Sirius sat in the library looking out across the yard. Fog obscured the trees enough to make them look like shadows in the mist, and he found himself just staring at the shapes as they blurred and emerged in the fog. He thought about how much this felt like his memories - foggy, uncertain, but emerging when it was the least helpful.

"Sirius," he heard Remus say as he entered the room. "You look like you're doing better."

Sirius looked away in shame, remembering the rage and the things he had shouted at Remus. How was he going to face the man? Why hadn't he hit Sirius or done something to stop him?

"I brought you some cocoa," Remus told him, pressing a warm mug into his hands. "I'll bet you're quite tired after all of that."

"'All of that,'" Sirius quoted, accepting the cocoa. "Is that what you called it."

"Do you have something else to call it?" Remus asked, sipping his cocoa.

"How about evidence that you should stop being my guardian," Sirius grumbled. "Or maybe just beat me half to death."

"Really, Sirius, I am far more creative than that," Remus joked, trying to lighten Sirius a bit. Sirius looked at him suspiciously.

"Are you going to punish me?" he asked, his voice small.

"Do you think you should be punished?" Remus asked thoughtfully, taking another sip of his cocoa.

"Yes," Sirius answered. "I mean, I was very disrespectful to you."

"You were," Remus agreed. "But I think we both know you needed to get those emotions out of you, they were killing you. How do you feel now?"

"Better," Sirius admitted.

"Sirius, this isn't an easy thing like you missing curfew and me giving you some lines as punishment," Remus tried to explain. "You have deep emotional stuff you need to deal with, and I'm glad that I was a safe person for you to do that with."

"Safe?"

"Safe," Remus confirmed. "You knew that you could lose control and that I wouldn't be frightened or offended. You told me how you honestly felt; the horror of being tortured by Bella as well as the horror at your relief of being released from it by death. You may not have told me in the most kind way, but I don't know if those feelings could have come out any other way."

"You're not mad?"

"No," Remus answered, his voice solemn. "In fact, I think we're finally getting somewhere in our relationship."

Sirius pondered that, sipping his cocoa.

Remembering something else he read in the book, Remus took a deep sigh. "You know, a lot of kids that are abused think it's their fault."

"They do?"

"They do," Remus answered. "I remember Snape saying that Harry thought his treatment by his muggle relatives was his fault. That if he'd only figured out how to be a better kid he wouldn't have been hit."

"Bella is crazy," Sirius told him. "That wasn't my fault."

"I'm not talking about Bella," Remus told him levelly. "She's not the only one to hit you with a cane."

"It was all he knew," Sirius answered, his voice cracking. "That's how our family has always done it."

"I remember a certain very unfunny prank that Harry played on us last Christmas," Remus reminisced. "He got Snape to act like he was taking a strap to him. He wanted to do it because he wanted to see if we would protect him from abuse. Severus had told him that we would, but he didn't think we would unless Snape beat him for a long time. He thought that we would think he deserved it. If I remember right it was only four licks before you broke down the door."

"But that was a prank!"

"It was," Remus agreed. "But you didn't know that. You were still an adult, and you heard Harry's father take a strap to him. Now, the strap is definitely a fearsome punishment, but I don't think it is quite as bad as the cane."

"That's different."

"So if Snape had used a cane instead of a strap you wouldn't have broken down the door?"

"No, it's different because he's Harry."

"A mischievous, cheeky ten year old boy."

"No," Sirius answered, tears beginning to form. "He's Harry. A wonderful, loving, and innocent child."

"We had no idea what he had done to incur Snape's wrath."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius insisted. "There should have been nothing he could do to get that kind of a consequence from his father."

"How is that different than you?" Remus asked.

"I'm, well, I'm . . ."

"You're a wonderful and innocent child," Remus told him firmly. "You were then too."

"Would you have broken down the door on my father?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"Absolutely," Remus answered.

Sirius fell silent, contemplating that picture.

"He would have hexed you," Sirius told him.

"You went up against bloody Severus Snape," Remus told him. "And many years out of practice. Are you braver than I am?"

Sirius smirked. "Maybe more foolhardy."

"I think it may have been a bit foolhardy to become a young boy again," Remus told him. "But it's done. And now we have to deal with these adult memories that are supposed to be remote and blurry still interfering in your life."

"Can we erase them?"

"We can," Remus told him. "But I worry that that will make you less, well, less you. Even a more permanent solution like removing them and storing them in a pensieve might do the same thing."

"I'd be willing to try," Sirius answered.

"There is another option," Remus explained. "Severus and I have been discussing it at length, and he has come up with a spell that might work. It's one that doesn't erase memories, but doesn't allow you to relive them."

"How does it work?"

"It's very tricky," Remus answered. "It can only be done by a master occlumens, so it isn't performed very often. Even St. Mungo's doesn't really have the capability to do this work. It is very tricky to allow memory but not a reliving of that memory."

"Can Snape do it? Isn't he some sort of master occlumens and spy?"

"He can," Remus agreed. "He's one of the few that can. Even Dumbledore says that he's a better wizard for the job."

"Can we do it today?"

"I would think you'd want to think about it," Remus answered carefully. "There might also be another benefit. It might weaken Bella's ability to access your dreams."

"If I don't like it, is it reversible?"

"I believe so," Remus told him. "In fact, I think you can reverse it yourself any time you want to."

"Then call the dungeon bat and get him over here," Sirius exclaimed. "I want to stop reliving those memories!"

"You will have to decide which ones," Remus told him.

"Everything from my previous life," Sirius thought aloud. "And Bella's torture."

"Everything?" Remus asked, surprised.

"Everything," Sirius answered. "I feel that too often those memories are interfering, even if they're good ones. I want to be a normal boy again. I want a chance to redo my childhood for real."

"I will owl him," Remus promised. "Let's see if he can come after classes today. But in the meantime I have something very serious to discuss with you."

"What is that?" Sirius asked, trepidation in his voice. "Is this where you order me over your lap?"

"Really?" Remus asked, completely exasperated. "Haven't we just established that I have nothing to punish you over?"

"I did yell at you."

"So instead of imagining all of the ways I could come up with to punish you, how about you just apologize to me?"

"Apologize?"

"Yes, apologize," Remus answered. "You should be somewhat familiar with the concept. I believe Snape apologized to you at one time."

"That was different," Sirius squirmed.

"Not really," Remus replied. "Just like him, you lashed out at someone and hurt them. With both of you it was based on past pain, but for both of you it is important to recognize that. When we hurt people we care about we apologize."

Sirius squirmed again, not sure why this was so hard. He really did feel guilty for yelling at Remus, he didn't deserve what he had said. Well, not much of it anyways.

"I'm sorry, Remus," he said quietly, his face down.

"Sorry for what?"

"I'm sorry for what I said," he admitted. "Most of it wasn't true."

"I'm not sure that's a great apology," Remus smirked at him.

"Well, you are not a sodding perfect father," Sirius told him with emotion but no malice. "There have been times you should have stood up to me and didn't, and times where you should have been kinder and were too harsh. You should have come and spoken to me instead of bloody Snape."

"You're right," Remus replied. "I should have."

"But even then I had no call to attack you like that," Sirius answered. "I think maybe part of what I was yelling wasn't really aimed at you, you know?"

"I do," Remus nodded.

"Because even though you aren't perfect, I think you're trying really hard to be my guardian," Sirius looked away. "And I don't hate you. And you're not a terrible father. I'm sorry for saying that."

"Thank you for your apology," Remus nodded.

"I still don't want you to say that you love me," Sirius warned. "I'm not sure if I'll ever be okay with that."

"I understand," Remus told him. "Really, I do."

"I'm a pretty horrible ward,' Sirius admitted. "But I hope that maybe with this thing Snape's going to do I'll be better."

"No," Remus shook his head. "If you are going to do this thing, it needs to be for you. I can handle angry, bitter Sirius forever if needed. Don't do this for me."

"Maybe it's for me," Sirius said quietly. "I want to be a better ward, I want us to get along better without me always either exploding or being afraid of what you'll do."

"Then that's okay," Remus agreed. "But it has to be for you."

"And I want you to care about me."

"I already do," Remus told him with exasperation.

"I know," Sirius answered. "But I mean to really care about me. To enjoy being with me, not to put up with me."

"This has to be for yourself," Remus insisted. "Anything else is going to backfire."

"Okay."

"Now, while we're waiting for Snape, I want you to open one of your Christmas gifts a little early."

"This is a lot early!" Sirius exclaimed, his eyes twinkling. "What is it?"

"Open it," Remus laughed, handing him a brightly wrapped parcel.

Sirius could tell it was a book as soon as he had it in his hands, so he looked at Lupin questioningly. Seeing the sparkle in Remus' eyes, he opened it and looked at the title.

"1001 Magical Pranks: pranks made simple for all ability levels," Sirius read aloud. He looked at Remus with eyes large with the possibilities.

"This year, we're going to take down Snape and Harry," Remus told him firmly. "And we have a few days' head start to plan. We'll call that a silver lining for being cooped up here."

"They won't know what hit them," Sirius grinned.

AN: In preparation for the upcoming prank war, I would like to invite readers to give suggestions and ideas that they think would make fun pranks. The pranks that make me laugh as well will get to be in the story and I will credit the reader who suggested it. So, if you are anonymous, just give me the name you'd like me to use. You can also PM me if you'd rather. Be creative! The next chapter is almost complete and will be up soon.