Thank you for all the support and sweet messages; you're all too kind to me!

I like this next part.

2008, Meredith

My week with Cristina went too fast. After the party at Mark's, we went hiking the next day with Lexie and Derek, then we went to the beach with Mark and Derek, and then we explored my new town just the two of us. I liked mixing Cristina in with my new friends and I liked Mark and Derek knowing a bit more about my life before California. Cristina was full of stories of my awkward middle school years and my even more awkward early high school career. The two of them couldn't get enough of the stories of me trying different sports with the same general outcome—pain, humiliation, and a complete sense of failure. Cristina also disclosed to Derek the juicy details of my first boyfriend—Connor Spencer—a big sixth grader to my little fifth grader. We danced at two school dances together and he tried to touch my butt before I broke up with him.

By Thursday, Cristina and I were exhausted from having something planned every day, so we vegged at home on the couch. I painted her toe nails while we watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

"I just hate this! What does this movie say about feminism when Andie fucking Anderson works for a fashion magazine, is shamed for eating a cheeseburger, and can almost get rid of a guy because she's too annoying?"

I'd missed Cristina's rants. "You chose the movie," I reminded her.

"Well I changed my mind. I can't watch this shit."

"My dad has 300. Or V for Vendetta."

She sighed and settled on 300. I wasn't a fan of the brutality, but the cinematography was pretty amazing. "God, look at their bodies," Cristina sighed.

"So you can stare at their abs and pecs, but you can't stand a woman being shamed for eating a cheeseburger. Isn't the point of feminism to be equal?"

"Yes, and I equally will stare at both a man and woman's abs, but I don't see any women in this movie, really."

I rolled my eyes. "Your double-standard is glaringly bright."

Cristina grinned at me. "Just shut up and enjoy the abs."

On Friday, the two of us plus my parents and Lexie went out for a nice dinner. Thatcher and Susan had always been impressed with Cristina's life plan and I'd always felt a little bad because I hadn't known from the age of nine that I wanted to be a surgeon or a teacher or hell, a garbage collector. So anytime they got the chance, my parents grilled Cristina probably with the hopes that some of her good decisions would rub off on me.

"So what kind of surgeon do you want to be?" my dad asked, as if knowing at sixteen was important.

"Heart or maybe brain. I want to fix the organs that really matter."

"And the liver doesn't?" I teased her. I thought that if I were going to be a surgeon, I'd do general, like my mother.

"The liver matters, of course, but it's the brain and heart that really keep you alive. Without your brain, you'd be so dead, deader than dead. Without your heart, you'd have no blood, and also, deader than dead. But your liver can regenerate. Your stomach can be shrunk and still work. It's the brain and the heart that really matter."

I always felt badly about my shaky future when Cristina went on like that.

"I agree! Any surgery worth doing lies in the brain and the heart," my dad said.

I was already a failure and I hadn't even made the decision to go to med school yet.

On Saturday, I was still grumpy and unhappy, so I snuck out early in the morning after texting Derek. I knew he was up because I could hear music coming from his room. He met me at the backdoor and snuck me into his quiet house. The sun wasn't even up yet. We walked upstairs into his bedroom, which thankfully was all the way on the other side of the house, so we didn't have to whisper too quietly.

We sat on his bed and I kissed him before he could ask what was wrong. Derek's hands wrapped around my back and he pulled me to him. I straddled his lap and threaded my fingers in his hair. His mouth was still sour from sleep, but I didn't care. I pushed Derek back to lie down. I wanted to taste him again.

But Derek sat up and caught me by the cheeks, holding my face tenderly in his hands. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and tried to kiss him again, but he pulled back. "Meredith, please tell me."

I sat back on my heels with a sigh. "I don't know what I want to be."

Derek took my hand and ran his thumb over my skin. "What do you mean?"

"When I grow up. Cristina is going to be a heart or brain surgeon and I have no idea if I even want to be a surgeon, but it's expected of me because of my mom. Ellis," I clarified. "And I'm sitting at dinner last night and Cristina and my dad are going on and on and on about how the only surgeon worth having is a brain or heart surgeon and everyone else is like replaceable. And all I really want to do if I were a surgeon would be general, because of Ellis. And now I just don't feel good about any of it. How am I expected to make this decision now?"

"You're not," Derek said to me.

I looked up at him. "But Cristina has."

"Cristina is a freak then. You're not supposed to pick your specialty until your residency, before then, you're learning your strengths and weaknesses."

"But you know you want to be a brain surgeon."

He shook his head. "I think I want to be a brain surgeon, but I have no idea."

"Oh."

"Knowing this now isn't your job, Meredith. You have so much time to figure this all out. Don't rush it."

"I don't want to disappoint my dad."

"You won't." He leaned in and brushed his lips to mine. "You couldn't ever disappoint him."

A door opened in the hallway and Derek's eyes went wide. I jumped up, which seemed like the thing to do, and knocked over the bedside lamp, which crashed fantastically on the floor. Derek jumped up too, stepping on a piece of glass. "Shit," he groaned and hopped onto one foot.

"I can't be here," I whispered and looked around for an exit, knowing the only two were impossible.

"The closet," Derek whispered and we both rushed towards it. He made sure to kiss me, softly, because shutting the door closed.

I listened hard for a second, waiting for the bedroom door to open, and it did. "Derek?" Michael's voice was muffled by the closet door.

"Hey Dad, sorry. I kicked the lamp over."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just stepped on some glass." There was a pause. "I think I got it."

Derek's closet smelled of him and I decided I never wanted to leave. His shirts and dress pants hung around me, tickling my shoulders and the back of my neck. I pressed my face into a familiar-looking casual gray t-shirt and could smell the sunlight left behind. His shoes were neatly arranged on the floor and up on the shelves were boxes labeled: PICTURES, MEMORIES, JUNK. I wanted to look through each of them.

"Do you want to come to the store with me since you're up? Or do you have a little lady to visit with?"

"Dad…" I could hear the embarrassment in Derek's voice.

"No need to turn that bright red, son. I want you to spend time with Meredith. She's good for you."

"Can we not have this conversation right now?"

"Why? Is Meredith listening in? Is she in the closet or under the bed?"

My breath caught in my throat and I pressed myself further into the closet, trying to hide completely, or maybe fall into Narnia or something. I felt the back wall and held my breath with my eyes closed.

"No, no, nothing like that." Derek sounded guilty.

"Well then, since you're so convincing and don't at all sound guilty, I'm going to leave now. I'd suggest you to clean up this lamp and maybe go for a walk with Meredith instead of hiding her in your closet. It isn't very gentlemanly." It was silent for a second. "Oh, and I'd like both of you to know that while I support this relationship, I don't appreciate being lied to. I expect this won't happen again."

"No sir."

"Sorry," I said under my breath.

A second later one door closed and another opened. Derek's fingers met mine and I could feel his reservation. I was humiliated. "I'm sorry," Derek said and pushed his shirts aside so he could see my face.

I shook my head. "It's just not a good day."

"We could make it better," he suggested with a wonderful smile.

"I can't do anything today. Cristina's leaving so Susan has a plan for the entire day and then the airport at six. Maybe tomorrow."

Derek leaned in and kissed me soundly. "Don't be sad. I can't stand it."

"Well then, come find me tomorrow. Maybe I won't be sad then."

We waited a few more minutes until we were sure Michael was gone and Derek walked me outside. He stayed on his back porch while I crossed our yards and headed up my back porch. I gave him a little wave, and I already missed him.

I stood at the airport waving to Cristina as she headed to the plane that would take her back to Seattle, but I couldn't shake the feeling of finality. And it wasn't just because of her comments the night before—I was used to her putting down my shaky future plans. From the moment she landed, it felt so different. Our friendship wasn't so easy. She had changed. Or maybe I had changed. Some conversations felt forced while others were breezy and simple. But I couldn't stop thinking about the moments of silence that were too quiet.

When we returned home, I texted Derek. It was getting dark and my curfew was soon-ish, and I had told him I'd see him the next day, but I didn't want to wait. He was at Mark's, but promised to meet me by our spot along the river in a few minutes. I grabbed a blanket and one of those electric camping lanterns and headed into the woods. Susan looked at me funny, but she didn't stop me. Lexie was too busy with her new volleyball friends to ask to tag along. I crossed the river to the clearing on the other side and laid out the blanket and turned the lamp on low. I lay down and stared up at the sky. I started counting the stars.

I heard Derek arriving on the other side of the river and then splashing through. I looked over at him as his legs dripped onto the fallen leaves. "Hi."

I reached my hand up to him, which he gladly took. "Hi," I said as he lay beside me.

"Are you feeling better?"

I shrugged and laid my head on his shoulder. "Cristina left and it just feels like the end. I don't think I'm going to see her again for a long, long time."

"Why do you think that?" he asked.

"I think we're just too different."

"That's not always a bad thing."

"No, but we also have the distance to think about. Before it worked, but now, seeing her in these short, really condensed visits, seem like too much. She felt overbearing to me."

Derek ran his fingers through my hair. "I'm sorry to hear that."

I wrapped my arm around his stomach. "It's okay. I'm sorry about everything with your dad this morning. I hope he's not too angry."

"He's not angry at all," Derek assured me. "He was disappointed, but I went to his shop and explained everything. He understands, but he doesn't want us to hide like that."

"I feel bad."

"Don't." Derek kissed the side of my head. "He loves you and he loves us together. He just doesn't want us sneaking around."

I nodded and leaned in to kiss Derek's chin. He smiled at me and I drew lines over his cheekbones and down along his jaw. "You're very good-looking," I said.

Derek laughed at me. "You're so polite."

"You're good to me. You're sweet." He grinned at me. "I don't know what I did to end up here with you like this, but I'm glad I did. I'm happy to have you."

"I feel the same way about you. From the moment I saw you, I just knew."

"Knew what?"

Derek's face grew serious. He stared into my eyes and his fingers moved feather-soft over my skin. "I knew I'd fall in love with you." I felt myself swallow. Hard. "I'm in love with you," he whispered and his face broke into the most beautiful grin I'd ever seen.

I gripped his shoulder and I stared deeply into his eyes. "I love you, too."

The flood gates between us opened and Derek's smiling mouth pressed to mine. I kissed without fear or resistance, opening my mouth to him and spreading my legs for his body to nestle between. He hovered above me, his hands pinned next to my hips, his hips pressed to mine. We made out ferociously, grabbing at one another and taking every single inch we could. My thoughts and fears from our previous sexual encounters, and my reservations, were completely gone because we loved each other and I had no reason to be scared of him or how I was feeling.

Derek had removed my shirt in just seconds and I removed his not long after. His naked stomach pressed to mine felt like heaven. I slipped off my flip-flops and ran my bare feet over his naked calves, feeling his velvet-soft leg hair sliding over the bridge of my foot could've been my undoing. I moved beneath him, unable to stop myself from feeling as much of him as possible. I realized, then and there, that I wanted him to be my first. Right now.

I reached for Derek's pants and unbuttoned them. We broke apart for a second, our eyes glued to one another. Derek was hard beneath his pants, pressing painfully against the rough material. I unzipped his jeans and began pushing the rest of his clothes from his body. Derek took over and removed his pants slowly, tugging them, his boxers, and his shoes off until he was wonderfully, blissfully naked in front of me. He looked amazing: toned and strong, a man if I'd ever seen one. I removed my clothes while he removed his, taking off my bra and unbuttoning my shorts. As I pulled my shorts and panties down my legs, Derek helped. His eyes trailed over my skin, but I couldn't even muster embarrassment, not when he was looking at me like that.

Derek leaned down and kissed each one of my knees, the insides of my thighs, each of my hip bones, each of my nipples, and either side of my neck before pressing his lips to mine. We were slower now as he settled between my knees. I could feel the length of him against my inner thigh and the feeling was incredibly erotic. His hands explored me, running over my skin, causing me to shiver with each pass. I kissed him leisurely, tasting him on my tongue and lips. I explored him, too, touching his back and shoulders, drawing my nails down his spine, feeling his butt beneath my palm. I made him shiver, which felt like a huge victory.

We stayed like that for a long time, kissing and touching, but I wanted more and I knew Derek was trying to be respectful. I moved my hips against him, causing him to hiss through his teeth, and I knew he wanted me. So I reached down between us and touched him, causing him to groan. "Meredith," he whispered into my ear.

I wasn't nervous, really, but my hands shook. I wet my lips and whispered back, "I want you."

Derek's eyes immediately fell on mine. He looked surprised. "We don't have to."

"Yes we do. I want you. I don't want to wait any longer."

Derek's hormones betrayed him and he glanced down my body again. I knew I was supremely average, but he looked at me like I deserved to be loved and cherished, which is how I knew he was the one. He leaned down again and kissed me tentatively. He ran my hand over him again and he gasped. "You'll be the death of me."

I laughed and pressed my face into his neck. "So you want to?"

"Are you kidding?" His eyes swept over me. "Yes, I want to."

"We need protection," I said awkwardly. If I knew anything, I knew I couldn't sleep with him without a condom, or birth control. I'd already sort of talked to Susan about the second option, but I hadn't been to the gynecologist yet.

Derek sat up some and I worried that he'd be one of those boys who said no. "This is going to sound terrible," he started and I braced myself, "but I have a condom in my pocket. My dad gave them to me weeks ago and I found it in my jeans this morning and it didn't mean like I expected this to happen," he said quickly.

I laughed at him. "I'm glad you have one. And it's okay if you expected this. I expected this."

"You did?"

"Mmmhmm."

Derek leaned down to kiss me. "You're perfect," he whispered against my lips. "You're beautiful. I love you." I could've cried just from his words. Derek leaned back to grab his jeans and pulled out a condom. I had no idea how to put one on (we never had a banana or cucumber demonstration in my health class), but I watched Derek carefully so I could try next time. He pinched the top and rolled the rest along himself. For some reason, he looked more imposing now.

I reached for him, running my hands up his arms and over his shoulders. He settled between my legs. He held himself with one hand and slid the other behind my back, resting his forearm against my ribs. "If you want me to stop at any point, just tell me."

I nodded. "I will."

Derek pressed himself against me and then drew back. His eyes were on mine, but it didn't feel awkward. He ran his thumb across me and I gasped. Next, he slid a finger inside me. The next few minutes felt wonderful. I had no basis of comparison, but Derek's hands and fingers on me and in me was more incredible than anyone touching me. He was careful and slow, but also moved enough to begin to drive me crazy. I gasped and held tightly to his forearm, feeling his muscles and tendons working beneath the skin. He made me come and then kissed me, which felt incredibly intimate and really, very giving.

After a minute or two, I felt him against me again, but his fingers were holding onto my sides. He moved very slowly forward and I suddenly felt myself adjusting to him. It didn't hurt at first, but it felt odd. He pushed in more, which began to hurt. I winced. He pulled back. "No," I reached for his hips. "Keep going." I knew I had to be strong for at least the first little bit and then it wouldn't hurt. Derek was slow but not torturously so. He sunk into me and I felt incredibly full.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Yes. I'm good." I smiled at him and he began to move. I couldn't say it felt good, but it wasn't bad. It just felt strange and weird, but as he continued, it began to feel better and I understood it. I understood why sex was so complicated sometimes and how it made you feel closer to the person because I never felt as close to Derek as I did as when we made love. He kept looking at me reverently, touching me gently, and whispering sweet words to me. I realized I had made the right choice. He was careful and giving and patient with me.

I held onto Derek tightly as the warmth of him washed over me. He whispered he was close into my ear, so I kissed his neck and grabbed onto his skin, feeling a sheen of sweat beneath my hands. Derek made the very noise he had a week ago when he finished, but I could feel him twitch inside me, which was more amazing. He breathed heavily into my neck, his lips finding mine, drinking me in, as if he were lost in the desert and I was the water mirage. He moved his fingers down between us and with him still inside me, he rubbed me, causing me to come again. I cried out only for his mouth to cover mine and swallow the screams.

Afterwards, we lay naked and wrapped in each other for a good long while. Derek kept whispering to me, trying to make me laugh. "What do you call a group of unorganized cats?"

"What?"

"A cat-astrophe."

I groaned and rolled my eyes.

Derek laughed and kissed my neck. "Why don't they play poker in the jungle?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"There are too many cheetahs."

"You know the worst jokes," I said with a giggle.

Derek kissed all over my face. He settled until he was eye-to-eye with me. He looked different to me. I wondered if I looked different to him, too. "I've never felt like this before."

"But you had previous girlfriends." I wasn't trying to stir anything up; I was just making a comment.

"Yes, but it's different with you. I thought I loved them, but I know I didn't. Not after feeling what I do for you." He ran his hands along my hair. "I find you to be brilliant, and funny, and witty, and strong, and beautiful. I like how you blush when I make you nervous or embarrass you. I like that you laugh at my terrible jokes. I like the way you look at me. I love making you happy."

I pressed my cheek to his and dragged my nose along his skin. "You make me happy. You make me so happy. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We'd wanted to lie there all night, but our parents were probably waiting, so we reluctantly redressed and tried to pull ourselves together. I looked a mess, but Derek looked worse. He was flushed and glowing. We walked from the woods hand-and-hand and I cursed our ages because if we were older, we'd share a bed tonight and maybe make love again. I hated the idea of sleeping away from him.

As we reached my back porch, Derek kissed me oh so deeply. He clearly didn't care if my dad was watching and I didn't either. I kissed him without doubts and without decorum, pulling him to me and gripping him tightly. Everything felt different now. I was no longer afraid of my feelings or hiding behind what I wanted. He brought that out of me and I basked in the glow of my newfound freedom. Derek pulled away with a groan. "If you don't go inside right now, your father will ban me for life." He leaned in and whispered, "I want you right here and now."

My face burned. Derek laughed at me. I walked up the stairs and paused at the door. I turned to look at him. He was smiling. I ran back down the steps and threw myself into his arms and kissed him again. He kissed me back with enthusiasm. I could've stayed there all night, but Susan opened the back door and cleared her throat. "Your father just got home, Meredith." She was smiling warmly at us.

I stepped away from Derek, who ran his hand over the back of his neck. After all, my stepmom had just caught us with his hands on my ass. I took the stairs two at a time and didn't look back because if I had, I was sure I wouldn't be able to leave him.

"You love him," Susan said as she shut the door behind me.

I plucked a pink tulip from the vase on the counter and grinned at Susan. I didn't say anything and headed upstairs to replay the evening over and over again in my head.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this update :)

I just wanted to let you know that one of my lovely readers, Doctor Lexie Sloan, was inspired by my version of Mark and Lexie in this story and she's written her own spin-off that's really lovely and just a nice love letter to Mark-Lexie shippers. Please go check out her story When You Find Me today and leave her a nice comment. What an amazing community to be apart of!