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He'd never noticed before, since he hardly paid attention to anything that wasn't shiny or trying to kill him, but the cracks in this universe were actually quite prominent when one went looking for them. Literally, in some cases.

His tiff with Tessa had belatedly reminded him that yes, he had been neglecting his duties as of late, even though the topic of their conversation was completely different (at this point, he didn't question why or how his mind made such unrelated connections). Come to think of it, there was quite the list of errands he needed to run in order to ensure the universe didn't implode, or worse – clash with another, existing universe. That certainly wouldn't be pretty.

Sighing, Harry reached into his newly transfigured workman's attire – complete with a sturdy yellow hardhat, a tool-belt with bottomless pockets, and steel-toed boots (he preferred dragon-hide boots, but he'd just have to be more careful once he got to working in active volcanoes) – and pulled out a charmed scroll that listed everything he was meant to be doing. Opening it carefully, and ignoring how the paper continued to unroll itself to an unknown length behind him, Harry would later be proud to say that he was entirely focused on his task. Dr. Williams would be so proud!

Right, then – first item on the list:

Fix the universe

"Lovely jubbly," the wizard grinned, motioning with his hand to Vanish the scroll.

Two minutes later found Harry in the city of Charlotte, North Carolina, studying a severely cracked sidewalk. Of course, those minutes only found him because of the smooth peanut butter he'd left out for them. Gluttonous things, those slippery creatures.

Waving at the general area of their presence, he urged them to look at the imperfect sidewalk, incredulously exclaiming, "Can you imagine? Why hasn't anyone noticed it sooner?"

The minutes seemed to be too preoccupied with their treat, while several passers-by simply gave him an odd look. Shaking his head at the lack of response, Harry simply knelt down to inspect the cracks further. It was most certainly a physical symptom of this damaged universe – one that not many believed to be unusual, if only for their common occurrence – and he could already feel the disorder leaking from it. He wouldn't be surprised if this particular area of the city suffered from more muggings and petty crimes than any other.

Harry traced the thickest break, trying to trickle some healing magic through it, only to discover that the bloody thing wouldn't mend properly – his magic kept being pushed out! Uncharacteristically frustrated, the impotent wizard simply sat there a moment, scratching his head idly as his magic all but threw a temper tantrum. Honestly, he could do without the veritable typhoon of power itching at him to flood the fissure until it submitted. While tempting, Harry had the feeling that Charlotte would be little more than a smoking crater, were he to allow that. He needed a solution where people wouldn't turn to dust.

Suddenly perking up with a rather brilliant idea, Harry enthusiastically started digging around in his tool-belt. It didn't take long for him to pull out a box of various cartoon-themed Band-Aids.

Expertly removing one brightly colored bandage, and gently applying the same healing magic, he quickly slapped Scooby-Doo onto the largest gap.

Harry was pleased to note that his magic stayed beneath the adhesive.

"I know it hurts," he patted the concrete sympathetically. He might even have stroked it. "Keep it together, mate."

The wizard placed yet another Band-Aid on a smaller fissure, this time depicting a cheerful Elmo, taking care to delicately smooth out any air bubbles. He continued working in this way, steadily patching the spider-like cracks with a serenity that belied his duty. A lazy wizard does twice the work, after all.

Before he knew it, hours had passed and several people had stopped to stare or ask what he's doing – one old woman actually offered to call the police, to help him out, but he declined gracefully. Absently adjusting his hardhat, Harry mused that they were simply in awe of the Good Samaritan in their midst.

When he'd finally run out of Band-Aids, he'd only made his way through two blocks. And all the peanut butter had disappeared.

A/N: Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes, but they're pretty handy for patching up the universe :) This chapter was surprisingly easy to write (maybe 'cause it's so short T_T). And my reasoning for this chap's title is a secret (even from me, so don't ask). Anyway, I'm pretty sure you guys are used to me dropping off of the face of the Earth for a couple months by now, right? Tell me you appreciate my bad humor.

Anyway, I did my best to respond to all reviews last chapter, but I'm pretty sure a few slipped through the cracks (see what I did there? lol)... yeah, it's pretty late, here. I should probably go to sleep. Sounds nice.

p.s. If you ever wonder how my stories are progressing in between updates – because who doesn't – I'm getting into the habit of posting such fascinating things on my profile. Just in case I go AWOL for another two months.