Things have been extremely crazy for me lately; my grandma has been in and out of the hospital (currently residing in a long term care facility,) things have been off with my family too. So it's been a rollercoaster there. On the plus side, I have a boyfriend whom makes me happier than I can even express. For my New Years Resoloution I've decided to update more.. or atleast attempt to, so here you go, kids, a much needed chapter ~
I emerged from the bathroom sniffling, why couldn't they just love me? I thought to myself. That's all I really wanted, someone to love and care for me. I expected my own damn parents to atleast pay attention to my exsistance! I don't understand how I could be so out of the loop in my own family. What did Alex have that I didn't! Sure, she was popular.. had friends.. but she was an idiot! A dumb, blonde, idiot. It was annoying, always being compared to her, especially when she didn't do anything of much importance. But I've been living with it for such a long time.. I just couldn't picture anything else. I went back to my laptop and powered up, checking facebook. I didn't have any new messages, which made me feel even lonelier. I really needed to talk to someone, and I was hoping that it would be Serena.
I turned on Don't you know who I think I am by Fall Out Boy and hummed to myself, walking towards my closet. I opened it up, trying to come up with an outfit to wear for the night; I now had to Cullen family members to impress.. I mean, why did I say that? I didn't mean that! .. Or.. maybe I did? I pushed the thought out of my mind, I desperately needed to forget it. I stepped into my closet to ponder my options. I didn't have anything "classy" persay in my wardrobe.. I didn't like to dress up, and often stayed at home when my parents went to whatever highend event they had to, so did Alex. I finally settled on a pair of tight, black skinny jeans, a light purple vneck, and light purple converse. I nibbled my lip, was this acceptable? Would the boys like this outfit? What am I saying? Stop it! I sighed loudly. I mean, come on. That was the second thought within like, fifteen minutes.
I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and checked the time, 4:50 pm. Wow, that late already? I nibbled on my bottom lip, now what would I do? I heard the click clack of heels in the foyer all the way from my room, and knew it was Alex. I inwardly sighed, I really could care less for her company. Thankully, she didn't have any of her stupid clones with her, for once. I clicked off the light in my room and went into my other room. I picked up an acoustic guitar and started strumming and humming along to a Mayday Parade song I couldn't quite remember the title to. I was at peace, this is what I loved to do. I loved picking up a guitar, strumming away all bad energy. It calmed me down. So did photography, and writing; they were just things that made me feel better. When your life was as fucked up as mine, It took a lot of effort to stay sane. I really should go out to take some shots at some point this weekend I thought to myself as I continued to strum. I switched bands to A Day To Remember, and started singing a long to If it means a lot to you, I was completely at peace, but then Alex came in.
She didn't even bother knocking, just barged in. Did I not have a right to some fucking privacy? Apparently not. "Bella, What are you doing?" she just stormed in. "Well, Alex, can you or can you not see the guitar that is so delicately placed in my open hands?" I said glaring at her. She rolled her eyes and sat in the bean bag chair in the corner of my room. Um, what?
"Yes, smartass, I can see the guitar. I meant why are you playing it, and singing along to it?" She said with a look of disgust on her face.
"Gee, I don't know Alex. Could it possibly be because I can? Because it gives me a joy in life?" I said with a look of disbelief on my face. Who is she to come into my room and yell at me for playing guitar? That made absolutely no fucking sense, and it was really starting to annoy me.
"Didn't mum say you couldn't play at this time or something like that, because it was annoying?" She said with a cocky smirk. Ummm, what the fuck was her problem? I know for a fact mum didn't say that, because she wanted me to be "happy," or so she always told people when they asked me.
"Hey Alex, you're a dumb bitch, get out of my room. And FYI, mum doesn't give a fuck if and when I play my guitars, she only cares that I'm "happy," so you can run along and go get pregnant or something." I said with a snarl. She stood up abrutly, I stood up matching her stance. She opened her mouth to say something, and instead she was met with me pushing her out of the room and slaming the door behind me. I don't need that dumb bitch fucking up my mood for tonight I glared at the closed door. Speaking of, I laid my guitar down and reached for the phone that was in my pocket. 6:20 pm... oh shit. I put my guitar back on it's stand, turned off the light, and ran into my room. I grabbed my oversized Hurley bag off my computer chair and darted to the foyer. I decided I should quickly send a text to Alice.
A,
I'm about to leave for your place. Do you want me to bring anything? Please say yes, I feel bad if I always come over and don't offer up anything. Lol! Text back soon.
- B.
I walked into the kitchen, where Alex was perched on a bar stool with her laptop infront of her. I grabbed my car keys off the counter, and was prepared to go through the side door into the garage.
"Where do you think you're going?" Alex said with a snarl. I seriously wondered what was up her ass, I mean.. come on, why was she purposely trying to pick fights with me? I just didn't understand it!
"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going to the Cullen's house. You know, that place you'll never step inside of?" I said with a devious smile. I knew that'd hit hard. Especially because though considered "freaks," the Cullen's were one of the most wealthy, and sought after teenagers in this teeny tiny town.
"I don't understand why the would want to be friends with a fucking freak like you" She spit venemously at me. I smiled, and giggled to myself.
"Because I'm what you never will be, darling sister; genuine." And with that I sauntered to the garage door, and into my car.
When I got to the safety of my car I mentally highfived myself; Bella: 2, Alex: 0. Just then, my phone vibrated. It was a reply from Alice.
B,
LOL! Believe it or not, my parents love having your around.. I don't know why, jkjkjk! If you really want you could pick up some sort of dessert? Hint, a way to every boy's heart is through his stomache ;);) But seriously. We love baking, and icecream! So come prepared, mon petite, we shall see you soon. Kisses xxxx
- A.
I smiled. Alice was amazing. This whole damn family was amazing. I started up my car, plugged in my ipod which was now blasting Hollywood Whore by Papa Roach, one of my favourites! I opened up my purse and pulled out my aviators; I slid them on my face, and clicked down the garage door opener. I put my baby in reverse and backed out, closing the garage door whilst doing so. I sped down to the gate, put in the key code, and sped down the drive, and onto the highway. I rolled down the window and let the wind rustle my hair; I loved the feeling of going fast, being axhilerated. Once I got onto the main streets in town, I was stopped at a red light. I quickly messed around with my ipod, which was now spewing Toxic by A Static Lullaby, which, by far, was better than the original song. The light turned green, and I quickly switched it to All I Want by A Day To Remember and continued my quest to the grocery store. I pulled into the parking lot, pulled into a spot, and turned off the engine. I put my ipod in the glove box, grabbed my bag, and got out of the car. I clicked it shut as I strode into the grocery store.
Cookie dough.. cookie dough.. I was scanning the asiles for the sugary goodness that was cookie dough. I finally found a tube of it, and picked it up. I then went to the icecream aisle and picked up B&J's Fudge brownie icecream. I walked up to the cashier and put my things on the conveyor belt, when a loud, obnoxious binging came from inside my purse. I wrestled around inside of it and pulled out my cell phone, which was chiming in the stupid noise saying my mum was calling me. I sighed, and slid my aviators to the top of my head.
"Yes, mum? What is it." I said with an obvious bored tone, which I've become very good at making.
"Where are you? Alex said you were going out and said you weren't coming home. Is this true? Where are you going? Who are you with? What are you doing? When will you be home? Is there going to be any drugs or sex involved?" I rolled my eyes, as the cashier politely pointed to the thing that said what my total was. I smiled at him. He looked around my age, with blonde hair and shiny green eyes, and teeth that could blind a person if they were to close. I smiled and pulled out my wallet, handing him my credit card.
"Wow, mum. Really? No, I'm not coming home. I'm going to a killer party and I'm going to get totally messed up on every drug imaginable, then have careless, non-protected sex with a bunch of people I don't know." I said, rolling my eyes again. The cashier let out a low chuckle, and then a dazzling smile. I smiled at him. He handed me my receipt and a pen, then my grocery bag. He smiled at me once more, and I winked. Sliding my aviators down over my eyes, and strolling out of the grocery store and to my car.
"Isabella Marie Swan, this is not a joking matter! Don't pretend I don't know what happens at high school parties, because believe me, I know!" she shrieked on the other end of the phone. I rolled my eyes, unlocked my car, and slid into the plush leather seats. I put my grocery bag and my purse on the seat beside me, grabbed my ipod from the glove box, and began scrolling through the songs.
"Good lord. Mum, I was kidding! I'm going to the Cullens' house for dinner. Mr and Mrs' Cullens' nephew just moved in, so I'm going to say hello. I just stopped at the grocery store to pick up dessert, and I'm headed over now. Is that okay with you?" I started my car, turned down the volume, and plugged in my ipod whch was now playing She's so lovely by Scouting For Girls. I pressed my phone between my shoulder and ear, and put my seatbelt on, the began backing out of my parking spot, and onto the main road again.
"Oh.. yes, yes that's fine Bella darling. Have a good time. Oh! Your father and I won't be coming home tonight. We're in New York for some benefit dinner your father has to go to. See you tomorrow, kisses." She said and then hung up. Bye, mum, see you tomorrow I muttered softly to myself. I pushed the 'end' button on my phone and put it in my purse, whilst driving. I turned up the volume and started dancing; this was such a brilliant song, how could anyone not want to dance to it? Sooner than I thought I pulled into the Cullen's driveway. I was nervous, very nervous. All my previous negative thoughts came rushing back to me. What if he didn't like me? What if he thought I was a fool? I sat infront of their house with my car running for what seemed like a lifetime, and I finally breathed in deeply, and turned everything off, grabbed the shopping bag and my purse, and hopped out of the car. I locked it, and strode up to the front door. Before I lost my nerve, I pushed the doorbell.
Too late to turn back now, Bella.