Chapter 21

(Santana)

When Kurt walks up to take "the stage" so to speak, I am raging with anger.

I feel like clawing my own eyes out seeing Brittany getting comfortable right on top of Artie's… thing. I'm not sure it's working, but the way they're both smiling and giggling I can only imagine that it must be sticking right up her ass by now. I bite my lip angrily and jump at the chance bitch and moan.

"How can you do a duet by yourself? That's like vocal masturbation or something." Quinn is laughing. I smile a little – she's always appreciated my snappy remarks. Then I stare at Brittany, snuggling closer to Artie, and I swear I almost throw up a little in my mouth. CLOSER; as if it was even possible! You'd have to use a crowbar to bend them apart.

"I will be doing a number from the cinema classic movie Victor/Victoria." I can't take the sight of them a second longer, so I swallow and look away. "It's about embracing both the male and the female sides." He looks at me smugly. What?

"Watch and learn, Santana." My eyes quickly snap into focus. Shit. What does he know? Nothing, I'd say when I watch his quite amazing (in a corny, quite extremely gay kind of way) performance. I'd say the same about my… well, let's stick with Dracula. It's got a nice ring to it. Bitch Dracula is always around me, and she pretends like she has no ulterior motives, but she is my biological mother after all, and I am not this way for nothing. We pretty much invented the concept of being two faced. And I'm all too aware of Kurt being well adapted in it. If he's onto me I'll snap the heels off his Jimmy Cho's. That'll teach him.

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The Asians power couple is standing in front of us. Just to make the situation worse, Brittany has put her head sweetly on Artie's shoulder.

"Whenever you're ready guys," Mr. Schue says.

"Yeah, and hurry up." I try to keep my voice bitchy, but today, somehow, it's not working. "I needs to get myself to breadstix." I look down at my nails, anything not to see that sweet, lotus smelling ponytail falling down Artie's shoulder like a waterfall.

Now she sits up.

"Don't count on it." She throws a glance back at me and I sense something in her eyes. A jolt goes through me when our eyes meet, before she snaps back, looking at her hands. "I'm mad at you, but you're still so hot." Like she's speaking under her breath - those words make me almost smile for a second. One lonely little bird is flapping its wings against my heart. Then I knit my eyebrows. What's she doing?

I've been a horrible bitch to her. There's no excuse except… she wanted us to do a duet. And she asked me while we were making out! As if we were actually some kind of… thing. It wasn't even supposed to have happened, and now she was asking about duets, thinking we… thinking we were something more than friends.

No. It wasn't like that. We were friends, using some of our benefits. I mean, besides, the world we live in is a real shitty place. Not a place to be different. Not a place for a cheerio to stand out. We were a synchronized blur of red and white. A force of nature. Not individuals.

She looked back at me another split second, and I pretended not to notice.

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"And then I told him: 'Before our duet, we're gonna do it!'" Rose giggled loudly, leaning into Tania. Quinn was smiling to herself next to me too. I wanted to kick her teeth in. Instead I growled in frustration. I was used to locker room yapping. This was different. I was usually the bitch talking.

Now Brittany was in the middle of her story of taking Artie's V card, and it was okay, because he was on the football team.

"How was it afterwards?" I peeked over my shoulder at that. Brittany's smile was real. Her eyes met mine for a few seconds.

"It was actually really sweet." Rose squealed and Britt's voice was unnervingly warm. "He was so sweet, wanting to cuddle. He even said he could stay in my bed for a week." The girls all loved Brittany. Not only because she was so innocent, but because she was so sweet to everyone and at the same time had some of the dirtiest stories to tell. Her own and others, since people usually thought she was so nice and dense that she wouldn't tell anyone. She used that, and was great at it. Afterwards, nobody could really ever get mad at her for spilling their secrets. Mostly because she pretended not to realize – or because I came to her rescue.

"When we win the duet competition, I thought we'd order meatballs and spaghetti. I even practiced rolling the meatball with my nose. Like in, you know, Lady and the Tramp." All the girls awed, and while they did, giving her all their lucky wishes, patting her head, I slammed my locker shut, power walking out with anger and even worse, tears, burning in my throat.

I manage to keep them down long enough to get home. The wind through the open roof in my car made me lose my breath, which helped. When I walk in through the door she's there. She's actually sitting across from my dad, laughing over coffees. I was not expecting them to laugh. Last time they even talked my dad had been yelling at her over the phone so loudly that spit had been running down his chin.

Now he was… almost smiling! And chuckling! This is a load of crap. She noticed me.

"Oh, hi Santana." Dad looked up as well, and actually smiled when he saw me.

I didn't answer. I went straight for the fridge, picking out a box of strawberries.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" I sneered, getting a bowl. The female Dracula smiled; lips red as blood. Fitting.

"Oh, I came to apologize to your dad. We had a very heated discussion about… your new assets the other day." Her gaze was glued on my chest. Hey, it wasn't like hers were real. Mine were perkier though. I just raised an eyebrow, washing the berries.

"Pamela here got me to see the situation in a whole other light." I looked over my shoulder to see them both looking at me. Judging me. That was something I hadn't missed. He cleared his throat. "Though I hope you don't get any back problems. Or problems performing. They add about 1 kg each, I presume. And don't even get me started on the infections…!" I turned around to yell at him, but Dracula was already there, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze.

"We went to the best doctor in Ohio. I know we should've told you there was more to our trip, but this meant a lot to both of us." My dad's tense face relaxed. I realized I was standing with the box of strawberries dripping down my arm, mouth wide open.

I poured them into the bowl, growling like they expected their teenager do.

"Anyway, they're looking good."

"My dad makes me go to check up with his Justine every other day." Justine was one of my dad's female colleagues. She was about 55 and dealt with him like you would a turtle trying to bite your toes. She was quick, cheeky, fat and kind. Dad had so much respect for her, and I actually liked her. Wouldn't have minded if he had taken her for a wife instead of Cruella. Where did that fur loving bitch hide now anyhow? She would've been here if she'd known, accidently spilling something boiling over my mom's skirt and then we'd never see her – or her ovaries - ever again. For once, having Cruella around wouldn't be that bad. At least she was human – a puppy thief you could clog on the head. A vampire doesn't care about that. And throwing her out into the sun wouldn't do much to this one, except maybe help her age a little bit faster. Dracula was a bitch to get rid of. Maybe if I ran away, she wouldn't try to eat me.

"Anyway, I got homework. Nice to see you, Pamela." Her name tasted badly in my mouth. Truth be told, I was almost a tiny bit happy having her here. It must mean she cared about me at least a tiny bit.

"Bye, Santana baby!" Baby. Yuck.

I went up to my bed and brought out my phone. Taking a berry by its green hat I ate it, before finally tapping into YouTube. When I found the song I hesitated before pressing play. It had lyrics on the screen.

"I would dial the numbers just to listen to your breath
And I would live inside my hell and hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go to ease this precious ache"

I curled up on the bed, arms wrapped around my legs and my chin on top of my knees. That very first line made me want to pick up the phone and throw it out the window. Instead I just sat there, listening, while I had a sickening feeling in my stomach and a burning sensation in my throat. I was not going to let myself cry.

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I found him rolling in the food court, one of the red plastic trays in his lap.

"She's using you for your voice, that's the only reason she had sex with you." I smile knowingly.

Artie looks a little taken aback, not surprised though. This might be easier than I thought.

"Wait, how do you know that?" I turn around and see Miles just behind me. Perfect timing. I put a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Hi, excuse me. Do you know Brittany?"

"Cheerios Brittany?" I nod as sweetly as I can.

"Mhhm."

"Yeah. We had sex." He's nodding before walking away, having cleared that up.

I make a satisfied noise, turning to face Artie. When he's not looking at me, I feel like rubbing it in. I mean: Brittany is mine. I'm just marking my territory here. Besides, that wheelchair geek should know better.

"Look. I don't mean to be a bitch." I lean down, so that I'm at his eyelevel. "Well, yeah, actually I do." I acknowledge this, shrugging. I put my arms neatly onto his armrest, looking up at him.

"But the only thing you can give Brittany, that she can't get somewhere else…Is super choice parking." I give him my bitch face. He looks away. Oh yeah.

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We're sitting next to each other with the new script. I'd only seen Rocky Horror once, with my mom, all those years ago. It was hardly a movie fit for an 8 year old, but my mom wasn't really mother-of-the-year material anyhow. Me and Britt happened to be sitting next to each other yes, didn't mean we were actually… friends. I hadn't apologized, and I hadn't let her know about me being the reason either. And well, I wasn't planning on it. She'd get really mad at me. Some secrets had to be kept a secret. Besides, she was smart. She'd probably figured it out if Artie hadn't spilled it already.

Hot dentist obviously couldn't help himself. I looked at Britt's smile.
"Opportunity, bless my soul, I really love that rockn'roll!" She suddenly pops up, dancing, waves at everyone else to join. But her eyes are on me. It's like a peace offering. She knows I can't say no to her… or well, does she?

I run down and we grab hands. Then it's swinging. It's really the first time we dance like this. Together, hand in hand. The very first time… My heart is skipping so many heartbeats I'm afraid I'll drop dead any second now. Her eyes are on me, and it's like the rest of the room just disappears. We dance further away from the others, around and around we go. It's like we're all alone. Damn, I wish we were alone. We are both left breathing heavily, trying to catch our breaths. Mine run out of my chest each time we lock eyes, but my eyes just won't stop searching for hers.

After the rush of the song's gone, everyone's leaving. Mr. Schuester is staring at Miss Pillsbury and Hot!Dentist as they twirl out of the choir room, talking and smiling. His eyes look black with jealousy, and I feel for him. It makes you blind, that kind of rage towards another person. Finn passes him last, giving him a pat on the arm. It wakes Mr. Schuester up, and he looks around the room.

"Make sure to lock up, Santana." In a sudden confusion he trusts me. I just nod at him, excusing his lack of judgment and decide not to do anything that will harm him at this moment. Almost like I cared. Huh.

I sigh as I start humming on the song we were just dancing to.

"You coming?" Brittany's voice carries through the room. She's in the doorway, looking at me. I shouldn't question it, I should just take it. But…BUT.

"I'm such a bitch," I sigh, reaching out for my bag, not daring to look at her. Her voice is closer now.

"I know." I look back up at her. She smiles slightly. "But I've always known that."

I nod, feeling my heart ache with the truth of it all. "Well, I don't think that's gonna change anytime soon, just to let you know." She's still staring though.

"I just wish…" She stops, not being able to finish something she knows I don't want to hear. I frown at that, not looking at her but the door behind her.

"I'm overprotective." I admit. She sighs.

"I know. This time it actually hurt though." I don't know if she's talking about me being mean, being a bitch or being overprotective or… "The Artie thing, I mean. It was kind of sad." I look up. She's not talking about it… us now? It stings a little, mixed in with relief.

"You should be happy. He's a robot." I say, matter-of-factly. She shakes her head.

"He's not though - I should know!" She giggles a little. "I'm not used to guys breaking up with me, that's all."

"That's because he's a complete idiot. And you're amazing." I blush as I say it, looking down at my nails.

Her answer is a mere mumble. "It doesn't exactly help hearing you say that." I look up and see her piercing blue eyes glaring into mine. "But whatever."

"Whatever?"

"Yeah, whatever. We're friends so none of it matters. You were looking out for me, you thought he was a robot, and that would result in me having a robot baby. Which could kill me. I've seen the alien movies." I stare at her, dumbfounded. She smiles a little, waiting for my reply. "Right?"

"…Yes."

"And you're an overprotective bitch who's gonna treat me to ice cream. Right?" I want to laugh and cry and yell and well, kiss her, all at the same time.

"Uhm, Yeah… Yes!" She nods, flips her ponytail around and walks out the door. There she turns.

"Sooo… You coming? I feel like spying on Mr. Schuester after that ice cream. The way he looks at Dr. Pepper makes me think he's got a real tooth ache." I can't stop it this time. The laugh escapes my throat and I feel like knocking her to the ground. But I contain myself, as always.

"Yeah, let's lock this place up. So, you wanna have chocolate ice cream, right?" She lifts an eyebrow at me.

"With rainbow marshmallows."

"Yes mam."

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We were just in time. The windows next to ours were open, so we could hear everything they were saying. Brittany and I had just walked around the corner, Britt finishing up her ice cream, when we saw them.

"Let's just imagine that… we're all alone." We peeked over the edge of the glass window. Brittany was so close to me I felt a little shiver go down my spine. It was the same feeling as when we'd danced. My breath ran out of me. Will pressed play on the CD player, and off they went. Wanky.

"I'd only ever kissed… before…" Emma looked like she was sweating buckets.

Britt turned sweetly to me. "You mean she…?" I smiled, closing my eyes and nodding.
"Uhu."

"I felt there's no use getting… into heavy sweating…"
Her hand travelled down Mr. Schuester's shirt… and vest. We had to duck not to get seen. Britt nudged me and I tried not to laugh too loudly. This was like forbidden porn and her eyes and teasing smile didn't help. I loved it.

"It only leads to trouble and… bad fretting." We peeked up again. Just in time to see Miss Pillsbury start unbuttoning her cardigan.

"I've tasted blood and I want more!" Brittany got carried away. She laughed, looking at me and giving my shoulder a little shove. I mean, we had gotten the two perfect parts for each other too. We were both singing along, like the good backup singers we were at the moment.

"More, more, more, more!"

When they started touching each other it was so inappropriate. "It's so dirty!" I whispered to Britt, who laughed, shushing me.

"I've got an itch to scratch!
I need assistance!"

"Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a ,Touch me!" It was… kind of a turn on. Brittany's hand came on my back, moving slyly across it. I leaned into Brittany, to get a better look… and honestly, to lean into her touch. She almost pulled me closer. Her scent and her soft skin. I bit my lower lip.
"I wanna be dirty!"

Miss Pillsbury grinded her butt against him. Hah!

"Creature of the night!"

When she jumped up on the sink, Brittany turned to me, and I grinned, locking eyes with her. She sweetly shook her shoulders at me. Then her eyes traveled to my lips. The smile made my cheeks hurt.

I ducked my head down, Britt laughed, getting a better look. Then she ducked down with me. Our faces were so close I could see a stray eyelash on her cheek. We stared at each other, smiling.

"So if anything shows, while you pose…"

"Now?" she mumbled? I nodded.

"I'll oil you up and drop you down." We both popped up at the same time.

"Down, down, down!"

Seeing her throw his shirt away. Even though I was loving it, it felt wrong staying. Besides, singing this song with Britt was making my lady loins go crazy. I was losing my already fading self-control! When Mrs. Pillsbury grabbed his tie and started pulling him we looked at each other, both blushing.

"And that's just one small fraction,
of the main attraction!"

I couldn't help myself.

"Ooh!" I shouted, letting a hand go up my neck and throwing my head back teasingly, slowly letting it creep down to my chest.

"I want a friendly man!"

Britt looked at me, grinning before throwing her head back, moaning.

"Ooooh!" I held my hand to my chest, laughing. My stomach was ablaze with hummingbirds, and my face was hot as if I'd stayed way too long in the sun. My lips were trembling as I tore my gaze away.

When Mrs. Pillsbury sat in his lap, rolling that chair towards us, we were both looking at them, smiling with mouths open in disbelief. I wrapped my arm around Britt, pulling her real close. When they turned I pulled her even closer, and she wrapped her arms around me. My heart was in my chest, buzzing.

"Touch-a, Tuch-a, Touch-a, Touch me!" I leaned into her, pressing my nose to her neck as I was laughing so hard I didn't know how to stop. Then I threw my head back with laughter, and she pushed me away jokingly. I looked at her, putting my hand on her shoulder, showing back.

She looked into the classroom, eyes growing wide as she suddenly pulled me down out of sight.

"Throw me, shun me, fulfill me!
Creature of the night!"

Brittany grabbed my pinky and her schoolbag, and laughing, she pulled me away from the scene and into the school and its empty school corridors.

"Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch me!" I sang, twirling while clutching to her pinky.

"I wanna be dirty!" Singing and leaning into each other, moving together. It was unbeatable. My heart was beating so incredibly fast. As I skipped away, she ran after me singing:

"Throw me, shun me, fulfill me!" She took off her school bag, before leaping up into the air with her hand on my shoulder.
"Creature of the night!"

"Aha!" I shouted. We were laughing so hard by the time we reached the door. We both almost slammed into the wall as we leaned back, breathing heavily. The dark shadows in the hallway, the afternoon sun creeping in through the windows. I turned my head to look at her, and she was smiling, looking down the corridor.

"That was awesome!" She said, meeting my gaze.

"Yeah, it was. We've got perfect timing in the song now. And nothing like spying on the teachers. Wanky!"

"That's not the only thing that was awesome about it." She let that hang in the air between us. I breathe in deeply, looking away. Then I let my fingers travel down her arm, letting our fingers intertwine. Her thumb rubs against mine. I close my eyes, smiling.

"Let's just stay like this for a little while, okay?" she ask quietly. I just hums in response. Even though the song is killing me, her fingers with mine will have to be enough.

I feel a tremor inside of my chest. My fingers starts trembling, it's like my whole body. I feel it in Brittany too. I open my eyes, look at her. She's swallowing hard, staring at our hands. I try to push it away, but it's there again, taking over my being. I feel warm and wet and all I want to do is push her against the wall and hold her close. My eyes grow warm, I bite my lower lip, hard. Her hand in mine is clutching to it like it's her last link to me. I didn't know anyone could feel this strongly about a person. I let a dry sob escape my lips, and our eyes meet. This is the time to do it. And the time I think I maybe realize it. My whole body, every fiber of my being, reaching out to kiss her skin. I stop myself, prying my hand away and show her my back, one hand still against the wall to support my shaking knees that seems to fail me now.

It's ridiculous. It's like those silly love stories of people being completely overpowered with this feeling. I can't be one of them. This is not impossible to fight. It's wrong. It's wrong, it's wrong, it's so wrong. It's a sin; here, out there, up there. I bite my tongue. Her fingers are reaching out for me, I can feel it. But this is so wrong – this is just my imagination. It's impossible to feel this way. This is reality. I must be ill.

"I feel sick," I say truthfully. My knees almost buckle. "Will you drop me off?" She still doesn't touch me. I think somewhere deep down, she knows how I feel. Somehow, that's what I think.

"Yeah." She sounds out of breath. We can't do this, I hear it in her shuffling movements. We can't do this. "Let's just go." As our eyes meet hers are at first filled with everything I want to see, and then she blinks and they are cold and empty, like a frozen lake. No sea breeze in those tropical waters anymore, just a foreign whisper of snow and ice.

It scares me, because that's my trick. I've never seen her like that before. She smiles slightly at me, and we go away from the echoes of the song we just shared. The song which lyrics I so desperately wanted to come true.

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A/N: I actually love this chapter… It sucks for these two to have to go through this much angst, but at the same time I love angst. It's what shows us how strong a couple is. They long for each other. The feeling Santana gets is from my own experiences. I was in love with my best friend once. She used me like I first was scared that San used Britt. In my case, she just used me and now we've had a falling out. But it took time to learn to let go. But that won't happen to Brittana. I won't let it.

And the feelings… that's really how strong they are. I was literally shaking. I couldn't control it. It was heartbreaking… And I just know these two have the same kind of overpowering love for one another. I can feel it.