Disclaimer: JKR's world. I'm just visiting with an OC or two.

Barbara wasn't at breakfast, and Snape was disappointed. He should have realized that perhaps she wouldn't want to face him under the circumstances. It was a safe guess that she wouldn't want to take his classes, either. He cast a calculating glare around the Great Hall. He hoped that he would know all the students he faced this day. Severus went to his office and wrote a quick note.

Merrill,

My apologies for the unwarranted intrusion. Under the circumstances, it is better that I take my own classes today.

Snape

He sent the note off with Nod and took a moment to ponder this odd bit of his life. He had no idea how his relationship with the elf started. Somehow Snape knew, that this was the elf who knew what he wanted and how he wanted it. From his first cup of coffee in the morning to which nightshirt he was likely to want on a given night, the elf knew his moves.

Fortunately, Professor Snape didn't have first or second years that day, and classes went well. Sensing his grim mood, the students acted like the rabbits he remembered. He allowed himself to be drawn into the mundane way he had always done things: Points granted, points taken, a slight advantage given to his own house, and detentions. He had no idea what he issued as detentions lately, and it was the last class day before the holiday, so he told them that the detentions would be determined after they got back. Let them stew about that while enjoying their vacation. He managed a sardonic smirk. Routine could be a lovely thing.

Severus knew an odd moment with the fourth year Hufflepuffs when he caught one of the girls smiling shyly at him. Montague was a sweet girl, and she reminded him of something he couldn't place. It was something pleasant, he realized. Surprising himself, he smiled back and nodded to the blackboard and she went back to work.

The best part of Snapes day was a surprise visit from one of his favorite students in recent years.

"Mr. Malfoy! How unexpected! How are your parents?"

"Just fine, Professor. My mother sends her greetings, and my dad says that there's something he's still willing to take off of your hands if you like."

"More of his cryptic intrigues, I'm sure. I cannot imagine what I could have that he would want. Come to my office. What brings you here?"

"Well, Professor, I received a short note from Barbara this morning saying that you might enjoy a visit from me."

Snape glowered. "'Barbara?' Don't tell me that you're a member of Professor Merrill's fan club."

"Pardon?"

Severus shook his head to clear it. "I'm sorry, Draco, but I'm not myself this week. Let me explain what I can of the situation. It would seem that I answered this summons," he handed the note from his desk to the younger man and saw the startled look in his eyes. He nodded. "At some point later, Professor Merrill and someone she hasn't named found me at my house at Spinner's End, surrounded by dementors. When I awoke in the hospital wing, I couldn't remember anything beyond when you put the potion on the snake wounds two years ago."

Draco swallowed hard. Professor Merrill—Barbara—had clearly entrusted him with an important commission, to help his favorite Professor. "Barbara didn't mention any of this in her letter. She just said you were under the weather and might appreciate a visit from me."

"First things first. You see the same thing I do about this note?"

"That it's my mother's handwriting? Yes, but it isn't quite her handwriting. It looks forged."

"Not many people could possibly know of your mother's visit to me when she begged me to protect you from the Dark Lord. She is one of the few people I would rush to assist like that. Do you know who could have created this forgery?"

"I can guess, sort of. My father may have been involved. Can I get back to you?"

"I have all the time in the world, I suppose. Meanwhile, what do you think of this Professor Merrill? She seems to be trying to embroil me in an intrigue of her own."

"I wouldn't consider marriage to be an intrigue. Quite honestly, Professor, she's perfect for you. You enjoy each other's company, you teach almost exactly the same way, you both give out detentions with fiendish delight, and as far as I could tell, you can't keep your hands off each other, even when she's nine months pregnant."

Or even when we're sound asleep, two floors away from each other, Severus thought. He looked as if he smelled something rotten and said, "You mean, we were indiscreet?"

"Oh, no, I never really saw you snogging or anything like that. But whenever you're in the same room, you are always touching each other. Holding hands, special looks, that sort of thing."

"Do you think she really loves me?"

"After you described what happened when she removed your Dark Mark, I can't believe you can ask that question."

Severus rubbed his left arm. "You forget, Draco, that I don't remember any of it. What did you just say?"

"You removed my mark?" He had eaten his dinner and finished his visit with Draco while keeping this one thought prominent in the back of his mind. Now he stood in her doorway, confronting her with the question without preamble.

"Why Severus! Of course I forgive the intrusion, of last night and now..."

"Where on earth did you get the nerve to do that?" Black eyes glared down at brown ones.

"I didn't exactly hit you over the head and remove it without you knowing what was happening."

"I never gave permission for something like that."

"Only because it never occurred to you that it could be done."

"Have you meddled in every facet of my life, then?"

"We're married, with everything that implies."

"That doesn't mean you have to stick your nose into every bit of my business, Madam."

Barbara looked her husband over with her arms folded and her mouth set. He was clearly intent upon the one topic of conversation, so she relented.

"That's not how it was. You seemed so upset about it. Here..." She sat with him on the couch. Wordlessly, she pulled him into her memory of the day it happened. When she let him out, he looked away.

"We weren't even married, yet."

"I had already lost all sense of myself apart from you by then." He chanced a look at her and saw her heart in her eyes. He looked away again.

"You had to see me as a monster. I was a monster."

"Severus, I told you that who you were before wasn't important. I was with the man you were then, looking forward to the man you aspired to be."

"What of all the horrible things you saw?"

"You were no longer that man. You've worked to change what you can. You had already started that work when we removed the mark."

"What if my aspirations have changed? What if I want go back to being the man with that mark?"

"Were you ever that man?" Silence. She chanced a hand on his shoulder. "I am so completely in love with you, even that doesn't matter. I love the man you are now, too."

He didn't want her to see how her quiet passion affected him. He turned toward the clock.

"I should leave."

"I think you should look at one more memory, first."

He saw her sobbing on a davenport and himself arguing, but then comforting her.

"You were the woman crying like that by the willow tree the other night. I heard you."

"I had been so worried, but you were fine, except you didn't remember me and I felt a little self pity. It didn't occur to me to close my mind to you. I'm sorry, Severus." She looked carefully into his eyes. "We have a special connection. Sometimes in sharing the anguish of others, I get overcome. Whenever we touch and open our minds to each other it's resolved. We comfort each other."

He thought for a minute. "That's why when I tried to hurt you I ended up hurting myself."

She looked embarassed. "We've gotten used to having our minds wide open to each other all the time, I'm afraid I'd forgotten about it. I've been using Occlumency, now, because it's not fair to you, to have this pain come at you when you didn't understand how it was happening."

"That's also why you touched my arm yesterday at breakfast and I felt better." She looked at him evenly. "But now I do understand, or at least I know what is happening."

He had an urge to hold her as he had in that memory her but wasn't sure if he knew how. Tentatively he put an arm around her shoulders. She folded right into him, her head under his chin. "I'm so glad you're safe, Severus." It felt so natural, as though she had been made to fit into his arms and yet he had no memory of it, not a memory that was his own.

She looked up. "How did your classes go today?"

"Thanks to your impeccable notes, I managed. There was something about the Montague girl."

"She's one of our kids, along with the Prewetts."

"I eventually remembered that, but there's something else." He stared at the woman in his arms for a long moment, thinking of the girl with the brown eyes. "She reminds me of you!"

Barbara shrugged. "You've mentioned it."

"Truly. She reminds me of you during school years. I remember you, a little thing with big eyes and pigtails staring at me across the library. It shouldn't be important, but it's a cherished memory for me, now. You have affected me."

It was getting late, and after a few minutes they stood up. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

She walked him back to the door. Severus asked, "What if I would like to try... ?"

She shook her head. "I've had a wonderful year of being a cherished wife. That wasn't fair that I should be so blessed, but I took it and I'm not giving it back. I've loved you or was preparing to love you probably since the first day I saw you, a self-assured fourth year and the smartest kid at school. I can't stop that, now.

"But I won't imprison you to me, especially if you're not sure that you want me. Neither will I tarnish the memory of that perfect year. You refused to start our lives together as some sort of seduction or loss of control. You wanted us to belong truly together, first. Right now, you aren't sure that we do belong truly together. You need time to work through this and I want you to take that time. I won't try to be your wife. I am your wife. For the rest...I will wait until you know you really want to do this."

She sighed. "The kids and I will move to the house in Hogsmeade tomorrow. We have the whole holidays to work on this and all of our lives if it comes to it. I'm yours to command, when Victoria and Nicolas don't need me. "

"Good night, then."

"Good night, Severus." She kissed his cheek and then quickly shut the door. She stood against it, pressing the side of her face into the wood, and wished she could have kept him with herself.

Snape was at Merrill's door early the next morning.

"Well, this is familiar," she smiled. She held out her hand, blushed when he didn't take it and then clasped both of her hands nervously.

I came to see if now would be a good time to look at some more of your memories? I read all of our letters and some of both notebooks. I want to see what it was all like, now."

"The babies should sleep for a while longer."

She showed him the Valentines dance and their first kisses at the Astronomy Tower, followed by their brief engagement. Barbara was so lost in the memory of it that she didn't realize Severus had broken the connection and walked across the room. He came back.

"Barbara." His voice was low and husky. "I don't remember that night, but I somehow remember the feeling. I'm not sure I can be that man, anymore, but I would very much like—may I—Barbara..." She had realized what he was asking and placed her lips close to his. He decided they were as sweet as he had recalled when viewing her memory.

A moment or two later, they stopped to realize that Nicolas was crying.

"I'd better..."

"Yes."

He listened to the cooing and babbling in the other room while touching his lips as he had after reading her notebook. He stood in the doorway between the rooms, facing a choice. He could return to this world and immerse himself in it, without knowing it for sure. He could make new memories but might never have the old ones back. The prospect was enticing, but it was disloyal to the older memories he still had. How had he resolved that before?

"Would you take Nicolas while I feed Victoria? Then I need to get them ready for the walk to our house."

The decision seemed to be made for him, at least for the moment. He took the baby and sat down uneasily, patting and thumping him until the burp came up. He got the stroller out of a closet and put the baby inside.

"How did I know to do that?"

She shrugged. "You've done it before."

The struggle was on his face. "Severus, tell me about it."

"I don't know this, but I do. Kissing you was the most natural thing in the world, but I don't remember it. Holding you in my arms, caring for these children. I know I was there, but I don't remember the day they were born. How did I start feeling this way? When did Lily leave me?"

"I don't have an answer for any of it. You just sort of adjusted to things being different and you had months to do it in. If you need time to yourself, or if you want to spend time with us, either way, I'll understand."

"And how is it that I can mention Lily to you without your being sad or envious?"

"Lily is part of who you are, Severus. You learned much from each other as children. She was a big part of the role you played during both wars. Everyone owes her a great deal."

Barbara put Victoria in the pram and started to roll it toward the door. Severus held the door open for her and watched her shut and seal it. On the main floor, she turned to him again and spoke quietly. "Severus, I love you. I want you back in my life, in my home, in my bed. I want you to come back without reservations, whether you actually remember or not. If you don't love me, then I'll just be happy to be near you from time to time."

She took his hand, then reached up and kissed his cheek. She turned to go, but he was still holding her hand so she turned back around. He brought her hand to his lips and looked into her face, fighting a sudden urge to kiss the tear he saw on her cheek. "I'll be seeing you soon, Barbara." She took a deep breath and rubbed at her face as she turned to leave.

In the hallway near the front door she met Alice, Howard, and Carissa, plus Anthony, a fifth year whose parents had died in the war and whose aunt and uncle treated him horribly.

"All set? Are your bags packed so that the elves will be able to move them easily?"

Four heads nodded.

"Okay, then, let's go."

"Where's Uncle Severus?"

"He's not quite feeling himself, and we're going to let him stay at the castle where he can be close to the hospital wing." She gripped the handle of the stroller and cleared her throat. "So everyone, off we go. Tell me how your term has been going..."

A/N: And of course, I'm quoting Yoda (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back) here: "Do or do not. There is no try." Barbara is possibly being a bit demanding.

Thank you to the readers, and the reviewers, especially Mark Darcy and excessively perky!