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Snape's eyes narrowed but he handed the parchment over.
With his poker cheating skills, Edward surreptitiously slid the map into the sleeve of his robes and replaced it with a blank piece of spare parchment from his pockets.
Time to put alchemy to use.
"It's a one-time trick," Edward said, grinning ferociously at Snape who looked like he wanted to give him two years worth of detention.
Edward clapped his hands together dramatically and rubbed them together just for the effect.
"Presto change-o!" Edward roared slamming his hands onto the parchment. Blue alchemic light glowed in the room and the paper started to warp grotesquely. It reminded Edward of the first time he used alchemy to impress Winry as a kid.
"Here! Hold it!" Edward said, putting the glowing paper in Snape's hands just as the reaction was about to complete.
The paper curled and crumpled and as the light vanished, it took form.
"What is the meaning of this, Elric?" Snape sneered hatefully.
On the desk sat a paper figurine of Snape in a ridiculous hat and a dress that belonged to someone's grandmother.
"It takes form of the person touching it," Edward said innocently. Beside him, Harry was trying very hard not to laugh and failing at it.
Snape glared at the paper balefully.
"Whoever cast a spell on this has absolutely no taste," Snape hissed. He stormed over to the fireplace, grabbed some powder from a jar and flung it into the fireplace.
"Lupin! I want a word!"
Edward thought that Snape looked extremely stupid talking to the fire. But it was Edward's turn to look stupid when one Professor Lupin suddenly spun out of the fireplace and started brushing ashes from his robes. Edward's mouth went slack with disbelief.
"You called, Severus?" Lupin asked mildly.
Snape gave him a you-think-so look and thrust the paper figurine into his face.
"Before it turned into this form, this used to be a piece of blank parchment. It obviously is full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise, Lupin. Where do you think Potter got such a thing?"
"Full of Dark Magic?" Lupin repeated mildly. "Do you really think so, Severus? It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anybody who touches it. Childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Harry got it from a joke shop-"
"Indeed?" said Snape. His jaw had gone rigid with anger. "You think a joke shop could supply him with such a thing? You don't think it more likely that he got it directly from the manufacturers? Someone who actually teaches a certain class in Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Gryffindors in the beginning of the year?"
Edward tried not to goggle. Was Snape serious? The image of him in Neville's grandmothers clothes was a very well-known fact throughout the entire school. Whether Lupin oversaw that boggart lesson or not did not automatically make him the creator of the paper figurine. Hogwarts had a pretty crazy grapevine. Lupin thought the same too.
"Not to rub it in or anything, Severus. But I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only person who is aware of your- ah, certain state of dressing."
Snape's face started to redden.
As if on cue, Weasley burst into the doorway.
"I- gave- Harry- that- stuff," he choked. "Bought- it... in Zonko's... ages- ago..."
"Well! That seems to clear that up! Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?" Lupin carefully unfolded the elaborate origami Edward had created and tucked it into his robes. "Harry, Ron, Edward, come with me, I need a word about my vampire essay- excuse us, Severus."
Once they left, Harry tried to speak but Lupin silenced him effectively with a glance.
"I don't want to hear explanations," said Lupin shortly. He glanced around the empty entrance hall and lowered his voice. "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago. Yes, I know it's a map," he said as Harry and Ron looked amazed. Edward carefully shifted his arm so that the real map did not fall out.
"But I didn't know it had capabilities to insult people through origami. I don't want to know how it fell into your possession. I am, however, astounded that you didn't hand it in. Particularly after what happened the last time a student left information about the castle lying around. And I can't let you have it back, Harry."
Harry looked dismayed and a little horrified.
"Don't expect me to cover up for you again, Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously. But I would have thought that what you have heard when the dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you. Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry. A poor way to repay them- gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks."
Ouch. Edward winced as Harry's face darkened. Lupin, upon dealing the harsh blow, walked away.
Not wanting to answer any questions that might incriminate him, Edward went back towards the Slytherin common room.
On his way, he saw Granger walk past him, holding a bunch of books in her hand. He nodded at her and she nodded back distractedly, traipsing towards the Gryffindor common room.
A heartbeat later, Granger flung down the stairs and rushed towards the dungeons were. Her eyes were filled with tears and there were no sign of books in her hands. There was also snow and soot on her clothes as if she just returned from Hogsmeade.
"Hey Granger!" Edward called but he could be talking to inanimate objects instead.
With a blur of tears, Granger rushed down to where Harry and Weasley were. Something was very wrong. Did she drop her books and fail something or what? It looked like Edward had just seen two different Grangers in the space of the same minute.
Edward wanted to make sure Malfoy was okay and not paralysed with shock but something nagged at him. With a grunt, Edward turned around and broke into a mad sprint after the Gryffindor.
He slowed down when he reached the staircase and evened out his breathing. Moving as stealthily as he could, Edward shifted so that he could get the Gryffindors within earshot.
"Come to have a good gloat?" Weasley was saying nastily. "Or have you just been to tell on us?"
"No," Granger's voice replied shakily. Her voice seemed muffled with tears. "I just thought you ought to know. Hagrid lost the case. Buckbeak's going to be executed."
"They can't do this," said Harry. "They can't. Buckbeak isn't dangerous."
"Malfoy's dad's frightened the Committee into it," came Granger's voice. "You know what he's like. They're a bunch of doddery old fools, and they were scared. There'll be an appeal, though, there always is. Only I can't see any hope... Nothing will have changed."
"Yeah, it will," said Weasley fiercely. "You won't have to do all the work alone this time, Hermione. I'll help."
"Oh, Ron!"
There was a small 'oomph' and hysterical sobbing. Edward guessed that Granger had grabbed Weasley and was hugging him. Edward felt very intrusive suddenly. Slowly, he eased away from the Gryffindors. Edward's mind was whirling as he made his way back to the common room.
There was no way that Granger could have found the news of the chimera's execution, changed into the clothes she wore for Hogsmeade, got them dirty and put that mountain of books down all in the space of a few seconds.
Edward banged his head against the wall in the Slytherin common room, drawing curious glances from his fellow housemates. All this hocus pocus was making his brain hurt.
Or maybe it was the self-inflicted pain due to the repetitive rapping of his skull against the wall. Or both.