OK kids, so..Rey is back at Resistance base. She's missing Luke terribly, as he is her. She just can't get him off her mind...
Back At The Base
Her first night back at base was a crazy one. Everyone had made such a fuss of Rey's return. She hadn't realised how respected she was on the base. Everyone wanted to talk to her, hear her stories. Ask her questions.
"What was it like to actually meet him? The famous Luke Skywalker!"
"What was it like training with him?"
"It must have been an experience of a lifetime!"
"You're so lucky, you actually got to meet him! Such a legend!"
"Tell us what Jedi tricks you learnt, Rey!"
Rey should have felt happy, but instead she was filled with another feeling which she could not explain. She simply felt empty. Numb. She feigned her excitement about meeting Luke. She didn't particularly want to have to think or talk about him, yet it's all anyone on the base seemed to want to hear about.
Leia was used to this. After her, Han and Luke took down the Empire back in their day, Luke particularly became a legend of sorts, and he was all anyone wanted to talk about, hear about. He was a hero.
Rey was not so used to it.
Before long, she made her excuses and quietly slipped off to her bunk. Rey was tired. She changed into bedclothes and slid under the covers of her new bed. She didn't like it. It just wasn't the same. It didn't feel or smell right. Not her bed.
"Huh" she marvelled, thinking how she'd only been on Ahch-To for a few weeks, yet only now that she was away from it did she realise how much it had felt like home. She closed her eyes, allowing her thoughts to fall to Luke. She pulled the covers up to her face, before silently weeping into them. She missed him. She missed him so damn much, and it hurt like nothing else she'd ever experienced. Not even being abandoned as a child.
Rey agonised over why she was so upset. Why did she care so much? Why did she miss him so badly? He was kind and funny, but so was… Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, Jessika, C-3PO, Gial Ackbar. She didn't see any of them in that way. She hadn't missed them. Not like this. Not this badly.
Rey lay awake for hours, trying to decipher her feelings. It was only being away from Luke that it started to become clear. She felt for him. Really felt for him. She knew she felt something, but she thought it might have been a stupid crush, or simply wanting to feel wanted. By someone, anyone. But now as she lay in her bunk, not being with him, not being near him, being unable to have him protect and guide her that she felt utterly lost. And despite having all of her friends surrounding her, she felt alone.
She realised Luke made her feel alive. Luke made her feel whole and complete.
Why did he have to push me away? she thought. She knew she wasn't being an adult. She wasn't giving herself time and space and being grown-up about things. She knew then, that she had simply run away from her problems. She had run because her feelings had got too darn real, and she was scared. Scared to open up to those feelings. Scared to let Luke in. Scared to let someone care for her that might one day abandon her.
She had taken a pre-emptive strike.
Her thoughts were a mess, so she pushed everything to the back of her mind, and willed herself to sleep. She would think on it all later.