Disclaimer. I own only the concept. Everything else belongs to other people.

Trigger warnings. Child abuse, rape, self harm, attempted suicide. Possibly others. This is rated M. I tried not to be too explicit. (You're past the physical stuff, but the fallout remains)

Note. This story is about Jade, but contains information she might not ever know.

:}

Jade was sure, after everything she'd been through, the last thing she needed was to redefine torture. Especially not when dealing with her now reborn love life. And over the summer, Jade found two new definitions. They weren't in the same class as the breaker, or how Richard had abused her, but they still ate away at her, driving her to distraction. They were still forms of torture. Maybe torture was way too strong a word, but it felt like it anyways.

The first was the way Tori was treating her. The Latina had assumed the roll of pursuer in their relationship. That meant flowers, and little gifts, and a million other things to remind Jade that Tori cared. They also, probably unintentionally, reminded Jade that Tori had the money to do these things. To the singers credit, she kept everything small, little reminders of her devotion, with the notable exception of Jade's birthday.

After over a month of touring, dancing on the tour bus, singing silly songs to each other, and doing a whole list of other stuff so sappy that Jade knew she'd have to kill people if it ever got out, Tori planned Jade's birthday party. It was a simple idea, fly all of Jade's close friends and family out for a few days, and rent out a nice, small venue for it. Tori got a good rate at a hotel along the way, luckily just a few hours drive from all her shows for the days around Jade's birthday. Tori also found a great price on a helicopter service, so they could more quickly make if to and from her shows. Then she chartered a plane and flew out close to twenty people to celibate Jade's birthday with her and Tori. Even her parents couldn't say no to a free vacation, so Jade was quickly surrounded by people she cared about. But it cost. Jade didn't know how much, but just knew it was far too much to spend on her birthday. She'd had birthdays celebrated with a cupcake and a candle, she felt she didn't need that much.

Mason showed up, laughing at how expensive the whole thing seemed. Tori had arranged some real bargains, but it still cost in the hundreds of thousands. As his gift, he helped foot the bill. He even flew the rest of Tori's band in for the event, then out for the show they had that night. To Mason, the mortified look of gratitude, shame and rage on Jade's face was worth the expense. He felt he owed her this kind of experience at least once, to make up for the switch she perpetrated at the Platinum Music Awards. Mason was there to support his performer, but that didn't mean her couldn't deal with other business.

It turned out, for Mason, this was more than just a party, it was a business trip. And one thing Mason knew was how to write off the expenses of a business trip, no matter how luxurious. He wanted to make sure that the credits on her film made it clear the soundtrack was available from Neutronium records. If it sold like he thought it would, then he would be able to write off the whole party as a business expense, kind of like a launch party. Also, he had every intent of financing Jade's next movie, assuming he agreed with her story. He'd heard she loved horror, and those films almost always made money. It was going to be an interesting entrance into the movie industry, and he was enjoying every moment of it.

At the same time, Jade didn't know how to react. It was far too expensive, and if flaunted the money Tori had. Worse, while it paved the way for her father, who was always interested in the bottom line, to accept Tori marrying Jade, it also made her feel like a gold digger. Jade felt helpless to change peoples attitude of her, convinced that she was being pushed into a role she didn't want. Besides, any party that has non-disclosure agreements had to have something wrong.

Tori, for her part, hid behind the idea that Jade was turning twenty one, and hadn't had any of her other milestones properly celebrated. She kept telling everyone not in on the romance (Were there any here?) that she was making up for all the times Jade didn't get a party. It was real enough for Tori, but hid her promise to take care of the goth. Tori felt she owed Jade this party. She barely recognized how it helped her band and crew relax after touring for so long.

Between her massive twenty first birthday and Tori's pursuit, Jade was enjoying herself, even if she'd never admit it out loud. The feelings of being in loved, of being watched out for, made her feel special. She didn't mind singing backup every night, or that she was exhausted from the travel. To Jade, it was being in love again, and spending the time with the one she loved. As long as she didn't feel bought. It wasn't about the things as much as the emotions, and Jade was feeling the love. Even if she had to put up with Tori 'taking care' of her.

Jade kept in contact with Doctor Bowers. Being away from her therapy had been one of her fears, but the doctor had assured her that the trip would do her some good. They also arranged for Jade to have contacts she could speak to in Europe if she needed them. Jade would probably resume therapy once she was back in the U.S. And slowly taper down to quarterly check-ins. While she'd made a lot of progress, her condition was going to need to be monitored for the rest of her life.

After the events of her birthday, Tori added something to their relationship. It started as a question, "Would you like to try a dildo?" It was an understandable question. There was the whole trauma the various sexual assaults Jade had endured. But it went a bit deeper. There was a small number of women who didn't like or need penetration. Oral sex was said to be more satisfying. Tori was checking things out, making sure of Jade was okay with experimenting before changing things up. Also, it would change the dynamics just a touch. There was a psychological effect from the positions used in sex. Tori would be taking what is often called the dominant position.

Within a week, Tori had discreetly acquired a couple of "Toys". It took a lot of trust for Jade to allow Tori to use one on her, and Jade had to be facing her. No other images could be allowed in her mind. After a few tries, it became a part of their lovemaking. Tori liked the strapless strapons and similar devices that let her make love to Jade, look her in the eye, and be receiving pleasure as well. Tori learned, with Jade, it was about multiple orgasms. Get her off once, and she relaxes into the use of the toys. Tori was greatly enjoying the new dimension to their sex life. She loved that there was one place she could make Jade feel wonderful.

As August was coming to a close, and Jade was looking at a week before she had to go home, she was reminded about her deal with Tori. She'd almost forgot what she'd promised Tori. Luckily, Mason wouldn't let her. After her party, he made a point of staying in contact with her about the Alan Smithee Memorial film festival. He was sure it would launch her career as a filmmaker, even if she was still working on her masters. So while they were discussing the movie, as well as her writing some perspective scripts during her last year in school, she'd mentioned her living conditions back in Santa Clareta. From there, the conversation drifted until they talked about her deal, and she remembered that she was supposed to be looking for a ring to give to Tori.

Mason talked to her about her options, and she took two days off from the tour to run an errand. A quick train ride to Antwerp, Belgium and Jade was able to pick up a wedding set for Tori, and a matching set for herself. They were priced reasonably, and she was able to get further discounts by buying direct. It turns out, Mason knew a few people. The total cost was just over five thousand dollars, but it was a beautiful set, using black gold, with the center stone of each ring being black diamonds and blue diamonds for the smaller stones. It was breathtaking, and dark, which suited Jade far more than the bright rings so many people wore. Of course, she got really good stones.

By the time Jade got back, Tori was beside herself. Jade had told Tori she'd miss two shows, and she had to run an errand for Andre. The musician had no idea what Jade was doing, and told Tori as much. So when Jade came back with a large bag of Belgian coco, Tori was ready to kill.

"Come on Tori, you know how Andre likes his Belgian Coco. I had the chance to get him a nice supply at a discount." Jade smirked as she said it.

"You abandoned me over coco? Come on Jade, we have so little time left together. I wanted to spend every minute I can with you." Tori said, softening for just a moment. Then the anger returned. "I can't believe you took off for fucking coco?"

"It's good coco." Jade defended herself. 'Best to get this over with.' she thought 'Before she hurts somebody'. Jade spoke up, "Besides, I got you something.".

"Like that's going to make up for you just abandoning me. Why Jade, did you have to go see Belgium?" Tori said, sarcasm dripping from her voice, almost covering the hurt. Jade started to reach into her pocket. "Forget it. You can't just buy my forgiveness." Tori looked Jade in the eye, still seething.

"Okay, if you don't want the ring, I guess I could find a use for it." Jade said with an evil smirk. Tori's reaction wasn't what she expected.

"Ohhhhh no! You do not propose like that!" Tori half shouted. She started pacing, marking points on her fingers "I want a dinner, music, dancing, and then you propose. On your knees. And I'm still pissed." Tori said. Then she turned on her heels and walked away, mumbling something to herself, probably in Spanish.

Jade smirked, but complied. She had one day left to do it right. It was her last day on the tour, and it wasn't just about keeping her word. Jade really wanted to make Tori her wife, even if the singer could be just a little crazy at times. The summer together had helped her see a future with Tori, and it was time to claim her lover as her own. She planed a late night dinner for after the show, with food she cooked herself, music she'd previously recorded, and the ring. Jade even got down on one knee to ask. Tori was so sweet, smiling and enjoying the whole presentation in the privacy of their room. Then Tori gave Jade a hard stare and responded to the proposal.

"Jade, I love you, but if you want me to wear your ring, you're going to have to earn it." Tori said. Jade started to feel heartbroken, but didn't get the chance. "Give me your hand." Tori instructed. Jade put up her hand, and the wazzed off Latina dragged her to the bed and reminded her just how intense angry sex could be. The next morning, Jade found herself in a cab, on her way to the airport. She wasn't sure she could feel her legs, but Tori was wearing her ring. Tori had put it on that morning, and Jade had shown her the matching set she'd gotten for herself, the only other one like it. After a short time bemoaning her not having a truly unique ring, Tori forgave her for the cloned set. "It does mark you as MINE, so I'll forgive you."

Now that Jade was engaged she had a problem. She couldn't wear her ring, not yet. Tori's would be all over the news, and that was not how Jade was going to earn her fame. She was so close to achieving her dreams on her own. She looked on line for another solution.

On the flight back, she bought herself a cheep ring on line. It was good enough for her purposes, a simple engagement ring with a fake stone that would tell her class mates she as taken. Jade knew that the ring would only fend off the decent ones, but that's what a killer attitude and weapons were for. Jade smiled, knowing it would be justified if she used her scissors on any guy who ignored her ring.

Once back in the U.S., Jade quickly moved into her rented room and got started on the things she needed to do for the Alan Smithee Memorial Film Festival. It was a lot more work than she expected. Meetings, discussions, press junkets, Jade had to do a lot more than make sure her movie was presented in the best light. She'd snuck some time in while on tour to do some cleanup with her lap top, linked via secure satellite with the schools computer. Still, she had a lot of cleanup to do to make it crisp enough for the festival. It was partially sponsored by the Association of directors, so the pressure was on.

As the week came to an end, and the festival began, Jade found the outside forces taking up her time. It seemed like she couldn't get a moment to herself. She had trouble keeping in touch with Tori, partially due to the time differences, but also from the demands the festival put on her.

Jade found that she had a lot more duties than just hosting her movie. She was on discussion panels about several topics, helped judge at least one costume contest, and HAD to attend all the parties. She was one of the hot topics at the festival, so her attendance was almost mandatory. Everyone she met seemed to want to introduce her to several people, and they all wanted something from her. There were enough leches and perverts in positions of power that Jade had to hide as much as she could behind her ring. It had arrived within days of being ordered, and it was her shield against many of her would be suitors and paramours. Others, again, had to be fended off with words and subtle threats. Not that everyone who talked to her wanted her in their bed, most just wanted the business contact, the chance to make money off her skills or the opportunity to see who the buzz was about.

Mason was at these parties, and would bail her out when he could, but business always came first. He was trying to expand the soundtrack part of Neutronium records. He was meeting up with a lot of potential clients at the festival, as well as a lot of Hollywood's movers and shakers who found this festival convenient to squeeze into their schedule. But when he could break away, he was there to pull Jade away from the latest person informing her how she needed a friend like him. His excuse was he was protecting his investment, since Jade's movie starred one of his acts. And the excuse worked, at least partially, because it was true. It was well known that Tori Vega was his friend, an unusual occurrence with the acts he signed. But it explained protecting Jade.

Jade couldn't just skip the parties, even if she wasn't the talk of the festival. It was unlike so many other festivals in that the Alan Smithee Memorial Film Festival was about newcomers making contacts more than the films themselves. Just being accepted was a sign that those in the industry believed in your talent. The parties was where deals could be made. Every producer and director who had a film in the festival was at as many parties as they could attend, and business was constantly being discussed. More than one production team or director would have a deal coming out of the festival.

But the two weeks of parties, panels, contests and photo ops were taking a toll on her sanity. Jade wanted to share this with Tori, but her girlfriend was over in Europe finishing her tour. Jade again had trouble skyping or otherwise seeing Tori, and their phone conversations were becoming more spaced and shorter. The only way Jade saw Tori was in the press, a group who for now seemed to not notice the ring she was wearing, but rather how the songstress was looking incredible at some event or another. Looking at the image closer, Jade wasn't sure she was wearing the ring. It added to Jade's sense of distress.

Jade's new torture, it seemed, was being unable to speak to the one she loved. Jade couldn't share her ups and downs with Tori, nor could she be by Tori's side while the Latina faced the transition that came with the end of this leg of her tour. Torture, again far too strong a word, but it was how it felt to have finally found someone who loved her, who she could love, and who could look past all the damage Jade had endured, to her body, but more importantly to her soul. Tori saw those scars, the invisible evidence of what Jade had lived through, and still loved her. Jade was hurting because now, she was without any contact to her lover.

It was under those circumstances, with Jade missing Tori so much, that she was saved from another would be paramour by a man she knew of but had never met. Jade had been cornered at a party. The man talking to her, she didn't bother remembering his name, was telling her how she needed friends like him to look after her. It was ironic that the man was talking about protection from the sharks in Hollywood, while hinting that she should sleep with him to be introduced to the right people to fuck. That is, if she wanted to get ahead. She was debating what to hit this prick with when a voice cut into the conversation.

"Excuse me, but are you Jade West?" The man said. Jade looked at him. and saw this new man, her would be savior, was a Hispanic man in his late twenties to early thirties, about the same height as Beck, and was the one person everyone at the party was hoping to talk to. It was Zach Del Toro.

The other man looked over his shoulder at the newcomer, "Get lost, the lady..." that was when he realized who was talking.

"I'm Jade, and you are?" She played dumb. Zach had a reputation. He was self obsessed, egotistical, and ungodly talented. His production company, Kinky Bunny pictures, had released several films that topped one hundred million dollars. Then he had a string of flops, but for the most part, he made money. Jade was willing to talk to him, but kept her eyes open. He fancied himself a ladies man.

"Really? You don't know who I am? Really?" Zach seemed upset, and Jade could understand, but she wasn't going to make this easy for him. Jade's almost assailant slipped away during the conversation. He didn't like being ignored.

"Okay, I know who you are. It's just, no one seems to notice I'm engaged." Jade held up her hand, showing off the cheap ring. "You've got a rep, and half the girls here are throwing themselves at you, so I thought if I pretended not to know who you were, maybe we could skip to the introductions and avoid the come on. Besides, it makes me stand out more. We cool?" Jade said, trying to sound like this was a problem she dealt with all the time.

"We'll, I know I'm cool, even if my assistants are acting like idiots right now." He said while looking over to one corner of the room. The crowd was thick enough that Jade wasn't able to discern who was pissing him off. "Anyway, your bio says your about to start on your masters in film making. I was thinking, once your ready, maybe I could talk business with you. You've got talent. I'd like to help nourish that talent." He smiled.

"As long as it fits my schedule. I work to pay the rent, and I have social commitments as well. I'm not going to fetch coffee and hope some magic rubs off on me. Once I finish my masters, I'm making movies. I even have a couple of possible investors willing to wait for my first project. So if your willing to put up with my life, then lets talk business." Jade said.

"Jade, Jade, Jade. You misunderstand me. I can wait. I just want you to know that I'd like to work with you, help you develop you brand. We'll talk, as you go through school, and once you graduate, maybe I can find you a position where you can learn from me, at my side if you will." Zach said. "Oh, and tell me the truth. That's not just some cheapo engagement ring to ward off the creeps, is it?"

"I'm getting married, as soon as I graduate." Jade answered.

"And who are we talking to?" Mason said, coming to check in on Jade.

Introductions were made, and Zack knew who was thinking of backing Jade's movies. Still, Mason's involvement in Jade's career wasn't that big a deal. Not to Zach Del Toro. He was always looking for new resources, and thought Jade would be a good one. She'd make a lot of money for whomever used her talents. Zack knew Mason saw it, and that made it so much clearer for him. He was just upset that he wasn't able to find out anything about Tori Vega, his current musical crush. It didn't matter, either he'd meet the Latina another time, or move on to some other hottie.

Mason was also aware of the importance of Zach's attention. It meant his instincts were correct. Jade had the potential to be a major player in this town. Beyond his own strange desire to be friends with Jade, he was protecting his interests. Jade and Tori would make him a lot of money, and Mason Thornsmith liked money. Of course, it was hard for him to admit he admired how far Jade had come, and how much she had overcome. In a strange way, one he refused to admit to almost anyone, she was like the daughter he never wanted, but came to like anyways.

Mason and Zach sized each other up as they spoke. Zach would love to have Mason invest in one of his projects, but he didn't rake in the money like he used to. Mason knew Zach wanted Jade's talent, and didn't mind, as long as he was involved in her first movie. Both men came to the same conclusion. Jade was going to be the business that they both invested in, one way or another, and how the other man treated that investment was going to decide if they could work together in the future.

Heading into the last days of the festival, Jade was in another of the nearly endless events requiring her participation, when she was informed that her film had won a few awards. The big one was "Best new director.", but she was also nominated for best film, best director, and won best soundtrack. Mason was on hand to help her accept the last award. The others went to so called more deserving participants. People who'd been making films for a while, and who were being rewarded more for their total body of work then their current films.

After the film festival life went back to normal, or as normal as could be expected. The movie was scheduled for a limited release, taking some of the spaces originally reserved for another film that was being delayed for "editing". Jade knew that meant the test audiences hated it, so they were reformatting it for better reception. Regardless, Jade was told it would increase the video sales. That would mean money for her, and Mason could sell the soundtracks. Also, Tori could add the songs from the movie to her touring sets. It was a win for everyone, almost. Jade's love life took the hit.

The extra interest drew interview. Jade did hers already, but no one had talked to Tori. Jade had to email her girlfriend so they could agree on what they would say. She also included Robbie in the email exchange. For Jade, it was the only contact she was getting from Tori.

Between the end of the tour and the extra interviews for the movie, Tori's schedule had closed up. With the time difference, even their phone calls had been cut off. Jade felt far more alone than before. She missed Tori terribly. To make matters worse, the next planned visit was canceled due to commitments on both ends. Jade was used to working through her pain, but not to loving someone so much while not being able to talk to them was a new, self inflicting torment that hurt on levels Jade couldn't admit.

Jade's roommates, after only five weeks, were able to see how down the filmmaker was. They tried to cheer her up, but only once. Jade could be scary when she wanted to, and no one in the house was ready for the glare she sent them when they suggested she go out and "Meet a someone." Jade would later remind them she was engaged, once she calmed down, but now they were a little bit afraid of her.

Her normal set of friends and family were also unavailable. Cat was busy with her babysitting gig, and school was picking up. Andre was back, but school was taking up a lot of his time, and Trina was driving him crazy. Jade couldn't imagine how maddening it would be to be housemates with Trina. Beck was in New York, Max had football and other practices, she was loosing touch with the gang from THP Plus, and work wasn't helping like it should.

Jade had never had time on her hands before. School was harder for the content, but she couldn't overload on classes anymore. It was a set program. She'd gotten her old waitressing gig back at the restaurant, but they would only give her about twenty to thirty hours per week. The manager claimed it was so she'd have time for all her personal commitments, but the truth was he probably didn't need her. He was repaying her for the loyal service of the previous years. Also, she was willing to fill in wherever, and now that she was twenty one, she could fill in at the bar. But it was only twenty to twenty five hours per week at that time, so she had a lot more time on her hands than she was used to. Jade couldn't go out and Busk, she was just famous enough for that to draw unwanted attention, mostly from the press. Jade could make her way to one of the hundreds of 'working' parties full of Hollywood Movers and Shakers, but she'd had her fill for now. Besides, she was just using her scooter. Her car was parked in one of the open spaces at Tori's condo. Jade didn't feel like getting a ride to recover it, only to have to explain to security that it was her car.

Trina was a strange situation. Jade was having problems missing Tori, and didn't want to drag Tori's family into her misery. That included Trina, who was once again working for the Spanish language channel doing children's TV. Her goal was to be part of the creation of a beloved live action character and make money off personal appearances as well as the show. Jade could help, but Trina didn't want to burden the somewhat unstable goth. So instead of talking, the two avoided each other.

The whole situation around Jade and Tori seemed to be in limbo, waiting for the exhausted Latina to come home. September came to an end, and Jade felt anxiety creeping up inside her. Every instinct told her that something was wrong. Tori was probably innocent, but Jade was feeling hurt, and needed someone to blame. So, to protect everyone else, she blamed herself. By the time she got the call telling her Tori was back, she'd already unconsciously taken some of her frustration out on herself. Going back to old habits, she wore uncomfortable clothing, exercised during the colder hours, and otherwise made herself as uncomfortable as possible. To top it off, she gave herself a cold.

:}

Hope you've all googled the appropriate stuff so you see how clever I've been. Or how lazy. Either works. Enjoy the chapter, and let me know if you see any spelling errors. They've been slipping by me.

The Alan Smithee Film Festival doesn't exist, except in my mind and this story. Lots of imaginary people in Hollywood got their start there.