The Dance You Choose - chapter 21
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The sound of voices cheered her up immensely as they drew closer to where she was lying. Spending hours alone in sickbay was something she was finding to be very wearying and she longed to be free to go ... well she didn't know where she'd go since she couldn't recall anything about the ship despite Lee's rather pictorial descriptions, but she just longed to get out and go exploring. Being caged was obviously not something her personality enjoyed.
The Doc poked his head around the curtain suddenly. "You've got visitors," he announced. "Are you up to seeing them?"
She smiled brightly. "Of course."
He nodded and stepped aside, Lee replacing him a few seconds later, a small blonde child wrapped in his arms.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hey," she whispered back, afraid to break the spell of the moment as their eyes met.
Lee lifted a hand and stroked Tessa's curls. "This is Tessa."
"Tessa." She paused. "That's a very pretty name."
The moment Tessa heard Kara's voice she pulled her face away from where she'd buried it in Lee's neck and spun around, eyes wide with excitement.
"Ma-ma!" she cried out, face shining joyfully.
She wriggled in his arms till he put her down and she ran to Kara's bedside, arms outstretched. Kara was lost for words. She stared at the perfect little girl beside her, flaxen-blonde curls, deep blue eyes and fair china-doll skin, and yet she felt nothing. No connection to the girl at all. This is my daughter? she thought incredulously. She's beautiful but I just don't remember her.
She smiled at Tessa but Lee saw the hesitation in her eyes and guessed what she must be feeling. He stepped forward and picked Tessa up, sitting them both on the edge of the bed. Tessa scrambled over and threw herself into Kara's arms. Kara hugged her tightly despite her trepidation, knowing it was what the girl needed.
After a few moments Lee extricated her from Kara's arms.
"Here, come sit with me munchkin," he murmured as he pulled her onto his lap.
She pouted, obviously not happy at being pulled away from the one person she wanted to be with most of all.
"Your mama had an accident and got hurt so she doesn't remember everything anymore," he explained gently, hoping she'd understand. She was very young but whether her vocabulary was advanced for her age or whether she just had an innate ability to understand things beyond her level, she always seemed to comprehend what he told her.
She looked up at him with sad eyes and he could read the question plain as day - will she ever remember me?
He stroked her back softly. "We're hoping one day she'll remember everything." He smiled sadly at Kara.
"I hope so too," she whispered.
Just then Cottle appeared. "So, how goes the reunion?" he asked, quirking one eyebrow at Lee.
"Fine," Lee answered.
"Am I allowed to leave here soon?" Kara asked.
"Aw, aren't you enjoying your stay?" Cottle asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"It's not exactly a five-star hotel."
Lee laughed out loud at her answer. Pure Starbuck - always in your face and giving you grief.
"I've got an MRI scheduled for later this afternoon. If the results look good I'll let you return to quarters."
Lee and Kara's faces both lit up with large smiles.
"If," he reiterated. "If there's any concerns still - any at all - you stay here. Understood?"
"Understood," Kara answered meekly but as Cottle turned his back to her she made a face. It was all Lee could do to keep from laughing.
Kara glanced at him and they shared a look. His heart leapt - the eyes that smiled back at him were the old Kara's. Even if everything didn't return, at least he might get a little of her back. And frankly a little Kara might be easier to handle than a lot ...
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The test had proven to have satisfactory results so Cottle was as good as his word. Lee of course, accompanied Kara back to the quarters they'd been sharing before her surgery - the ones he and Tessa had been sharing ever since.
As he put the toddler down and she ran happily into the room a feeling hit him so hard that he literally had to step back - I want to keep this. I want to marry kara and raise Tessa as our daughter.
Kara noticed his hesitation. "You okay?" she asked, frowning at him.
He smiled widely, heart ready to burst. "Just fine."
There was something in his smile she couldn't quite understand but she let it go upon entering the unfamiliar space. She faltered slightly.
Lee noticed and put a hand out to reassure her, resting it on the small of her back. "Are you okay?" he asked, looking intently at her for signs of distress.
She turned to him, a puzzled but not fearful look in her eyes. "It's all just a little overwhelming, that's all," she answered quietly.
He rubbed small circles on her back. "It'll all be okay, I promise," he said.
"Ma-ma," Tessa called from where she was sitting on the bunk they'd shared. She patted it, her face aglow with a mega-watt smile.
"I think she wants you to come lie with her for a while," he offered, seeing Kara's confused look.
She nodded and walked towards the bed, loathe to leave the feeling Lee's touch on her back had stirred in her. She sat down beside Tessa and the little girl lay, patting the pillow beside her.
"I've been laying with her to get her to fall asleep," Lee explained, somewhat apologetically. "She missed you."
"Does she live with me then?" Kara asked, lying down beside her daughter. Tessa snuggled up against her and tucked her thumb in her mouth.
Lee was at a loss for words.
"Well obviously we're not together anymore," Kara said quietly, a shadow of sadness crossing her eyes, "so which of us does she live with - you or me?"
Lee sighed. "That's a question that's not so easily answered."
"Why not?"
Lee envied her her innocence and directness. If only it were that simple ...
"She hasn't been living with either of us till a couple of weeks ago."
"Why?" Kara's voice was fiercely protective as she stole a quick glance at the nearly-asleep child beside her.
"It's a long, long story. Do you really feel up to it now?"
She nodded firmly.
Lee sighed again. "Okay but let's wait till she's asleep," he said, nodding at Tessa, whose heavy eyelids were staying shut longer and longer with each blink.
Kara turned back on her side and put her arm around the little girl, eyes shutting right along with Tessa's.
Lee sat on the edge of the crowded bunk and watched them, two heads of matching blonde hair mingling together on the pillow. They lay unmoving for so long that Lee began to think Kara had fallen asleep as well when suddenly she stiffened and her eyes flew open, wide with fear.
"Metal men ... robots ... armies of them," she said breathlessly. "Who are they? What are they?"
"Cylons," he said softly. "Our enemies. The ones who held Tessa prisoner."
Her face hardened. "Tell me."
He took her hand and guided her across the room to an empty bunk and sat her down. Then he began to talk.
He told her of the creation of the cylons, what little he knew, and of how they'd disappeared for years, only to attempt to annihilate their creators when they finally resurfaced. He told her of the struggles they'd had since leaving their homeworld and of how the cylons had pursued them relentlessly and slaughtered every human being they could.
They he told her about the skin jobs. Her skin prickled in fear at the thought that anyone around her could be a cylon - and she'd never know the difference. Even Lee ... she didn't remember him well enough to know if she should trust him or not ... she'd just gone on blind instinct. She didn't want to believe he could be one of them ... but how could she know for sure?
"Are you ... one of them?" she ventured tentatively when he took a break to collect his thoughts as to how to continue.
He looked her straight in the eye. "No. You can trust me." He took her hands in his and his warmth flowed through her, enveloping her in love.
"I do," she said simply.
Their eyes held for a moment till awkwardness set in.
She cleared her throat. "So how did these mother frakkers get a hold of our daughter?" she asked, a little bit of the old 'Starbuck' fire coming into her voice. Lee held back a smile.
"That's kind of a long story too," he said sadly.
"Seems to be the story of my life doesn't it?" she said dryly.
He nodded, trying not to smile.
"The cylons took her when she was very small and we didn't know she was alive till a few weeks ago," he explained, voice gentle as he dealt the blow her knew would hurt her most. It wasn't a complete lie though ... they had taken her when she was very small - an embryo in fact, and they hadn't known she was alive till a few weeks earlier. He'd just left out the inconvenient details ... and hoped she wouldn't ask about them. At least not yet.
Her face registered shock and she went pale.
"Are you okay?" he asked, squeezing her hands.
She nodded. "I just can't believe ... they had her that long? And we didn't know?"
Lee shook his head.
Tears began to form in her eyes. Lee gathered her into his arms and held her close as if touching her would transfer the pain to him. She'd suffered enough lately - she didn't need this too.
She cried fora little while then began to relax in his arms. He could feel her tiredness though she said nothing, so he lay her down on the bunk and pulled the covers over her.
"Get some rest. We'll talk more tomorrow."
She turned large, scared eyes to him. "Stay with me?"
He pulled off his jacket and crawled into bed beside her. She didn't snuggle up but a few moments later he felt her hand slip into one of his and he squeezed gently.
"I'm here Kara. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere."
The words served to calm her and cement the decision he'd made all in one. He'd chosen to stay with Kara, for better or for worse, and tough though the road was going to be, his heart felt lighter and happier than it had in a long time.
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They came not as dreams but as flashes of memory.
A viper spinning wildly out of control ...
Dancing with Lee's arms firmly around her ...
Sitting on the ground with her knee twisted painfully in the wrong direction ...
Red paint dripping onto the floor as she and Lee laughed together ...
A tall, dark man who wasn't Lee ...
Stabbing a man in the neck with something sharp ...
Guns in both of her hands ... Lee falling to the ground with a bullet in his chest ... a bullet she'd shot him with ...
Feeling the G-force pressure as her viper shot through the launch tube ...
A dark skinned, dark haired woman inciting jealousy in her as she smiled at Lee ...
Freefalling through seemingly endless miles of space ...
Falling down into a huge hole, locked in a death grip with a fiercely strong blonde woman ...
Laying on top of the man-who-wasn't-Lee as his hands roamed her body and made her skin prickle with desire ...
'Lee Adama loves me' - and a kiss that was far too short ...
Flying straight at a crescent-shaped ship, knowing she was going to die and welcoming it ...
She woke in a pool of sweat, heart pounding at all the images coming so quickly and so vividly. She blinked, trying to hold onto them, force them to continue so she had some idea of what they meant but each time she focused on one it slipped away like water in her hand.
Her heart beat furiously in her chest. Love, hate, sadness, joy, fear, desolation, anticipation ... they'd all been present in the flashes she'd had of what her life had been but it was all too overwhelming at once.
She slipped out of bed, trying not to wake Lee, and went to get herself a drink in the bathroom. Her breathing was still shallow and rapid and her eyes were full of tears. She closed them, feeling the lashes grow wet, and drank down the entire glass of water. When she opened them she jumped ... there was another reflection in the mirror - Lee.
"Are you okay?" he whispered softly. It seemed to be the question of the night.
She nodded, a lump growing in her throat.
"Nightmares?"
She shook her head. "Not exactly ... more like flashes ... scenes of things I think happened to me. They were so real ..." she added wistfully.
Lee's eyes lit up. "Good. Maybe you're starting to remember." He put his hands on her hips without realizing what he was doing and drew her close to him.
She leaned back into his chest and closed her eyes. Here was where she felt safe ...
Her neck grew warm and tingles traveled up and down her spine. Lee was kissing her.
She spun around in his arms and searched, eyes still shut, till her lips met his. They kissed for a long while till images began to flash through her mind again.
Kissing Lee ...
Kissing the other dark-haired, blue-eyed man ...
Undressing Lee ...
Undressing the other man ...
Lee inside her, bringing her ecstasy ...
The other man under her as she brought them both pleasure ...
She pulled away, confused.
Lee's eyes opened, fearing he'd gone too far but there was a questioning look on her face, not an angry one.
"Lee, who is the other man?" she asked.
"The other man?"
"The other man I keep seeing in my visions. The dark-haired, blue-eyed one."
Lee's heart sank like a stone.
"Samuel Anders. Your husband."
TBC