A/N: Okay, so I typed this through a two-day bout of writer's block and I'm hoping it's stayed pretty much in character D: There'll be more action next chapter as they finally (finally!) reach their destination. Now, to business:

Ms. Unusual-in-Groovy-Ways, I'm happy, then! Thanks a lot!

Bramblerose4, Thanks as always, and your review was amazing! Glad I can make you happy, cos it's easier for me to respond to reviews here than it is to use the 'reply' function because I'm usually on my iPod and it's difficult XD ...um, Raven totally knows what's going on; she definitely knows more than Charles does, lol! ...and yes, I took your advice for separating the dialogue and I'm glad it helped, I much prefer how it reads as well C:

Aaaaalright, chapter 21!

~LoverBoyWonder

Inside Charles' room, the curtains covering the porthole were pulled back, and the view of raw space was laid bare for anyone who cared to look. The lights were dimmed, mimicking evening, and all that could be heard within the room was the soft rumble of voices, ebbing and flowing like tidal patterns: "…and I'm sorry, Charles. You know how hard it is for me-" "My friend-" "I'm sorry, Charles, I'm so sorry."

Charles stole little glances at Erik from his position next to the pilot; they were sitting beside each other on the bed, and Erik managed to look both impatient and apologetic at the same time. Finally Charles spoke. "Thank you, my friend. You must forgive me as well, for- being so impolite-"

Erik shook his head. "Charles, I deserved it," he spoke wryly.

Charles snapped, adamantly, "No. You have no idea, Erik. After you left, I thought I…well, I felt…"

"Lost," Erik completed softly.

"Yes," Charles stated simply.

"Charles…" Erik took a deep breath, struggling with his thoughts, and Charles remained silent, giving the pilot the opportunity to speak. Finally Erik seemed to give up, hunching over a bit more, staring intently at his fists, which were clenched and resting on the soft bedclothes. "Well…it's nothing, really," he muttered, so quietly Charles could barely hear it.

"Erik, if you have something to say…" Charles hesitated. "I would like to hear it," he finished, gently brushing the pilot's shoulder with a slightly-shaking hand.

Erik stood abruptly, and Charles nearly fell back onto the bed, but Erik paid no attention and stepped over to the window to look out at the stars.

"I wanted to travel," Erik said, turning back to look at the captain, sprawled on the bed, brow furrowed in slight confusion. "I always told myself that I would after…after everything," the pilot elaborated, "I wanted to go everywhere, because there was nothing to hold me in one place. But now, Charles…"

Charles' breaths came quickly and his heart was suddenly pounding. He rose, barely aware of any of his surroundings other than Erik, and took his place by the other man in front of the small window.

Erik sighed in frustration, turning to Charles. "I don't know how to do this," he murmured, "Charles…"

Charles turned towards the other man as well; his heart was positively jumping and was somewhere in the region of his voicebox.

"E- Erik-" Charles squeaked out.

Erik reached out, trailing the back of his hand along the line of Charles' smooth jaw, and the captain's eyes fluttered closed as a tiny breath escaped his lips.

Erik hummed, and leaned in closer. Charles followed suit without even thinking. His eyes were wide open but then Erik kissed him, all lips and teeth and tongue and pent-up emotions, and his open eyes slid shut. Charles tried to pull away, then; but Erik tilted his head and deepened the kiss, unwilling to let Charles go. Eventually, though, the pilot needed air and he pulled away, his breaths coming in jagged little pants that mimicked those Charles was releasing. Charles' lips were red and swollen, and Erik could only think about how much he wanted to kiss them again; how much he wanted to run his tongue over them and taste Charles.

Charles trembled, torn between the wantwantwant that was exuded from Erik like pheromones and the feeling of wrongness that stemmed from everything he had ever learned from his professors and teachers at school. Erik took a step forward and bent down to kiss the captain again, but Charles backed up until his heels struck the wall of his room and the window frame was digging into his back.

"Erik," he pleaded.

"Don't you want this?" Erik asked, his voice low and sensual.

"No! Yes," Charles shook his head frantically before letting it flop forward as he closed his eyes against the hot tears pricking at his eyelashes. "I don't know," he said plaintively, and Erik's mind cleared enough so that he could consider Charles' words.

"I thought you were sure," the pilot accused the captain quietly, his voice going from aroused to hollow more quickly than Charles thought possible. "I thought that's why-"

"So did I," Charles said miserably.

Erik straightened, and the disappointment in his eyes was almost more than Charles could handle.

"I thought you wanted me," Erik said, and Charles' heart abruptly fell, dropping from his throat straight through the thick metal floor of the ship and plummeting down through space, burning up suddenly in the atmosphere of a planet below.

"Erik," Charles whispered.

"I'll take the shuttle," Erik said and turned away from the captain.

"No! Erik, no!" Charles fell to his knees helplessly, and "I don't know what I want" was his confession to the pilot.

Erik studied him for a long moment. "Why?" he asked, and his tone was almost one of pity for the man that the pilot had thought possessed everything.

Charles looked up at Erik, voice breaking. "I was taught always that this was- that this was wrong," he stated , "but Erik- I just- I just don't know."

Erik knelt down and reached out cautiously, lest Charles flinch away a second time. Charles didn't, to his satisfaction; instead he leaned into Erik's embrace and allowed the pilot to hold him and rub his back in gentle circles, whispering "Shhh. Shhh, Charles, it's okay. It's okay," as he sniffled into Erik' shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Charles turned his head and spoke into Erik's neck, the words themselves full of shame; Erik sensing rather than seeing the blush that heated the other man's face.

"It's alright, Charles," Erik said, and surprisingly, he found that it was; he would be willing to work through almost anything, for Charles.

"I- Erik." Charles sucked in a breath, tasting the pilot's name on his tongue."Erik, I…I love you."

Erik said nothing, but he squeezed Charles just that little bit tighter and nuzzled the captain's soft hair with his cheek.

"I really do," Charles promised in a whisper, "but I'm not sure if I- if I can…"

"It doesn't matter," Erik said roughly, "I don't care."

Charles burrowed his face further into Erik's neck.

"Let's get you to bed, captain," Erik said gently, "We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow." He picked Charles up and placed him ever-so-lightly on the bed, but when he turned to go, Charles' hand reached out, unsure, and grasped his wrist.

"Stay," Charles said quietly.

Erik complied, slipping his shoes off, pulling off his jacket to drape it over a chair before joining Charles in the bed, wrapping his body around the smaller man protectively and allowing Charles to curl into his chest, like a small child.

Charles sighed in contentment. He leaned up and hesitated, but then gave a small kiss to the underside of the pilot's jaw before pillowing his head on Erik's chest and letting his eyes close. Charles fell asleep not long after, and Erik watched his eyelids flutter, counting his eyelashes; stroked his hair, gently, as if afraid to shatter him.

Once the pilot was sure that Charles was deep in the clutches of sleep, he kissed Charles' head and whispered "I love you, Charles."

Only then did Erik allow his own eyes to close, and he gave his body over to a sleep full of starry dreams all his own.