Hoi everyone!
Finally a new chapter is up, sorry for the delay it's been a busy couple of days. By offset this chapter counts more than 4000 words, enjoy! Thank you all for reading.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Chapter 21:

Only ten minutes after they wished each other a good night Ziva had fallen asleep snoring softly, Tony however was not able to doze off. His mind was working overtime, a couple of days from today it would be eight months since the dead of Eli David. Tony didn't like the man but he knew that in spite of his many mistakes Ziva loved him very dearly and that his dead had brought along a lot of trouble. Even when Ziva refused to talk about the events of her father's dead, Tony sometimes saw that look in her eyes when she was remembering him or that fatal day. He hoped that one day Ziva would be able to share these feeling with him. It also meant that eight months ago, give or take, Ziva had slept at Tony's place for the first time, in truth she had been the first woman Tony had ever taken home at his apartment. It had taken a lot to convince her to sleep in his bed but Tony knew that deep down Ziva had appreciated his actions. So much had happened these last few months, Tony never thought that he would call Ziva his girlfriend and that now, this night, they would sleep together in his bed.
Tony knew for a long time, even before Eli died, that he was in love with Ziva but he had never found the strength to tell her the truth. But right now there was no place he would rather be, Ziva was safe sleeping close to him. Tony hoped that in the near future she could be completely happy and that she finds peace in her heart and head. He couldn't imagine what she was going through or what she already been through during her young life, at the age of 31 she actually was an orphan. She had lost every member of her family, Tony couldn't even start to picture how it must feel to have no near family at all. He still has his dad even when they were not that close. Ziva had already seen and go through so much violence and pain, Tony hoped her future would to be brighter. Pictures of the two of them, who know even with a small girl or boy or both, kept popping up in his mind. He would absolutely do everything to make Ziva happy, she deserved so much more life had offered her. With these happy thoughts Tony slowly drifted to sleep…

Unfortunately a little after 2 am a brutal nightmare disturbed Ziva's peaceful sleep, she was breathing heavily and, without being fully aware of it, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Carefully Ziva made her way out of bed, trying not to wake up Tony, and entered the bathroom. Not long after she left the room Tony woke up, missing Ziva's warmth next to him and noticed that the space next to him was empty. He quickly got out of bed and found Ziva sitting on the bathroom floor, silently crying. Seeing her like this broke Tony's heart, Ziva never told him what the nightmares were about but seeing her this vulnerable and crying so openly was enough to know that it must be absolutely terrible. Tony gently made his way toward her and took the place next to her, still keeping a safe distance.

"Ziva?" Tony spoke lovingly. "I am going to place my hand on your back okay?"

"No no stay away!" Ziva uttered, her voice filled with so much fear.

"Zi… It's me Tony, you're safe here sweetie." Tony tentatively responded, but on the inside he was hurting. The terror in Ziva's voice and was so difficult to hear.

At that a sob escaped Ziva's throat. "Please make it go away…" Ziva pleaded.

"I wish I could honey, can I come closer?"

Ziva only nodded so Tony took that as a sign to come closer and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Do you want to talk about it Ziva?" He asked her after some time.

"No…" Was Ziva's only response.

The two of them sat there for a long time, Tony gently stroking Ziva's back while her head was on his shoulder. Tony had no idea what made her this upset but decided not to push her right now, she would talk when she's ready he hoped.

"You're freezing Zi." Tony began. "Maybe we should go back to bed?"

"I do not want to go back to sleep Tony." Ziva answered, her voice still raw from crying.

"We can watch a movie on my laptop? That way you can warm up a little what do you think?"

"Okay." Ziva said. She slowly stood up and made her way toward Tony's bedroom, crawling under the covers.

Tony on the other hand quickly picked out a movie, took his laptop and made his way toward Ziva. He was worried to say the least, he had been there many times before when Ziva experienced a nightmare unfortunately but never before had she shut him out like this. The only gesture he was allowed to make was stroking her back. Ziva had pushed him away when he wanted to embrace her in a hug and apparently she decided to give him only one-word responses. What the hell happened to make her so jumpy?

"Is it okay if I sit next to you Ziva?" Tony asked her lovingly, silently hoping she would say yes.

"Hmmm."

Tony carefully sat down next to her and started his laptop, while keeping an eye on her.

"Do you need an extra blanket honey?"

"No thank you."

During the film Ziva was lost in her own thoughts, it had been a very long time since she had a nightmare this bad. Most of the times the nightmares would upset her but she would be able to calm down and get a grip on her emotions. But this time it was different… What scared Ziva the most was that she could not remember what exactly happened during the nightmare, there was only this immense panic and fear that took over. Even the company of Tony was not enough to get rid of the remainders of the bad dream. How was she supposed to explain what she felled at the moment to him? Rationally Ziva knew Tony's only intension was to help and support her but her mind was not able to let him in and see him as a good thing. There was only panic… It had been an hour since she woke up but she still couldn't let go of these feelings and having Tony this close was freaking her out for some reason. That had never happened before, she loved being close to him, but right now Ziva was so confused. Maybe she should talk to him about it?

"Tony?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"I do not know what is happening." Ziva whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"What do you mean sweetie, you can talk to me you know that right?" Tony asked her gently, taking one of her hands in his.

"I know." Ziva started, removing her hand from Tony's which was worrying him even more.

"Don't shut me out honey." Tony whispered.

"I am not! I am trying Tony." Ziva responded, her voice breaking near the end, tears falling down her cheeks freely.

Tony tried to hug Ziva again but also this time she stopped him.

"No no…" Ziva uttered. "Do not touch me…"

The fear Tony saw in Ziva's eyes made him want to hold her so tight but he wasn't allowed to do that. His heart was hurting so deeply for her…

"Okay I won't, what do you need Ziva? Tony responded, feeling at loss of what to do.

"I do not know…" Ziva whispered, desperation clearly audible in her voice. Ziva was feeling like she was suffocating, she needed to get away from everything and everyone, Tony included, for some time till she had her emotions back under control.

"Can I take a shower?" Ziva asked after some minutes had passed.

She looked so vulnerable right now, Tony would do anything to help her get through whatever she was experiencing.

"Of course Ziva, you don't have to ask that."

"Okay."

With that being said Ziva made her way toward Tony's bathroom, closing the door behind her. Tony was pacing up and down his apartment, he had absolutely no idea what just happened at all. One minute they were sleeping peacefully, the next Ziva was having the beginning of a panic attack and wouldn't let him nearby. Tony hoped that being alone would put Ziva's mind at ease a little and that she would let him in on her thoughts/feelings.

Only after fifty minutes Ziva re-entered the bedroom, her eyes red from crying and feeling completely exhausted.

"Hey." Tony greeted her, hating it to see her so vulnerable and hurt.

Ziva quickly made her way under the covers and curled herself into Tony's body, letting his shirt absorb her tears. Ziva was still very confused and had no idea why she was crying but at least she had overcome the panic that took over her mind a little while ago. She knew Tony would be there to protect her and that he was a safe place to let her emotions out.

Tony was glad that Ziva was able to be close to him but it broke his heart to see her in so much agony. He gently began to stroke her back and whispered little words into her ear, hoping it would calm her down somehow. After a while Ziva looked up at Tony and lovingly kissed him on his lips.

"I am sorry for my behaviour Tony."

"Don't be Ziva, you're okay now?" Tony answered, keeping her close to him.

"I will be… I have no idea what just happened, I kind of freaked out sorry." Ziva whispered, laying her head on Tony's chest.

"Don't be sorry sweetie, I'm just glad that you're better now. Do you want to talk about it now?" Tony asked her tentatively, placing a light kiss in her temple.

After a moment of silence Ziva said:

"I do not know what came over me, when I woke up there was only panic and fear inside of me… I cannot explain why."

Tony just held Ziva a little closer, kissing her head.

"I am sorry you had to go through that." Tony whispered after a while, embracing her in a tight hug.

"Thank you Tony."

"Anytime sweetcheeks, what do you need? I can make you some tea or we can watch the end of the movie or we can…" Tony rambled.

"Shhh…" Ziva said softly, placing a light kiss on Tony's lips. "Get some sleep Tony, I am fine."

"No you're not Ziva, you look exhausted."

"I do not want to close my eyes." Ziva admitted, her voice wavering and small.

Tony felt useless at the moment, what could he possible do to help her? He wished he was able to protect her from the bad dreams but unfortunately he couldn't do anything against them. It was difficult seeing Ziva like this, she was still his tough and kicking ninja he loves deeply. During the day, especially in the company of their friends/family Ziva would pretend that everything was perfectly fine. Of course they were happy together, they had found each other after so many years but that didn't mean everything was fine. Ziva was struggling so hard with many things but no way she would let her friends see her "weaknesses". But at night when the nightmares took over Ziva looked so fragile and broken. Tony was afraid that one day it would all be too much for her, she was the strongest person he knew but any human can only deal with so much, everyone has their limits and Ziva was reaching hers. She desperately needed a good night sleep and find a way to deal with the nightmares and all the different emotions. Tony hoped that the doctor Ziva had an appointment with would be able to help her in time. She deserved to be happy and carefree!

"I wish I could make the nightmares go away." Tony said, not completely aware he was voicing his thoughts aloud.

Ziva longed for a good night sleep, the lack of sleep was slowly catching up and she didn't know how much longer she could deal with the current situation. It was so unfair that she was keeping Tony from his sleep as well, he didn't deserve that in any way. All he did was be there and protect her, always respects her boundaries and never asking for something back. Ziva couldn't understand why he stayed with her, she didn't deserved his caring…

She lovingly placed her hand above his heart, noticing his T-shirt was wet from her crying.

"I love you Tony so much, I wish I could offer you more." Ziva whispered, tears welling in her eyes again.

"Being here with you is more than enough sweetie." Tony responded, kissing Ziva's lips afterward.

"Your shirt is wet, I am sorry."

"Don't worry about it Ziva." Tony reassured her. "Try to close your eyes Zi, I will be right here honey."

Ziva struggled for a while, she didn't want to close her eyes afraid the nightmares would disturb them again. But she was so tired that eventually sleep took over.

"I love you too honey." Tony said under his breath before he drifted into sleep as well.

The following morning Tony woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon, noticing Ziva was not in bed anymore. At the same moment Ziva entered the bedroom, a plate of food in hand.

"Morning Tony." Ziva said, giving him a small smile.

After the major incident last night Ziva had managed to get five hours of decent sleep, she woke up a little after nine and decided to make breakfast for Tony. That is the least I can do Ziva thought.

"Hey." Tony uttered, his voice thick from sleeping.

Ziva placed the food on Tony's nightstand and crawled back in bed next to him.

"You're okay?" Tony asked her sweetly while stroking her face.

"Hmmm I am fine and thank you."

"You don't have to thank me Zi, I'm here for you no matter what." Tony responded, kissing her cheek.

"I know."

"You made us breakfast?" Tony asked when his stomach growled.

"Yes, here you go honey." Ziva answered, handing him a plate and kissing him on the lips.

"What do you want to do today?" Tony asked her between two bites.

"I do not know. I am not really in the mood for company." Ziva quietly spoke.

"I have the perfect idea." Tony beamed.

Seeing the sparkles in Tony's eyes Ziva knew that no matter what his proposal was she was going to agree with it.

"And what would that be?"

"A Bond marathon, you must have seen all the movies all at once. What do you think?" Tony asked, hoping Ziva would agree with it.

"I think I would like that." Ziva responded, giving him an honest smile. She knew she would make Tony happy by accepting his offer and watching movies together was not a bad way to spend your day after all.

"Great! How about we stay in our pyjama's the whole day doing nothing else?" Tony added, his enthusiasm very noticeable.

"I like your idea more and more mister DiNozzo." Ziva smirked, kissing Tony. This time they both started to deep the kiss, both needing the reassurance they were okay.

"I love you Ziva." Tony whispered against Ziva's lips after they parted, both breathing heavily.

"I love you too Tony." Ziva quickly responded, peppering his face with kisses.

The two of them snuggled together and started watching the first Bond movie, enjoying their time together. However Tony could feel the tension in Ziva's body, even when things were okay between them the previous night had made an impact on her. Tony gently began to massage her shoulders, Ziva humming in contentment.

"Zi?"

"Hmmm yes?"

"Do you want me to massage your back, you're kind of tense?" Tony asked her tentatively, knowing that intimacy was still a cautious subject between them.

For a long time Ziva was lost in her thoughts, she knew Tony would always respect her body. She could trust him no matter what and she definitely would like to relieve some tension from her body. After a minute of silence Ziva answered him, a smile appearing in her lips.

"I think I would like that."

"Okay miss David would you please lie down for me?"

A light giggle escaped Ziva's throat Tony knew exactly what she needed, Ziva gently lie down on her stomach. Tony was really good at this, he could feel the pressure points where the tension was the most and gently began the massage them away. After a while Tony whispered in her ear.

"Can I take off your shirt Zi?"

And quickly added. "You don't have to, it just would be nice."

Tony had already seen her without T-shirt and she felt very peaceful at the moment, so there was no reason to say no. Ziva lifted her shirt above her head and lie down again.

"You're beautiful honey." Tony spoke lovingly, gently touching her back with one hand.

Tony knew Ziva didn't agree with him so he wasn't surprised when she didn't answer him. Then this idea came in mind, he quickly left the bedroom and came back within seconds, body lotion in hand. Ziva looked up when he re-entered the room, confused why he suddenly left.

"Ziva can I use this?" Tony asked, unsure about her answer. This was definitely crossing some new territory between them.

Ziva feeling completely at ease only nodded and hoped Tony would just resume his ministrations.

"Can I?" Tony asked, touching the clasp of her bra.

"Eum…" Ziva stuttered while looking up at Tony. She could only see love reflecting in Tony's eyes and knew that is was safe to expose herself to him. Tony had been so kind and patience with her that Ziva allowed him to open the clasp of her bra.

"Thank you." Tony whispered in Ziva's ear. "When you're not comfortable anymore just tell me okay?"

"I will Tony." Ziva voiced.

With the confirmation that she was fine Tony gentle began to massage her entire back with the lotion. After a while Tony bends over and kissed each of the scars on her back tenderly, Ziva was taken aback by Tony's actions, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. Nobody had ever been so sweet with her, making out or sex was just a way to vent some frustration or take care of your own need. But feeling Tony's gently care made her only love him more.

"Tony…" Ziva uttered, turning over on her back. In the process revealing her front to Tony for the first time.

Tony was mesmerized by Ziva beauty, she was absolutely stunning. He could see some minor scars on her lower abdomen but god she was beautiful Tony thought. He knew that this, being half-naked in front of him was a huge step for her.

Ziva looked Tony in the eyes and the only thing she could see in them was love and cares, what surprised her were the tears in Tony's eyes.

"You're so amazing." Tony whispered, gently coming closer and placing a tender kiss on her lips.

"Tony." Was all Ziva could say.

Tony could see the uncertainty in Ziva's eyes and knew he needed to be careful with his actions. He slowly began to trace the little scars on her abdomen, never taken his eyes from her. Just letting her know that his intentions were honest.

Ziva on the other hand was confused, she loved Tony's gentle touch but the uneasiness was slowly taken over. Seeing the look in his eyes was becoming too much, she liked being this close to him but she felt very exposed at the same time. She gently stroke his cheek, urging him to look at her.

Tony thought he was doing the wrong thing and removed his hands from her body.

"No Tony do not stop." Ziva stuttered, a little ashamed that she liked his touch a lot. "Just lay down with me please… under the covers?" Ziva continued.

"Hmmm."

Tony lifted the covers and placed them over Ziva body, lying down next to her.

"You're okay like this?" Tony questioned. It was the first time things went this far between them and he wanted to make sure she was fine with it.

"I think I am." Ziva honesty answered.

Ziva lie herself on her side, facing Tony, and pulled at the hem of his T-shirt silently asking him to take it of. Tony imitated Ziva's position and took of his shirt, placing his arm around her waist bringing her closer to him.

"Do you mind the scars Tony?" Ziva quietly asked, when they were almost nose-to-nose.

"No Zi, I told you before they don't take away your beauty. You wouldn't be the same person without them. They are a representation of your strength and they show me how strong you are." Tony answered. His voice filled with love and determination while gently stroking her side up and down, lightly touching the lower part of her breast.

"Thank you Tony…" Ziva spoke kissing Tony deeply. "Thank you for being so gentle, I never thought I would like to be touched again. You are the first man since…" Ziva trailed off, knowing Tony would be able to fill in the blanks.

"I am truly honoured honey… You're okay with this?" Tony asked her when he smoothly traced the outlines of her breast with his fingers. He could see that her nipple was stiff but he needed to make sure he was not crossing too many boundaries.

"Hmmm." Ziva hummed, closing her eyes getting lost in the sensation of Tony's hand on her body.

"Tony?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"I am still not ready for more, I am sorry." Ziva whispered, her voice wavering. Being this close to Tony she could feel the reaction their actions had on his body. She wasn't afraid of it, this was Tony her boyfriend after all, but taken matters in hand was not something she was ready for. Ziva knew it was not fair asking him for his patience this long but for now this was all she could offer.

"Hey look at me. You never, ever, have to be sorry Ziva. I've already told you that I can wait until you're ready, I'm never going to push you into things you're not ready for. So don't worry about me, I am perfectly happy with the way things are right now." Tony spoke very determined. He was not planning on letting Ziva blame herself for things that were out of her hands.

Ziva could not meet Tony eyes, feeling very self-conscious at the moment. "But I can feel…"

"Does it bother you because I can…" Tony began but Ziva interrupted him quickly.

"No Tony it does not bother me, I just think that it must not be comfortable."

"I can take care of that later, don't worry." Tony bluntly revealed. "Okay that came out wrong." Tony added.

At that Ziva started to laugh out loud, she saw the colour rising in Tony's cheeks. He was still a guy after all with very natural needs, there was absolutely no shame in that. Ziva playfully hit his chest and spoke:

"It is okay Tony, you do not have to be ashamed every guy does it, some woman as well." Ziva added, teasing Tony a little. She knew it was unfair teasing him like that when she was not able to be intimate with him but she just couldn't let that one go.

"Haha funny David." Tony said, starting to tickle Ziva's sides.

"No stop it Tony." Ziva pleaded, laughing so hard happy tears were pooling in her eyes.

"Tony!" Ziva warned him, she was still able to take over control in a second.

"You're not funny." Tony playfully spoke, kissing Ziva's cheek.

Ziva gently pushed Tony on his back and lie down on him.

"I love you Tony." Ziva voiced, a smile plastered on her face.

"Love you too sweetcheeks." Embracing her in a strong hug.

The two of them lie there for a long time, simply enjoying being together…

Please keep reviewing and thanks for all the reviews I already received! Have a nice weekend!

I.