Author: Raven Shadowrose

Title: To Catch a Falling Star

Rating: M

Pairing: Dixie/Hannah, Jeff/Emilie, ?/?

Summary: A sequel to The Ties That Bind. What will happen to the Holby paramedics and their partners when a traumatic event tests the bonds of their relationships and friendships?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Casualty, any dialogue from the show belongs to the writers and I claim no ownership. All original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for them to be used.

A/N: There will be some chapters in this story that may upset some people, a warning will be placed at the start of each chapter that contains sensitive/upsetting material. Reviews are welcome :)

Thank you to BeethovenRIP (especially for being there to bounce ideas off and for listening to me rambling on), DixieandJeff forever, sarah4steve and Sparkles and Rainbows for your lovely reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter, more squish for you all :)

Chapter Twenty-One.

The sound of running water came from the bathroom, it let Emilie know that Jeff was still using the shower, she had taken the opportunity to pack some of her things for the weekend away that she had planned for herself and Jeff. She wanted to have some time alone with him, his last session of counselling was coming up, and Emilie knew that there was every chance that Ben would send Jeff back to work. Emilie knew that she would have to return to work soon too, she wanted to spend some time with Jeff before that happened. Dixie had helped Emilie to pick a beautiful cottage just outside of Holby, it was far enough away that it would be just the two of them, without any interruptions or distractions. Emilie had booked the cottage when Jeff was at his counselling session, she had talked to Ben about it first and he had agreed that it would be a good idea. Taking Jeff away for a few days would enable him to get away from it all, it would lower his stress levels and give him a chance to relax. Dixie and Hannah had picked up Little Abs not long ago, they would look after him for the weekend. Cyd and Polly had agreed that it was a good idea to take Jeff away, they had come up with some suggestions of where to take him. They had also helped Emilie come up with a list of activities for the weekend. Emilie was grateful to all of the people that had helped her to find the courage to do all of this as a surprise for Jeff. She was pleased to have the support of the people that loved Jeff, they had all helped her when she needed them to. She wasn't sure how Jeff would react to the knowledge that he would be going somewhere that didn't have a television or internet access. It was important to Emilie that this weekend was free from distractions, that she got to spend some time with Jeff and get close to him again. She hoped that Jeff would talk about anything that was worrying him too, going back to work would be a big challenge for Jeff. Emilie knew that Dixie would look after him, that she wouldn't push him to do too much. She hoped that Jeff would be all right, he loved his job, he loved helping people. She was hoping with everything that she had that Jeff would be able to be a paramedic once again.

Emilie hoped that the weekend would give her a chance to work on the relationship that she had with Jeff. It had been a long time since they'd made love to each other, she wanted to feel his arms around her, she wanted to feel him kissing her and touching her. She had wanted to feel him inside her and making love to her for quite some time, she had kept those thoughts and feelings to herself though. Emilie missed the close contact that she used to have with Jeff, she hoped that he felt the same, she hoped that he didn't think that she was pushing him into anything. She didn't want to make Jeff think that he had to do anything before he was ready, it was why she had kept her feelings to herself. She wanted to put Jeff first, her own needs and desires could wait, it was important to her that Jeff was totally better before they made love to each other again. If he wasn't ready then she would wait until he was, she wouldn't force him into anything. Emilie had promised that she would look after Jeff, he needed her to support him, she had promised to be there for him. She had contented herself with cuddling up to Jeff, he needed her to be his rock, she wouldn't let him down. She knew that the last thing he needed was the extra pressure of knowing how she felt about their physical relationship. Emilie decided that she would see how the weekend went, she would let Jeff make the decision about if they should try to make love or not. She vowed that she would accept Jeff's decision and support him in it.

Jeff turned the shower off, he wrapped a towel around his waist and he went into the bedroom. Emilie was sat on the bed, he noticed that there was a bag at her feet, he felt his heart skip a beat, why did she have a bag packed? 'Emilie,' he said, he wasn't sure what else to say to her, he was worried that she was leaving him. 'Don't panic, I can see it in your eyes that you're worried. It's okay my love. I have booked us a little cottage for the weekend, no distractions, no people, just the two of us. Dixie and Hannah are looking after Little Abs for us when we are away, we can go when we're ready. I just wanted to do something nice for you.'

'I thought that you were going to...' Jeff trailed off, he couldn't say the words.

'Never, come here love.' Emilie held out her arms to Jeff.

'But I'm all wet from the shower.'

'It doesn't matter, come here love.' Jeff let Emilie hold him, he still worried that she would get fed up and leave him from time to time.

'Emilie, don't leave me princess.'

'I won't, I love you, my knight.' Jeff's heartbeat calmed as Emilie held him, he felt reassured that she wasn't going to leave him. 'I'm sorry if I scared you, I meant to move the bag and then I started thinking and I lost track of time. Get dressed and then pack some things for the weekend, the only way I'm going anywhere is if you come with me.'

'All right, I will.' Jeff moved out of Emilie's arms and he quickly dried himself off and then he got dressed, he was relieved that Emilie wasn't leaving him. 'I'll put some breakfast on for us, come and join me when you're done.'

'All right princess.' Jeff felt a kiss on his cheek, Emilie left the room and he turned his attention to packing for the weekend away that Emilie had planned for them.

The idea of going away for the weekend with Emilie made Jeff happy, he was surprised that she had been able to organise the whole thing without him finding out about it. He put some of his clothes and things into a bag. Jeff checked that he had the essentials and he closed the bag, he sat down on the bed. He wasn't sure what Emilie wanted from this weekend, did she want to start making love again? There were times when Jeff thought about making love to Emilie, he wasn't sure if he deserved her in that way. He felt as if he had a lot of making up to do before he was worthy of touching Emilie. Jeff took a deep breath, would Emilie leave if he didn't make love to her soon? There was a lot that he wanted to talk to Emilie about, he wondered if he should write it all down so that he didn't forget anything. He felt stupid, the sight of one bag had scared him, it had made him think that Emilie was leaving. The memories of the horrible things that had been said during the bad times all came back to Jeff. All of the things that had been said had come from him, not once had Emilie retaliated with any hurtful words of her own. There were times when he wished that she had said something to him, that she had given him the retaliation that he had deserved. Emilie wasn't the type of person to hit someone or say mean things just to make someone suffer, he knew it. Jeff knew that he was lucky that Emilie still loved him, that she still cared for him, anyone else would have given up a long time ago. There were times when he wondered if Emilie had ever thought of giving up and leaving him, he was too afraid to ask her the question though. He stood up and left the bedroom, he could smell bacon cooking and it was making him feel hungry.

While Jeff was packing, Emilie put some eggs into a pan for herself and some bacon on the grill for Jeff, she started the coffee and then sat down at the table. She wished that she hadn't started daydreaming, that she had moved her bag before Jeff had been able to see it. Emilie sighed, she hadn't meant to scare him, she knew that he was still feeling vulnerable from time to time. The worries in Jeff's mind were real, she knew that he was afraid of her leaving him. She wasn't really sure what she was planning for this weekend, she didn't want to push Jeff into anything that he wasn't ready for. Emilie wasn't sure what Jeff would think of the fact that she had been hiding things from him. She didn't want him to think that she was deliberately keeping things from him or that she didn't trust him. Getting the breakfast ready distracted Emilie from her thoughts for a little while, she put Jeff's bacon on a muffin and her eggs on a plate with some toast. Jeff came in and he sat at the table, she smiled at him and put the muffin in front of him with a mug of coffee. 'There you go, just how you like it, it has just come off the grill.'

'Cheers princess.' Emilie watched Jeff eat as she ate her own breakfast, she could tell that he was enjoying his food. She liked cooking for Jeff and making sure that he ate properly. It pleased Emilie to see that Jeff was eating, she wanted to look after him and care for him.

After breakfast Jeff and Emilie did the washing up together and they checked the house to make sure that everything had been switched off that needed to be. They checked that they had everything they needed for their weekend away, they put the alarm on the house and locked the doors. Jeff put the bags in the boot of the car, he opened the door for Emilie and then he got in the car himself. 'Emilie, where are we going?'

'I've put the postcode in the satnav, you just have to follow the directions.'

'Okay, I just hope that it isn't going to get us lost again.'

'Jeff, if you follow the directions and don't try to take any short cuts then you will be fine.'

'It was a good short cut, it is the stupid machine, it doesn't understand that I know best.'

'Of course you know best love.'

'You don't sound too convinced.' Jeff heard Emilie chuckle and he looked at her. 'Are you laughing at me? I have local knowledge that this thing doesn't.'

'Come on Jeff, let's show the machine that you know best.' Jeff started the car and he drove onto the road, he was determined to show the satnav that he could make it to the cottage without any drama. Emilie smiled to herself, Jeff was always determined to outdo the satnav and prove that he knew best. She decided that she would humour Jeff, watching him argue with the satnav always made her smile. It was at times like this that she saw the man she loved coming through once more.

The journey to the cottage didn't take Emilie and Jeff long, there were moments when Jeff would mutter something that sounded like a curse at the satnav. Emilie spent a lot of the journey looking out of the window as the city disappeared and the countryside slowly took its place. There was a part of Emilie that was happy when she was surrounded by fields and trees. The peace of the countryside was just what she needed to rest and recover after the emotional challenges of the weeks that had passed. She hoped that Jeff would find some peace and some rest here. The tall trees met in the middle and they blocked out most of the light, some of the sunlight came through the trees here and there. Emilie looked around curiously as the cottage appeared at the end of the long road. The small garden in front of the cottage was beginning to show the signs of spring flowers; there were violets, crocuses, snowdrops, and daffodils all growing and giving the surroundings colour. The sight of the flowers made Emilie smile, she was glad that she had booked this cottage, it was beautiful. Emilie couldn't wait to go inside the cottage and have a good look around, she wanted to see everything that it had to offer. She really hoped that Jeff would like spending time here with her, she hoped that he would get something from it.

Emilie and Jeff picked up the key from the owner, they let themselves into the cottage and they shut the door behind them. The cottage felt warm and welcoming; the large sofa was covered in comfortable throws, there were thick curtains up at the windows too. The lights around the room would cast a soft glow once the curtains were closed. 'Jeff, what do you think?'

'It looks really nice, I have noticed that there isn't a television here though.'

'I know, I thought that we could use this chance to talk to each other.'

'Just to talk?'

'I don't know, I think that we should start with talking and then see where we end up.'

'Okay, I know that I have some things that I would like to say, that I need to say.'

'I will listen to you. I am going to put the milk and things away, we can have a look around after that if you like.'

'I'd like that.' Emilie smiled and she picked up the bag that had the staple items in it that would be needed to keep them going for the weekend. She took everything into the kitchen and she put everything in its rightful place. Emilie put the potatoes into the oven and she set the timer so that she knew when they would be done. She was just going to do something simple for this evening, she didn't want to make things too difficult. Spending some time with Jeff was her main goal for the night, she wanted to try and talk to him.

While the potatoes were cooking Emilie and Jeff went upstairs to explore the rest of the cottage. There were a few doors that led off the main hall, one of them was the bathroom. Emilie pushed the door open and she noticed that there was a hot tub in the middle of the room. 'Have you ever been in a hot tub before Jeff?'

'Only the once, it was a long time ago though. Have you?'

'By myself, I'd quite like to share this one with you.'

'I'd like that too.' Emilie smiled at Jeff and she walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom that was on the other side of the hall. She wanted to know what the bedroom looked like, she hoped that it would provide some refuge from the world for both herself and Jeff.

The bedroom filled Emilie with a sense of awe, the pictures on the website hadn't done it justice. There was a large bed in the middle, it had plenty of comfortable cushions and quilts on it. 'Now that looks like a very inviting bed, I can't wait to try it out later on.'

'It does look very comfortable,' Jeff said.

'I am glad that I picked this place, with Dixie's help anyway.'

'Dixie helped you?'

'She did.'

'Now I know why she gave me her knowing look when we saw her the other day.'

'She just wants you to be happy, Dixie has been brilliant, you are lucky to have a friend like her.'

'I am, I can't imagine my life without her in it.'

'You won't have to, I know that Dixie feels the same way that you do.' Emilie went over to the window, she looked out into the garden and she noticed that there was a small seat under the trees. It looked like it would be a good place to sit and look at the stars. She made a little note to take Jeff outside so that they could sit together for a little while after they had eaten.

The evening meal passed quietly for Jeff and Emilie, they ate their jacket potatoes with some salad and the tuna mix that Emilie had put together. After the meal Emilie put some hot chocolate onto the stove and she poured it into the mugs that she had prepared. She put a few marshmallows into each mug and then she gave Jeff one of them. 'Get the throws off the sofa and come with me.'

'Where are we going?' Jeff asked curiously.

'You'll see.' Emilie went outside and she arranged the throws on the seat under the trees so that herself and Jeff would be warm enough.

'What are we doing?'

'We're spending some time together, that's all. Come and sit with me.' Jeff joined Emilie on the seat, they wrapped themselves up in the throws and they cuddled up to each other. A few minutes of silence passed and Emilie stroked her fingers over the chain that hung around Jeff's neck. 'Emilie, why do you do that?'

'Do what?'

'Play with my chain.'

'I like doing it, I can stop if you want me to.'

'No, I like you doing it too.' Emilie smiled and she drank some of her chocolate, she looked up at the stars that had appeared in the sky, she could see them all as it was so dark.

Jeff watched Emilie, she was looking up at the stars in the sky, she looked peaceful. 'Emilie, what are you thinking?'

'I used to wish upon stars when I was a child, I carried on when I was a teenager, I used to do it when I became an adult from time to time as well.'

'What did you wish for?'

'To be happy, to meet someone that I could fall in love with. When my last relationship ended I wished for the stars to take my pain away, for them to heal my heart. I wished again for someone that I could fall in love with, for someone that would love me back. I think the stars sent you to me.'

'Do you think so?'

'I do. If you could wish on the stars for anything, what would you wish for?'

'I think I would wish for the chance to take back all of the hurtful words that I said to you. I wish that I could change everything that happened, all of the times that I scared you, that I pushed you away from me. I was just trying to protect you, I thought that if I wasn't near you then I wouldn't be able to hurt you.' Jeff took a deep breath, he needed a moment to gather his thoughts.

'It's okay, go on.'

'During every extra shift I took, I wanted to be near you, I missed you.'

'I missed you too.'

'I'm sorry for all of the times that I made you cry. I wish that I could take them back, I wish that I could change everything that happened.'

'It's okay.'

'It's not, I love you and yet I hurt you, how is that right?' Jeff sighed, now that he had started talking he wasn't sure how to stop.

Emilie was pleased that Jeff was talking to her, it was why she had brought him to the cottage after all, she wanted to help him. 'All of these things are in the past, we can choose to start again or we can hold on to the past.'

'All of the times that I said things to you, you didn't retaliate with anything hurtful, why?'

'Would it make you feel better if I had said something nasty to you?'

'Maybe.'

'You were going through a bad enough time, I wasn't going to make it worse for you.'

'Emilie, I don't feel worthy of you, I don't feel worthy of touching you, of making love to you.'

'How long have you felt like this?'

'A long time.'

'Jeff, you are a good man, you just lost your way. Something terrible happened to you, you saw Polly shot right in front of you.'

'That is no excuse for the way that I treated you.'

'Do you want to beat yourself up about this Jeff?'

'Don't I deserve it?'

'Do you know what I wish for right now?'

'No, I don't.' Emilie looked up at the stars, she looked as if she was picking one out.

'I wish for the man I love to stop punishing himself for the things that happened in the past.' Jeff looked down at Emilie, he didn't know what to say to what he had just heard.

A few minutes passed and Emilie looked up into Jeff's eyes, she caressed his face and she gently kissed his lips. 'I don't want you to keep beating yourself up over what happened. I know that you feel guilty over what you said and did. I know that is why we haven't made love for a while.'

'I need time, I'm not ready.'

'It's okay Jeff, our relationship is based on more than sex. When the time is right we will make love to each other again. I will wait until you are ready.'

'You're not disappointed?'

'No, I love you, that is all I need to know.'

'I love you too princess.'

'We have to focus on the future, if we keep looking to the past then nothing will change.'

'Focus on the future, how?'

'We have a wedding to set a date for, we've been engaged for over a year, I think it is time to set a date for our wedding. We will have to give notice of our wedding to the registrar at Holby.'

'I know, they will need ten weeks notice of our wedding. When should we do this?'

'I was thinking June, that gives us over three months to get everything ready.'

'Okay, a summer wedding, will your dress be ready in time?'

'I think that it will be.'

'Good, I bet you will look beautiful in it.'

'We have a lot of work to do.'

'I know, we have friends that will help us though.'

'We do.' Emilie cuddled herself close to Jeff, she was happy that they had cleared the air a little bit. She was pleased that they had roughly planned a date for the wedding, it was happening, she would be able to marry the man that she was in love with.

Jeff wrapped his arms around Emilie, he kissed her head as he held her close. He looked down at Emilie, he knew that he was lucky to have her. 'Princess, are you sure that you don't mind that I am not ready for us to get back into making love?'

'I am sure, you mean everything to me Jeff, I want you to be ready before we do anything.'

'So us making love wasn't the reason that you brought me here?'

'No, I just want to be with you. We need some time together, just us, to work on things.'

'Okay, what are we going to do?'

'Personally I would like to cuddle up in that big bed with you. We can share the hot tub and go for a walk in the surrounding area, we can do anything that we want to.'

'Sounds good to me princess.'

'For now, we can just look at the stars together.' Jeff rested his head against Emilie's, he vowed to protect her and love her for all of the days that they were together. He watched her as her fingers moved over his chain and she looked up at the stars. Jeff kissed Emilie's head again and he thought about the upcoming wedding, this time he was going to do it right. He promised himself that he would be faithful to Emilie, he would treat her as she deserved to be treated.