a / n ; I'VE CHANGED USERNAMES — im now shen j and not shenxius — hello! please take note: i am not shipping kaya off to cancer land just because of her smoking. thank u! oh and oops, something finally stirred in this chapter??? what am i doing aldkslkdjsksjjsjsldkl— also!! my school starts again this monday, june 4, but i will still try and update regularly. have a nice (whatever time of day it is there) and pls pray for my back to school day ughuhu.

[ ]Rinrin-desu created a fanart for our kaya! it's amazing and im so close to tears. so much talented, precious people r roaming this earth. the link is also in my profile if you want to go and check!

in case link doesn't work: https/rinrinn7./art/Kaya-Tsumei-745358169

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A D H E R E N T S

A N D

I N C O G N I T O S

The Kaya of eight years ago needed a mother.

One to pamper her, to cook and care for her, and everything that a mother essentially does to her child, and to imagine it being done to herself now, it felt odd... and misplaced. Kaya never knew how to cook, wash clothes, wash dishes, pay bills — and currently, if she were to be honest, it felt like she'd been living independent all her life. Independence was something she had gradually transitioned into for about between her two or three years of being liberated, and it was not easy. Kaya remembered how much food she burned, how much money she wasted and how much Yoake suffered under not being able to be managed over properly. There were times she didn't bathe and didn't use electricity just for the sake of not paying bills. Because she didn't know how and it scared her — was it shallow? (she didn't know). But she was a child not even of ten and her mind was fresh. There were just a lot of things in life she wasn't even remotely prepared to face, and suddenly they all fell into her lap.

And, Kaya noticed, when cooking her breakfast that morning — one she always have liked as a child — that her house was.. empty. Barren. Silent. Albeit not painfully so. It was comforting, in a way Kaya can't explain.

There was an air around her house that hazy dawn, one not enough to be called the essence of home but something one can consider domestic.

It made Kaya smile.

Slowly. Slowly, this house could one day be her home. But right now, her home was with Yoake.

- - -

Clean counter. Shiny floor. Dusted shelves. Organized products. Complete tables.

That was the scene that greeted Kaya upon entering Yoake.

"Kaya! We just finished doing morning check-up!" Jinks hollered from the back, once hearing the chime, knowing it was their lilac haired boss. Kaya blinked tentatively at that claim, because none of her employees cleaned up this much.

"Looks more than a morning check up to me, Jin-san. What's rolling?"

"Nothing, really. We just wanted to take care of the store, yanno?"

Kaya didn't buy it, "That's... convenient."

"No, seriously," Jinks insisted, Yoru followed with a distinct shout of 'very seriously' which, well, was a sad attempt to lie.

"Sure."

Kaya dropped the store keys at the counter, still staring intently at the both of them, now in front of her. Yoru was, of course, fidgeting and whistling at the side. Jinks gave him a jab to the ribs with a hushed 'you ruin everything'.

"Fine," Jinks said, resigned, "It's just.. you seem like you need some rest, Kaya. Your complexion is paler than usual and me and this idiot is worried. Even Shizuka-san from across can tell."

Kaya seemed to see it coming, because if she was surprised by their conclusion, it didn't show, "I figured as much. It's just the cold, I assure you that Jinks-san, Yoru-san."

"How many times do we have to tell you that you should just call us Jinks and Yoru, though," Jinks rumbled under his breath, "I suppose. Is that why you're so.. layered? It's not even that cold."

"I'm just a person who gets cold easily, no biggie. But hey, guys, this cleaning is good stuff! Maybe I should let you continue this for like, forever?"

"No fucking way," Jinks exclaimed as he headed for the staff room.

"Have fun dying from the cold, Kaya-chan." Yoru followed, scrambling after his partner.

Kaya chuckled at the scene and, with trembling hands, lifted a lit cigarette to her lips. Smoke clouded her vision, and she sighed at the feeling. Her throat burned; the sensitivity scratched at her inner lungs, making Kaya feel alive. Much more so.

Pathetic, something inside Kaya said. Stupid, it continued — wretched, useless, coward — it whispered.

Kaya couldn't help but agree. A small, bitter laugh escaped her mouth until it exploded to a full blown cackle turned to anguish turned to whimpers turned to tears — then nothing was left of her but an ugly, pitiful sobbing mess.

And, Kaya realized, this was the cost of feeling alive.

- - -

Somehow, Jinks and Yoru were right.

Kaya needed rest.

But she didn't know how to exactly get something she had tried so long to find. So, she set out to town. Perhaps, during this time of day, she'd consider visiting both Pogako and Katou to check on them at The Quill. If they were as stable as they looked, but Kaya figured they didn't need her intervention anymore. They can take care of themselves. And Pogako was anything but dense, so Kaya knew that he at least had an inkling of Katou's intentions, and that put her to comfort, of something unknown.

Kaya decided to visit her (once) favorite ice cream parlor, now it was just something casual. It was closest to Yoake, anyways, and they had tables outside in case the air-conditioning inside the parlor bothered her enough to go outside.

The ice cream parlor, surprisingly, did not have that much customers. From where Kaya stood, not that far from the actual shop to not hear the bustling noise and faint murmurs and distinct conversations from the small crowd, there was only a few inside the parlor and even fewer outside. Come to think of it, only two people were even outside. One, obnoxiously jumpy kid Kaya knew she had seen once or twice, and a figure so achingly familiar Kaya couldn't place exactly who it was until the person spoke.

"Mei," the woman had cooed, "do you want some ice cream?"

"Hm-mm! Meiko wants ice cream! Choco! Choco! Can we, please, mommy?"

"Of course, my angel," the woman — now Kaya established as her own mother — replied as she chuckled and smiled (smiled a smile Kaya never knew she had missed). It took all of Kaya to not just come over and ask why the hell she had abandoned her responsibilities. Her own fucking child just to run off to another.

Kaya nearly scoffed at the mention of 'my angel.'

"Mei, see that ice cream parlor? The ice cream looks delicious, doesn't it?"

"Yep! I bet they make kickass strawberry ice cream!" Kaya beamed, flailing as she pointed at the frozen delicacy.

"Ah-ah, language, my angel," Missa had chastised gently, "I bet they really do."

Kaya had hoped, after learning that her mother was still alive, that she would come back. That maybe, that little girl (her replacement, something so puny, so innocent, so untainted), had mentioned Kaya somehow... and maybe she might have felt guilty, because why would she not? Missa had left an eight-year-old on her fucking own, running off to some other man right after her husband died. Died in front of her, with her, and she hadn't even considered the child they both had. It made Kaya's blood boil, because she accepted that she couldn't come back to her that soon but what the heck? Her mother could still have shown some respect — some tact, some decorum — to her late husband. The father to the child Kaya doubted she even considered as her own. It was disrespectful and something Kaya would never, ever forgive her for. Reasons be damned.

A little bit of hope was all she was looking for, but that smile came and that small, flickering light of hope vanished.

At least, both of them were, slowly, moving on.

- - -

"You look like shit," Katsuki commented, looking at Kaya's figure at Yoake's counter when early noon approached, "even more so than the other days, by the way."

"Thanks," Kaya replied drily, fixing the cap on her head and ushering Katsuki to the staff room. "Go change, sweet cheeks. Remember your part-time!"

"I regret ever fucking humoring you." Katsuki faintly grunted, disappearing inside the staff room.

Kaya didn't even notice that the sun had been fading from view. It seemed that hours had passed since she came back at the store, cutting her supposed 'rest' off. After all, who could rest after a sickeningly sweet show of two people on your shit list? Not her, sorry. Perhaps it was a bit cruel that an eight-year-old was on her shit list, but it wasn't like the kid would ever see it anyway.

When Katsuki emerged from the staff room, Kaya briefly thought about sharing the fact that her.. mother, was actually still alive. Katsuki was Kaya's confidant, of sorts. Though the blond would probably deny any relations concerning that, they both knew Kaya's words remained the facts, no matter the falsity it oozes.

Katsuki was, notably, a good listener. He'd probably jab a few indecent comments filled with profanities here and there, but nonetheless, he listened — and that was all that mattered. Kaya didn't know if he ever judged her for whatever she had said, but strangely, Kaya did not mind. Something inside her stirred whenever it was about Katsuki — maybe it was akin to blind trust, that Kaya believed in Katsuki enough. There was a pull towards him, if Kaya could put it as such, that he was something Kaya couldn't help but be drawn to.

Radiant and beautiful.

Perhaps, some would argue, that he wasn't as beautiful as Kaya had perceived — but she just knew he was. There was something... incredible and ethereal about his existence that it blew Kaya away.

Kaya found herself smiling, gazing at Katsuki for longer than she intended that the blond had begun to shout all profanities at her face just to shift her from her trance.

"— uck, I know I'm amazing and all that and— what the hell are you staring at?! No, a fucking stare isn't an answer, asshole— shit, are you dead?"

Kaya cackled at the display, "Calm your tits Katsuki-chan. You were just mesmerizing to look at."

Katsuki looked at her, not in oddity as she was sure he was used to it, but in faint amusement and annoyance, and grumbled a 'whatever' as he crossed his arms and clicked his tongue.

It was... a nice, calming sight, Kaya concluded, and she buried the foreign feeling rising up her chest.

She had a clue that that feeling was something really, really bad.

———

to GABRIELLE607's review, honestly? thank you so so much! it makes my heart warm that you enjoy this little thing i've got going on. i don't even know what's happening anymore but good lord, thank you and bless you!! i hope we go that far into the story to reach rescue bakugou arc and i can already see how kaya is going to react about our favorite blond bitch's absence. im ecstatic you find katsuki on character??? because goddamn, he's such a pain to write but i love him anyways. i try hard at creating the... sentimental scenes, for the lack of a better term, bec idk how katsuki will handle things like that or if he's even interested enough to put up with it. i don't mind the long review at all, sweetheart. love you!

to SLYKAT28's review, thank you v much!! im glad you found the last chapter satisfactory, and that you think im somehow this amazing writer, haha. im really very flattered? it was so nice of you! hugs!

again thank you all for favoriting, following and reviewing! i love you all!