Hi guys!!! Becca was sick with allergies this weekend, so for now there are no notes on her behalf, she just wants to you guys to enjoy the chapter and thank you immensely for the Indie Twific Nomination!!! :D (more on that later)
As for me, well I only hope you guys stick with us to the very end- which is near *tear* we've had a blast through this whole experience and I hope you guys like what we have planned.
- karla! :D
As always, many thanks to our wonderful betas: MOON920, and everwondering.
Disclaimer: WE DO NOT OWN ANY TWILIGHT RELATED CHARACTERS.
Bella POV
I stood at the doorstep eyeing my key warily. I knew the logical thing to do was to open the door myself and not wake anyone, yet that wasn't what I was going to do. Before I lost my nerve, I rang the doorbell and waited for a response.
Only a minute later, the fancy townhouse door opened, and my mom appeared in the doorway, wrapping her nightgown tightly around herself. I couldn't help it; the moment I saw her, I completely broke down. With heavy tears falling down my face and aching sobs racking through my body, my arms wrapped around my mom's neck, and I held her as if she was my lifeline.
Renee hugged me back immediately. "Isabella, what's wrong?" she asked, completely panicked by my actions.
"He… they… don't love me," I sobbed.
Renee relaxed somewhat but held me tighter, kissing my forehead protectively. "Oh, Bella… it will be okay, Sweetheart. I promise it will be okay," she said, rocking me slightly.
This was why I had come to her.
As I sobbed and listened to Renee's soothing words, I knew she was right; everything would be okay in the end… the thing was… it still hurt like hell.
The moment I got into the cab, I knew this was what I wanted, I wanted my mom. As childish as it may seem, I wanted someone who wouldn't judge me. Renee could be my worst nightmare ninety nine percent of the time, but there was still that other tiny one percent that reminded me she was my mom – the one person who would always be there for me no matter how bad I screwed up. She would always love me unconditionally.
"Let's go inside," she whispered once I calmed down a little.
I nodded, stepping in and taking my coat off.
"What on earth are you wearing?" Renee asked, eyeing me up and down.
I chuckled at her bewildered expression and followed her into the house. "It's a costume, Mom. I was at a party… it was Alice's idea."
Renee pursed her lips, obviously holding back on any comments. She then ushered me upstairs to my old bedroom and gave me an extra set of pajamas I could wear instead. After taking a quick shower, I went to the kitchen to find my Mom. She was sitting on the table with two glasses and a bottle of scotch in front of her. I sat down next to her, giving her a questioning look.
"I figured you needed something stronger than coffee or chocolate." She shrugged, taking one of the glasses and giving it an elegant sip.
I smiled appreciatively, taking the other glass and gulping it down. "Argh," I cried, feeling the liquid burning my throat.
"Where's Dad?" I asked, while my mother refilled my glass.
Immediately, I took the glass, but only sipped it when Renee gave me a look that specifically said 'slow down.'
"He's on a fishing trip this weekend. I would've told you… but you haven't been answering your phone, which is something you tend to do pretty often."
"Sorry," I apologized, making a mental promise to keep in touch with my parents more.
Renee sighed, reaching for my hand and squeezing it softly. "Isabella, what happened?"
I shook my head, fighting back the tears - I was done crying. "You have to promise you won't say anything until I finish telling you the whole story, okay?" I pleaded, looking into my mom's concerned blue eyes; she promptly nodded.
Okay, now or never.
"The day after I met William…"
It took me a while, but I recounted every single detail of the drama that had been my life since that evening-in this very house-where I had met Edward Cullen.
Renee listened as I rambled on about the horrible rejection I felt the night Cullen walked away from me without a second glance, the thrill I had when I met Masen and how confused I was about the whole twin thing. I even admitted to sleeping with Masen on the first date and how that had made my relationship with Cullen even more complicated.
I told her about the first months I spent with Masen and how afraid he was of commitment; how that fear caused me to come to the dinner where I finally became friends with Cullen.
I recounted the events of the release party and the disastrous plan I came up with to get Masen back, how it backfired immensely, and Cullen was the one who picked up the pieces that night.
Silent tears started to fall when I remembered how that same night, Masen came back and told me he loved me, how we made love and started our real relationship. I told her how Cullen agreed to stay my friend, and how I held back that information from Masen because I knew he wouldn't understand - the animosity between them was too much.
Renee nodded when I explained how Masen had changed from a womanizing asshole to the perfect boyfriend. Even laughing when I recounted his eagerness to go to the Hamptons and meet my family.
Then it came, the part I was most afraid of admitting to my mother. I paused for a moment, draining the contents of my scotch before continuing on with my story.
I told Renee about my relationship with Cullen, how every single lunch and meeting we had as friends always felt like something more. I tried to explain the spark between us, the sexual tension that called me to him. The bomb that exploded once we met at the Hamptons.
I did my damnest to assure her that neither of us planned to betray Masen; it just happened. It was a mistake; yet, even at this moment I couldn't make myself regret it. Renee understood that was the reason I escaped that weekend, but it still wasn't enough to escape my own feelings.
I needed Cullen; I needed him just as bad as I needed air. So when he came looking for me, my morals were shot, and I relented to my desires. To her credit, Renee had not shown any signs of disapproval or disgust, so I continued on.
I told her about the affair and how Masen's trip fit perfectly, how Cullen said he loved me and showed me with every single moment spent together. He took care of me; it just came naturally to him. I cried once more when I rehashed the evening where he played his music for me, and I finally worded my love for him.
Tears fell freely when I ultimately told her about Masen's arrival and the proposal. How my excitement and the fear of ending up alone led me accept; how my desperate attempt to finish things with Cullen just ended up breaking his heart and eventually Masen's heart when I came clean about my betrayal.
Finally, I painfully described tonight's events and how they led me to her doorstep. I told her of Masen's accusations and Cullen's reaction, and how in the end I was just a tool they both used to hurt each other.
"It was all a lie, Mom," I sobbed. "They don't love me… I'm just another Tanya to them, and it sucks to know I'm second best to the woman they both truly love." I hid my face in my hands, ashamed of everything I'd said.
"Isabella, look at me," Renee said authoritatively.
I sniffed and lifted my head from my hands to look at her. "Bella, sweetheart," she started, wiping my tears away. "I've seen the way the way those boys look at you… and I can tell you with all sincerity that is not the way you look at someone who is 'second best'. Don't ever believe that," she finished, giving me a stern look.
"You knew?" I asked, completely shocked.
Renee sighed. "I knew they both loved you… its written all over their faces; and I knew you cared for both of them… but I didn't know all the details, nor how far things had gone," she said, finishing up her own glass.
She must have seen my hesitation, since she continued her speech. "Bella, listen to your story… do you think they would've acted the way they did if they didn't truly love you?"
"You don't understand, Mom… It doesn't even matter anymore," I said, standing up and taking the glasses to the sink.
"What do you mean 'it doesn't matter'?" she asked, a tone of disapproval making me flinch.
"I can't fix this!" I said with frustration.
"So you're just giving up?" she said, crossing her arms.
I started to wash the glasses methodically, ignoring her question.
"Isabella," she tried again.
"How can this work, Mother?" I asked, my voice rising slightly. "How can I go to him and expect us to work? I've slept with his brother. I've pushed him away, and even though I love him so hard it hurts to even consider living without him, I can't expect him to just forgive everything that has happened!" I waved my hands to emphasize my words.
I was gripping the soapy glasses so hard they slipped from my hands and broke upon impact with the floor. "Shit!" I cried, picking up the broken shards of glass.
My mom moved next to me, helping me clean the mess. After a few seconds of silence, she spoke up again. "Love isn't easy, Bella. And I'm not saying everything will be instantly fixed…"
I snorted. Renee frowned and grasped my chin, softly moving my gaze to meet hers. "But, I will say this, Isabella. If you let love go, you will regret it for the rest of your life."
Looking into the dark blue eyes of my Mother, I knew - once again - that she was right. I couldn't walk away; it was impossible for me to go to back to the empty life I was leading before him.
"How do I know he's really the one? I think we've already established my decisions are not always the best ones," I said softly, disguising my fears with a little humor.
Renee chuckled before replying, "Talk to them. After all… you do owe each of them an apology. You'll know if he's the right one, then."
I bit my lip and nodded. Renee kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly.
"Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome, honey," she replied, letting me go. "Now, let's go to bed. You know, when you don't sleep, the dark circles in your eyes make you look anemic."
I rolled my eyes. After all, my mom wouldn't be who she was if she didn't criticize my appearance at least once. It didn't matter anymore; I knew she would be there unconditionally.
Cullen POV
I stepped out of the shower, wincing as I patted my battered body with the towel. Even though I would never admit to it, my body would be aching for a while after yesterday's fight with James.
Wiping off the fogged mirror, I scrutinized my naked form. My ribs were covered in tender, purple bruises, as well as my legs. My back and shoulders ached like hell. My knuckles were split open, the skin red and raw. I frowned at my reflection. My right eye was swollen, even after I'd spent the whole night with an ice pack over it--the black bruise making me look like a raccoon. My lip was cut, and my jaw hurt like hell.
I wished I could say I regretted the events. However, knowing the bastard was just as bruised as I was, gave me sadistic satisfaction. I'd dreamed of punching the smirk off his face for years now. Knowing that dream was finally fulfilled was the only good thing that had come out of that wretched party.
My throat closed up, and my chest ached as I remember Bella's hateful glare as she told us – me - she never wanted to see us again. Suddenly, the satisfaction of beating James was completely gone. All the physical pain I might be suffering didn't compare to one ounce of pain I felt when I thought of Bella hating me.
She had believed him. She believed I was just using her to get back at him- something that couldn't be farther from the truth. Like a complete fool, I uncovered all our secrets. I hurt her, exposed her to the horrible truth that always came between my brother and I... and as if that wasn't enough, I did it in front of a whole audience of strangers, making us the party's entertainment for the evening.
No wonder Bella hates me.
Yesterday, after she left in the cab, James and I stayed behind, completely helpless as we watched her go. When I turned to look at him and saw the same devastated features I was feeling, I knew that I didn't want to fight anymore, so I just stepped back and left with Jasper and Rosalie.
I tried to hold off the total desperation I felt on the ride home. Even enduring Rosalie--who to my surprise was defending Bella, while ranting about what a complete asshole I had been.
By the time I got home, I couldn't hold back any longer. After I undressed and pressed and ice pack in my eye, I collapsed into my bed and sobbed until my throat ached and my eyes stung.
Everything was lost. I'd hurt Bella, and now she didn't want anything to do with me. When I had taken her out to the terrace, it was with the hope that we could fix things. The last time I had seen her, we didn't part on the best of terms. I was willing to help her decide, tell her I would wait for her to understand what she wanted and needed, but the moment I realized her engagement ring was missing I couldn't resist the urge to touch her, kiss her, make love to her. I didn't listen when she told me she still didn't know. I pushed her as I always did. I had been the catalyst for the horrible humiliation she had suffered, and for the first time since I met her, I was beginning to think I didn't deserve her. Not that James was the better candidate - neither of us were.
Just after the tears dried up, I realized that behavior had to stop. I needed to give her the space she craved for; I needed to let her decide on her own whom she wanted.
I needed her to be happy, even if it meant I wasn't in the picture.
I had pushed myself to her for the last time, and now I would respect her wishes… even if it killed me.
When I woke up this morning, the overwhelming angst threatened to drag me down once more. My thoughts were only of Bella; of calling her just to make sure she was alright. However, I stuck with the promise I made to myself. Pushing back my feelings, I got up and called Jasper to let him know I would be working from home today. The last thing I needed was to have the office staff questioning my current appearance.
After sulking on my bed for a while, I did what I always did when I didn't want to think about my pathetic life… I drowned myself in my work. Still in my boxers, I went to my home office and started working on the pending depositions I had for the upcoming month. When I realized I still needed some papers from the office, I called the messenger and asked him to bring them by. While I waited for the messenger to arrive, I decided to shower and re-appraise the injuries on my body.
Now, as I re-assed my battered body - my mind continued to think of the woman I loved. What if she chose James? What if she wanted nothing to do with me after last night? After asking the same questions over and over again, I came to the only conclusion: it would be nearly impossible, but I would simply have to learn to live with the heartache.
I sighed with frustration. With Tanya, things had been easier. Bouncing back from her betrayal had left me bitter and jaded, yet I never felt like I couldn't go on. Obviously the pain was there, but it was more like an uncomfortable sensation that I could push back.
Bella, on the other hand, would not leave me bitter… her memory would simply leave me broken. The pain that didn't seem to dissipate from my heart couldn't be pushed back or ignored, and I would have to live with that feeling for the rest of my life.
She was it for me, but I couldn't force her to love me.
Feeling defeated, I walked back into my bedroom and dressed in some baggy sweatpants, not bothering to find a shirt. The less movement my arms and torso faced, the better. After taking some pain medicine and making a new ice pack, I sat on my couch, pressing the cold compress on my eye while I waited for the messenger to arrive.
Five minutes later the doorbell rang, and I sprinted to the door. I opened the door, without checking first who it was, and stopped breathing as I took in the sight before me. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw…
Bella.
My Bella was standing in the doorway, looking completely angelic with her simple white sweater and jeans; her hair was up in a messy bun. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks slightly blushed. She looked beautiful.
Bella shifted uncomfortable under my gaze. "Hey," she greeted me in a small voice.
"Hi - hey," I stammered like an idiot.
Her eyes scanned my naked torso, concern filling her eyes as she saw the bruises and my swollen eye.
"Come in," I quickly said, snapping her out of her trance.
I stepped back and watched as she hesitantly made her way to my living room.
I followed her, squashing any hope that she was here to tell me the one thing I wanted to here. She sat on the love seat, fiddling with her hands nervously. I followed her lead and sat on the other end of the sofa, giving her enough space even though I was dying to feel her close to me.
"I need to say some things," she started. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't interrupt me or try to get close."
I nodded. "Okay, I can do that."
Bella looked up and met my eyes; I was momentarily stunned by the loveliness of her sad, brown orbs. Nevertheless, I kept my promise and patiently waited for her to start.
"I talked with Renee yesterday… and she made me realize some things about everything that has been going on." She sighed. I was stunned by that statement alone; Bella never talked intimately with her mother.
"I feel somewhat betrayed… especially by you." Bella paused for a moment, biting her lip and letting her words sink in.
"When we started this, this thing between us, you knew exactly what you were getting into. You knew about Masen, and the implications of the affair… yet, you weren't honest with me… I was completely blind when I entered this relationship with you." Her eyes watered, but she stopped her tears.
"You didn't tell me about Tanya, and what we were doing was so fucking similar to what Masen did to you. You lied by omission. The fair thing would've been to tell me about your past, and how it affected us, but you didn't..."
Damn, she was right. I felt like a fucking bastard.
"And now I need to know the truth. I need you to tell me if what Masen said was true; if you were just using me to get back at him," she said, her eyes defying me to lie.
"No," I quickly said. "I never intended to use you as revenge--"
"Never?" she interrupted. "You never thought of stealing me away from you brother?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
I groaned at the way she worded things. Making a snap decision, I decided to be completely honest. "I needed you to be with me.
"I won't lie, Bella. There was a slight competitive aspect. But it was more the need to make you see I was better for you than he was. An animalistic urge to claim you… because you were mine. I saw you first…" As soon as those words left my mouth I wished I could take them back.
Bella shut her eyes, her features scrunching up in disgust.
I quickly tried to amend myself. "I wanted to protect you… because I saw you as mine. I know it was wrong and completely insane, but I did. I knew he would hurt you, and I wanted to spare you from the pain. That was the competition, getting you away from him, before he could hurt you like he always does to the people he cares about."
She seemed to relax a little bit, but I could still sense her anger. "So you think he never really loved me?"
I sighed. "That's the problem, isn't it? I never expected him to fall in love with you… but he did."
Bella shook her head, groaning in frustration. She rested her elbows on her knees, looking away from me and sniffing a little bit. I could tell she was crying.
"And you?" Her voice cracked, and it tore my heart apart.
"I don't think I have ever loved or will love anyone as much as I love you, Bella," I replied, my voice soft, but only because I was afraid I would break down.
I saw as she silently wiped her tears before turning back and letting me look at her. "I need to know about Tanya," she said with conviction.
I nodded, taking a deep breath before starting the tale of my failed marriage. "I met Tanya when I moved to England for a while. She was James' girlfriend at the time, and he was head over heels in love with her… but it just didn't work out, I guess." I shrugged. "When they broke up, I started courting her. I had always been attracted to her, and she seemed to be very interested.
"She was the reason I stayed in London indefinitely. We were together for two years… I thought we were happy so I proposed. We got married, and everything seemed fine…"
I closed my eyes as the unwanted images I always suppressed came back to me. "Then, two weeks after the wedding – we had just returned from our honeymoon - I came home and found James and Tanya fucking on our bed…"
I didn't realize how tense I was until I felt Bella's soft hand rest on mine. I opened my eyes to look at her concerned expression. I relaxed instantly as I felt her thumb brush against the tender skin in my knuckles.
"I left that night," I continued. "As they scrambled to cover themselves, I walked out the door and went straight to the airport. I came back home and hired Rosalie to take care of my divorce. I never had to see Tanya again… at least, until I ran into her with you."
Bella's eyes widened. "But you seemed so calm. How could you treat her so well?"
I chuckled, raising my hand and brushing my fingers against her soft cheek. "I was with you. Meeting her didn't matter as much with you by my side. I forgave her and forgot about her, for the most part anyways."
"But you never forgave James," Bella said, more as a statement than a question.
I could feel my anger rising once more. Trying to contain my anger, I brushed my hands harshly on my face, completely forgetting about my wounded eye. I winced harshly at the new pain.
"Here, let me," Bella said, pushing me back into the sofa.
She quickly got the discarded ice pack from one of the tables and pressed it softly to my eye. I could feel her body sitting right next to mine; it gave me more comfort than the cool bag.
"Better?" she asked, holding the thing in place.
"Yes. Thank you," I said, willing my body to relax, her sweet floral scent enveloping me.
"Why is it so hard to forgive your brother?" Bella asked softly.
I took a moment to gather my thoughts before replying. "We weren't always like this, you know? We were inseparable as kids, and even when he moved to live with our father, I would always look forward to the summers I got to spend with him. There was never a dull moment with him around…" I couldn't help the small smile that spread through me.
"I guess things changed as we became older. It was harder for us to connect. When I moved to England, for a moment it seemed we were back to being friends. During the three years I lived there, I felt like I finally got my brother back… but then, he stabbed me in the back. Honestly, it hurt more than the betrayal from my wife," I finished, feeling stupid and exposed. Even if I knew it was true, I'd never admitted that little statement.
God, I sound like such a girl.
I felt myself blush, and anger spike at the sudden vulnerability I was feeling. Bella must have sensed it, since she took a hold of the conversation once more.
"What were you guys like as kids?"
I looked at her strangely.
She blushed under my scrutiny. "I mean, tell me something good you remember about James," she tried again.
Amazingly enough, a very vivid memory came to mind. "He protected me from bullies," I said automatically.
Bella seemed shocked by my quick response. I elaborated to avoid her gaze. "In the fifth grade, James was the cool, charming twin, while I was the shy, geeky one. Big kids liked to pick on me, and I was too much of a coward to defend myself."
I saw Bella frown out of the corner of my eye, but I was too embarrassed to look at her.
"This one time, this kid was being especially obnoxious. When he pushed me so hard I fell, James decided that he had enough. He pounced on the kid - who was huge, by the way, like two times his size - and tried to fight him off. I remember just lying there on the ground, watching as James tried to tackle this kid to the floor. When I realized this kid was going to beat the crap out of my brother, I jumped on him as well." I laughed as I remembered.
"Between James and me, we managed to tackle this guy and teach him a lesson… then the Principal came, and we got suspended for a week."
Bella giggled at my silly expression of pride.
"Esme was mortified," I added, finally looking at Bella. The happiness in her eyes made any embarrassment on my part worth it.
Our moment was broken by the sound of my doorbell. Bella jumped, and the ice pack fell from her hand. I cursed inwardly at the fucking messenger who had such perfect timing.
"I'll go," Bella said promptly, jumping from the couch. It was clear she couldn't get away from me fast enough.
I sighed, collapsing once more on the couch. I faintly hear Bella thank the messenger, before she came back with the thick envelope I was expecting.
"I should get going," she said nervously.
My heart sank. I guess I was not able to suppress the hope that she might just want to stay with me for a bit… or perhaps… forever.
"Okay," I said, standing up while she grabbed her purse.
Walking her to the main door was a struggle for me. I wanted to ask her what this visit meant. I wanted to hold her close and never let her go.
Before I knew it, we reached the door, and I knew my time was up. I suddenly realized this could very well be the last time I would ever be with her. I couldn't stop myself from saying the only thing more important than my love for her.
"I want you to be happy," I said. Her head snapped up to meet my eyes. "I just want you to promise me, whatever you decide… you will do it so you can be happy."
Bella opened her mouth several times, but nothing came out. After a moment, she simply nodded and gave me a sad smile. I stepped away from the door and watched as she walked past me and possibly out of my life.
Masen POV
I sighed, thumping my head against the back of my elaborate headboard. I winced, temporarily forgetting the current status my body was in: fucked up. Fresh bruises were everywhere – from my calves all the way to my bloody forehead. My nose was taped up, and my eyes were sporting dark bruises, thanks to the fact that my nose had been broken by William's fist. Deep cuts were covered by various gauzes and Band-aids. Although my body throbbed with pains and aches, none of it compared to the aches and pains that my heart felt.
Fuck me.
I should be happy, elated even. I finally and officially got to beat the shit out of my fucking- sodding- brother, although, in retrospect, he pretty much beat the shit out of me as well. A part of me felt that it should've fixed things between us; yet, I knew that nothing – nothing - was right.
Bella… hell, I didn't even know where to begin with her. I sighed again, running my hands through my hair – fuck, it even hurt to do that. I groaned and reached for the rolled up joint on my dresser. Bringing it up to my lips, I thought about the last thing Bella had said to us.
'I don't want either of you in my life… if I ever change my mind… I'll look for you, but don't hold your breath.'
I lit the joint as I inhaled a shaky breath. Shit, what have I done? I'd royally fucked up everything. I had failed everyone. From Bella, to William, to Tanya… hell, even myself. I knew I didn't deserve shit. Taking another long drag, I looked down at my battered and bruised body. Christ, I looked like I'd been through the bloody meat grinder.
But, I deserved it… that, I knew.
Sighing once again, I looked over to my left and grabbed the one thing that always soothed me, my guitar. I placed it on my lap, letting my sore fingers strum over the strings softly. I closed my eyes and carefully leaned my head against the back of my headboard. For once, I let my mind drift and let my fingers guide my emotions. After a few strokes, the soothing chords of my favorite song started to formulate. I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing a few of my tears to strum over my cheeks as a treasured memory pushed itself into the forefront of mind – it was the first night that Bella and I shared together.
**
"Bella?"
I looked towards the wonderfully naked woman in front of me, her eyes closed, her head thrown back, her body arched forward – all while her pale, dainty hands were touching her own breasts. My cock swelled at the sight of it all.
"Are you touching yourself, Swan?" I asked, setting down my guitar on the empty spot next to me.
"I...uh, yes?" she responded nervously. I just laughed and leaned forward, my fingers grazing her soft cheek.
"My beautiful Bella," I whispered, kissing her lush lips ever-so-lightly.
God, she was absolutely brilliant.
I sighed, leaning back against the headboard. I ran my hands over my face – something I did when my brain thought wonky things.
Holy shit – you actually like this one, don't you?
I shook my head and reached over to my nightstand, taking the rolled joint in between my lips and lighting it. I saw Bella eagerly look at the smoke, and like a fucking gentleman, I offered it to her. Once she took it, she inhaled, and the joint must have caught her off guard as she burst into a coughing fit. I reached over and patted her softly on the back.
"Bella? Bella, are you okay? I'm sorry. I thought you knew it was weed."
She shook her head. "No, no... its okay, really. Just... unexpected, that's all. I haven't really smoked at all, well, not since college,"
"Oh, college? Do you have another naughty story for me, then?" I asked playfully.
"Well, not naughty, per se, more like embarrassing as hell." She laughed – that beautiful, womanly laugh.
I took another hit of the smoke and out of courtesy, I held the joint up to Bella's lips, and she inhaled, a smile curling her lips. I inhaled my last hit, leaned over and put the thing out. I leaned forward, crossed my legs, and reached out to touch the soft skin of Bella's thighs – I had to hold back a moan.
"Mmm, do tell me, Swan..." I purred, the sexual tension rising between us once again.
"Well, long story short... Emmett got me high, and I ended up jumping off the roof of his frat house and into the pool, completely naked. It's, err, not one of my best moments, really."
I laughed. I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe.
"B-Bella th-that's fucking hilarious! Please, please tell me they got that shit on tape!" I bellowed, my eyes tearing up from the hilarity of it all.
Bella laughed along with me, going into detail on how she got that McCarty guy back.
I was damn proud.
"She had him all tied up...a-and..." The laughter continued and slowly died down as Bella moved her naked body forward.
"Oh, Masen... I haven't had this much fun in such a long fucking time..." Bella proceeded to climb on my lap, but my firm grip on her hips stopped her. A look of surprise and 'I dare you to do something else' appeared on her face.
"Naughty Swan, I let you fuck me last time... now it's my turn to fuck you," I flipped her over and entered her swiftly, sighing in contentment.
This… this is where I wanted to be.
**
I came out of my reverie, noticing that my fingers had just finished strumming the last of Van Morrison's, "I'll be Your Lover, Too". I sighed and let my fingers drift some more chords as I heard a soft knock coming from my front door. I ignored it, wanting to drown my sorrows by myself. However, the soft voice that called through the wooden door caught my attention.
"James? James, are you in there?" It was Bella.
It was my sweet Bella's voice.
Launching myself out of my bed too quickly, my foot got tangled within one of the sheets, effectively tripping me. I landed on the floor with a loud 'thud'.
"Fuck!" I groaned, my body aching even more than before.
"James?" Bella asked once more.
"I'm here! Fuck…" I moaned, gaining the strength to push myself upright.
I stood for a moment – my stance a little bit wobbly. When I gained my posture back, I stiffly made my way to my front door and reached out my shaking hand to turn the knob. I closed my eyes and opened the door. I heard her gasp slightly. Opening my eyes, I saw Bella at my doorstep, looking distraught.
"God, you look just as bad as William."
I winced – not because of the current, throbbing pain – but because she had gone to him first.
"Hello, Bella," I managed to say.
She smiled softly. "May I come in?"
I nodded, opening the door a bit wider, allowing her to step into my flat. She quickly scanned my apartment and turned around to face me. Her mouth opened as if she wanted to speak – yet nothing came out. I sighed, shut the door, and turned to face her. Her cheeks were a bright red, and I cocked my head to the side in question. She nodded her head towards my form, and I looked down and noticed that I was only wearing my black boxer briefs.
"Oh, um… I would put something on… but it hurts to wear clothes at the moment…"
Bella closed her mouth and nodded. She shifted something black within her arms and held it out in front of her.
"Right… um, here's your jacket," she said, pushing my favorite item back into my arms. I took it from her and cradled it into my arms. This didn't seem like it was going to be a fun visit.
"Bella, I –" I started, but she interrupted me.
"Please, I think after everything that happened last night, I'm the one that needs to talk, James."
I nodded and motioned over to the couch. I had to remind myself that I promised we would do this her way.
We sat down on my plush leather couch – Bella sat near the edge of the couch, her weight leaning against the armrest. She closed her eyes and blew out a deep breath.
"Last night, William said that I was a fun competition for you."
I sighed and sat down in the middle of the couch and leaned forward, resting my forearms on the tops of my thighs.
"He was right, Bella," I said softly, my eyes closing.
I could hear her shift her body on the couch. Opening my eyes, I turned my head to my left and looked at her. Shit – she looked so… vulnerable. She was wearing her simple jeans with her favorite white sweater. Her hair was pulled back, little pieces of it hanging loosely around her face. Her doe-like eyes were puffy and red, and all of a sudden I felt like a complete dick because I had caused it.
Bella's eyes glanced in my direction. "Was he right, then? I was… competition for you?"
I blew out a breath. "When you walked into the office meeting that very first day, I was intrigued by you - very interested, actually. How could I not be, Swan? There you were… your small frame, your tight pencil skirt … that bloody white blouse with the lacy black bra underneath. I mean – fuck – I wanted to take you right then and there on the bloody conference table." I chuckled lightly – clearly remembering that day. I looked towards Bella and saw her pale cheeks redden slightly.
"You know, I didn't do the whole black bra thing on purpose – it was an accident."
I grinned at her confession; silly Bella. "Anyways, after I realized that you had met my brother, I was just going to tease him about being a wanker about meeting you. But then… then I saw the way he looked at you. Like… like you were his. So, yeah, the male in me came out, and I wanted to beat him to the punch – so, I asked you out. But…" I trailed off and looked towards Bella. Her head was down, taking in my words.
Her hands fidgeted within her lap. "But what, Edward?" she asked, her voice whisper soft.
"Long story short, Bella… I fell in love with you. And not just your typical, 'I think I'm falling in love' but the 'I really fucking love this woman' love. Then, we went to the Hamptons… met your mother and dad, and that's when I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.... I still do."
I could hear her soft whimpers and realized that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. I sat straight up and leaned closer to her.
"Bella, please… look at me, love."
Bella shook her head. "I…I can't."
I sighed and pulled back – I wasn't going to push her. After I moment, her cries calmed down, and she looked up at me, her eyes blinking, her mouth parted slightly.
"I know you want to ask, Bella. You don't have to say it," I said softly, my hand reaching to touch one of her loose waves.
She looked slightly surprised.
"Tanya, right?"
She nodded once again, and I shoved my hand through my hair.
Shit, this was the conversation I never wanted to fucking have. Tanya – well, was a sore – a really fucking sore topic for me.
"Just so you know, Swan, this shit… is really hard for me. So please, let me… finish everything before you say anything, okay?"
"Okay," was her simple reply.
I drew in a deep breath – ready to reveal everything, just to keep the woman I love. This was all for her – all for my Bella.
For Bella.
"The day I meet Tanya was the day my life changed. She was the most gorgeous woman that I had ever met – well, one of the most gorgeous women that I have met." I smiled, and Bella blushed slightly.
"Anyways, we bumped into one another – literally, at a coffee shop. Apologies were exchanged, and I was so bloody fucking nervous around this woman that I spilt my coffee all down the front of her blouse." Bella's eyes went wide.
I chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I was crazy about her from that day on." I looked down at my hands.
"Well, we dated for a few months, and everything seemed… well, perfect. I fell completely head over heels for her. She was everything I wanted, Bella – hell, everything I needed. But… then, one day…" I sighed. "I completely fucking freaked out. I was like, 'what the bloody fuck am I doing?' I mean… I had women throw themselves at me constantly, and one side of me thought I was insane to settle. So, instead of moving forward, I just panicked and said that things weren't working and that we needed to break things off."
"Just like that? You gave up the woman you loved? Because you were scared?" Bella asked.
I nodded, rubbing the soft stubble on my chin. "Yeah, just like that." I shook my head. "I was a bloody fool to let her go, Bella. I vowed I'd never let the next woman I love go." I looked at her brown orbs – her eyes were soft.
"What about William?" she asked.
Ah, the million dollar question.
I rubbed my face, temporarily forgetting my battered nose. "Bloody fuck! That hurt." I winced, holding my nose with my hands.
Bella's hand rose slightly – as if to comfort me, but then, at the last minute changed her mind, letting her hand fall onto the open space between us. Silence filled the room, and I assumed it was because Bella had still wanted to know what happened between my brother and my ex-girlfriend.
"William was always the gentlemanly one out of us. You know that, obviously," I said.
Bella blushed and tucked her body inward.
"I'm sorry, that was a bit harsh."
She nodded once, acknowledging my apology.
"Anyways, they met one weekend – I believe it was at one of my office's parties. Of course, she had known him while we were dating. But, when I ended things with her, William became enticed by her, and they started dating. Of course, Tanya had asked me if that was okay – if I had any objections. Of course, I bloody fucking well did – but what right did I have to tell her 'I was bloody fucking pissed at the idea'?"
Bella bit her lip, and I continued. "Anyways, I went on with my life – dating a few women here and there, but nothing significant. However, it was that day I received…" My voice trailed off, my memories coming to the forefront of my mind.
**
It was another dreary day in London as I glanced outward into the gray skies. I sighed, my hair falling into my face, my eyes closed as her image materialized into my mind. I cursed inwardly.
Fuck!
It'd been over two years; you would think that her image… her presence in my mind would have been long gone by now. That I wouldn't even bother to think of her – but… nothing – nothing had changed.
Well, at least for me.
She had moved on with him, my own fucking wanker of a brother – the better one – the absolute can't-do-shit-wrong one, unlike me – the tainted one. I tapped my forehead against the cool glass of the window and my eyes drifted down onto the street, and I noticed that the post had arrived. I sighed, pushing my frame off the window. I carelessly grabbed my leather jacket and put it over my bare chest, heading towards the front of my so-called lawn. Opening the small mailbox, I didn't notice anything out of the usual – bills, advertising crap, and…
I held out the small white envelope, with elegant writing stating my name and address. I opened it hesitantly and took out the small white piece of paper.
Please join in celebration the joining of two loves,
Edward William Masen-Cullen and Tanya Elyse Denali
…
I didn't have to look at the rest as I crumpled the fancy-as-shit paper in my hand.
I knew from that moment on that I couldn't live a second more without her.
**
My mind cut off my memory there. I looked into Bella's angelic face. Tears began to pool my eyes at the thought of losing another woman I loved. I blew out a breath, trying to soothe my rattled nerves.
"The day I got the wedding invitation in the mail was the day I decided I had made a major mistake, and vowed to fix my broken heart."
"But, wasn't it too late?" Bella asked, her voice small and inquiring.
"Well, technically, I suppose it was. I went to go see her and confessed everything – from me completely freaking out and ending things for no reason, to still being in love with her."
"And?" Bella pressed.
I took a deep breath. "And, she confessed that she never really moved on either. She had tried with William - with the wedding and everything - but… bloody hell, she felt the same way, Bella. She felt the same way."
"But, she married William! Why would she…"
I cut her off. "She loved William, she did. She couldn't break his heart when she had promised hers to him." I took in a deep breath, finally admitting everything out loud.
"That's when we decided to start the affair. That afternoon… three months before her and William got married."
I heard Bella take a slight intake of breath. "So, it wasn't a onetime deal, was it?"
I shook my head, my shame overwhelming me. "No, it wasn't."
"And, what happened when Cullen found you two?"
"Well, William moved to the States and slapped Tanya with divorce papers. She had gone after him – leaving me here."
I heard Bella's intake of a sharp breath. "Why did she go after him, when she loved you?"
"She loved both of us, Bella. But, she was committed to William." I looked at Bella at my last statement. You could tell she was slightly surprised and slowly taking everything in.
"Wow…" she finally whispered.
I snorted. "Yeah."
"But, Cullen didn't want her back… why didn't she come back to you?" she asked, her body leaning closer to mine, her luscious scent filling up my senses. I had to resist the urge to touch her.
"She told me that she didn't want to be selfish anymore. That she was committed to Cullen, and that if she couldn't fix things with him, she would just walk away from it all – including me."
"Oh, James, I didn't know… I…"
I waved it off, my tears spilling over my bruised cheeks. "Please don't, Bella."
She nodded, residing back to the end of the couch. I looked away from her, but I felt that she still wasn't done.
"Go ahead," I said, my tone flat.
"Do you still love her?" she asked softly.
I ran my fingers over my chest, silently wishing that I had my guitar to soothe my frazzled nerves.
"You wish you had your guitar, don't you?" she asked, knowing me all-too-well. "Edward?" Bella asked again.
Ignoring the guitar question, I answered her previous one.
"I don't think we ever stop loving the people we have loved, Bella." I closed my eyes, my body aching along with my heart. Damn – today was not a good day.
I needed my own answers, even if they ripped me apart. Decision made, I turned to Bella. "Why William, Bella? Why my brother?" I looked towards her.
Her eyes avoided mine. "I… I love him, James," she stammered, but continued. "But, I love you, too, so fucking much. I wanted to walk away from both of you – you both deserve more than me."
"Bella…" I started.
She shook her head. "Let me finish, James. I just need you to know everything."
I paused for a moment and then sighed out loud.
Fuck me. This was going to be hard to take in.
Bella POV
I moved closer to Masen and turned to face him. If I was going to do this, if I was finally going to admit to all my sins these past few months, I was going to look him in the eyes – he at least deserved that.
"I met William at one of my mother's parties. Of course I found him attractive, but he just seemed so… distant. At that time, he was with Rosalie, and I automatically thought they were together – you know, two beautiful people belong together like that. Anyways, nothing really came out of that until…" My voice broke off.
"Until what, Swan?" Masen asked, his voice low – distant. I lowered my eyes.
--Just get it over with, Swan.
"Remember that time when I invited you to my mother's dinner party and you didn't think it was a good idea to go?" I looked up, Masen's eyes hanging onto my every word.
"Yes," he simply responded.
"Well, William was there, and he was simply… him. Just so calm and… I discovered he was one of the most loving, caring, infuriatingly stubborn 'has stick-up-his-ass' men that I've ever met." I laughed softly at how ridiculous I must have sounded.
"Still, after that night – nothing came of it. It wasn't until we went to the Hamptons that…"
I saw anger flash in Masen's bright green eyes.
"James, please…"
He opened his mouth but closed it tightly, the muscles in his jaw flexing with anger. When nothing came out of his mouth, I continued.
"He saw us. He saw us making love in my dad's office. I didn't know he was there until I walked out. He grabbed me and kissed me. At first, I thought it might be you, but I saw his eyes… and it just felt so different that I knew it was him."
"What did you do when he kissed you, Bella? Please tell me that you slapped him," he seethed.
I shook my head slowly, my heart breaking. "No," I whispered, "I kissed him back."
I saw Masen rise from the couch. "Fuck, Bella! Why didn't you just end it with me there? Why didn't you just put me out of my misery that fucking day?"
I stood up and moved closer to him, wanting to soothe him.
"I was confused, James. I loved you – I love you – but my feelings for William were more than just those of friends. I just… didn't know."
Masen looked down at me – his green eyes piercing, his arms crossed around his bare chest. "When did you sleep with him, Bella?" he asked, his voice oddly calm.
"The night of the charity… in the wine cellar. He was down there, drinking alone in the corner. I didn't notice he was there until he came up behind me." I closed my eyes and sighed.
"That's the first time it happened. I was so angry and pissed at myself for doing so and…"
"Is that the real reason you wanted to leave so quickly?" Masen asked, interrupting me. I nodded, putting my hands on his bare chest. Masen's body tightened at the contact and I quickly withdrew my hands.
"Yes, it was. I decided that I was going to be with you and only you, James. But then you left for London, and I came home the same day to find Cullen sitting outside my door." I dropped my hands and headed over for the couch once more.
"He confessed everything – everything. How he felt and how he would be a part of my life no matter where his position was. I couldn't… I couldn't… hold back anymore, James. It was that day that I knew I had to have the both of you… that I loved the both of you."
"I'm sorry, Edward. I am so sorry."
The tears welled up in my eyes and everything that I was holding back surfaced. I cried so hard, my body shook with my sobs. I felt the couch dip beside me and felt two arms enveloping me, holding me tight – making my cries more prominent. I heard soothing words from Masen, his hands running from my back to my hair – wherever he thought would help soothe me. Soon enough, I calmed down and pulled back from Masen's hold.
"I'm sorry. I guess… with everything that came out, I just felt overwhelmed."
"What happens now, Bella?" Masen asked, his voice small, as if he were afraid of my answer.
I sighed and reached into my pocket. Pulling out the shiny object, I held it out to him. Masen's eyes shifted downward.
"I can't accept this, Edward."
"You're choosing him, then?" he asked, his tone distant.
I shook my head immediately. "No, I mean… I don't know. I don't deserve either of you, honestly. Hell, neither of you should want anything to do with me."
Masen's eyes pooled with tears. "I can't lose you, Bella."
I bit my lip at his words, tears running down my face again. I scooted closer to James and cupped his face within my tiny hands.
"I don't want to lose either of you, James. But, it's… it's not fair. I have to choose."
Masen stared at me with those breathtaking green eyes for a moment. My heart broke.
"I love you, James. I truly do." I leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.
He closed his eyes and sighed. "I love you too, Bella. I just want you to be happy."
I stood up, wanting to leave before I could do anything foolish. "William said the same thing."
Masen seemed to take a moment. "I guess we have one thing in common."
I walked towards the door and turned around. "You have a lot more in common than you think, James. You are twin brothers, after all."
Masen laughed at this. "Yeah, I suppose we are, aren't we?"
I smiled, turned around and opened the door. I stepped out onto the porch, when Masen spoke.
"You know, William and I weren't always like this."
I turned around and furrowed my eyebrows in question and Masen continued.
"He actually… covered for me a lot when we were kids. I was always the troublemaker, the deviant one. There was this one time, when I broke one of my mother's expensive vases- not my first one. I was so nervous when my grandfather had asked us about it. I knew I was in huge trouble… but, William stepped in and took the blame. He knew that if he took the blame, that his punishment would be less severe than mine. He was always pinned the 'golden child' of the household, so to speak. He got away with a simple warning and a slap on the wrist. I thanked him, and he said that he would do anything for his own brother."
I looked into Masen's eyes – they were bright, happy even.
"You know, William told me something similar earlier. Something about a bully you guys beat the shit out of in fifth grade."
Masen laughed. "Shit, I forgot all about that."
I was about to turn around, when I felt the urge to say something else.
"What is it, Bella?" he asked.
I hesitated. I didn't want to create any more animosity between them, but I needed to tell him was what plainly obvious to me.
"He loves you," I simply said.
Without waiting for Masen to reply or even react, I walked down the small steps of the porch and disappeared within New York's crowd.
I'm sure reviews would make Becca feel loads better!!! So review!!! :D and follow us in twitter! :D
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Anyways on with announcements!
First of all! You guys are really the best readers EVER!!!! :D ATOTE has been nominated for the first round of voting for the Indie Twific Awards!! You guys have no idea how excited we are that you guys took our story into consideration. Even if we don't qualify for the next round its still amazing that you guys took the time to nominate! seriously, you guys are the best! :D
But.. it would be awesome if we did make it to the second round ;) *wink wink* *hint* *hint* LOL
so, here's how it goes.
A Tale of Two Edwards has been nominated for Best Alternative Universe Human WIP;Best Collaboration WIP; and Best Undiscovered Erotica WIP
First round of voting starts Wednesday, July 8 and ends Sunday, July 12
You go into the the Indie TwiFic page:
and vote for your favorite stories!! :D
so, please leave us a review and don't forget to vote ;)! thanks again for all your support and let me just say that next chapter is a complete treat and I can't wait for you guys to read it!! Just two more chapters, an epilogue and its done! :D