This one is thanks to amdelodder.
"Why did you do it?" Ziva spat, throwing a sheaf of papers at McGee.
"What?" McGee looked up just in time to be hit in the face with the pages. "Ziva, ow!"
"Why?" Ziva hissed, and McGee found himself backing rapidly away from the woman. "Why would you do it?"
"What did I do?" McGee asked, panicked, realizing that he was now stuck between the cubicle partition and an angry Mossad officer. The distance was shrinking far too rapidly for McGee's taste, especially since he had no idea what she was talking about.
"This," Ziva said, plucking a few of the pages from McGee's desk and throwing them again at McGee, who flinched though the papers drifted harmlessly to the floor.
"Is that…" McGee grabbed for the paper and read a few lines. "Ziva! How did you get this?"
"That is not important," Ziva replied. "What is important here-" she poked his chest for emphasis. "-is that you killed Officer Lisa in your new book!"
"Ziva," McGee repeated slowly, reading the pages as he gathered them from the floor. "Where did you get this?"
"From Tony!" she cried, glaring at McGee. "Why did you kill me, McGee? Am I not a good partner? I protect you, yes? Why did you kill me?" She was beginning to get upset, and McGee wasn't sure what to do.
"Um," he tried. "I didn't?"
"Yes, you did, McTragic," Tony chimed as he strolled into the bullpen, holding a similar stack of pages. "Killed her dead. Right after Agent Tommy professed his deep, abiding love for her. On page eighty-five of your new McNovel." Tony stared at McGee. "We need to chat, Probie. No way I'm confessing any sort of anything to her." He jerked his thumb towards Ziva.
"Tommy and Lisa are based on you guys, they're not actually you guys," McGee said rhetorically, knowing that they wouldn't listen. "And Ziva – I mean, Lisa – isn't dead."
"Yes I am!" Ziva cried, plunging her hand into the messy stack of papers and somehow coming up with exactly the one she needed. "'Officer Lisa's eyes closed and her hand fell limply to the ground. Agent Tommy held her, cradled in his arms, his silent tears falling from his cheeks and splashing on her pale face.'" She looked up from the page and glared full-force at McGee. "I died in your new book, McGee." She shook the page at him. "Died!"
McGee took the page from her grasp. "No, you didn't," he said again. "Ziva, you – Officer Lisa is fine. Well, not fine, I guess, because she's unconscious and the building is on fire, but she's going to be okay. I think."
"Wait, the building's on fire?" Tony yelped. "I'm stuck in a burning building with an unconscious chick and no backup?"
Ziva's glare turned to Tony. "I am not a coward," she hissed. Tony looked confused for a moment.
"Chick, Ziva, not chicken. Girl. Lady. Woman," he clarified. "Not chicken, which means coward."
Ziva's glare intensified. "I am not a coward, and I do not like being objectified," she said calmly, walking towards Tony, who shrank back into his corner.
"Sorry?" Tony offered, his voice slightly higher than usual.
"You should be," McGee muttered, and suddenly, he was the focus again.
"So I am only unconscious?" Ziva asked, a curious expression on her face. It was oddly out of place, considering the rest of her body was poised to kill Tony, but McGee barely even noticed.
"Lisa will be fine," McGee assured her. "I couldn't kill off one of the most popular characters in the book before the hundredth page."
"I am one of the most popular characters?" Ziva said, a full smile appearing on her face. Her hands dropped to her sides and her posture relaxed, and McGee could see Tony's face fill with relief behind that.
"Yeah," McGee said. "People love MacGregor, and they love Lisa, and they love Tibbs."
"And me?" Tony piped up. "Who could dislike me?"
McGee frowned. "They like Tommy okay, Tony. He's not usually anyone's favorite, though."
Tony pouted. "They don't like me," he sulked. "Why don't they like me?"
Ziva rolled her eyes. "I can think of a few reasons," she muttered under her breath, heading back to her chair.
"Like what?" Tony protested loudly. Too loudly, apparently; Gibbs glared at him as he strode into the bullpen.
"I don't care, DiNozzo," he said gruffly to Tony's attempts at an explanation as he sat in his chair. "McGee."
"Yeah, boss?" McGee said, looking up from his computer. He'd been pretending to work since he saw Gibbs exit the elevator.
Gibbs held up a now-familiar stack of papers. "Why'd you kill Ziva?"
So... it might be a while before I update again. I'm moving this weekend (ahh!) and have an interview for a new job (ahh!) so there's a lot going on... hopefully it won't keep me away from my writing for too long!