Juice had been afraid that he couldn't stop thinking about Abigail during sex, but the sweetbutt he had taken to his room was so skilled and it was such a long time ago he had fucked someone that he didn't think about Abigail at all. It became a hot, wild night, and the only question he was asking himself was why the hell he hadn't done this weeks ago. All because of that arrogant bitch.

The next morning his thoughts were less spiteful. In an unguarded moment he even thought Abigail was lying next to him, until he opened his eyes and saw blonde hair.

Immediately he felt hollow.

With a sigh he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling. God, he was so desperate. He still wanted her. He thought back to last night and felt ashamed as he remembered how he had forced himself on her. Man, had he no honor at all?

This would only become more awkward now. – And wait, had she told him that he had assaulted her? Fuck – he really needed to apologize. What if she was so mad that she would tell Chibs what he had done? He would lose his patch, he was sure of it.

In an attempt to get a clearer head, he got into the shower. It didn't take long before he got company from the girl. There was an insecure expression on her face. The reason wasn't hard to understand; she probably knew she was the first slut he had taken to his room and she could only guess about his needs. His first instinct was to send her away – shower sex reminded him of his dream about Abigail when they had been lying on the roof. He however changed his mind; it was about time he got over it. She had a boyfriend now, there was no point in moping around any longer. With his eyes he ordered the girl to go down on her knees and satisfied he leaned back when she started to suck him. Yeah – he could get used to this.

The rest of the day he hung out in the clubhouse, carrying out the tasks given to him. Abigail didn't show herself, she was probably showing the town to her boyfriend. Only by the end of the day the two entered the clubhouse, holding hands. Juice had a little time off and he decided to take the opportunity, even when she was acting like he wasn't around.

"Hey." He walked up to the two. "Abigail... can we talk?"

Her jaw tensed. Before she could refuse, Davey nudged her shoulder. "I think that's a good idea."

Even though Juice gave him a grateful look, Abigail glared at her boyfriend. And at him, a second later.

"You comin' with me to the roof?"

"Why?"

Juice lifted a shoulder. They'd had some good moments there. Hopefully she would remember some of these when she was there. "It's so noisy around here and I assume you don't want to come to my room."

"Fine," she sighed.

Without adding another word, she turned around and headed outside. Juice followed her. He clenched his hands around the rails of the fire stairs as he climbed up. The last thing he wanted, was falling down again.

He sat down next to her. A little too close to her liking, he noticed when she shoved to the side. He swallowed a sigh. She was really childish now.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. For trying to kiss you."

She huffed. "These days 'sorry' is all you say to me." Stubbornly she stared forward. With her angry frown and tensed jaw she barely showed similarities with the girl he had fallen in love with six months ago.

"Well you don't let me say a lot of other things to you," he answered a little agitated. Rubbing his face he sighed, he didn't want to argue again. "This is just super awkward. You didn't even want to celebrate Christmas with your dad because of me."

She snorted. "You give yourself too much credit. That had nothing to do with you."

"I don't believe that."

"I already told you that I don't give a shit about what you do or don't believe." She got up.

"And now you're walking away again?" he said, shaking his head. "Why can't we talk this out like two normal adults?"

"Because you're not a normal adult," she hissed. "You're like a horny teenager."

He rolled his eyes. "Last time we were on this roof you couldn't show me your underwear fast enough."

"I was drunk."

"So was I."

She turned towards him. "What do you want, Juice? You wanna be friends again? I can't okay? You hurt me too bad. Just entertain yourself with one of those whores around."

"I did that tonight and I liked it, so don't worry about that. You know, you're acting like you're the only victim here but my heart was broken too. It took me two fucking months before I was able to sleep with someone."

"That's your own fault."

"Can we stop shoving the blame towards each other? I just want us to act normal again. I want you to stop treating me like I'm some heap of shit, every time you enter the clubhouse. We're stuck with each other, whether we like it or not. You made your point, okay? You rubbed it in my fucking face. You don't want me. Fine. I'll drink a little less when you're around and I'll enjoy myself with other girls if that makes you happy."

"Whatever. I have the feeling that you're just repeating yourself, telling me the same shit over and over again. I just want you to leave me alone. That's it. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy to see you. You assaulted me yesterday, I had to knee you to stop you. You really think your umpteenth sorry is gonna change anything about that? You just gotta learn when to stop man."

Juice wanted to give her an angry reply, but in the end he just hung his head. He had misbehaved yesterday, he couldn't deny it. Maybe he should let go of her indeed and accept that there was no way to obtain her forgiveness.

"Okay," he said quietly. "I give up."

Juice kept his word. The next days he stayed away from her. Said nothing to her, didn't even look at her. It didn't make her feel any better. She still had the feeling she could burst into tears any moment. In the end she told Davey she didn't feel well and that she wanted to go home.

Once she was back in her apartment, she found a dvd in the mail. On the cover was a group picture of the Sons, taken a few years ago, on which Santa hats were photo shopped. Frowning, she sat down on the bed with her laptop on her lap.

"Look at this." She gave the dvd cover to Davey, who sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her.

Chuckling, he looked at the picture before he planted a kiss on her jaw. "I guess they sent you a present because they thought you weren't going to make it."

Curiously, she placed the dvd in the drive. At first the screen turned black; snowflakes started to float down to the rhythm of a Christmas melody. A HAPPY SAMCRO XMAS ABBY, she read, typed in white letters. The image disappeared and was replaced by her father.

"Aye lovey! Celebratin' Christmas without ye daddy, ye think ye gonna enjoy tha? Juicy-boy here is afraid you're gonna forget how much we all love ye, so ye better grab a box of tissues."

Quietly she listened to the rest of Chibs' speech. On principle she wanted to turn it off once she found out Juice was behind this, but she couldn't. Words of love streamed towards her; from all the Sons, from Gemma, Michelle, Donna... from everyone she had left behind in Charming. The past days she had been plagued by the feeling that she didn't fit in anymore, but all these sweet messages made her eyes watery.

When even Opie came into view, tears rolled down her cheeks. Juice had even found a way to record her best friend in prison. Quietly sobbing, she listened to Opie's words, being grateful when Davey pulled her close.

She was already emotionally exhausted when Juice himself popped up.

"Hey Abby," he started. His voice was shaking and Abigail felt a stab in her stomach. Showing himself so vulnerable on tape must have been hard. "I uh... I hope you made it to the end and didn't turn it off the moment you realized that I made this..."

Just like him, Abigail swallowed. She didn't want to continue. Her hand was already moving towards the escape button, but Davey grabbed her hand and kissed her temple. "He did all this for you baby. Listen to what he has to say."

She bent her head; at least she wouldn't have to look at him. She wished Davey hated him, but he seemed to like him.

"I thought... that you might like to have something tangible that shows you how much you're loved by your family and your friends here. Because uh... because you're not around them during Christmas. And I just can't get rid of the feeling that it's also because of me."

Skittishly Abigail looked to the side. It was embarrassing to watch this together with her boyfriend. Who knows what Juice would say.

"I know that my feelings for you ruined our friendship. But know... know that I never wanted to hurt or humiliate you. You just... you were the only thing I could think about that night. The only thing I can think about for a few months now."

When he started to flounder, she looked up. He was blushing, and in her stomach the same butterflies she had felt in the beginning awakened. He's so sweet. So fucking sweet.

"I know that you had feelings for me too. From the start. It was never a secret between us, although you never wanted more. But that time on the roof... when we... well you know what we did... it confused me, and I think it encouraged me to send you those texts. And I know... I know I never should have send you that video."

She gritted her teeth. Again he brought up those stupid videos and that time on the roof... Of course – this had been sent before Christmas Eve, but nevertheless it bothered her that he was mentioning it again.

"And I'm really sorry." He took a deep breath. "I'm still in love with you. I'm still thinking about you all day long. But I never sent you another inappropriate text, which proves that I learned from my mistakes. It won't happen again, I promise. I just hope... I hope that you want to give me another chance, now almost two months have passed. Your friendship means a lot to me, Abigail. You are the only one around with whom I had such a deep connection."

As the tears were gathering in his eyes, she felt them itch in the corners of her own eyes as well. It got to her that she meant so much to him, and she realized how lonely he must feel since he had left everything and everyone he knew behind in Queens.

"I miss you. And I feel really bad about what I did and that I hurt you so much. I just wanna make things right but I don't know what else I can do."

Abigail swallowed and wiped her eyes.

Suddenly she missed him.

That vulnerable, honest version of him. The one she could tell everything, with whom she could talk for hours without his voice ever boring her. The one that gave her something to look forward to every day.

"But he's wrong. He didn't learn from his mistakes," she told herself. Wiping her eyes again, she thought back to Christmas Eve, when he had cornered her against the wall.

And still – still she kept seeing those tearful eyes. Sure, she had known that he felt regret, that he wished he had never sent those videos. But only now she realized how much he had suffered because of their fight too.

"Creating a video like this... that takes hours baby. He tried really hard. He didn't do this just to get into your pants – he has access to a clubhouse filled with available girls for that. He really cares about you."

Abigail bit her lip.

Davey grabbed her hand, his thumb stroking hers. "Sometimes people do stupid things. Especially when they are in love and certainly when they're drunk. Why is it so hard for you to forgive him? If it had been one of the other guys, you would just have given them the finger."

Abigail shrugged her shoulders. She had no answers.

"Why didn't you want to date him?"

"I don't want my boyfriend to be a Son. I know I will always come second place."

And it was a way too violent life when you planned to have kids, but she didn't dare to tell him that. Maybe he would freak out and think that she already wanted to have a baby.

"I can't explain it, you have to be part of it to fully understand it. You know – all those guys... not even one of them is in a normal relationship. That says enough."

Davey nodded slowly. "And... as a friend?"

Abigail tensed. "Why are you pushing this so hard?"

"Because you miss him," he answered simply.

"Bullshit."

"It's not. And the reason you're so mad at him, isn't because he sent you that video. It's because you can't admit to yourself how much he means to you."

"And that isn't bothering you?" She couldn't help but sound snarky. She didn't want a jealous boyfriend, but well, this was the other extreme. He was just one step away from setting them up.

"No, why would it bother me? If you wanted to be with him, he'd be the one holding you right now. But that doesn't mean that a broken friendship can't hurt. It hurts both of you. Believe me Abby... someone who does something like this for you? You're never gonna find a friend like that again."

She bent her head. Tears were stinging in her eyes. She thought back to their last conversation, she had said some really stupid things.

"I already fucked it up," she muttered.

"Nah, you didn't. Just tell him you miss him and forgive him, and he will forgive you too. Men like us are simple." He lifted the corner of his mouth and kissed her cheek. "Ask him to stop by tomorrow."

"I'll think about it."

"No, all that thinking of yours is the whole problem. C'mon, send him a text." His hand glided to her thigh and he moved his lips to her ear. "And if you're a good girl now, I'm gonna give you a very nice reward."

A shiver went down her spine when his lips touched her earlobe. Jitters spread across her stomach and she leaned into him. "Can't you give me that first?"

"Nope." His fingers moved to her groin. "Once I'm done with you, you can only think about dirty things. Sending those is a little too much."

She chuckled softly, kissing his stubbly jaw. "And if I send it to you?"

"Nope, don't want you to accidentally send it to the wrong person." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "But you can whisper it in my ear."

Abigail was about to slip her hand underneath his shirt, but he grabbed her wrist playfully and shook his head. "Nope. Text him first."

Frustrated, she took her phone from her pocket and started to write a message. Hey. I received your Christmas present. Thanks a lot. I don't really know what to say after how I treated you the past days. Let me know if you want to spend some time together. If you're done with me I get that too. x

The moment she hit the send button, the nervousness invaded her body.

"This was stupid," she muttered. "Now I'm nervous."

"Don't worry so much. Everything will be fine." He took the phone from her and turned it off. "Let me distract you."

After putting the laptop on the ground he pulled her on top of him. Abigail closed her eyes when he kissed her. The moment his hands slipped underneath her shirt, Juice left her mind.

At least for the most part; he was still clinging to the corner of her mind.

Even when she didn't want him to.