Hide My Heart- The Science of Selling Yourself Short
Launching herself from the bed Ashley found herself staring at a very pissed off Carmen. Ashley's eyes darted around the room praying that this was just a bad dream or some sort of terrible joke. Looking at Spencer for a clue Ashley could only see shock on the blondes flushed face.
"Is she why you broke up with me?" Carmen demanded glaring at Ashley with all the hatred in the world. Spencer still looked clueless and on the verge of tears and all Ashley wanted to do was run. She had been swept in the moment when she had kissed Spencer and this very situation had reminded her why she had backed off. Spencer and Carmen's relationship had only ended less than 48 hours ago and Ashley knew that there would be issues to work out between them and she didn't want to be involved with that. She liked Spencer but seeing Carmen there in her room reminded Ashley just how messy everything had gotten.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Spencer asked standing up so she was in the gap between Carmen and Ashley.
"I came to see you but you weren't answering the door and I remembered that Aiden used to always come in through this window so here I am" Carmen explained in a calm manner.
"Carmen we broke up, you shouldn't be here"
"And you shouldn't be fucking straightie over here" Carmen replied pointing at Ashley who was still glued to her spot trying to figure out if she could just leave.
"Look what ever has happened or is happening between me and Ash is none of your business. We are done Carmen so please just leave" Spencer responded turning to look at Ashley who looked less than impressed and was being strangely quiet.
"Spencer you're mine and we need to talk about what happened the other night. I love you baby" Carmen begged moving closer to Spencer making the blonde move further away and closer to Ashley who was still silent.
"I don't love you Carmen, I never have…..can you please leave?" Spencer tried her best to be honest and even though Carmen had hurt her she didn't want to be mean.
"I need to go" Ashley finally stated as she headed out of the house at full speed, the last image she saw in the bedroom was a smug looking Carmen and a confused Spencer. Reaching the front door Ashley grabbed her keys and ran to her car nearly hyperventilating in the process. Once she was safely inside her car she looked back at the house and saw Spencer running towards her and without a second thought she revved the engine and sped away without daring to look in the mirror to see Spencer again.
Driving home Ashley tried to make sense of the evening, she had wanted to kiss Spencer but she hadn't considered the consequences of her actions. She was still mad at Spencer for messing her about and she realised that they still didn't know each other very well at all which made Ashley believe that any 'feelings' that they may have towards each other was just hormones or pure attraction which Ashley knew was no basis for any relationship. Pulling into the parking lot of her new apartment Ashley went to grab her phone but soon realised that she had left it at Spencer's house when she ran away. Deciding that she would rather buy a new phone than deal with the drama that was there she headed upstairs hoping Aiden and Kyla were there to let her in as she had no keys yet.
The doorman let Ashley in smiling politely and he gave her directions to the apartment advising that Kyla was upstairs. Exiting the elevator Ashley banged loudly on the large metal door and after a few seconds of waiting Kyla opened the door.
"What are you doing here? I thought you had that birthday thing with Spencer?" Kyla asked moving aside and letting her sister in.
"I did, it didn't go to well so I figured I would come hang out with you two" Ashley explained as she walked into the open living room space only to turn around quickly after spotting Aiden standing in the middle of the room with nothing but a cushion to cover his private parts. Averting her eyes she looked at her sister who had ruffled hair and was simply wearing Aiden's t-shirt. Ashley backed out of the apartment knowing full well what she had just interrupted.
"Ash you don't have to leave, come tell me what happened with Spencer?" Kyla offered but Ashley continued to back away.
"It can wait, I'll go somewhere then maybe come back later"
"Maybe call before you come up later?"
"I would but I don't have my phone, kind of left it at Spencer's house"
"What happened?"
"It really smells like straight sex in here I need to leave" Ashley whined as quickly walked away from her new and now tainted apartment. Once she was back inside her car she considered her options, she could go back to Spencer's and check that she is ok but she didn't want to get involved or she could go find a starbucks and sit in there until her sister stopping sinning in her apartment. Choosing the latter Ashley headed over to the starbucks that she knew would be quiet.
Standing at the counter considering her drink options Ashley was pulled from her thoughts by the barrister girl.
"You wanna order or do you just like looking at the board?" The girl asked dryly almost offending Ashley until she looked at her. The girl was about her height with dark blue eyes, long blonde hair and a killer body. Ashley cleared her dry throat and smiled her Davies smile.
"No service with a smile?" Ashley threw back hoping that the girl was at least a tiny bit gay.
"Are you going to tip me?"
"Probably"
"In that case 'How may I help you'?" The girl replied plastering a massive smile on her face which made Ashley giggle.
"That's better. Can I please have a latte with hazelnut syrup and a shot of espresso?" Ashley ordered as she eyed the cute blonde.
"Not planning on sleeping tonight?" The girl asked as she put the order through the til.
"Don't think I can after what I just saw"
"Care to share?"
"I just walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex in my new apartment" Ashley explaining trying to block out the images that were now plaguing her brain.
"Euw, nothing worse than straight sex either. You can have an extra shot for free" The girl giggled. Ashley smiled as the comment only confirmed that the girl was more than likely gay.
"Thank you….and this is the part where you tell me your name" Ashley said as she looked for the girls nametag trying to be smart but failing.
"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours"
"Ashley" she stated quickly as she held out her hand. The blonde took Ashley's hand and shook it gently.
"Colby"
"Cool name"
"Yea I know. That will be $7.50 please" Colby replied cooly with the same confidence that Ashley usually had. Ashley handed over the money as well as a piece of paper with her number on. Colby took the money then examined the number not giving anything away.
"Enjoy your coffee Ashley" Colby finally said with a smile as she carefully placed the number in her back pocket.
"I will, maybe I'll see you around?"
"I'd say so"
Ashley smiled her nose crinkling smile and exited the shop opting the drink her coffee on the boardwalk. She loved people watching and she needed some time to clear her head after the evening she had had.
Spencer watched as Ashley left the room, chasing after her didn't work as the brunette was much quicker and before Spencer knew it she was driving off leaving her there. Running her fingers through her long hair Spencer let out a sigh. They had moved too quickly and now Ashley was running scared. Not only that but Carmen was acting all crazy and had probably scared Ashley even more. Heading back upstairs Spencer knew she had to deal with Carmen, again. Entering her room Spencer was annoyed to see Carmen lying on her bed like she had to right to.
"Looks like straightie ain't interested" Carmen mocked as she looked at Spencer with her trademark cocky grin.
"Carmen I can't keep doing this with you. We had a good time for a little while but it's over"
"Look Spencer I know you don't mean that. I promise I can be better for you, I love you"
"Carmen I don't love you, I'm sorry"
"Do you love her?" Carmen asked sounding sincere for once and possibly hurt.
"I don't know Ashley very well but I know I want to, I know that I like being around her and that I am willing to do anything to make her like me back"
"What do you mean? She's liked you for ages" Carmen stated thinking she was pointing out the obvious.
"She used to but I hurt her and now I've fucked up again"
"Well you let me know if you change your mind Spencer" Carmen offered as she left the room. Spencer headed down the stairs to clean up the mess. After cleaning everything away Spencer dropped on to the sofa. She was psychically and emotionally drained but she still wanted to talk to Ashley, to make sure she was ok or at least talking to Spencer. Grabbing her phone she dialled Ashley's number only to hear the phone ringing close to her. Picking up the cushion and following the music of dashboard confessional Spencer located the phone smiling to herself once she realised that Ashley would have to see her to get her phone back. As she placed the phone down on the side it started to ring again revealing a number that wasn't in Ashley's phonebook. After a slight internal debate Spencer answered the phone.
"Hello"
"Hi Ashley?" A female voice asked from the other end.
"No who is this?" Spencer replied in a less than welcoming tone.
"Oh erm my names Colby, I'm trying to get hold of Ashley is she there?"
"No but can I take a message?" Spencer nearly choked on the words and dreaded whatever was going to come out of the girl's mouth.
"Just tell her to call me and that I hoped she enjoyed her coffee" Colby instructed clearly oblivious to Spencer's tone.
"No problem"
Spencer hung up the call and placed the phone down. Her stomach started doing somersaults as she realised that Ashley wasn't hers to take. Ashley wasn't interested in Spencer which was probably why she ran away earlier. Spencer felt like crying as the realisation of how much she had fucked up when it came to Ashley hit her. Hearing a light tap at the door Spencer wiped her eyes just in case and opened the door.
"Ash" Spencer gasped hoping that the moisture on her cheeks weren't visible in that moment or that light.
"I left my phone" Ashley replied with no emotion.
"Yea I know. Erm it rang so I answered it without thinking" Spencer confessed knowing that she had to give Ashley the message if she wanted to get back in Ashley's good books.
"Oh, who was it?" Ashley asked praying it wasn't Colby because as much as she was annoyed with Spencer she would never deliberately hurt her.
"Some chick called Colby, she said that you should call her and that she enjoyed the coffee"
"Ok cool can I have my phone back?" Ashley asked wanting so badly to leave even though she could tell Spencer was upset and all she wanted to do was make her feel better. Spencer handed Ashley the phone and put on her best fake smile.
"Ash about earlier…." Spencer tried but she was soon interrupted.
"It was a mistake Spence, a fun but silly mistake. I really want to be friends with you Spencer but that's it. The whole Carmen only proved how messy this is and I don't want messy"
"Hence coffee girl?" Spencer dug immediately regretting her icey tone.
"Spencer I have known for like 5 month and I have spent most of that time watching you with Carmen, knowing that she was no good for you. I showed you I wanted you even though it would have jeopardised everything I had been working towards at that time and you hurt me, you purposefully hurt me and then ignored me for 2 months. As much as I would love to forget all of that, I can't especially when I'm not sure that I even know you or that I want to know you anymore. So I am moving on with my life possibly with Colby maybe not but I'm moving on because I can't let you hurt me again" Ashley finally let everything she had been feeling pour out and it felt good. Being honest with Spencer was something that she had needed to do for a while and she felt lighter. Ashley went to leave but an apprehensive hand on her forearm stopped her.
"Ashley I get that I fucked up with you, I was mean and selfish and I regret that more than anything now. Kissing you earlier only made me realise just how much I like you and how much I want to get to know you more. Date all the girls you want because I will be waiting for you when you're ready no matter how long it takes and no matter what it takes" Spencer had to respond and refused to let Ashley walk away without being honest for once.
"I don't want you to wait Spencer"
"Well I'm going to whether you want me to or not. I know we can have something great and I refuse to let that go" Spencer promised trying to sound confident in her words but the nervous look in her eyes revealed otherwise. Ashley was surprised by Spencer's honesty and determination but she refused to believe the words that left Spencer's mouth.
"I'm afraid you don't have much of a say in that Spence" Ashley snapped annoyed that she felt guilty for walking away from whatever was happening between them. Spencer looked wounded by Ashley's harsh tone but she replaced it with a smile.
"See you around Ash" Spencer said as Ashley walked away knowing that somehow she would win Ashley no matter what.