AN: Hellooo guys! Short, jumpy chapter with lots of dialogue ahead. It's jumpy because there were lots of little tidbits I needed to cover, and as well I wanted to kind of mirror how hectic Brittany is feeling with all this stuff- like everything is moving too fast. As always, enjoy! :)
4.
"Alright, what is it?" She asked aloud, seeing the Sam and Kurt sitting in the choir room chairs. The memory of Sam in the bathroom flooded through her mind, causing her curse of blushing to pop up once again- but she tried desperately to push away the thought.
"I'll leave you two," Kurt said with a smirk, excusing himself from the room.
"Whoa! Hey, Kurt, hold up," She grabbed Kurt's jacket lightly, "What's going on?" She whispered, "I thought you said it was a meeting with all of us?"
The boy just carefully removed her hand from his jean jacket before leaving the room. Brittany swallowed dryly; something seemed very suspicious about this, and it had her agitated.
She turned to Sam, hoping for an explanation. The blonde boy stood, smiling sideways- nervously- by the looksof things.
"Hi," Sam greeted, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
"Hi?" Brittany answered unsurely. By his demeanour, and Kurt's fishy attitude- she had a feeling what was going on here. And that stressed her out; she could hear her heart beating rapidly against her ribs, and her palms begin to get clammy.
"So, I don't know how to do this; so I'm just going to say it; do you want to be my girlfriend? I really, really like you- I've liked you for a long time, but I've always been too shy to say it..."
Please, dear God- why does this have to be happening now? Why now with all the stuff with Santana? I like her so much- but I can't say no to Sam! That'll crush him! Look at him- look at how nervous he is! It would be cruel to say no! But... Santana...
"Britt? Can you say something, please?" He pleaded, his smile fading.
He knows I'm rejecting him!
"J-Jasmine! What about Jasmine?" It was the only thing she could think of as a stall.
The blonde boy shrugged, "I dunno... I dated her for a while- and even though she was kind of a bitch sometimes, I liked her... but I couldn't like her, you know? We haven't been dating for a while..." He twisted his lips.
"Oh..." You better act fast! You'll kill him if you say no! "Ok. Yeah- yeah, of course I'll be your girlfriend, Sam!" The fake smile she plastered on her face physically made her feel disgusting.
Now what? I'm not going to be very happy with him! I like being his friend. Only his friend...
But Sam radiated happiness, "Really?"
"Yeah! Of course!"
And before she knew what was happening, the boy pulled her in for a gigantic hug with such an excited force that her glasses nearly flew off her nose. She hugged back with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.
3
Is there a way I can back out of this without hurting his feelings? Brittany wondered while in Spanish class, absently reading over the pages Mr. Schue had assigned the class (though she wasn't paying attention at all). Could we maybe just date a few days? Could I back out after a week or so? Is it still too soon? Do I need to wait two weeks before it would be acceptable to breakup?
"Pierce! ¿Hola, es cualquier persona casero?" A sharp voice snapped at her in a whisper.
"Huh?" Brittany jumped in her seat to see Santana staring at her, one eyebrow raised.
"Someone's out of it," The Latina teased dryly.
She just stared at Santana pointedly, "What is it?" She mumbled.
The other girl's expression changed, and she looked over her shoulders quickly, as though to check no one was watching them; "Could I stay at your place again tonight?"
Brittany blinked, "I would have to ask my mom..." And make sure Sam didn't want to hangout today...
"Thanks, I didn't plan on asking you today- but Fabitch is still pissed at me."
"Don't worry about it," She dismissed, before realizing, "Oh! Wait; I have Comic Book Club today..."
The girl rolled her eyes, "I can wait. I'll just walk down the the Lima Bean or something."
"Are you sure? You could just go to Puck's or something- I don't want you to have to wait. Especially if we don't ever do anything in Comic Book Club."
"If you don't do anything why don't you just skip it?" Santana asked quizzically. Sighing, Brittany answered, "Because; I can't just skip out on my friends."
"If they're really good friends; they won't hold you skipping once against you." The other girl smiled devilishly; she was encouraging Brittany to skip for her in any way she could. And she was cracking.
I can't skip right when I've started dating Sam- he'll take it personally! But I can lie... I guess I could lie... Say I have to babysit Joel- it's happened before. Just don't mention Santana; I can do that... That way I could also get out of hanging out with Sam if he wants to...
"Fine," She muttered, breaking her hypnotic gaze into Santana's deep amber eyes, "Fine- I'll skip; but just this once, ok?"
Smirking triumphantly, Santana said, "Understood."
2.
"Sorry Sam- can't. Not today." Brittany exaggerated her pout, "I have to babysit Joel." The two of them were walking to last block together, and she was explaining why she couldn't go to the bowling alley with him later tonight.
"I could help!" He piped up, before Brittany shot him down again;
"I really wish you could- I swear. But my mom was already in a bad mood this morning and made it clear to me that absolutely no one else can come over to the house today. I think she's hitting menopause, and I don't want to mess with that wrath."
The blonde boy frowned unhappily, "Alright," He sighed, "But what about tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow- promise!"
Grinning again, Sam pulled her in and- kissed her.
Shocked, Brittany stood there while her gave her a quick peck on the lips. It was the first kiss a boy had ever given her- and it was so unexpected. She wasn't ready for that. It was so fast, and she was so stunned that she barely even paid any attention to it; she wasn't entirely sure what it felt like.
But she did know it was rougher than Santana's lips. He wasn't as gentle; though he was being very considerate of what he was doing, Brittany knew it.
It just wasn't the same.
"See you later!" Sam exclaimed, already hastily making his way to his own class (He had been courteous enough to walk Brittany to hers).
"B-"
"Well, well! Has Guppy Boy found a girlfriend?" Puck examined coolly, sauntering up behind Sam, "Beard- I'd say, we all know she digs chicks, man. Unless you've got a vagina in those jeans?" Laughing at his own cruelty, the other boy tossed a grape slushy at the back of Sam's head, and brushed on past as if nothing had happened.
1
~~~~
All of last block, Brittany couldn't stop worrying about Sam; and then stressing about how she didn't really want to be dating Sam, mixed with the weight of purposely skipping Comic Book Club and then lying about it hovering over her head like an annoying wasp.
When the bell rung again, signalling the end of class, she packed up her things quickly, and left for her locker, head down. The last thing she needed was a slushy right now.
Swinging her backpack over her shoulder, Brittany left for the closest door. God, she could use a long, long nap. And some ice cream. And a bubble bath.
The drizzle outside hadn't let up, so she flicked up her hood and walked against the rain; yes, Brittany was entirely aware that she told Santana she could crash at her place. But Santana knew where she lived, and Brittany didn't feel like waiting; hiding some more, stressing some more. Why couldn't things be simple? Why did people have to lie, because other people wouldn't be happy about the truth? Why can't everybody just be open-minded, and not bother with anyone else's buisness? Things would just be so much easier if she could walk, her hand in Santana's- and have nobody care, or even turn their heads! If things could be like that... Santana wouldn't have to lie, and there would be no stress- and they'd probably be dating already, so she wouldn't have to date Sam!
All Brittany wanted to do was scream at the top of her lungs; maybe it was just a bad day- maybe she's PMSing, but it felt like way too much. And once again, she couldn't help but link it to the fact that all this... internal chaos, started when Santana decided to walk into her life. Decided to trust her.
And the most frustrating part; she didn't want to do anything to potentially lose her.
"Hey! Pierce!" Someone shouted from behind her, she kept walking.
"Pierce! What're you doing?" Santana huffed, stopping her jog into a walk as she fell into step beside her, hair damp from the rain, and an irrational goofy smile on her face. That made Brittany want to grin like an idiot back- and, it still continued to make her angrier at herself.
"You didn't wait for me?" The Latina inquired, her own voice gave away no anger; only curiosity.
"I feel a little sick," She mumbled back, "Headache. I just want to get home."
"Ahh. Is it your time of the month?" The girl teased, bumping her lightly with her shoulder.
"No," Brittany replied tightly, "Just a little stressed out, thank you very much."
"Has dating Trouty Mouth already tensed you up that much?"
"Don't call him that!" Brittany snapped, turning the corner onto her street, "And how did you know we were dating?"
Santana, who looked completely unfazed by her outburst went on non-chalantly, "I saw you two getting all cuddly at long break; I just assumed. And apparently, my Psychic Mexican Third Eye never lies." She tapped her forehead to emphasize.
Ignoring the other girls remark- mostly because she wasn't sure how to answer- Brittany fished out the key to the front door from the outdoor cabinet that held the garden supplies. After opening the door, Brittany opened it for Santana and tossed the key back into the cabinet.
"Will you need to borrow clothes?" She asked half-heartedly as she undid her shoelaces.
"Yes, ma'am. Where are your parents?"
"Working. Joel... I dunno, he's somewhere. Either at soccer practice or his friends house; but he's usually not here on Monday's."
Santana nodded, gazing around the house like it was the first time she's ever been here, "I need to talk to you about something,"
"Shoot," Brittany mumbled, starting up the stairs with her backpack.
"Well... in a while, once... Once I slowly start to slip away from... them, are you sure I could stay here? And Marie? Just until graduation."
"Well, I haven't talked to my mom about it," She tossed the backpack onto her bed, and rubbed her temples; willing for her pounding in her head to disappear, "But... I'm sure with enough careful wordplay and cautious phrasing my mom would crack."
Santana twisted her lips, sitting down on her bed.
"Look, I'm going to go grab a Tylenol, and then take a quick shower. You can look in my pyjama drawer for clothes."
"Got it."
Brittany made her way down to the kitchen; opening up the cupboard above the sink and grabbing out the Tylenol, and pouring herself a glass of water to wash it down.
She didn't bother going back up to the bathroom attached to her room; she just used the downstairs one.
It was hard not to focus on the problems at hand, no matter how hard she tried; it just consumed her full mindset. If it wasn't her guilt with Sam she was thinking about; it was skipping Comic Book Club. If it wasn't that; it was how much she just wished she could be with Santana. Or Santana's past.
Before, she'd only have to worry about slushy attacks and her future. Now those were the least of her concerns.
After rinsing out her conditioner, she turned off the shower and dried herself in a towel. Wrapping it around herself, Brittany made her way back upstairs, to find Santana sprawled out across her bed, consumed by something on her phone.
"Feeling better?" The girl asked without glancing at her.
"A little." Not really.
"Still stressing about something mostly irrelevant?"
"Yes." Brittany closed the bathroom door and got changed, afterwards she joined Santana on the bed; grabbing her own phone. She had a text from Artie;
Where r u?
It took a lot not to groan; why can't they just leave me alone?
Had to babysit.
"And the stress continues," Santana observed lightly, "What is it? The nerd herd badgering you about where you are?"
"Yes!" A lump formed in her throat; she wasn't sure if it was from anger, or having someone ask what was wrong- and know exactly what was wrong, "That Tylenol didn't work at all! And it was extra strength!"
She glanced over at Santana, who was looking right back- and very calmly.
"You just want everything to stop, don't you?" She said softly, tossing her phone onto the sheets. Tears stinging behind her eyes, Brittany nodded.
"You just- there's just too much, isn't there? And people won't let you be long enough for you to figure it out, right?" Santana went on, "That's why I push people away. I hate to sound cliche, here; but we're more alike than you probably think we are. At least right now, in this moment."
Brittany wiped away a stray tear she felt rolling down her cheek; why is she crying? She shouldn't be crying!
"Look," The girl sat up, and pulled Brittany up with her, holding her hand tight, "I'm not saying build a wall. Please, don't be like me; I did all the wrong things to deal with... my pain- I guess that's what to call it. I drink, am a bitch to people, I... I cut. And none of that's right. But it's..." Santana searched for the right word, "It's habitual by now. But it'll go away. Everything. Eventually it will- you can't get a rainbow without rain, right? Things will get better. Just don't do what I did."
"But I just don't know how to fix things without hurting people's feelings..." She murmurred, wiping away another tear.
"People always get hurt, Britt. No matter what you do, ok? Don't worry about it. As long as you make it right- it doesn't matter who you hurt, because sometimes you need to be selfish and do things for you."
"Yeah, but-"
"Don't but!" Santana shook her shoulders roughly, her voice rising, "You're not listening to me!"
Brittany bit her lip; she was listening, she really was; but she didn't like hurting people. She wasn't like Santana, who was ok with it. Who knew that it was for the better; knew how to be selfish- for the best.
"Ok," Santana sighed again, obviously trying to control her short-temper, "You're stressed out? Have a headache?"
"Yeah?" Brittany answered, wiping away a third frustrated tear- while also wondering Santana's sudden angle.
"Do you know what works better than Tylenol for stress- and headaches?" Santana whispered, leaning in. She furrowed her brow; what does she mean? A nap? If I could nap for the next 28 years I'd be really happ-
"No." She stated sharply, realizing what Santana was suggesting.
The Latina nodded, resting one hand very gently on Brittany's shoulder, the other on her abdomen, and shifting positions so she was straddling her, "Yes."
"Santana, no- I'm serious. I'm dating Sam." I really want to, though. But I can't be a cheater- I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
"For six hours." The other girl answered flatly, "Don't think of it as sex;" The darker haired girl pulled out her ponytail, shaking her locks free, "Think of it as stress management."
"I can't have meaningless sex, Santana. Especially not with you; because if we were to ever have sex, I'd want it to mean something. A lot."
"I just said; it's not sex. It's stress management. You don't have to put anything of yours into me. I'll just make you feel better," The Latina guided her down lightly, "I won't even kiss you- if that's what you want."
"You don't get it!" Brittany felt another tear escape her eye, "I want to be able to kiss you- I want to be able to... to do all these things with you, but I can't! It will just make things worse! It'll make me a cheater, and I- I can't do that!"
"Just don't think about it," The girl whispered, her long eyelashes fluttering against Brittany's cheek.
"I can't not think about it."
"Of course you can; don't think, feel."
She stared up at Santana, who was looking right back at her; into her. She was being sincere, she wasn't trying to make things worse- she was trying so hard to make things better.
"Trust me," The girl said softly, taking off Brittany's glasses, she reached over and placed them on her nighttable, "Don't you trust me?"
Her heart was threatening to burst out of her ribs, and her breath was escaping her lips in small, shallow bursts-
"Kiss me." Brittany told her as she wrapped her arms around Santana's neck- and she decided to feel.