A/N: Let's savour these last few chapters of Season 1, shall we? haha xx IFHD

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Chapter 21: Recovery

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"I Think God Can Explain"

By: Splender

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

The sent of vasoline
in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small
when I begin to cry

I'm so much better than you guessed


I think God can explain

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"So…ye didn't come home last night." Murphy's sing-song voice greeted Connor as he strode into the living room, bags of groceries hanging from his hands.

"Aye." Connor answered simply, placing the bags on the kitchen table. Shrugging his coat off, he threw it on the back of a chair, ensuing to unload all of his purchases into the fridge and cupboards. Disregarding his brother's teasing grin, he continued about with his duties, grinning himself as he proudly retrieved two packs of 24's from the plastic bags.

Murphy persisted with the subject, his grin only growing wider at Connor's obvious avoidance of it. "And where were ye the entire night, young man?"

Connor gave him a flippant gesture, opening one of the packs of 24's. "Around."

"Around, say, the Embassy, then?" The knowing grin plastered on Murphy's countenance was so wide that it momentarily irritated Connor. Murphy only continued to pry even more, seeing his twin's discomfort. He raised his eyebrows repeatedly, placing a hand on his chin and eyeing his brother expectantly.

Connor finally gave in. "For fuck's sake, Murph, she just needed someone to comfort her, alright?" He explained exasperatedly, though not even coming close to convincing his brother. Connor let out an irritated grunt, finding that Murphy continued to stare at him, eyes smiling. He snapped irritably, "What?!"

"So was it good?"

"Ye little fucker!" Connor barked, rolling the newspaper that he held in his hand. "Nothin' happened, ye bastard!" As he chased his brother haphazardly down the corridor, he repeatedly hit him with the impromptu weapon over the head.

"Like I fuckin' believe that!" Murphy burst into laughter, trying to defend himself with an arm. "Oi, Charlie Bronson, it's St. Patty's Day!" he cried in a fragmentary manner as he continued to laugh maniacally. "It's all in good fun!"

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Lourdes eyed herself in the mirror, finally content with how she appeared. She wanted to forget what had happened the night before, to know what it felt like to be happy, joyous and carefree again, so she was definitely making an appearance at McGuinty's tonight. After having finished preparing herself for the festive night, she crossed the hall and lightly knocked on Sean's door.

"Yep, come in."

As Lourdes peeked her head in, she saw Sean, standing at the windowsill, silently observing the rain outside. The soft pitter-patter of water droplets upon the window was the only thing that sounded in the room, making it surprisingly calm and serene. Deep in thought, Sean didn't turn his head when Lourdes had entered, his attention still drawn towards the misty rain.

"Kind of like Dublin, isn't it?" Lourdes languidly walked to his side, peering out through the window as he did.

"I was just thinkin' that." He finally managed to pry his eyes away from the window, looking back at Lourdes.

"You miss home, Flannagan?"

"Yeah. A lot."

She smiled at this. Crossing her arms, she leaned on the wall beside him, twisting her head to face him. "Sean, I never did thank you for what you did. Your quick thinking, your plan, your execution…whether or not I approved it, it eventually saved us all. So…thank you for that."

"I learned from the best, boss." He jokingly pursed his lips in mock conceit, tilting his head in Lourdes' direction. "Does this mean that I'm gettin' a raise then? Oh, I'm gettin' a big raise, aren't I?"

With a gentle laugh, Lourdes wrapped her arms pleasantly around him, embracing him fully. "I think a raise will definitely be in order." Stepping back from him a few moments later, she placed her hands on the sides of his arms. "Good work, Flannagan. I've always had faith in you."

Giving her a half-hearted smile in reply, Sean soothingly rubbed the side of her arm. "Ye alright, then?"

Without an explanation, Lourdes knew exactly what he was inquiring about.

"Dealing with it." She replied truthfully, closing her eyes momentarily. "At least now we all know the truth, which came straight from Craig's mouth."

"It's a great weight off our minds." Sean admitted, giving out a deep sigh as he placed his hands in his pockets. "Now we can really let Colin rest in peace."

All Lourdes could do was nod at this statement. She turned, careful not to show any emotion in front of Sean. Though, before she could walk away, he shot out an arm, hands clasping onto hers. "Lourdes, about that kiss…"

To her own surprise, Lourdes' heart jumped at this. Sean had always been flirtatious with her, as he was with many women, but never once before now did he ever actually kiss her. She had to admit that she was quite taken aback with Sean kissing her, for they had never discussed it to be a part of the 'act'. It definitely wasn't him trying to be convincing, either. He had no reason, at that particular point in time, to kiss her. Upon giving this matter some thought, Lourdes cleared her throat. "It wasn't necessary, was it, Flannagan?"

"Um…" he blurted out uncomfortably, running his fingers through his long, dark hair. "Look, I don't know what was goin' through me head at that time, but I know it was the adrenaline, the entire fuckin' stakeout fake act…thing!" Lourdes' eyes momentarily grew wide, surprised to see her made so frustrated at trying to explain a kiss. He closed his eyes, trying to regain his former composure. "Look, I just want to apologize if I had crossed any boundaries, made things awkward, and…shit like that."

Sean inwardly groaned at his sorry excuse for an explanation.

He just couldn't do it. He couldn't say it.

"Don't worry about it." Lourdes replied comfortingly, placing a hand on the side of his face. He held her hand to his cheek for a moment, then immediately released her. Lourdes could only eye him questioningly, never seeing him so simultaneously flustered and dispirited. In a lighter tone, she piped up. "Hey, we're all goin' to McGuinty's in a few minutes. You comin' or what?"

"Are ye kiddin'?" Sean let out a mocking scoff, placing his hand on his heart as though he were truly offended. "Me, Sean Fergus Flannagan, missing a drinkfest in a pub on St. Patty's Day? Definitely not!"

Lourdes actually let out a laugh at his animated character. "Alright, Mr. Fergus Flannagan, get your things ready. We'll leave in about 20 minutes."

As Lourdes turned to leave the room, all signs of contentment disappeared from Sean's face. With a frown molded on his countenance, his eyes flickered back to Lourdes' form, watching her solemnly as she exited his room.

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McGuinty's was packed with patrons from wall to wall, the establishment almost bursting with people. It seemed as though the entire Irish neighbourhood and their friends and families had gathered in this one pub. They were not only scattered indoors, but also outside in the newly furnished patio, disregarding the fact that it wasn't even summertime. Irish tunes sounded in the background of chatter, laughter, and toasts, the aura reflecting Ireland true and true. No fights as of yet, to which Doc and his employees were thankful for, so everyone was in good spirits, enjoying the festivities without a care.

Lourdes sat thoughtfully in the booth with her agents, twisting her half-empty pint glass in front of her. The continuous bubbles that rose to the top weren't at all interesting to her, but she continued to distantly stare at it nonetheless. Scattered around the pub were the MacManus brothers, Il Duce and even Smecker, conversing with various people and genuinely enjoying themselves this night. To Lourdes, it seemed as though this was the only night that these men were allowed to enjoy, which she thought was quite a pity. She had to admit, though, that it had been ages since she'd genuinely had a good time.

A few minutes later, Murphy returned to their booth, carrying an entire tray of pints. With a chorus of cheers from the agents, he slid a glass in front of each of them, handing the tray thankfully back to a waitress. With a quirky grin plastered on his face, he took a seat in between Lourdes and Isolde, holding his glass high in the middle of the table. "Sláinte!" he proclaimed, toasting each of the agents.

"Sláinte!" They said in return, tapping each of their glasses together and necking the pint.

As Murphy drank, his eyes noticed something from the bottom of his glass. The vision was blurry, but he was positive that he was seeing correctly. Almost spitting out his drink, he swallowed quickly, then placed his cup back on the table. Slightly wiping his lips with the back of his hand, his eyes grew wide, seeing (somewhat) clearly now. "Well, fuck me." He muttered under his breath.

Although his mumble was quiet, his somewhat distraught expression caught Lourdes' attention. "What is it?" She followed Murphy's blank stare, seeing Connor in the distance. Beside him stood a beautiful, blonde woman, giggling as she flirtatiously placed a hand on his. Connor grinned wildly, eyes crinkling, at the joke that passed between them, casually drinking his pint as he continued to stare at her. In her tip-toes, she leaned in towards Connor, giving him a lingering kiss on the cheek. At this, Lourdes realized that she felt a tinge of jealousy, even though she was never the jealous type. Though, at what Murphy blurted out next, her face blanched.

"That's Aileen."

Lourdes' gaze quickly landed on Sean. He was also staring at Connor and Aileen, though still drinking his pint and nodding at whatever Isolde and Braden were speaking about. The expression on his face was inscrutable, but he definitely wasn't smiling anymore. Instantaneously standing as he finished his pint, he excused himself from the booth, and then quickly disappeared into the crowd. Murphy had missed this, for he was now in a discussion with Isolde and Braden, though Lourdes saw every moment of it. Sean didn't go towards Connor and Aileen, but in the opposite direction. Placing down her glass, she also excused herself, dashing in the direction to where Sean had disappeared.

Her eyes roamed searchingly throughout the bar. She caught a glimpse of him exiting through the back way and onto the patio. Still in pursuit, she kindly pushed her way through the stifling crowd, careful not to knock any of the drinks out of their hands. After a few moments of struggle, fresh air finally hit her cheeks as she made it out onto the patio. Spotting Sean leaning on a side wall with hands in his pockets, she frowned, making her way over to him. "Hey." She said, catching his attention. "What are you doing out here?"

"Needed some air." He somewhat slurred, eyes still out in front of him. "What about ye?"

"I saw you leave and I thought you were actually going home." Lourdes explained truthfully, though careful not to mention anything about Aileen or Connor. She walked closer to him. "Everything alright?"

Sean's glistening blue-green eyes stared down at her intensely. Slowly raising his hand, he traced Lourdes' cheek with the tips of his fingers, memorizing every inch of her face. Lourdes was frozen on the spot. Without a word, he leaned down, capturing her lips in his in a deep kiss.

Connor and Aileen walked towards the patio, arms linked. They continued their conversation, joking and laughing as they usually did. Though as Connor stepped outside, he immediately recognized two figures to his right. Just as he squinted, he saw Sean leaning forward, eagerly pressing his lips upon Lourdes'. Immediately, he felt a slight snarl curling upon his lips. Without warning, he turned and walked away, with Aileen following confusedly behind him.

Sean's breath was warm, tinged with alcohol, as he deepened the kiss. It took a while for Lourdes to react, thanks to goddamn alcohol, but it wasn't long until she opened her eyes, placed her hands upon Sean's chest, and pulled away.

"Shit." Sean groaned, running his fingers through his long hair as he closed his eyes. "Fuck, Lourdes, I'm sorry. I didn't…I wasn't thinking…"

"That's the second time in two days that you've kissed me, Flannagan." Lourdes pointed out sternly, though mocking evident in her tone. "Look, you can't just keep kissing me and apologizing for it. It doesn't feel nice to be at the receiving end of that, you know."

He hiccupped. "Please don't fire me."

"Alright, Flannagan, that's enough." She stated sternly, meeting his gaze. "We're professionals, adults. We can handle mistakes like these, aye?" She eyed the tall Irishman expectantly, hands on her hips. "You've had quite a lot to drink, so get your shit and we'll go back to the Embassy."

"My ex was in there. Aileen." Sean blurted out mindlessly, frowning. "She was with Connor, and…fuck, it still hurts, Lourdes. After all these years, it still hurts."

Lourdes couldn't believe that it was Sean who was acting and speaking in such a way. His failed relationship with Aileen must have cut him deeply, so much so that he himself didn't want to admit it. Before Lourdes could respond, she heard her mobile ring. "I'll be right back." She quickly said to Sean, placing a comforting a hand on his shoulder. "Don't move an inch."

Receiving a swaying nod from the inebriated Irishman, she made her way down the patio and into a quieter spot upon the fields. Flipping her phone open, she answered hastily. "Agent Villamor speaking."

"Just the person I wanted to speak with." The voice on the other end answered lightly through some static.

"Boss?" she covered her other ear, attempting to improve her hearing. "Agent Keele?"

"Thaaat's right, sweetums!" He replied in such a mirthful, booming tone that it almost scared Lourdes. His thick Irish accent made it even more difficult for her to understand him as he continued in the same tone, "Now, would ye mind tellin' me why all these news reporters are talkin' bout some O'Sullivan bloke and are pointin' their fingers at us?" Wincing, she could feel his discontent all the way from Dublin. "If I clearly remember – which I do, since I personally briefed all of ye about this – I thought this investigation was supposed to be classified?!"

Lourdes slightly jumped at the loudness of his bellow, thinking that she was going to be permanently deaf. "Sir, I can explain all of this, believe me."

"Ooooh, ye better be able to explain it, Villamor!" She winced even more, as if being chided by her own father. "Because right now, I, Special Agent Liam Keele, am not a happy man right now!"

"Well, to begin I…"

"Save it for later." He quickly interjected, catching her mid-sentence. "Ye'll be able to explain it to me in person."

Lourdes furrowed her brows. "Sir?"

"I'm comin' to Boston!"

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A/N: Why does EVERYTHING have to be ruined? Geeze! haha It's almost the end of Season 1, guys! What'd you think? xx IFHD