Chapter 21

Blanket disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the X-Men

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'd like to thank Lord Farsight for helping to inspire this. It's just an interlude as opposed to a full chapter since I've been sidetracked with my story Curse of the Ryugan. Enjoy!

Last Time:

"What about the poison Sakura, any luck?" asked Anko.

"I've already made an immunization." said Sakura holding up a vial. "I'm in the process of brewing enough for all of us. We're lucky that our rooms each have a kitchenette attached so we can work."

"Speaking of brewing, I think some tea is in order my cute apprentice." said Anko.

"Sorry Anko-sensei but Sakura has the stove taken up so it will have to wait." said Illyana apologetically. "Come to think of it, I'm putting that {Charm of Protection} on everybody just in case. I've mastered the spell now and it can't hurt."

"What about Nazo?" asked Hinata.

Illyana and Anko answered as one. "Let him rot."

-Interlude: The Tale of the (Not So) Gallant Jiraiya-

Ame Village

In his quest to find out information regarding the Akatsuki; Jiraiya ventured alone into The Hidden Rain Village. He had informed Tsunade he was going there personally despite the danger. Stealthily infiltrating Ame Village Jiraiya started asking people about their mysterious Leader Pein who had defeated Hanzo the Salamander singlehandedly. It was a dangerous undertaking and he wasn't sure he'd make it back….

Now normally Pein would have detected an intruder in his village immediately and squashed him like a roach but the fact was he was thumbing his pre-release copy of Jiraiya's new book, Icha Icha: The Soldier and the Sorceress II –Under Covers. He'd loved the first one and got this copy for an exorbitant price by sending Zetsu to go buy it direct from the publisher. 'Where does Master Jiraiya get these brilliant ideas? This is some seriously kinky stuff. I think this is as good as the original if not better.' he thought as he giggled like a schoolgirl. 'I guess innocent Princess Nata isn't so innocent after all….' Pein thought as he eagerly continued.

Before he knew it Jiraiya had been in Ame for a week and was getting frustrated. He'd learned quite a bit about God Pein and God's Angel Konan (? –it couldn't be….) but he hadn't learned of their true abilities or motives. Jiraiya decided to take a small break and do the kind of information gathering he does best –peeping in bath houses. There in a reserved bath house he instantly recognized Konan bathing in privacy. 'Damn, she's grown into one hell of a woman. No wonder they call her an Angel!' thought Jiraiya with a nosebleed as he lecherously whipped out his notepad to take some notes on the well formed blue haired beauty.

That was when a holographic image of Pein appeared before her. The normally quiet and serious woman showed her modest side then and she shrieked, "Nagato you pervert! You're not supposed to spy upon me in the bath! I don't care if you are God here. You're acting like our old sensei Jiraiya!"

The holographic image covered his eyes and said, "I'm really sorry Konan! I didn't realize you were in the bath!"

"Sure you didn't…." she said as she summoned a towel made of paper to cover herself much to Jiraiya (and Nagato's) disappointment. "It's okay to look now." she said. "How may I serve you Lord Pein?"

Coughing to regain his dignity, Pein said, "We seem to have lost Kakuzu and Hidan. I don't know what they are up to but they've defected from what Itachi and Kisame's message said. How do you suppose we should deal with this Konan?"

Konan said in a flat tone, "Well, if Itachi and Kisame can't find them then I suppose I could go out and discipline them." Jiraiya had to stifle a perverted giggle at the idea of Konan disciplining others and continued to listen.

"I don't know if that would help Konan." replied Pein. "I was wondering if we should attempt to gain more members. Other than you and I, Itachi and Kisame and….Tobi and Zetsu we don't have the manpower. Furthermore we could lose some people trying to destroy those that have defected."

"S-class criminals don't grow on trees Nagato." replied Konan coolly. "Our plan for world peace is in a precarious position right now and eight of the nine tailed beasts are still outside of our reach. What should we-"

"[Giggle, giggle. Giggle, giggle.] Oops! Time to leave." said a certain pervert from outside the bath.

"WWHHAATT?!" shrieked Konan. "That was Jiraiya-sensei's voice! I'd know it anywhere!" All of Ame Village (Including Pein) shivered at her killing intent.

Jiraiya was running down the street at top speed wildly scribbling notes for his next masterpiece as he hot footed it towards the gates of Ame. 'I've found out some of the secrets of the Akatsuki at last! But I've also been divinely inspired to pen the third part of my magnum opus trilogy! It's up to me to escape the village, save the world and write my book!'

He heard Konan's angry voice echoing behind him. "I'm going to bring you world peace Jiraiya sensei. Come back here and DIE!" She yelled as she launched a horde a paper shuriken causing Jiraiya to lose a few of his precious notes as he dived around a corner for cover from the angry female's righteous wrath.

By the time Pein gathered his wits and arrived on the scene he saw his Angel was losing to Jiraiya's Toad Oil techniques. However, that didn't stop her from biting Jiraiya on the arm like an angry junkyard dog. "Ouch, Ouch, OUCH! Let go of me Konan-chan! That hurts like a motherfucker!" screamed Jiraiya as he tossed the enraged kunoichi off of him.

Pein was taken aback as Konan was thrown over to his side and landed unceremoniously on her rear. Then she angrily spit out a piece of meat that was once part of Jiraiya's forearm….

Pein originally planned to discuss the ideals of world peace with Jiraiya before an epic battle that would lead to Jiraiya's heroic death (shame really, he wanted Jiraiya-sensei to autograph his book). But it seemed fate had other plans….

Jiraiya growled, "That's it Konan-chan! Little girl; as your sensei I'm giving you a serious spanking for biting me! Summoning jutsu!" Fukasaku and Shima appeared. "Ma, Pa; I need your help for sage mode or I'm going to lose this battle."

Konan sent Pein a glare that promised pain if he didn't do something. "Destroy the pervert!" she commanded in a tone that terrified Nagato to the core. Pein felt he'd better comply or else.

The following battle between Jiraiya in Sage Mode and the Six Paths of pain promised to be epic. Both sides gathered chakra to empower their most dangerous techniques and the citizens of Ame Village all scurried for cover so they wouldn't be caught in the crossfire. Time stood still as the titanic forces got ready to charge….

That's when a slug summons about the size of a Chihuahua appeared in between them and everyone paused. The slug looked around taking in the view of the soon to be battlefield and said in a small feminine voice, "Is Lord Jiraiya here? I'm a live messenger slug and I have a message from Lady Tsunade."

"Can't you read the mood here?" growled Konan.

"I'm sorry but this can't wait." said the diminutive slug insistently.

Jiraiya said, "Alright, what's the message? I'm kind of in the middle of something here. What's a 'live messenger' anyway?"

"It means I broadcast Lady Tsunade's message to you live like a radio." chirped the slug.

Pein was impressed. "Interesting; go ahead and deliver your message slug."

"Thank you." said the slug. "Ahem;" the slug's small, high pitched voice suddenly turned into Tsunade's voice. "Jiraiya you stupid pervert! Report back to Konoha immediately or so help me I'll-"

"Tsunade-hime; I'm in the middle of something." whined Jiraiya. "Can't this wait?"

"I don't care if you're communing with god you moron. Uzumaki Naruto has found out about his heritage and I want you back here yesterday if not sooner!" growled Tsunade threateningly.

"Damn it Tsunade; my mission-" started the pervert.

"If you aren't back here in Konoha by sunset I'll pass a law banning your perverted book sales in Fire Country forever!" yelled Tsunade.

Jiraiya was terrified. "I'll be there Tsunade-hime! Don't you worry I'm on my way!" He turned to Pein and Konan. "Well, sorry kids but Tsunade-hime is a lot more scary than you two combined could ever be. It's her Uzumaki temper she inherited from her Grandma Mito you know."

"Hey, I'm an Uzumaki!" said Pein.

"Really?" asked Jiraiya. "That's news. Well I have to go." With that Jiraiya disappeared in a reverse summoning jutsu….

That's when one of Jiraiya's rapidly scribbled notes blew over and hit Konan square in the face. "Damn it; that pervert- what's this?" she asked as she read the notes.

Icha Icha: The Soldier and the Sorceress III –The Blue Dawn

Main Protagonists: The Soldier Ruto (Uzumaki Naruto), the Sorceress Yana (Illyana Rasputin) and the Princess Nata (Hyūga Hinata).

Main Antagonists: Aoitsuki (Blue Dawn) Featuring Overlord Pain (Pein) and his buxom S&M Dominatrix mistress, Lady Conan (Konan). Their intent is to conquer the world through BDSM and only Ruto and company can stop them.

"W-w-what is the meaning of this?" she said holding the paper away from her as if it was diseased and letting it go only for the notes to hit the Preta path in the face.

Moments later Nagato inside his chambers shrieked "WWHHAATT?! BDSM?! To hell with world peace; I want Jiraiya-sensei dead!"

-End of Interlude-

POSTSCRIPT:

I've had this written for a long time and meant to put it out as part of a full chapter but since everyone's been patiently waiting I thought I'd get it posted just for fun. Next chapter will be a full chapter again instead of just and interlude. Blue out. 6/21/15