, defending her brother more than the man in front of her. "It's not like you shot her."

"But we could've stopped it and we didn't." Ferus glared at the ground. "In a roundabout way, we killed her."

Halfway through his sentence, Acacia was already shaking her head. "Not true. Not true at all. Darra would agree with me."

"Perhaps."

Acacia waited for him to go on, but he didn't. So she eventually asked, "It's... it's why you left, though, yeah?"

He paused, then nodded slowly. "I couldn't stand that guilt. I knew that the Jedi could never be right for me, not with the way we'd tainted things." Acacia bristled at the mention of "we," but Ferus went on like he hadn't noticed. "I saw Darra's face everywhere, but most of all, whenever Anakin was around." He let out a quiet self-mocking scoff, opened his mouth like he was about to say more, then stopped.

But Acacia thought she knew what he would've said, if he'd let himself continue. I was escaping your brother as much as Darra.

"So I left."

"But what's that have to do with now?"

"Acacia." Ferus stood, turning his back to her. "I really don't think we should talk about this. Besides, we have to get back to work.

"We don't either. We've got an hour's worth of work tops, and more than that of daylight. Sit." To her surprise, he obeyed. "Explain."

To that, he didn't obey. Acacia wasn't sure why she was pushing so hard, but it was almost as if the Force was prompting her, as if they needed this, both of them, to move on with their lives.

Besides, if Ferus was going to accuse her brother of murder and blame Anakin for his leaving the Order, she wanted the full story.

A few moments later, Ferus sighed and went on. "Over time, I met people, learned a new way of life, found fulfillment, and began to forget about the death we caused. But everytime I think of Anakin, or worse, see him, there it is again. I wonder..." he whispered the last words, then clamped his mouth shut, as if he'd only then remembered that Acacia was still sitting there. Though unspoken, the words echoed between them. I wonder if he feels the same way.

Acacia reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. For a moment, Ferus let it stay and she felt something shift in his ForceMark. Then he stood abruptly and strode back to the ship. Acacia followed.

The two remained silent until Anakin came by that evening. They were done by then, leaving nothing for him to help with, so after he inspected it, all three hopped into their speeders.

"Thanks again, Ferus," Anakin said, with a smile that was slightly less forced than all of his previous ones.

"It was my pleasure," Ferus replied, without fully looking at him.

Acacia paused, turning back to Ferus. After all the time she'd spent with him and all she'd learned about him today, she felt like she ought to say something, like "I'll miss you," or do something, like run over and hug him. But, though she didn't mind his company, she wasn't honestly sure how true the first one was. And the second one... well, way too many questions would follow that.

So she settled for a friendly wave, a smile, and a goodbye.

Later, when Acacia thought about their conversation, her brain didn't stick on Ferus and Anakin, but on how Ferus had felt after Darra's death. Trapped. Like he just couldn't live there anymore. Like he had to escape.

Day by day, a similar feeling had grown in her own chest. She'd tried to stop it, then to suppress it, then to simply ignore it. But all of those had failed.

Sure, her and Ferus' situations were remarkably different – no one she cared about had died recently, thank the Force – but she could relate to the feeling of being trapped. Of needing to leave, of a just plain not-rightness that you can't quite identify.

It wasn't just about missing Owen anymore, though that was a large part of it. It wasn't just about missing Tattooine; she could learn to live without its wide-open skies and sparkling suns. It was about her, lacking something where she was, needing something she wasn't getting here with Anakin. She felt a restlessness she couldn't explain and wondered if this was what it meant to grow up.

If so, she didn't like it. But that didn't change the fact that the feeling was there.

Maybe that was why the Force had prompted her to talk to Ferus. Ferus had to release the pain and guilt he held inside, and Acacia needed to hear his words and seek her purpose elsewhere.

She had to get out, she knew that now. What she didn't know was how she would tell Anakin.

Acacia decided to go ahead and speak to Anakin as soon as possible. Now that she knew her path, there was no sense in delaying it. Yet the second she saw her brother the next morning, she chickened out. He was at the table, tinkering with a gadget in his metal arm, brow furrowed in concentration; but she knew without even reading his mind that whatever he was really concerned with, it had nothing to do with what he was working on.

She couldn't just up and leave him. Not like this.

So she pasted on a smile and sidled over. "Hey, Tinkerboy. Careful not to break anything important on that."

He rolled his eyes without even looking at her. "Morning, Caish."

"Whatcha thinking about?" she asked as she grabbed a bowl of cereal. "Something wrong?"

He raised his eyebrows, making brief eye contact. "You're not gonna just check my mind?"

Acacia shrugged. "Not today." Mostly because she didn't want him checking hers.

Anakin set down his screwdriver and sighed. "I wish you could've been at the meetings. Maybe you would've seen something I couldn't." He blew out another harsh breath, running a hand over his eyes, and Acacia saw the dark circles underneath them. How long had he sat out here, running over every detail of the days in the Senate, discovering nothing he didn't already know, torturing himself by doing it again?

"Why would I have caught something you didn't?" she asked, stirring the spoon in her cereal. "You're the Knight. Who the Council would've made Master." You don't need me. Please realize you don't need me.

Anakin shrugged. "I don't know. It would've been good to have an extra set of eyes, I guess. And besides," He gave her a tired smile and a wink. "you never cease to amaze me, Caish."

She forced a smile and swallowed around the lump in her throat. "You must be really tired."

He let out a chuckle that turned to a yawn. "I am. But you gotta have something, Squirt. I mean, you're battle in the Lower Levels is still attracting news."

Acacia frowned. "That is not a good thing."

"Don't worry about it." Her brother waved a hand. "Nobody knows for sure it was a Jedi, much less you specifically, and the myths are getting crazier by the day. Take a look." He turned the Net on to a tabloid channel discussing the specially-engineered lizard species that had a glowing blue light for a tongue and blaster-proof scales. Apparently, it was created and released by the rebels to kill clones.

Acacia couldn't help laughing. "That's insane."

"It's also leading news for anyone who cares about that sort of thing. And it's good for us because nobody's looking at you, and the rebels are still getting press. In fact," He stroked his chin, pretending to think deep thoughts. "I think we should have battles like that more often."

Acacia scoffed. "There are so many people – myself included – who would highly disagree. "

He nodded, closing the panel in his arm and tucking the screwdriver away in his belt. "That's because you're all boring."

She laughed again, even as the strange feeling twisted her stomach. How in the Galaxy could she just leave him?

"So.. Ani," she said after a short silence. "What are you gonna about the spy?"

Her brother paused, and before he answered, Acacia had the distinct feeling that the honest truth was, "I have no idea." But he never got the chance to make something up. A light flashed on his belt, and a quiet beep rang through the room. Acacia leaned closer as her brother opened his comm. "Mr. Kerkin," Captain Typho said, using their pseudonym for Anakin. "There's someone here to see you."

Anakin frowned, and he and Acacia tensed, forgetting every other problem that had plagued their minds. "Who is it?" Anakin asked.

"Don't know. Says he's a friend. Here, I'll show you." Typho hit a few buttons, hooking the comm to the security camera. The hologram blinked, then staring up at them, was a familiar face framed with red-brown hair, set with twinkling gray-blue eyes. Anakin and Acacia grinned.

Obi-Wan.

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