Chapter 21. Alien Assassins Created the Ninja!
The prom was jumping. That was the best word for it, especially considering how many people's dance style consisted entirely of bouncing up and down.
But not everyone was having a good time. Malon had spent twenty minutes attempting to comfort her friend Cremia, before giving up and telling her to get over herself. Malon Strongly Disapproved of pining over boys. She had reasons.
She'd gone outside to get some air and escape the pounding music, and found the young man that the rest of the school had dubbed "emo boy" staying true to his name.
She didn't even try with him.
But she stood at the top of the stairs and looked at the sky. It was so pretty, so peaceful. Hard to believe she might never see it again. Dark seemed pretty certain that he would never see it again. What he'd said before they got to the school...it sounded like a goodbye.
The man himself came strolling up the sidewalk, Ralph at his side. Ralph was walking sort of funny, and his hair was mussed under his ridiculous hat.
Malon laughed to herself. She wasn't the only one Dark had been saying goodbye to.
Inside, Zelda and Anju had joined a group of girls to shake what their respective mama's had given them. Link and Kafei, not having the boundless energy of their girlfriends, were sitting at the table and making a plastic cup castle.
"Impressive," a voice said. They turned and saw Ralph grinning at them. He pulled out a chair and sat down, wincing just a bit.
"Hey, where have you been?" Kafei asked. "I haven't seen you in, like, an hour."
"I was hanging out with Dark," he said. "We went and got slushies after he took my ass-virginity. Totally freaked out the clerk at the gas station with our outfits. It was cool. I would have brought you back something, but I remembered how they patted us down when we came in. No outside food or drinks. All that jazz. Do they think someone is going to spike the punch or something? Who would ever do that? It's not like anyone is drinking the punch anyway. And you guys didn't hear a word I said after ass-virginity, did you?"
"You slept!" Kafei exclaimed, so shocked with the concept that he couldn't even make it one complete sentence. "With Dark!"
"Well I wouldn't really say I slept with him, since there was no sleeping involved." He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "I kind of sank down on the floor afterward, and Dark sat down beside me, but only for a minute. The floor in there is all dirty, and it kind of hurts to sit down anyway. Not like bad-hurt, but sore."
Kafei was making a sound not unlike air escaping from a balloon.
"This is kind of weird, Ralph," Link said. "I mean, you always talked about how much you liked girls."
"I did! I do! I'm not gay. If anything, this just proved that. I mean, it was good and all, no regrets, but on the whole I prefer women."
"But…you enjoyed it."
"Hey, sex is sex. When you start, you know, kissing and fondling and whatever, it doesn't matter what the other person looks like or what gender they are. Hell Link, you're bi, you ought to understand this better than anyone."
"But that's just the thing. I'm bi, so that means I do like guys. You say you don't."
Ralph shrugged. "I don't know how to explain it. Just because I enjoyed sex with a guy doesn't mean I would want to date a guy, or ogle a guy, or anything like that. There's a difference."
"I guess…" Link ruffled his bangs. "I gotta admit; I'm just surprised you lost your ass-virginity before I did. I'm the bisexual prettyboy."
Ralph laughed. "You got a point there. But you have a girlfriend, and I doubt she'd be too happy with you sneaking off to lose your ass-virginity behind her back."
"Oh, you know I'd never do that. But I expected you to never lose your ass-virginity. Much like Kafei here." Link jerked his thumb toward his twitching friend.
"True. Kafei is going to die with his ass-virginity fully intact."
"Will you two stop saying 'ass-virginity!'" Kafei demanded.
Ralph and Link glanced at each other. They grinned.
"Say Link?"
"Yes Ralph?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"What's that?"
"Well, do you know if Dark copied every part of you exactly? Because, I mean, I've seen you in the locker room, but damn. You never appreciate how big something is until you've had it rammed up your-"
"Arrgh!" Kafei grabbed his mask and stormed off. "You're both bastards!"
His friends just laughed.
Malon and Dark were having a similar discussion outside, standing just far enough away from the door to hear each other without shouting.
"Are you mad?" Dark asked.
"Of course not."
"But...I came here with you."
"And thanks to your actions, I just won sixty rupees." She grinned.
Dark stared at her for a moment. "You had a bet going?"
"Yup."
He laughed. "Aw man, I wish you'd told me. I could have cleaned house."
She shrugged, still smiling. "It was more fun this way."
"See girl? This is why you're awesome."
"Yeah, yeah..."
"So hey," he jerked his head back at the school. "Your friend okay? The crying girl?"
"Cremia? She will be, as soon as she gets over herself already."
"What was wrong?"
"She has a thing for Kafei."
Dark blinked. "Why?"
"That's what I said!"
"I mean, Kafei's nice and all. You don't get much more loyal, and he is fun to hang out with if you don't challenge his view of the universe...but still. Geez."
"Well Cremia's liked him since we were freshmen...which is about how long he's liked Anju."
"I didn't know that."
"Neither does Anju. The thing is..." Malon scowled at the emo boy sitting on the steps nearby. "I hate love triangles. I really do. Hate them with a fiery passion. Relationships have enough problems as it is without throwing a third person into the mix. And the third person always pisses me off. If the person you like doesn't like you, get the hell over it and move on!"
Dark blinked again. "Vehement much? You sound like you have personal experience with this."
"No, not really. I mean...I've had my share of crushes." She smirked. "You can't tell him, but I had a bit of a thing for Link when her first moved here."
Dark gasped. "No!"
"I did!" She laughed. "I got over it pretty quick. He and I don't really fit together like that. Zelda's way better for him."
"Like Barbie and Ken!"
"Barbie and Ken broke up you know."
"I refuse to believe that and I don't care what you say." He folded his arms and hmphed.
Malon laughed again.
"So what is your type?"
"Oh...I don't know. I've had some...bad experiences."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"Not really. Just..." She kicked a dead leaf into the grass. "There was a guy. We went out for a while. I...I believe that sex should be special. That you should only sleep with someone who you really care about. I really cared about this guy. It turned out he didn't really care about me. He... He told everyone."
Dark's eyes widened. "He what?"
"Told everyone. About...what we did. It- it was my first time and he..."
Dark growled. "Where is he? Is he here? I need to kill him."
"Dark..."
"You think I'm kidding but I'm not. Did you bring your mace?"
"Yes, but he's not here. He was a Senior. He graduated last year."
"Damn! Where is he going to school?"
"You can't kill him, Dark."
"Why not?
"Because you probably aren't going to live through the night."
"Oh yeah." He thought for a minute. "Okay, I know a guy. Where's the pay phone?"
"No Dark."
"But I have a duty as your only friend with underground connections!"
"Look, it's over, okay? I'm over it."
"How can you be?"
"Well..." She stared at the ground. "See, he may have been my first, but he wasn't my only."
"Oooohh... Do tell."
"No." She was smiling.
"Not even a little?"
"Maybe a little." The smile widened. "It was the best night of my life."
Dark laughed. "That's my girl! Who's this second guy? I need to buy him a drink."
"You don't know him," she said quickly. "He doesn't go to this school. He was sort of a...friend of a friend of a friend. But we clicked. I know it sounds cliche, but it's true. Like...every little bit of our personalities just fit together so perfectly. Puzzle pieces."
"That must be nice..." Dark said softly.
"It was. But he's gone now. He's off trying to be a rock star. I wish him nothing but luck... and a part of me really wishes I had responded to all the messages he left me. But... I just don't think I'm ready to be in that kind of relationship."
"Aw man. I wanted to live vicariously through you."
"Why can't you live vicariously through Link?"
"Link's too high-strung."
"He's getting better!"
"Yeah, but this is my last night alive."
"Oh yeah..." They both stared up at the stars for a while.
"When I was a little girl," Malon said softly, "I wanted a prince on a white horse to ride up and sweep me away. My parents fought, my dad drank, and eventually my mom just ran off. I wanted to be rescued. That's why I liked Link at first, I think. Because he's so noble and whatever. But I've grown up since then. I've learned that...that there are no fairy tales. But there are happy ending, if you're willing to work for them. I got my dad on the wagon, I met the guy of my dreams...even if I've chosen not to pursue him quite yet. And I'm not going to let Ganondorf take all that away from me." She looked sideways at Dark. "That's what I believe. How about you?"
Dark smiled. "You already know." He jerked his head toward the boy on the steps. "Hey, who's that guy?"
"Oh, emo boy? I don't know his real name. Got the same problem at Cremia, but he's more vocal about it."
"He...likes Kafei?"
"Oh, no. Although that would be more interesting. He likes some chick whose name I also don't know."
"Ah, but she doesn't like him."
"Exactly."
"Is he really emo?"
"I think so."
Dark frowned. "I want to talk to him. I have some questions about that emo shit, and maybe he can-" He froze, ears twitching.
Inside, the music had changed. Familiar lyrics drifted out the door. Dark disappeared.
zzz
A few minutes earlier, at the cup-covered table, the rest of the group had gathered. Kafei's indignation had once again not spread to anyone else, and the girls were mostly arguing over whether or not Malon had rigged the bet.
"She was the only one who knew Dark was coming to prom!" Zelda exclaimed.
"Anyone could have figured it out," Anju said in her soft voice. "And if Ralph already knew he was going to sleep with Dark eventually, prom night was probably the appropriate time to do it."
"See?" Ralph exclaimed. "She gets it."
"I get it!" Zelda said. "Who says I don't get it?"
"Sorry," Anju said.
"Don't apologize," Zelda said automatically.
"Sor- I mean- Agh, that's hard!"
"So am I forgiven then?" Ralph said.
"There's nothing to forgive," Zelda said. "You didn't even know about the bet."
"That's not what I... No, but I wish I had. I could use the money." He shot a glance at Kafei. "Well?"
He sighed. "Yeah, okay, you're forgiven. I may not understand, but it was your choice and I have no right to be pissy about it."
Ralph pretended to sniffle. "Our little Kafei is growing up."
The music changed. Familiar lyrics drifted from the speakers.
"Ah you gonna take me home tonight?"
Link froze. "Oh no..."
"Ah down beside that red fire light?"
"What?" Zelda asked.
"Ah you gonna let it all hang out?"
"This song. It came on the radio at work once. Every time Dark hears it, he-"
They were interrupted by a black blur that cut a path through the crowd on the dance floor, moving almost too fast to be seen and leaping onto the DJ's stage just in time to sing along with the final line.
"Fat bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go round!"
It was Dark. He grabbed a microphone from on top of one of the speakers beside the stage, no doubt having placed it there himself earlier. He grinned at the crowd, and there were a few whoops and whistles. He wiggled his hips, and there were a lot more.
"Hey I was just a skinny lad,
Never knew no good from bad,
But I knew life before I left my nursery. Huh.
Left alone with big fat Fanny,
She was such a naughty nanny.
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me!
Hey hey!"
Link groaned and buried his face in his hands. "I am never gonna live this down! I'm gonna be 'the guy with the crazy cousin.'"
"You're already 'the princess's boytoy.' I think that takes precedence."
"We'll see."
"I've been singing with my band,
Across the wire across the land,
I've seen every blue-eyed floozy on the way, hey.
But their beauty and their style,
Wears kind of smooth after a while.
Take me to them dirty ladies every time!
Come on!
Oh won't you take me home tonight!
Oh down beside your red fire light!
Oh and you give it all you got!
Fat bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go round!
Fat bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go round!"
Dark sang the entire song, word perfect, completely hamming it up. He danced, he bounced, he bobbed his head. And the crowd ate it up. By the end his voice was almost drowned out by cheers.
It wasn't that he was a good singer. He wasn't bad, certainly, but he wasn't getting a recording contract any time soon. It was the dancing, and the hip-wiggling, that made everyone scream.
At the end he tipped his head back and positively howled the last line, and the teeming masses howled with him.
"Thank you Ordon Central High!" he shouted. The crowd screamed. "My name is Dark, and I don't go to your school!"
"Hi Dark!" Ralph shouted back. He wasn't the only one.
"Everybody having fun?"
More screams.
"Give it up for DJ Tott, who was nice enough to let me browbeat him into changing the music!"
Again, the crowd screamed.
"And now I'd like to serenade you with my personal theme song..." He pointed at the DJ. "Tott, if you please?"
The music started, instantly recognizable. Link stood up and stared at the stage.
"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted,
No silent prayer for the faith-departed.
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd,
You're gonna hear my voice,
When I shout it out loud!"
Dark's friends watched this in complete silence. Even those who didn't know his expectations about his lifespan could tell this meant a lot.
"It's my life,
It's now or never!
I ain't gonna live forever!
I just want to live while I'm alive!
It's my life,
My heart is like an open highway!
Like Frankie said,
I did it my way!
I just wanna live while I'm alive!
It's...my...life...
"This is for the ones who stood their ground.
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down.
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake,
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks..."
His voice was wavering, just a bit, hardly noticeable. The crowd still cheered and danced, and he was still grinning, but Link knew he'd never seen Dark this serious.
"It's my life,
It's now or never!
I ain't gonna live forever!
I just want to live while I'm alive!
It's my life,
My heart is like an open highway!
Like Frankie said,
I did it my way!
I just wanna live while I'm alive!
It's...my...life...
"Better stand tall when they're calling you out!
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down!"
The audience was singing along, shouting the words. Link hadn't known so many people knew the song...but the chorus wasn't exactly hard to figure out. Dark conducted them, punching the air on hard beats.
The song ended with at least three-fourths of the room shouting in unison, up to and including all of the chaperones.
"'Cause it's! My! Life!"
The crowd cheered for nearly two full minutes, Link and the others loudest of all. Dark bowed and grinned and blew kisses, and only refrained from tossing some of his clothing into the audience because it all matched so well. He even convinced the DJ to take a bow.
Finally he picked up the microphone again and addressed the crowd. "I see a lot of familiar faces out here tonight," he said, scanning the room. "Wow, a lot of familiar faces. A whole lot. Okay, seriously, there is no way all of you are eighteen. That means at least some of you lied to me and that is Not Cool."
There was subtle movement on the edges of the room. Ralph, ever observant, began to gather up his things.
"Hey, you. Yes, I see you hiding behind the balloons! Are you a teacher? Man, that is just wrong. You should not be picking up guys young enough to be your students. Especially not in that bar. I mean, you know what kind of bar that is, right? What am I saying, how could you not?"
The subtle movement had grown more frantic, and everyone at Dark's table was shouldering backpacks and getting ready to move.
"And don't think I didn't see those pictures in your bathroom! There's nothing wrong with admiring an attractive person, but to lust over them and take pictures without their knowledge? Creepy and wrong dude, creepy and-"
Then three men, two dads and a gym teacher, rushed the stage and grabbed Dark by various appendages.
"Aw man, I got off topic huh?" he said to one of them. The man just glared. "You've been great!" Dark shouted into the microphone as it was ripped from his hand.
Dark was carried out of the commons area, to the boos and shouts of the students, and unceremoniously chucked out the front doors.
"Okay," Kafei said drily. "Who else saw that coming?"
As one, the rest of the group raised their hands.
Malon sighed. "I'm just glad I didn't really fill out a Guest form for him. Just snuck him in the side door."
"Prudent of you," Zelda agreed. "Let's get out of here."
But before they could get halfway to the door, the crowd converged.
"Link, I didn't know you had a brother!"
"What's his name again?"
"Is he really gay?"
"He's not gonna tell anyone about- Is he?"
"Holy crap, is it true about that teacher?"
"Princess, since when are you and Link going out?"
And on and on and on.
Link and the others pushed their way through the crowd, giving noncommital answers and trying to keep each other in sight. By the time they got to the door and shooed everyone else away, twenty minutes or more had passed.
Dark was sitting on the steps, talking to the emo boy. Arguing was perhaps more accurate.
"I just don't see the point of building a whole culture around moping!" Dark said.
"It's not moping," the emo boy huffed. "We accept that life is sad."
"Is not!" Dark exclaimed, sounding approximately four years old. "Life is full of happiness! Full!"
"You just haven't experienced true pain."
"And you have? Dude, everyone I've cared about that I met before the last few months is dead. Hell, I could probably be dead by the end of the night. And I'm still happy! Because I have friends, I got laid, and I found a quarter on the ground."
"That's all it takes to make you happy?" the emo boy huffed.
"Yup."
He shook his head. "You just don't understand."
"Yes!" Dark exclaimed, pointing at the boy triumphantly. "Yes, exactly! I don't understand!"
"Dark," Malon snapped, from the middle of the pack. "Leave emo boy alone."
"I have a name you know," emo boy muttered.
"I'm sure you do, but I don't know it."
"It's Kamo."
"I don't care."
The group trooped down the stairs, sweeping up Dark as they passed him.
"That was mean," Anju said as soon as they were out of earshot.
"I'm tired and he got on my nerves." Malon shrugged.
"Still. He's mopey enough as it is, you don't need to add fuel to the fire."
Malon snorted. "You don't like him either!"
"I don't even know him..."
"But?"
"No but!"
Kamo stared after them as they walked down the sidewalk. He kept staring until they disappeared around a building, then turned his gaze back up to the sky. It was a beautiful night. But Kamo had always sucked at poetry.
"At least I admit it," he muttered to himself.
The door squeaked open behind him, treating him to a blast of generic pop music. A girl with red hair and a simple sort of dress sat down on the steps, far enough away that they weren't really next to each other, but close enough that it was clear she wouldn't be adverse to talking.
"What?" Kamo snapped.
"Sorry," the girl said quickly. "I just... Sorry."
"No, it's okay." He sighed. "I shouldn't have... Hi."
"Hi."
"Did you...get tired of the music?"
"Something like that." She stared up at the stars. "Wow."
"Nice, huh?"
"Yeah..." They were both silent for a moment. "Do you ever feel like you've been a complete idiot, but you can't stop being an idiot or you'll just look like an even bigger idiot?"
"Yes," Kamo admitted reluctantly. "Is this because of the emo thing?"
"No. Well. Sort of." She stretched, and Kamo couldn't help noticing she had a very nice figure. "One of my friends gave me a bit of a talking-to a while ago, and it got me thinking. I guess I just wanted to talk to someone outside of my bubble."
Kamo snorted. "I'm outside of everyone's bubble."
"Well, I think I'd like to be too. For a while."
He looked at her. "Are...you serious?"
"Why not?"
He grinned. "Why not indeed? I'm Kamo."
"I know." She smiled. "Cremia."
Two blocks away, Dark was singing again. It was Link's fault, everyone agreed. He'd brought up music and asked why Dark didn't like the music of his last incarnation, the hippies. Dark said he did, poked Zelda in the arm, and broke into song.
"Well I keep on thinkin' 'bout you,
Sister Golden Hair Surprise,
And I just can't live without you,
Can't you see it in my eyes?
"Now I been one poor correspondent,
I been too too hard to find
But that doesn't mean
You ain't been on my mind.
"Will you meet me in the middle?
Will you meet me in the air?
Will you love me just a little,
Just enough to show you care?
"Well I tried to fake it,
I don't mind sayin'
I just can't make it..."
This was followed by a round of "mm-bop doo-bops" that no one else understood.
"Dark..." Link began. Dark held up one hand to stop him, then kept doo-bopping. "Dark!"
"Wha-at?" he whined.
"Stop it."
"I don't wanna."
"But you already did."
"I- Dammit!" He waved a finger under Link's nose. "You're good my friend, but one day I will be better."
"What ever helps you sleep at night."
"Bah."
"What is with you and music tonight?" Zelda asked. "I mean, I know you like it, but it seems like you're trying to turn the evening into a musical."
Dark shrugged. "I hadn't really been thinking about it. I'm fascinated by music. Emotions are tricky things, and the fact that you people have figured out how to cram all that into three minutes of words and sound is amazing to me."
"I never thought of it that way..." Zelda admitted.
"I like 80's music especially. It's all about sex and fun and fighting for your right to party. I can get behind that. It's like I told my friend Colin, you basically can't go wrong basing your life on the teachings of any hair band."
"Who's Colin?" Link asked. Dark was very vocal about, well, everything, but he'd never said that name before.
"Little kid I met a couple weeks ago."
"Little kid?" Link repeated. "How little?"
"I dunno... About ten?"
"Ten?"
"I think so."
Link was too stunned to speak, so Zelda jumped in for him. "Why were you advising a ten-year-old about life?"
"Um...he was there?"
"Dark!"
He held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. "I wasn't trying to corrupt the kid. His mom left him at Cold Stone for like three hours while she was doing errands. I just kept him company. And, well, you know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut..."
"I hate it when people do that," Malon said. "How can parents be so irresponsible?"
"Beats me," Dark said. "That's why I helped Colin get a little revenge on her."
Six pairs of eyes narrowed at once.
"What did you do?" Link asked seriously.
"Just...taught Colin a phrase."
"What phrase?"
"It's... It's not whoring if you do it for free."
Ralph burst out laughing immediately, and soon the others joined in. Dark grinned sheepishly.
"You are such a freak," Kafei said, still laughing.
"And a happy screw you to you too."
Kafei couldn't help but grin. "You're all right though."
"Awww. So are you."
"Um." Anju said.
Malon glanced at her. "What?"
"Where are we going?"
Everyone stopped walking.
"Umm..." Zelda looked around. "We seem to be somewhere near the college." Dark inhaled sharply behind her. "Why are we somewhere near the college? And," she glanced around. "Where are the monsters? It's almost midnight, we should all be dead by now."
"Dammit," Link said. "Dammit! They've pulled back. Why didn't I notice? I-"
At that moment Link, Zelda and Dark all cried out at once. Link went for his sword, Zelda clutched at her head, and Dark simply collapsed like a marionette with its strings cut. And they weren't the only ones who noticed something. The whole world seemed to shudder, or maybe it was just an inner ear thing.
"Are you all right?" Ralph asked of the group at large.
"Yeah," Link said. "Yeah. I just... What the hell? Zelda?"
She shook her head. "I- I think. I think Ganon's here."
"Yeah... I thought so too." He was silent for a moment, spat out a swearword, and loosened the Master Sword in its sheath. "So what was that? Was he trying to hurt us?"
"No." Dark was sitting on the ground with his head on his knees. "That wasn't him. It was for me, but not for you. You and Zelda are the chosen champions of the world, so when the fabric of the world was torn to let him through...the world let you know."
"By hurting us?"
"It's hurting too." Dark sniffed and sat more upright. "This is good though. If they summoned Ganon through a tear in the world, that means the tear is still there. You can banish him...if you know how."
"I do." Zelda said. "Would you look at that? We have a plan."
"Wow," Malon sighed. "That's a weight off my shoulders."
"No kidding." Link looked in the direction of the college. "Now we just- Wait." He looked back at Dark. "You said...the world hurt us, but not you?"
For a brief second there was pain and fear in Dark's eyes, then he grinned it away. "Yeah, your world doesn't care about me. Ganon does."
"Ganon hurt you?"
"Yeeeeeeees... See, he's been trying to get control of me the whole time he was trapped between worlds. As soon as he stepped into this one, I felt the full brunt of his personality." He added, conversationally, "He's really pissed."
"Well of course!" Zelda snapped. "Why wouldn't he be? Dark, why didn't you tell us this before?"
"I didn't want you to worry..."
"So we get to worry now? Dark!"
"I-"
"Dark." It was Link this time. "Go away."
He blinked. "What?"
Link walked back through the group and offered Dark his hand. When Dark took it, Link yanked his to his feet and hugged him tight. "Go. Away." He said through clenched teeth. "Hide. Keep yourself safe. Don't...don't put yourself in danger when you don't have to."
"But I do have to." Dark leaned his head on Link's shoulder.
"No you don't. It'll be just like with Nabs. You go and lay low until it's all over and then..." He stepped back and held Dark at arms length. "You're the closest thing to family I've got. Please. For me."
Dark stared at him, his mouth slightly open, for a long moment. "I... You. Link." He closed his eyes. "Dammit. Yes. Okay. Yes. For you."
Link smiled and hugged him again, briefly.
"I wanna hug him too!" Ralph exclaimed.
Link laughed. There was a round of hugs, even Kafei got one, and then Dark passed out the various weapons and supplies he'd had in his bag.
"You all be careful," Dark said.
"You too!" Zelda said. "And don't' you dare come out of hiding for at least a week."
"I'll know if you've defeated Ganon as soon as it happens!"
"A week!"
"Yes, sister dear," he grinned sheepishly.
They all retrieved their respective weapons and waved a last goodbye to Dark.
"I love all of you!" he shouted after them. "I really do!"
They waved some more, and Ralph blew him a kiss. Dark waved both hands over his head until they turned a corner and disappeared into the night.
"How sweet," a voice said from behind Dark. It was a voice he'd heard before, but never outside of his own head. He turned around and saw pretty much what he'd been expecting to see.
It was shaped vaguely like a person, but twice the size of anyone Dark had ever seen. Unnaturally broad shoulders, enormous horns topping its head, and the whole thing appeared to be made out of swirls of shadows and purple light. It was carrying a sword as long as Dark was tall.
"Giving your friends false hope before the end," the voice finished. It was coming from the general area of the phantom's face, but no mouth was visible.
"They're coming to you willingly, Ganon," Dark said simply. "There's no reason for you to chase them."
"Oh, I know. I prefer it that way. I'm quite looking forward to watching them face off against my servants." The voice's tone became musing. "Have you ever noticed how easily it is to control women in groups? One woman on her own can fight forever, but for some reason when they get together they completely lose the ability to think logically. After all," it chuckled, "I'm hardly good for them."
Dark's eyes widened as he realized what the voice had implied. "Are you saying...you led those girls?"
"Of course. You didn't think they got the idea on their own, did you? It was easier since those twins were already predisposed for...what do they call it now?" The phantom's head tilted, and it gave the impression of smirking. "Ah yes, the dark side."
"You're catching up quickly," Dark noted.
"I always do. So tell me, shadow. Your friends are coming to me willingly. Are you?"
"Oh no." Dark grinned, with all the bravado of a thousand action movie stars. "I'm going to fight you tooth and nail every step of the way."
"Good." Something like a mouth split the phantom's face, and it smiled with teeth made of purple lightning. "I was hoping I'd have an excuse to hurt you."
Then it reached out with a hand that had grown to half the size of its body and wrapped thick fingers around Dark's torso. He had just enough time to remind himself not to scream so no one would hear, before purple sparks danced in front of his eyes and he knew no more.
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AN:
So who's mad at me? Everyone, right? I DID warn you all about this. It's not over for Dark yet of course, our boy's a fighter.
Speaking of, his songs this chapter were: "Fat-Bottomed Girls" by Queen. Had him sing that one on the advice of a freind, and also because it's funny. "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi, because it is his theme song. And "Sister Golden hair," by America, because I just like it.
The love life stuff? That's... Come on. Like 2/3rds of the fanfiction writers out there have this obsessive need to pair off characters. I am, sadly, one of them. I like Malon, so I want her to be happy, so I gave her a guy. See if you can guess who he is! Here's a clue, I like to break of triangles by pairing the odd member with the odd member of another triangle. That's why Cremia and emo boy (from Wind Waker) are now a couple. I declare it so!
Other notes, more on Dark. If you were to ask him, he would tell you that he doesn't have a "type." This is untrue. He actually likes redheads. And nerds. And he is about 60-40 in favor of guys. And I probably gave more away then I meant to there...
Just a word of warning, next few chapters will be solid action. Also, there's only about four left. Sad!
Final note! This is very important! This last week...was the last week of the Weekly World News. It's been cancelled. No more. I am not kidding. GO TO YOUR NEWSTANDS AND BUY THE LAST ISSUE!