So apparently it has been many, many months since I have posted anything. Sorry! Life is insane!
-Anne
10 November 1944
Sometimes I wonder what people think about me. Of course different people think different things. Take my grandfather for example. He thinks of me as this quiet, sweet girl who really isn't that smart. He thinks that because that's how I act around him. I still call him "Granpa", like a little girl. I don't have his kind of intelligence, so I don't really try. I just don't understand math and science. I understand people and emotion better. If I just act sweet and don't try to be smart, then he will never think less of me. If I try to be my usual self, he will only think of me as rude and dumb. Of course I can't just pull that act around my grandfather, I have to keep it up around the other scientists too. So now they think I'm Dr. Robotnik's simple, chronically ill granddaughter.
Every time I act that way around Shadow, he just gives me this look. This look that says, I know you're full of crap. He is one of the select few who gets to see my true colors. I don't wonder what he thinks of me. Actually he makes it quite clear. That's the beauty of him: you always know exactly where you stand. His compliments are quite funny. One day, out of nowhere, he just says, "You're annoying, like a little gnat, but I don't mind putting up with you". As I write this, I'm saying it to myself, but really I don't do it justice. But, that's about as close as anyone will ever get to a compliment. He might as well have just said I'm the hero of the earth.
Ironic that he should call me a gnat, he's the one who's tiny, quick and never goes away.
Yours,
Maria
21 November 1944
I'm a patient person. Well, maybe not particularly patient, but I'm certainly not impatient. Anyways, there are still some things which I absolutely cannot stand to hear. One of those things is: Can't you play Pachelbel's Canon in D. Well of course I can play it. I can play anything I want! The real question is whether or not I will play it. And the answer is no, I will not play that unbearable piece. I sound cynical, don't I? It's the piece everyone plays at their wedding. How could I dislike it? Well that's just it, everyone plays it!
I was practicing in the library and one of the new scientist's wives came in to listen. She seems nice enough, a little on the young side with thin, but pretty mouse colored hair. I feel bad for being so annoyed by her, but she asked me to play it. She couldn't even remember the piece's actual name: she just said "that one wedding song". I guess I've gone on about how much I dislike it before, because Shadow started laughing immediately after she asked.
"That one wedding song"?! It's not even a song, it's called a piece. You sing a song, you play a piece. For someone who's not particularly well educated, I certainly am a snob.
Yours
Maria
7 December 1944
If I was on earth, it'd probably be snowing by now. Even though the permanent 22 degrees up here is nice, a little variety would be much appreciated. Nothing makes you appreciate summer more than a bitter winter, and vice versa. Not that I didn't enjoy winter, snow is great fun and I've never been too sensitive to the cold. A little bit of suffering, whether it's from winter or summer, is never a bad thing (unless of course you freeze to death, that is almost always bad). Yes, you can never appreciate nice weather unless you survive the nasty parts of every season.
Every year around Christmas I would go visit my grandfather in Germany. To be perfectly honest I never particularly cared for our trip to visit him, but I did enjoy the train ride there. I'd stare out the window and mother always let me have candy. I'd draw pictures on the windows using my breath and the cold on the other side.
Everything was always great fun until we actually arrived in Berlin. I said I didn't enjoy being in Germany and there was one reason why…Shadow was a particularly mean child. Maybe he wasn't like that all the time, but just really enjoyed torturing me. Of course I didn't speak a word of German and he no Polish. But being the only children around, we were pretty much forced to entertain each other. I know I said I like snow, but I never liked snow when he was around.
One year, as an early Christmas present I got a beautiful, white coat. I was so excited to play in the white snow with my white coat, make snow angels and generally look pretty. I thought I would look like the inside of a snow globe. Of course, being young and naïve, I never thought Shadow would manage to ruin that. Once I got to Berlin and was all dressed up and ready for the snow, the first thing I wanted to do was make some amazing snow angels.
From the moment I got to Berlin, I refused to acknowledge Shadow. I thought for some reason that if I ignored him, he would leave me alone. Really, I think it just encouraged him, being as stubborn as he is. With a misplaced sense of security, I went to go play in the snow in the garden. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, looming on the roof. At the time, I thought he was just sulking and so I continue studiously ignoring him. Of course, that's just what he wanted- to be left to his own devices to come up with a plan to ruin my time. Eventually I wandered too close to the wall. I should have known better. The snow was piling up on the roof, it was about to come crashing down by itself, so when I got too close, it didn't take Shadow much effort to shove it all down on top of me. Actually being covered in snow wasn't the bad part, it was being buried in the snow and all the mud underneath it.
Once Granpa pulled me out of the snow, I saw that my new white coat was now horribly stained and soaked. Mother tried her best to clean it, but nothing worked. While I was sitting on the cold, hard ground, throwing a very impressive tantrum, Scarlett was dragging Shadow back inside. She was saying some pretty nasty things to him, but I don't think he cared- he was too busy grinning at me evilly. He seemed quite proud of himself.
The other day I reminded Shadow of this little event. He just started laughing at me. I'd say he remembers it pretty well. On the bright side, on ARK there are far fewer opportunities for Shadow to torment me.
Yours
Maria