Name: Simon Keyes
Vehicle: Transport Truck (Simon would have preferred to use his hot air balloon, but Kristoph was quite steadfast in his stance that only ground vehicles may be used, so the mastermind had to settle for the truck used to move it. However, being the clever man that he is, Simon has found a way to incorporate the killer balloon into his battle strategy.)
Vehicle Armor: 4/5 (Since this vehicle is used to transport a balloon weighing several hundred pounds, it would only make sense that it'd be made of sturdy stuff.)
Vehicle Speed: 3/5 (For a regular person, this stat would be only one, but as everyone knows, Simon is no regular person. He has places to be and doesn't care who or what he has to plow down in order to get there.)
Handling: Very Sluggish (Simon may have been able to manipulate a paranoid prison warden into killing his childhood friend, as well as Edgeworth into bringing down said warden and a corrupt public official, but even he can't manipulate the properties of momentum.)
Special Attack: 5/5 (Flying Monkey- They say that a monkey with a machine gun is a deadly force, but what about when that monkey's flying a hot air balloon? We don't know the answer to that, but the other contestants will as Money flies Simon's hot air balloon around the battlefield and relentlessly fires a stream of bullets at them from a Tommy gun. Granted, Simon and Money may not be on the best of terms, but they've managed to put aside their differences for the sake of survival.)
Bio: My life has been nothing but hell: my best friend betrayed and almost killed me, my ass of a dad disowned me without a second thought, and for more than a decade, I had one of the highest ranking prosecutors in the nation and even the president of Zheng Fa trying to hunt me down.
In the end, I got my revenge against all the people who wronged me: Horace, Roland, Blaise, the body double… And let me tell you, I never felt so good.
If I had to describe the feeling of finally getting sweet revenge after so many years, I'd compare it to opening your gifts on Christmas. You spend for what feels like an eternity watching, waiting, and thinking of nothing else, but when you finally make your move, it all becomes worthwhile when you see the fruits of your labor. However, instead of toys, you see destroyed lives and dead bodies.
But while I'm satisfied about how my plans for retribution unfolded, there's still one loose end that needs to be tied up…
In the empty, devastated streets of L.A., Kristoph stands face-to-face with Simon Keye's, the winner of Debauched Steel.
"Congratulations on your victory, Mr. Keyes." Kristoph calmly states with a warm grin.
"Oh, it was nothing. While most of those hapless fools were just driving around aimlessly and attacking anything they saw, I actually used strategy- avoiding their attacks as I waited for the proper time to strike." Simon smirks.
"I know the feeling. Being an intelligent man with a knack for careful planning myself, I find the idealistic fools of this world to be so laughably simpleminded that it's borderline pitiable. But it's those qualities that have made me and you some of the most formidable individuals that Wright and Edgeworth, respectively, have ever dealt with. We're two of a kind, you and I."
"Right…" Simon states with a roll of his eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kristoph growls, a scowl forming on his face as he glares at the smug ex-clown.
"Oh, it's nothing." Simon nonchalantly states. "Now, about my wish…"
"Don't lie to me, Keyes. I saw you roll your eyes at me when I stated how we were both formidable foes to Wright and Edgeworth. Now spill the information before I use my powers to spill your brain from your ear like tea from a kettle!" Kristoph snaps, his left eye beginning to twitch.
"You're not going to take it well…" Simon condescendingly states in a singsong tone, much like a mother warning her children that they'll get a tummy ache if they eat too much candy.
"I'm a big boy, Mr. Keyes. I am perfectly capable of controlling my emotions." Kristoph says with crossed arms and his left eye still twitching.
"Sure you are, Mr. Twitchy…" Simon wryly comments. "It's nothing personal, you're a smart guy and everything, but let's be real here- you're nowhere near my level."
"Well, aren't you an arrogant one, Mr. Keyes." Kristoph states as he pushes and holds his glasses up.
"I'm not arrogant, Gavin, I'm logical. Let's compare our crimes, shall we? In a little under three weeks, I managed to do the following: manipulate Roland into killing Knightley, manipulate Edgeworth into arresting both Roland and Blaise Debeste, and killed the man posing as the president of Zheng Fa. Whereas you on the other hand, managed to get an attorney disbarred, stalked said attorney for seven years like some crazed fanboy, and managed to successfully kill only two of your three intended targets."
"Hey, I wouldn't have been caught if it wasn't for Wright's dirty tricks, which included forged evidence and reshaping the entire legal for a single trial!" Kristoph snarls.
"Whatever. That still doesn't change the fact that you got a life sentence while I was only charged with justified self-defense and kidnapping." Simon states with a smirk and outstretched arms. "So tell me, Mr. Gavin, do you still think we're in the same class?"
"Yes. Even though our results are very different, that's because our motives, objectives, and the circumstances of our situations were completely different."
"Ah, yes… motives. For seven years, I was being hunted down like a dog by Blaise and that doppelganger president and plotted both their, and Roland's, downfalls for not only my safety, but as revenge for making me live a nomadic life in perpetual terror- reasons that can be seen as quite tragic and endearing. But then there are your crimes… So, Mr. Gavin, care to remind the class why you did what you did?" Simon asks with a grin.
"I'd… rather not talk about it." Kristoph states, flipping some loose bangs out of his face as he looks away from the ex-clown.
"Don't worry, Gavin. I completely understand." Simon reassures Kristoph as he pats the deranged host on the back. "I wouldn't want to talk about my motive either if it was because I lost a game of poker!" The ex-clown bursts out into laughter, cackling with a twisted, open-mouth grin as he sticks his tongue out at the host of Debauched Steel. "That's the kind of reason you'd expect from a child, not the legendary 'Coolest Defense in the West'!"
"For your information, Zak Gramarye was a very sore winner. That condescending sneer of his, coupled with his annoying laugh, is enough to drive even the most virtuous and even-tempered of people into the grips of madness!" Kristoph snarls as he glares daggers at the ex-clown.
"See? This is why I didn't want to go into this topic. You can't let things go and start grasping at straws. It's just plain sad!" Simon smirks with outstretched arms. "So before this conversation gets any more pitiful, I'm going to make my wish…"
"Oh, Mr. Perfect-Crime has some sort of issue? Because from how you've been acting, you pull apple pies out of your derriere while walking on water." Kristoph sneers.
"Granted, my plans worked with minimal issues, but there's still one loose end that I need to tie up, one person that I have yet to strike down: Gustavia." Simon states, his eyes narrowing with discontent as his father's name rolls off his tongue with a venomous tone.
"Why would you need to do that? Aren't you content with him being arrested for his crime?" Kristoph askes, coking his head in confusion.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that Edgeworth arrested that self-absorbed blowhard, but I wasn't behind it in any way. Had either Gustavia or Edgeworth decided not to go to that art gallery on that fateful day, that criminal desert chef wouldn't have to pay for all he's done. So that's where you come in, Gavin. I want you to use your powers to torture and Gustavia in an ironic fashion while I watch. Then, and only then, will my vengeance truly be complete." Simon says with a huge grin on his face.
"Granted." Kristoph raises his arms in the air, causing bolts of electricity to stream between his hands, emitting a blinding light. When the light diminishes, Simon is standing on a platform with Kristoph overlooking a giant pan of cake batter which has Gustavia's limp, unconscious head sticking out from the top.
Suddenly, the ex-dessert chef wakes up, flopping around in a futile attempt to get his footing as he stares wild-eyed at the duo standing above him. But unfortunately, no matter how much Gustavia struggles, he is kept stationary by the indestructible batter.
"What is the meaning of this, Sir Host?! Why am I stuck in cake batter?!" Gustavia roars.
"Oh, I just figured that you'd be more at home in it, considering how much love desserts." Simon states nonchalantly with a slight grin.
"Sir Host, who is this strange clown besides you?"
"I'm hurt, Gustavia…" Simon says with a tone and face of mock sadness. "Don't you recognize your own son?" The ex-clown asks as a sinister grin spreads across his face.
"You jest, Sir Clown!" Gustavia bellows with a hearty laugh. "My son would never be a clown; he would be a mighty dessert chef like his father before him!"
"Lemon drops." Simon coldly states as he glares down at the man who had the gall to abandon him.
"What?" Gustavia asks with a look of confusion.
"One of the first desserts you ever had me taste was lemon drops. You were preparing them for the Garry Demmes Elementary winter bake sale and wanted to make sure they were perfect." Simon chuckles. "…Well good thing you ran them past me, because you had to revise the dish twice- once because the cookies were a little too sour, and another because they were a bit too sweet."
"Impossible! The only person who could possibly know that is… Junior, is that you!?" Gustavia roars with evident shock in his voice.
"Dane Gustavia Junior died in a freezing car back in 2000 when you selfishly chose to pursue your dreams instead of searching for him, and from his death, Simon Keyes was born! But ironically, while I've disowned your name, partially because I couldn't remember it for over 18 years, I couldn't rid myself of the one trait that definitively proves that I'm your son: the ability to relentlessly pursue my desires, no matter what horrid acts I must do or who I must strike down! And what I desire now is to bake you into a dessert, considering how much you love them!" Simon cackles as he bursts into a fit of maniacal laughter.
"This is madness! You're killing your own flesh and blood…!" Gustavia roars, pausing to dip his finger in the batter to taste it, only to immediately spit it out. "In batter that has too little sugar and vanilla extract, no less!" The ex-dessert chef adds, surprisingly sounding angrier at the batter's taste over his long-lost son trying to kill him.
"What can I say? I guess poor taste runs in the family. Hopefully, you'll make the dish taste a whole lot better." Simon sneers, pushing a button on a nearby panel and activating a conveyor belt that slowly sends the pan and Gustavia into a large oven.
"Please, Junior! Have mercy on your poor father! I may have abandoned you, but I can still make things right! I'll restart my career as a chef with you as my trusty taste-tester, just like old times. But since you're older, I can give you even more responsibilities, like using the measuring cups and stirring. And if you prove capable enough, I can even groom you to be my successor. Yes, with my dessert-making blood pumping through your veins, you can be a legendary dessert chef in your own right!" Gustavia pleads, his eyes bugging out as he breaks out in a cold sweat that transitions into a warm one as he approaches the oven.
"I have no father… not after you left me for dead. But look on the bright side, I'll follow in your footsteps as a dessert chef… with you as my first dish!" Simon wryly comments, bursting into another fit of maniacal laughter as Gustavia finally fully enter the oven and the door slams behind him.
"You know, Gavin, they say that revenge is a dish best served cold, but I personally prefer it burnt." Simon wryly remarks as he gazes upon the oven with a twinkle of sadistic satisfaction in his eyes as the muffled screams of his despised father fill the air,.
"I'm glad you think that way, Mr. Keyes…" Kristoph smirks as he snaps his fingers, causing the floor to open up beneath the ex-clown.
Thankfully, Kristoph grabs Simon's wrist before the red-haired man can fall to his doom into one of the massive stove's burners, which is currently expelling a large column of flame.
"What the heck, Gavin? Are you trying to get me killed?!" Simon shrieks, his terror-filled eyes alternating between the demented host's grinning face and the certain death waiting below.
Kristoph shakes his head with a chuckle. "Not at all, Mr. Keyes. I just simply want to show you that I'm more than capable of letting go." The host of Debauched Steel sneers as he releases Simon's wrist.
"GAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Simon screams as he falls into the roaring fire below.
"You know, Mr. Keyes, you really should learn not be so melodramatic." Kristoph wryly comments, staring down at the large flame before directing his attention to the camera. "I'm Kristoph Gavin, and I thank you for watching Debauched Steel."
A/N: I would like to thank Sdarkynecro for submitting the idea for this chapter.